Chapter Nine
"Legolas, may I speak with you a moment?"
I stop walking when I hear Boromir's voice from somewhere behind me and I, albeit reluctant, turn around. I haven't forgotten how he was looking at me this morning and I have no desire to hear what he has to say. Not to mention I cannot seem to stop thinking about Aragorn and what transpired in the pool not too long ago. My mind is a jumble of mixed up thoughts, unsure what is truth and what is fiction anymore.
I cannot forget the way he leaned in, the air between us intimate and reserved for lovers only, and I wonder had I not backed away would he have kissed me? It is a crazy notion to entertain; certainly he harbors no feelings for me beyond that of friendship. Yet, still, what was happening between us in the pool? It had been intense and thrilling, but terrifying at the same time.
I am having a hard time looking Boromir in the eyes now because of that near indiscretion, though. If something had truly happened the guilt would have eaten me alive. Love is all eternal and precious, in my eyes, and I would never try to steal that away from another being, no matter how I may love Aragorn. I may desire with my entire soul to be with Aragorn, but I would never come between them, never.
"What do you wish to speak to me about, Boromir?" I ask quietly.
He motions me over to a cluster of rocks and we each take a seat, turning to face one another. There is conflict within his eyes of which he is unable to hide and I frown in concern. Why he would chose to come to me, of all people, is a mystery. I always assumed I would be the last person he would wish to express his fears and troubles to. I am an elf, after all, and he said himself that he believes elves to be beneath men. I may be a little bitter about that, but I will not cause a fuss for I know there is no changing his opinion.
Maybe his opinion has changed, though, I think to myself with a half smile. He treats me no differently than the others in the fellowship, and there is no distain as far as I can tell, at least not till this morning.
"What ails you, my friend? I can see trouble in your eyes." I say softly, looking at him searchingly. "Do you wish to speak to me about it, is that why you sought me out?"
"Aye, I have come to you in confidence," Boromir finally replies, with a heavy sigh accompanying his words. "I am in need of a friend and I could think of no other than you, I am not as close to any of our companions."
I don't point out the fact that we are not technically close, either. "Don't think I am pushing you away, but why did you not seek out Aragorn? Certainly you would feel more comfortable speaking with him than me."
"Under normal circumstances I would, but this is concerns Aragorn, so I cannot turn to him." He explains sullenly.
"Are you having problems?"
Boromir is silent for a moment, contemplating his answer. I wait patiently for him to gather his thoughts, keeping my watchful eyes on him and witness the many emotions that cross his features. I have never felt all that comfortable with him, I have a feeling that may be because of Aragorn and the feelings I harbor for the man, but even so, Boromir has always made me feel a little uneasy. Maybe if Aragorn were not an issue and the fact that they have a relationship, maybe the air between us would be lighter and conversation would come easier.
This matters not, however, because he has sought me out and I shall be the friend he needs to the best of my ability. He really looks distraught as well and I would feel terrible if I were to turn him away. Besides, I cannot help feeling a little flattered that he thought to speak to me about his troubles, I never knew he trusted me above all the others in the Fellowship. There is no denying that I am pleased by this knowledge, especially since I assumed there would always be this boulder of tension between us because of my feelings for his lover.
He finally turns his sad eyes to me and nods his head. "I believe so." He answers vaguely. "I fear I may be losing him."
My eyes widen when I hear this, reminded of what transpired between Aragorn and me, but I try not to give Boromir access to my thoughts. He mustn't know about it, 'tis best that he stay blissfully ignorant. His words have me wondering about the ranger's actions towards me, though. I do not know what to think of him and what is going on in his head, especially now. I am still as confused as I was before and that is frustrating.
"Why would you say such a thing?" I ask, voice higher than before; nearing a squeak. I just want to slap myself for my stupidity.
"He was acting strangely last night, oddly defensive about certain things that I will not explain to you, I hope you understand."
I raise an eyebrow at this but do not question him; if he wishes to withhold that piece of information from me than I must respect that. "That is your decision," I say to show my understanding. "Go on."
He nods his head briefly before sighing and continuing, "It is there in his eyes, this shadow clouding them; the love within has dimmed and I do not know how to broche the subject. 'Tis in his touch, as well, it doesn't feel the same as it once had."
I am unsure what to say to this. What could I possibly say to ease his fears? I know as much as he does when it comes to what Aragorn is thinking and feeling. I guess all I can offer him is my attention, listening to him is all I have to give. It feels as though I am not doing enough but I am just going to have to deal with that.
"The distance that is growing between us is palpable and I feel so torn inside. He has been pulling away from me for some time now, I cannot help but to notice and I am unsure how to proceed. I don't want to lose him, Legolas, he is my everything." When Boromir says this I can practically feel the pain coursing through his heart and my sympathy just increases.
"You haven't lost him, Boromir, he obviously loves you still. I have seen the way he looks at you, you may think his love has dimmed but it certainly hasn't died."
"I fear there may be another in his heart," Boromir whispers, looking at me with haunted eyes and I find all breath leaving my body at once.
"It may be best if you were to speak to Aragorn about this, only he can quell your fears. There may not be another in his heart, it could be the quest… he has a heavy burden upon his shoulders, after all. That could be all it is." I try my best to reassure him but am unsure if I have succeeded.
He sits silent for a moment and then merely nods his head, as though doubtful. Then he stands and proceeds to walk away. I watch him go with something I can only describe as trepidation. He suddenly stops a few feet away and turns once more to address me; I steel myself for whatever he is about to say.
