When we got back to the house, I wanted to run back inside right away. Jake threw out his hand and shook his head. I looked back up at him, curiously. There couldn't be anything wrong here – I don't think I could stand anymore excitement for the day. I guess my face showed all the panic I was feeling, because Jake just smiled and shook his head.
"Nothing's wrong, kiddo. I just need to talk to you for a minute before we go back inside." We slowly walked up the steps but stopped at the porch. He looked out at the neighborhood for a moment. I noticed that grownups do this a lot when talking about something they don't like. Collecting their thoughts or whatever. It's really just kind of annoying. They're trying to think of a way to say whatever it is they want without making someone else upset. But most of the time, when they do that, they end up not really saying what they mean. People should just talk.
I started to open my mouth, but Jake's thoughts had all gotten collected; he looked back down at me and smiled again. "How do you like it here?" I just shrugged. What kind of question was that? I had been taken from my home, friends, family – don't think about that – and put in this bizarre who's who of wizards. I hadn't even seen more than five wizards at once until now! He laughed, "I guess I should rephrase that. I mean, do you want to stay here? With them?"
I thought about them all. Mrs. Weasley with her overbearing protectiveness, the twins with their constant noise and pranks, Hermione and her authoritative presence…I didn't feel connected with any of them. They all laughed and were one big family. Every member of the Order seemed to really feel for each other, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. To feel any of the happiness. The only ones I actually wanted to be around were Jake and Lupin, but I couldn't even bring myself to talk with either of them, at least not really. And I can feel their unhappiness and disappoint weighing down on me. I bet they hated me for it.
But even so, I couldn't think of anywhere else I'd want to be. So I nodded and spoke, "I think. Where else is there?" I don't think that's the answer Jake wanted. His face didn't change, but I could see the sadness deep down in his eyes. It was that look that he had started having every time he saw me since Waverly. So I decided to be more definite. I wouldn't make Jake upset anymore. "I want to stay here," I tried to be as firm as possible.
He nodded. His arm was around my shoulder. It felt comforting. "Maxxie, Dumbledore's asked me to do something. Something that's going to keep me away for a while." I looked back up at him. I think I understood what he was saying, but I didn't want to believe it. Maybe I had just misheard. "I'm going to be leaving here in the next few days, and you're not going to see much of me for a while."
I shrugged off his shoulder and walked inside. I could hear him calling after me. My eyes felt hot and my cheeks wet. Why was he leaving me? Did he hate being around me that much? I felt horrible for keeping him here. He was only here for me. Of course, he must hate me now. I ran up the stairs. I heard him calling after me. I could hear other voices too. New voices.
I didn't get off at my floor. Jake would come to that room. Instead, I kept going up. I didn't really know where I was. I didn't normally go up this high. Finally, I got off at a floor, dunno which one, and opened the first unlocked door I could find. Stepping in, I saw Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Fred, George, and one other boy I didn't recognize were there. They all stared at me. I hated them staring at me. I wiped my eyes on my sleeve.
"Who's this?" The new boy asked shortly. Immediately, I didn't like him. I can't say why either, but just something about him set me off. Hermione answered his question though.
"Harry, this is Max. Max, this is Harry Potter." She said the name expectantly, like I was being introduced to a movie star or something. I just shrugged – I hardly knew who he was. After a few more seconds of silence, she spoke again. "Max, is some thing the matter?" She walked towards me. I think she was trying to be comforting. I took a step backwards and she stopped moving.
I tried to talk once, but nothing came out so I tried again. "If…if Jake asks where I am, can you just tell him you haven't seen me?" The question seemed to confuse her. "Just, if he asks, don't tell him you saw me. I don't want to talk to him right now."
"Sure, but is something wrong?" Why did they want to know what was wrong? I didn't care about them. People you care about leave.
"I don't really want to talk about it." Silence. "Can I stay in here until dinner?" The room was suddenly filled with a murmur of consent, so I went and sat down on the floor. After a few more seconds of silence, their conversation picked back up. I zoned out. I didn't really want to listen to it, but the noise was comforting.
I hated Jake so much. But I knew it wasn't his fault. It was all my fault. And I couldn't even really bring myself to blame him. Of course he'd want to leave. I'd have to be stupid for thinking that he'd want to stick around protecting me forever. It must have been torture for him. Or maybe it was because I never talked to him, and now he was leaving. Maybe it was even that girl? Liz?
Pretty soon, the older kids got up. They were going to go spy on a meeting. I decided to follow a little bit behind. I didn't care about the meeting, but I wanted to be around these people. No, not around all of them. Just the new one. It was beyond weird, but I thought he was kind of cute.