Chapter Twelve

I cannot be sure how long I have lain upon the mossy earth, all sense of time having escaped me as I waited the moment my strength would return to me, but I assume it has been far longer than I had intended it to be. We have not much time to tarry here and I scold myself for wasting more time than I deem necessary. We have a quest to finish, after all.

Rising to a sitting position, I lean back against a large Oak tree and take a few experimental deep breaths to test my strength. I find that I am able to do this with ease and am grateful for I will be able to move forward with my companions and not tire too quickly. I know that we mustn't wait any longer; we have to get Frodo to Mount Doom.

I lift my head when I hear footsteps approaching and I know they belong to Aragorn before he is even in my sight. His visage appears through the trees to my left and his eyes land on my form immediately, concern filling them when he sees that I am sitting on the forest floor. He steps closer, almost hesitantly, and lowers himself to crouch beside me.

I meet his gaze and find question within his stormy grey eyes. "Have you come to bring me back to the company?"

"I've come to see that you fare well, little elf," he answers softly, as though a louder tone will disturb the quiet surrounding us. "I worried over you after you disappeared from my sight; I fear I may have hurt you with my careless words."

"Nay, I cannot hold against you words spoken out of grief." I am quick to answer, though my words are partly a lie.

I understand that his heart was in a great amount of distress when I approached him, but I cannot banish the words he spoke to me. Nor I can I forget what they implied. My presence alone brings him guilt; reminds him of his unfaithful thoughts. It does not escape my knowledge what that must mean. I find it difficult to believe since I never allowed myself to hope that he could return my feelings. Yet, the words came from his very mouth. How can I not believe the words when they came from the source?

Can I trust my heart with these words that have been spoken and the implications of them? Can I allow myself to hope that Aragorn holds a place in his heart for me? I want so badly to open my heart and mind to the notion, but I am afraid the consequences will be dire if I were to do so.

I acknowledge the fact that even if Aragorn does hold feelings for me we couldn't possibly be together. This very day he has lost his lover to Mandos and his heart needs time to heal. Aragorn is still very much in love with Boromir, death does not extinguish love and it will never truly be taken away.

Aragorn may be harboring feelings for me in his heart but as of this moment in time he resents it. Besides, I no naught of how deep his feelings run. His feelings may be born from lust and desire rather from love and care. I cannot risk my heart if it turns out to be the former. I must reject any advances Aragorn makes towards me for more than one reason. One: he may not love me the way I love him, and two: his heart still grieves for the death of Boromir; any advances towards me would be of distraction and comfort from the pain.

Though it pains me to do so, I must forget what I have learned today and push it to the far recesses of my mind, I tell myself resolutely. Unless he can prove to me that his heart aches without me, I must remain his friend and brother in war… nothing more.

"All the same, I fear that I may have hurt you and I needed you to know that I had not meant to." Aragorn continues after a moment silence. "You have become a wonderful friend to me, Legolas, and I wish not to lose that. You must know that I meant not a word that was spoken so harshly, I could never resent your presence. I am grateful to have you by my side during these dark times; you have proven yourself a trustworthy warrior and friend."

"I appreciate your words, mellon-nin, it is an honor to fight by your side; to be a member of the Fellowship." I place my hand on his shoulder as I say this and am pleased to see him return the sentiment.

I wait but a moment longer then retract my hand and move to stand. Aragorn quickly follows my lead but as I am attempting to return to our canoes I find his hand wrapping around my wrist, stopping me in place. I glance down at his hand around my wrist, trying desperately to ignore the warmth of his skin seeping through the fabric of my shirt, and hesitantly raise my eyes to meet his.

He looks upon me still with concern and as I search deeper I could almost swear that I find a touch of fear, but he is hiding this emotion so well that I cannot be sure. However, I know not why he would fear for me, I have given him no cause. I have assured him that our friendship will not suffer at his harsh words, what more reassurance does the man need?

"Earlier, at the battle grounds, I saw pain within your eyes." Aragorn finally speaks and the words send dread through my being. "Why would thee be experiencing pain, mellon-nin?"

I know not what I should say to him to ease his fears; I had hoped he would remain oblivious to my inner turmoil and anguish. I know that it was foolish to believe I could hide it forever but I had hoped to keep it secret for longer. Now is certainly not the time to come clean, we have more pressing matters to deal with. My broken heart can, and will have to, wait for a later date.

"Thy eyes must be tricking your mind, my friend, for I am in no pain." I respond lightly, adding a soft laugh for good measure. "Come now, we must not tarry here any longer, we still have a long journey ahead of us."

I attempt to leave once more but his grip upon my wrist does not lessen and I inwardly curse when I realize that he isn't going to be dissuaded. Reluctantly, I turn to face the man once more and cannot keep the expression of exasperation from my features. He says naught of this, though, and studies my eyes intently.

