Chapter Three

As the fellowship sleeps around the dying fire I turn over in my bedroll restlessly; once again finding myself unable to sleep. My mind is filled with thoughts of the one who sleeps not too far away and won't allow me a moment's rest. Boromir stands watch a few feet away with his back turned in my direction. The man stands tall and proud, prepared for any danger that may arise. In a way I envy him... because he holds the heart of my love and because of the confidence that surrounds his being. Underneath the rough exterior I find lies a good hearted man and I find it hard to dislike him. I want so desperately to despise him for he took Aragorn away from me before I could even have him in my grasp, but I know that only comes from the jealousy lying in my heart. In the beginning I disliked him for how he treated Aragorn, but now I know that was all an act. I can see that he truly cares about Aragorn, and I surely can't hate him for that.

Silently, I watch as he turns away from his post and makes his way toward Aragorn. He does not realize that I still lie awake, and I make no movements to give myself away. With as much grace as a mere mortal can possess, I watch as he bends down beside the sleeping Aragorn and lightly runs his fingertips along a chapped lip. Aragorn murmmers something in his sleep, but it is undistinguishable even to my elven ears. Boromir chuckles at this and seems to decide to wake his love up when he gently shakes the other man. Aragorn startles awake, and instantly reaches for his sword that rests beside him but ceases his movements when a familiar hand comes to rest upon his own. I watch in a sort of morbid fascination as he lifts his gaze to Boromir and want to weep when I see the smile that overpowers his face at seeing the one he loves.

With a silent command in his eyes, Boromir rises to stand and Aragorn is soon to follow. I remain as still as I possibly can as I watch the two lovers make their way into the woods. I know naught of what they plan to do, but I have a good idea and I seriously don't want to linger on this thought. The thought of Aragorn being intimate with someone else pains me greatly and once again I am doubting my decision to join the fellowship. Certainly I could do without being in such proximity with the source of my pain, but I have a duty to the little hobbits and I would hate myself if I cowered out now. I feel trapped; unsure of which way I can turn.

A deep pain renders me breathless for a mere moment as I clutch at my chest and try to focus my thoughts on more cheerful things... it is to no avail, however. Tears burn the back of my eyelids when I close my eyes tightly and I will myself to be the strong being I have always known myself to be. The anguish caused from my heart eases but a second later and leaves no traces that it was ever there. I let out a sigh of relief as I open my eyes and blink away the tears that still reside there. My eyes are unfocused as I stare out upon the starlit sky only I don't really see a thing; my mind is rather numb at the moment. I wish for dreams to take me away so I may have some peace for even a short time, but it seems even my dreams won't allow me a moment's rest. I remain wide awake and very much aware of what could possibly be happening out in those woods. I vaguely wonder how many sleepless nights I will have while within the company of the fellowship for I know none of this will get easier with time. Letting go of Aragorn was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and the pressure of that single action is defeating me; breaking me down ever so slowly.

After all this time
I never thought we'd be here
Never thought we'd be here
When my love for you was blind
But I couldn't make you see it
Couldn't make you see it
That I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me died when I let you go

:0Ж0:

I am already awake and partially ready to continue the journey by the time the fellowship rise with the sun. Aragorn seems well rested I must say and I don't want to think of what may have given him such a well rested night's sleep. The hobbits are busying themselves by making breakfast and this brings a smile to my face. It amazes me how much food these little ones can consume. Gimli is grumbling about being awake so early while Gandalf puffs on his pipe. It is a nasty habit in my opinion, but the foul weeds seem to put him at ease.

I am surprised to find Boromir standing by the tree I lean against and look up to see him staring down at my relaxed form. Instantly I feel self conscious and can't stop myself from snapping my head down to face my lap. He chuckles at this and leans down so he is at my level. Vaguely I wonder what he could possibly want, but don't voice this question aloud. I would much rather have him go find something to occupy himself with and simply leave me be. It would seem that no such luck is on my side, however, as per usual I should say now days.

"I see the way you look at him elf." He states simply, not taking his eyes off of Aragorn. I don't play ignorant and say I don't know who he is talking about... it would be no use.

"I am no threat to you Boromir so honestly there is no need for this conversation." I say with a sigh as I stare down upon my hands as if they are the most interesting things in Middle Earth.

"I just wanted to make it clear that he loves me as I love him and I don't want you thinking you have any chance with him by charming your way into his heart." He says with an edge to his voice that is undeniable. "He told me that you saw us that night in Rivendell..."

This time I turn to face him and he actually turns his head to acknowledge me. "I did overhear you, 'tis a fact, but you need not worry for I will keep your secret to myself. I wish no ill for you and Aragorn, I wish him to be happy. I see that you make him happy Boromir and 'tis all I could ask for... take care of him."

He seems shocked by my words to the point of being speechless for he persistently opens his mouth, but when no words form he shuts it just as hastily. I take this as my opportunity to escape this awkward situation and head in the direction of my weapons only to feel a hand on my elbow, stopping me from moving any further. Inwardly I curse whoever seems to have a grudge against me to continually put me in such situations before slowly turning to face Boromir once again.

"Thank you Legolas, that is very noble of you." He says in all sincerity and I can't hold back the small smile that forms on my face, even if it is only there for but a moment.

"There's no need for that," is my response before continuing my way toward my weapons.

"Breakfast is ready!!" Merry calls out excitedly and everyone chuckles at the hobbit's enthusiasm.

I simply watch as the fellowship take turns getting their breakfast; eager to fill their complaining stomachs. Watching them take such joy in something as simple as breakfast lightens my heart somewhat and I find a genuine smile upon my face. I don't keep my eyes trained on them for long, however, for I decide it best I place my weapons back in place on my person. I feel tremendously safer and at ease with my bow over my shoulder; firmly set in place.

At this moment Sam looks in my direction and frowns; this action confusing me greatly. Of course it is then that I see all of the fellowship has gathered their breakfast and I remain devoid of food.

"Are you not going to eat Mister Legolas?" Sam asks in concern and I have to smile at how caring he is, but the mere thought of food makes my stomach churn unpleasantly.

"I fear I have not much of an appetite this morning little one, I will not be eating 'til later when necessary."

These words draw the attention of the rest of my companions and I feel rather uncomfortable under their scrutinizing stares. I shift nervously from where I sit and have the urge to look away, but my pride won't allow it. I simply stare confidently back at each one of them... hiding how I am truly feeling.

"You must eat, though, we have a long journey ahead of us and you must keep up your strength." Frodo tries to persuade me and I silently thank him for his concern.

"Worry not for my strength for I have enough to get me through, just eat your breakfast like we all know you are wanting to..." I say in turn with a small smile on my features, but when he doesn't make a move I add, "... before it gets cold."

This seems to draw his attention back to his abandoned breakfast and begins hurriedly eating. I turn my focus onto the path that lies to the left of me, but I can still feel the eyes of Aragorn and Gandalf upon my form. They can clearly see that something is amiss, but I don't look in their direction to confirm their suspicions. I couldn't bear to look into Aragorn's searching eyes and unwillingly let him see into the depths of my soul. I can not allow him to see the agony in which lies deep within.

And I loved you more than you'll ever know
A part of me dies when I let you go

TBC...

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