Chapter Six

My eyes glide over to my visitor and I find it difficult to swallow; I have been caught. I wish to tear my eyes away from his face and away from his inquisitive yet concerned gaze, but I find I have no strength to do so. I feel frozen in place, much like a statue. I am sure my eyes are wide in panic for I can feel them bulging out of my skull. I had not wished for anyone to see me in such a state, but now he stands before me; watching me as I fall apart.

I drag my eyes away from his form and stare down at the ground in shame. Elves are known for their strength and grace, I am not feeling much like an elf at the moment. I still may have the grace I was born with, but it feels as though my strength is slowly seeping out of my body. I am finding it more difficult by the day to hide my misery, and for this I am ashamed. I do not want him to see how far gone I am. I do not wish for anyone to see what I have become.

I hear his near silent footsteps draw closer but I do not raise my gaze. I cannot bear to see the expression on his face, nor do I wish to see realization dawn in his eyes. I know it is only a matter of time before he becomes aware of my condition and I am dreading that moment. I don't want anyone to pity me, but what I fear most is for anyone to be disappointed in me.

Anyone who truly knows me is aware of the fact that I have never allowed myself to open my heart to someone. I have never had the desire to fall in love, nor did I feel the need for a lover. I was happy with my life and with what I had. I was content with finding solace in the beauty of Middle Earth, and I found joy only in archery and nature around me. I am a warrior, and proud to be so. The few cherished friends I had were all the company I desired.

Don't get me wrong, though, I was curious about love and the joys of intimacy shared between bodies. I wondered what it would be like to give a person such devotion that they became your entire world. And I wondered what it felt like to have them give the same in return. But I had never felt the need for it. I had never longed for a lover's touch, not like others have. What I felt was more curiosity than anything, but it was never a strong enough feeling to make me pursue it.

However, Aragorn had snuck up on me unawares. He crawled under my skin without my knowledge, and it was too late by the time I realized what was happening; there was no escaping him from then on. With how he treated me, a sane being would have given up, but I was in too deep. I knew Aragorn wasn't fond of me, didn't desire my company, but my heart couldn't leave him alone. I had made myself believe he would return my affections one day, that he would see how much I love him and in turn he would search his heart to find that he had loved me all along without the knowledge. I realize now how foolish I had been, and I know he will never love me the way I wish him to. That is why this hurts so much; why I have taken this situation so hard.

"I am not happy to see such a somber expression on thy face Legolas, it concerns me greatly. 'Tis such a sad sight to behold, a creature with a heart of gold should never be so melancholy."

I wish to give him a small smile of reassurance, to quell his concerns and any fear he may feel, but all I can manage is a solemn expression as my eyes begin to water once again. Blasted tears, now is certainly not the time for them to make an appearance.

"I thank you for the concern Haldir, but I assure you I am fine. Has simply been a long journey, one that is not over yet. I am concerned about the road ahead is all, no reason for thee to worry."

"I fear the journey ahead is not the only thing troubling you cousin. 'Tis lying there within thy eyes, they tell a different story." Haldir places a gentle hand on my shoulder and I find myself leaning into the much needed comfort. "Something is taking you away from the world you love, someone has hurt you. Do not tell me the damage is beyond repair."

I let out a heavy sigh and close my eyes tightly. "I know naught of what damage has been done." It is a white lie that I know I shouldn't have even tried to say, for I know Haldir can see right through it, but what has been done cannot be reversed.

"Please confide in me Legolas, do not allow yourself to wither away." The pleading I hear in his voice undoes me and the first of many tears seep out of the corners of my tightly closed eyelids; sliding down my pale cheeks.

"I have made the mistake of falling in love and now I am suffering the consequences."

"Love is not a mistake Mellon-nin; it is a beautiful emotion to obtain." Haldir whispers into my ear in a soothing tone of voice.

"It be not so beautiful when your heart's desire does not share your affections." I manage to say before a sob escapes my body, and I surrender to Haldir's comforting arms when he pulls me into an embrace. "I have never felt pain such as thus before Haldir, my heart cannot bear it. It's as though I can feel it tearing in two."

Haldir doesn't so much as speak a single word, but his arms tighten around my trembling form when I speak of my breaking heart. He knows words will do little for me now, so he offers the only thing the can and that is friendly comfort. I am grateful to him for it. I do not know him very well, but here he sits comforting a near stranger. This action tells me just how caring his heart is; shows me how good of a person he is. He doesn't have to sit with me, but he does so with no questions asked, and for a brief moment I wish I could have fallen for him instead.