"I can see the beauty within you, elf; I can tell that you are a kind hearted person and I thank you for listening to me in my time of need." He says softly, warmth in his eyes for the first time that catches me off guard. "I know that he would be safe and loved with you. I am not about to lose him to you, though, you have to know that."
"I am no threat to you Boromir; I have already expressed that to you." I quickly say and rise to my feet when he turns away to leave once more.
"You weren't a threat Legolas, I know this, but I fear you may be now… only, not by your own hand. You're not causing the threat, but it is there all the same." He responds, resolve emitting from his every pore. "Make no mistake, though, I will fight for him."
Without giving me a chance to respond, he swiftly turns and disappears within the trees. I stare at the spot he vacated in a state of shock; unsure what to make of that conversation. Boromir thinks that Aragorn loves me, he thinks I am in the ranger's heart, I say this a few times in my head, each time sounding more ridiculous than the one previous. He couldn't possibly be right about that. Could he?
My mind drifts back to what transpired between Aragorn and me and suddenly I am not so sure. Maybe the ranger has had a change of heart, despite how unbelievable that seems. It would explain Aragorn's actions and the air that surrounded us. I find myself not wanting to believe it to be true, however, because I would be devastated if I were to learn that he only thought of me as a friend. False hope is a sure way to break a heart and I don't think I would survive in the end. I am not ready to die yet; I have come too far to allow that to happen. The Fellowship is counting on me, I cannot let them down.
No, Boromir is wrong, and soon enough he'll realize this, I firmly tell myself. It is honestly the last thing I wish to believe, but I have no choice. I cannot allow myself to hope that Aragorn loves me in return, the consequences would be fatal.
With this firmly in mind, I make my way through the forest and meet up with the Fellowship a few moments later. Pippin greets me right away and I bend down so I'm level with him. He has grown quite attached to me for some reason, as I have to him, and he is by my side whenever he has the chance. Just the thought of the sweet hobbit puts a smile on my face.
Just as he asks me to tell him more stories of my homeland Aragorn approaches us. I tense the moment I notice him and cannot stop myself from avoiding his gaze. Whether he notices this or not, he doesn't say, though I'm sure he does because it is rather obvious. I feel strange in his presence now, no matter how much I hate it, and I am not quite sure how to act.
"We will be heading out in a few moments; we have a quest to complete, after all." Aragorn says, eyeing me briefly with an expression I can't discern, and then he regards Pippin with a smile. "It would be best if you gathered your belongings, I would like to leave as soon as possible."
"Of course, Aragorn," I finally respond, managing to lock eyes briefly before tearing my gaze away.
He walks away without another word and I watch him go, releasing a soft sorrow laden sigh. I am so torn when it comes to that man, especially now. Confusion and frustration surround my mind. I cannot seem to figure him out, and Boromir's words are continuously tumbling around in my head. I just don't know what to believe anymore, I feel lost and mixed up inside. Everything pertaining to Aragorn is a mystery that I am unsure I want to solve.
I tear my gaze away from Aragorn when he moves to stand beside Boromir, with that look in his eyes, and I feel the familiar ache in my chest. I look over to see Pippin watching me carefully, small smile on his face. I stare at him for a moment, wondering what he is thinking but unwilling to ask him. This little hobbit seems too observant for his own good, always thirsting for knowledge and interesting facts. I can't help but wonder if he can read me as well as parchment right now. I am too afraid to know the answer, though.
"You love him, don't you?" Pippin whispers, that smile still on his face.
I guess I have my answer, I think dryly. "I am that transparent?" I ask quietly, lifting my gaze to make sure no one else can overhear our conversation.
"Your eyes light up every time you see Strider and your eyes follow him." Pippin answers with a shrug of his little shoulders, still smiling. "It didn't take me long to put the pieces together."
"I was hoping no one would notice; I am not eager for anyone to find out, so please keep this to yourself."
"Your secret is safe with me, Legolas. I have a question, though." Pippin says with confusion on his face, I can't deny that the sight is endearing. "If you love him, why don't you tell him? Don't you want him to know so you can be together?"
"He already knows, little one." I reply softly, offering a small, sad smile. "He is already in love with another."
Sympathy fills Pippin's eyes and he catches me off guard by embracing me tightly; arms wrapped around my neck. "I'm sorry Legolas."
"Nay, little one, 'tis alright," I respond as I pull away. "I am happy for him; that is what you do when you love someone."
True enough, I am happy for Aragorn. I love him and I want him to happy. I just wish I knew how to let him go, I think miserably as we stand up and move to join the rest of the Fellowship.
We all bid our farewells to Galadriel, who in turns gives each of us a gift. When Haldir steps forward he pulls me into an embrace instead of placing his hand on my shoulder and I welcome it happily. I whisper my gratitude into his ear and he pulls away with a soft smile on his handsome face, squeezing my shoulder comfortingly.
"Take care of yourself, Legolas," he says softly, concern and fear in his eyes. "I fully expect to see you again, so don't disappoint me."
My breath hitches in my throat and tears fill my eyes as I look upon someone who cares. "I'll try my best, mellon-nin."
He leans in to place a tender kiss on my forehead and then we say our last farewells before I climb into the canoe, surprisingly reluctant to leave the warrior elf behind. Silently I wonder if I will ever see him again. I sincerely hope so.
TBC…