"Nay, Legolas, I know what I saw." He states stubbornly as he releases my wrist and grabs my upper arms with his strong hands, forcing me to face him completely. "Something ails you, as I had feared; something serious. Must you keep it from me? Possibly I could help, if you'd let me try."

"You cannot assist me Aragorn," I whisper softly, unable to look him in the eyes for I know he would read me like parchment if I were to do so. "'Tis pointless to deny it, something does indeed ail me, but it is in my hands alone and only I can deal with it. Do not dwell on this, my friend, there are far more pressing matters to attend to. My troubles are insignificant in comparison."

"Are you positive? I still worry about you, mellon-nin, and I fear… I fear that…," Aragorn trails off with a heavy sigh of frustration. "I am afraid to admit to the fear plaguing my mind."

Looking into his eyes I can see the fear he holds, he is afraid that I am fading. He does not know for sure if his fears are founded and is afraid to have his suspicions confirmed. His fears are correct, of course, but I will not admit this to him. I shall keep my secret for as long as possible, there is naught he can do to stop the inevitable anyway so I see no need in involving him.

Besides, I would much rather deal with this on my own and maintain my dignity. I am in no need of a spectator, nor do I want one. When I finally fade, I would like to do so alone and without watchful, mournful eyes. I want to go in peace, or, at the very least, with a semblance of peace. I think I have earned and deserve that much.

"'Tis really nothing you need worry about Estel; I honestly do not know how to reassure you any more than I have. We really do not have the time to discuss this any further, we must move forward now."

"You are right." Aragorn replies with reluctance. "We really should be on our way now."

When he finally releases me he keeps his eyes on me for a moment, making it clear that he is still worried about me and I come to the painful conclusion that he has made up his mind to keep an eye on me throughout the remainder of our journey. This will prove troublesome for me in the future, as well as irritating. I am an Elvin warrior and I need no one to watch over me.

It be best that I resign to the fact that I have little choice in the matter, I silently tell myself as I follow my companion to help send Boromir on his last journey.

:0Ж0:

I run swiftly ahead of my companions as we scout the plains for any and all tracks left behind by the Orcs and Uruk-Hai that have taken the hobbits captive. It nearly tore me in two to leave Frodo and Sam with the task of taking the One Ring to Mount Doom on their own, but I know deep in my heart it was the right choice. Sam will watch over Frodo and keep the little hobbit safe, and I have faith that they will see the task through and come out victorious. There is more strength within those small men than they have ever been given credit for.

Merry and Pippin need us the most right now. It irks me to think of the paws of those creatures upon those sweet hobbits, they shall surely pay with their blood for ever thinking of taking them from the Fellowship. I never realized just how close I have become to Pippin till I learned of his capture.

I have formed bonds with all the hobbits, but there is just something special to me about Pippin. I cannot allow anything to happen to that curious little man who has captured a piece of my heart, I will never be able forgive myself. The anger that swept through me was like fire through my veins when Aragorn informed me of their capture, though, and my soul is yearning for revenge.

"It will soon be too dark for our eyes to find any tracks so I suggest we make camp for the night." Aragorn calls to me and Gimli.

I find myself reluctant to stop so early, as I am sure my companions are feeling the same way, but I know that Aragorn is right. Without daylight our search with be fruitless and we will be no help to the hobbits in need. At daybreak we shall continue our trek, and that helps to put me at ease about halting our progress for the night. Besides, the enemy will be stopping for the night as well; we will not be losing any ground between them.

We continue walking a little further and then Aragorn calls for us to make camp within a cluster of trees to our right. I follow his command without a fight and take it upon myself to find some wood for a fire.

Once I return I hand off the wood to Gimli and then take a seat close to where he is building the fire. Aragorn comes to rest beside me and I offer the best smile I can manage, which happens to be but small and pointless. He regards me silently and I turn my face away, unwilling to allow him access to my thoughts. I hear him sigh beside me and instantly feel bad for making him worry so.

"I shall take the first watch tonight; you should take the reprieve to get some rest, mellon-nin." He says softly to me and immediately I shake my head.

"I do not require rest for a while Aragorn, I can take the first watch."

My mind is far too restless to allow my body some surely needed sleep. I am beginning to feel drained but my troubles with Aragorn and now my worry for the safety of the hobbits have me on edge. I do not see how I could possibly find rest when my mind is running in circles.

"That may be so, but it would greatly appease me if you'd at least try. Please, for me, dear Elf. I would feel much better knowing you were achieving the rest you have so earned." Aragorn implores me near desperately and I find it impossible to refuse him.

"If that is what you wish, my friend, then I will try to put my mind at ease long enough to grant me a little sleep."

"Hannon-le, mellon-nin," Aragorn whispers, placing a hand against his heart and smiling softly.

The gesture is endearing and I cannot help wishing I had more opportunities to please him thusly. Valar, this will be a long journey if I do not banish such thoughts from my mind, I think with longing in my heart as I watch the future King of Men walk away from me.

TBC…

Elven Translations:

Hannon le, mellon-nin... Thank you, my friend