An image of Aragorn's face enters my mind and makes me feel guilty for thinking such a thought. Despite my current condition, I do not regret falling for him. He is such a great person, and I truly believe I couldn't have fallen in love with a better man. In my heart, no one compares to him. He is very loyal and so brave. His heart is tender and filled with so many different forms of love. His smile is like a breath of fresh air, and I cannot imagine a day going by without hearing his soft laughter. If this love I hold for him takes my soul away from earth, I will consider myself blessed to leave this life in such a way for I cannot think of a more worthy cause. I cannot think of a more honorable death.

I am caught unprepared when a searing pain attacks my already bruised heart, and I clutch at my chest with my hands, knowing it will do naught to ease my agony, but I make the action nonetheless. I glance up at Haldir with pained eyes only to see a horror stricken expression coloring his features. He tightens his arms around me a little more, unsure of what more he can do, and whispers soothing words into my hair.

"Saes kela, saes." This plead is meant for the pain in my heart, but, as expected, it does no good.

"Amin hiraetha Legolas." Haldir says solemnly; his voice surprisingly filled with grief. "I wish there was more I could do for you. If I could take away your pain, I would do so immediately. I hope you know that."

"I am grateful for your care Haldir." I respond through gritted teeth as the pain in my chest begins to fade into a dull ache once more. "I wish there was a way to express my gratitude, but alas everything I come up with seems inadequate."

"That is not necessary Legolas, I am more than happy to be here for you in your time of need mellon-nin." Halidir says softly.

I watch silently as he takes a cloth out of his tunic and gently wipes my nose. When he pulls it away from my face I stare at it in horror when I see a little bit of blood tainting its pearl white surface; my blood. The proof of just how far gone I am glares up at me from the cloth, yet it feels so surreal to me. It leaves me to wonder how much time I have left. The crimson liquid cannot be a good sign, no matter how little there is. It is the proof I cannot deny though, I am most definitely dying and I know this. Haldir knows this as well now and seems stricken by it.

I am caught off guard when I feel the press of his lips against my temple, but I simply close my eyes and allow the soft kiss from a friend to ease my weary soul for at least a moment. Just his presence brings me comfort and it feels as though the heavy burden I carry has been lightened even in just the slightest fraction. What has transpired may not cease the inevitable, but it has brought me some solace even if just for the night. Having been able to speak of my broken heart to an elf has helped me at least a little bit, simply because he has an idea of what I am going through. I am just looking for someone to understand how I am feeling and no one understands better than an elf.

"I am sorry for interrupting, I was simply checking on Legolas." Aragorn's voice startles me and I look up to see him staring at us intently; an unknown expression within his eyes. "I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I... I am fine, thank you for the concern Aragorn." I reply when I finally find my voice to do so.

"Will you not be returning to the fellowship to get some rest?" He asks, and for some reason he cannot seem to stop staring at Haldir. Something flashes in his eyes, but it is fleeting and gone before I can determine what it was.

"I will be there shortly, but until then you should get some rest yourself. 'Tis not necessary for you to wait up for me, I will return when I am ready." I say softly; smiling quite genuinely. I cannot help but be flattered by the fact that he took the time and effort to search for me. I am a sentimental fool and I know this.

"Alright then, in that case I bid thee goodnight." Aragorn says after a moment.

He looks between Haldir and me suspiciously before turning and making his way back to the fellowship. I simply stare after his retreating form longingly; wishing for him to stay but unable to ask such a thing of him.

"So Aragorn is the lucky man to have captured thy heart, young Prince of Mirkwood." Haldir states with a soft smile gracing his features.

I cannot stop myself from groaning in frustration. "Is it that obvious, am I that transparent?"

"Aye, that dreamy smile on your face along with those love struck eyes leave little to question."

With a heavy sigh, I lay my head against his broad chest and stare at the place Aragorn stood a few moments ago. I vaguely wonder if it is possible to just stop loving someone, but deep down within my soul I believe to already know this answer. This knowledge does not bother me though; I would most definitely be lost without this feeling. The only thing that does bother me is knowing that this wonderful feeling with ultimately be my downfall.

I do not fear death. When my time comes I believe I will welcome it with open arms. My only concerns lie with Aragorn. How will his life be when I am no longer here? I will no longer be able to protect him; keep him safe from harm. I am sure Boromir will do just fine with this task, but it still worries me. I hate to leave him, but I know I have little choice in the matter now. And despite how he treated me before, he has become a dear friend to me and I know he will be hurt by my passing.

There is no doubt in my mind that he will live a long and joyful life. And those dearest to him will see to it that he takes the throne of Gondor. Many joys await him in life, that I know for certain. I only hope that years from now he will look back and smile when thinking of me.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

TBC...

Elvin Translations:

Mellon-nin: My Friend
Saes kela, saes: Please go away, please
Amin hiraetha: I'm sorry

Lyrics...
I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan