Chapter Sixteen

Aragorn is hot on my heels as I race up the stairwell and out into the cool night, the air scented with rain from an oncoming storm. I stop running the moment my eyes catch sight of Haldir and a smile steadily grows on my face as his eyes meet mine. He smiles widely as well, warm greeting shining in his eyes, and I don't even stop myself from rushing forward.

The moment I am standing in front of him I find myself at a loss as to what form of greeting I should give him. Surely, I couldn't hug him like I desire to, could I? Should I settle with a hand on his shoulder, especially in front of all these men? Thankfully, he takes the decision out of my hands when he pulls me into his arms with no hesitation that I can discern. I gratefully return the embrace, tightening my arms around him before pulling away and smiling even wider than before.

"'Tis good to see you again mellon-nin," he says as he cups my cheek fondly.

"Is a joy for me to see thee again as well," I respond in kind, leaning into the warmth of his hand briefly before pulling away completely.

Haldir's eyes travel the expanse of my face, taking in every feature, and I watch as concern grows on his face. It scares me sometimes how well he can read me, not many have been able to do this. I have not accustomed to being laid bare before another's eyes before and I am still not used to it. The thing that brings me peace is the fact of knowing Haldir would never judge me in any way. I know not of what I would do without him, he has become a wonderful friend to me and I shall eternally treasure his friendship.

"Lle tyava quel?" He asks with worried eyes, hand reaching out to grasp my forearm and pulling me closer to him.

"I fair fine Haldir, but thank you for caring so much to ask." I answer, aware that Aragorn is watching us intently and not wishing for him to catch on to what we are discussing.

"Lle vesta?" My fellow elf questions in a disbelieving tone of voice that makes me lower my head, unable to look into his eyes for I know he would immediately see the truth shining in my eyes.

"I am alright mellon-nin, please, do not worry about me."

Haldir does not look convinced but he turns away to address the men standing near us and I am thankful that he is willing to let this go, for now at least. Aragorn's eyes are boring into my back, I can feel the warmth of his stare, but I do not turn to meet his eyes.

I lean my back against a stone wall, missing the comfort of the trees, and try to find a semblance of peace in this unfamiliar place. We are all to form at the wall in a few short hours to await the battle that is coming for us and I am hoping to find a little solitude to prepare myself for it. I find this difficult to do when the comfort of the trees are so far away but I must make due with what I have at the moment, which happens to be a some time on my own.

Aragorn has been prone to giving me scrutinizing looks ever since my kin arrived and I fear he will seek me out soon for a conversation I not know yet that I want to have. He confuses me more and more these days with his treatment toward me and those lingering stares I have come to notice him giving me. Part of me thinks I should question him, demand that he tell me what these stares are born from, yet I do fear the truth. However, I do not know why I fear it so. I couldn't possibly have a reason to because my Aragorn wouldn't play such silly games, especially holding the knowledge of my feelings. He is not a cruel man. So, in truth, what is it I fear?

"Suilaid," I suddenly hear Haldir's voice to the left of me, startling me from the thoughts running through my head.

I turn to face his direction and smile softly. "Mára aurë Haldir, man anirach cerin an le?"

With a hand, he motions to the steps a few feet away from us. "Havo dad, seas."

I simply stare at him for a moment, indecisive, and then I move forward and do as he asks. I lower myself down onto the cold stone steps and turn to face Haldir as he does the same. I have an inkling as to where this conversation will be headed, and while I am not too happy about it, I know I cannot run from it, either. I have confided in this gentle elf once before and have no doubt that I can do so again. Besides, it might do me some good if I were to confide in him once more. Either way, it surely couldn't hurt any.

Haldir's eyes caress my face searchingly, face laid bare for me to see all emotions coursing through his immortal soul. Remorse and care are at the forefront, but I also detect affection and a deep pain.

"My poor little elf, your condition does not fare any better than last we met." Haldir acknowledges solemnly.

I lower my head, unable to look him in the eyes, and simply nod my head in resignation. I have long since given up hope, I realized not long ago that my heart has doomed me and it would only be best that accept it. I haven't spoken such to anyone but I fear my time draws near, I believe I won't be around much longer and that saddens me more than I could ever express. I shall not see this journey through, even though I vowed, not just to myself but the Fellowship, that I would. 'Tis out of my hands now, however, and there is naught anyone can do.

"The proof lies there in thy eyes; those beautiful Sapphire irises have dimmed almost beyond recognition. I can see your heart breaking right before my very eyes." Haldir's voice grows more and more troubled as he speaks and I have to close my eyes against the misery it causes. "You are almost lost to us Legolas, how could it have gotten so dire? Please tell me I'm wrong, that you haven't given up hope."

"Nay, I cannot mellon-nin, goheno nin." I cry out, emotions finally besting me, and I drop my head into the palms of my hands as tears break past my barriers. Why is it I cry whenever I'm in his presence, do I enjoy humiliating myself so?

"There is nothing to forgive Legolas," Haldir reassures me, pulling me into the comfort of his arms, running a soothing hand down the length of my hair over and over again. "I ache at the sight of such a fair creature of my kin in the throes of heartache, though. Bearing witness to the fading of such radiant light is a shame and grieves me greatly, my friend. A fate so cruel is one you deserve not, fair elf, and I wish there were a way we could trade places so I could relieve you of this."

"Nay," I say forcefully, even through my harsh sobs. "Speak not of such things Haldir, that is the last thing I would ever desire."

"I know you would not wish to see another in such condition, Legolas, but it truly hurts to see you thusly." Haldir pulls away as he speaks, wiping the tear drops from my eyes. "Have you not spoken to your Aragorn about this?"

I shake my head in response, sad smile playing on my lips. "I could not speak of such to Estel, nor do I wish to. He need not know about the condition of my heart, it would only worry him. He needs his focus to be on this war, not on an elf he does not love. He could not help me, anyway, even if he wished to, so it would be best to keep him in the dark."

"I am not so sure I agree with you, my friend. I have seen the way he looks upon you; affection is not far from his heart. I believe it would grieve him greatly to lose you, Legolas." Haldir whispers to me gently but I find it hard to believe his words. I want to; after all, I have seen Aragorn's stares as well. But I fear allowing myself to hope would be a mistake.

Once more, I shake my head, in refusal. "Nay, I cannot tell him. Please try to understand, my friend. It would be a mistake to confess my heart to Aragorn, give him awareness of my fading light. Nay, 'tis something I simply cannot do."

Haldir looks upon me in disbelief, obviously disagreeing with me. "What is the worst that could happen Legolas? Do you not wish to be saved, if there is a chance? If Aragorn loves you like I suspect he does, he should know of your dimming light. I know, if his heart beats for you, he would want to know of this danger, so he may have the chance to save you from such a fate. What is it you really fear, Legolas?"

"His rejection," I whisper, voice barely audible, but I know that Haldir hears me clearly. I raise my head to lock our eyes together and I give him a watery smile. "I am fading fast as it is Haldir, and I fear his rejection would be instantly fatal. I am merely holding onto the last threads of my life as tightly as I can, I must guard my heart now more than ever. Try to understand, mellon-nin."

Haldir is silent beside me for a long pause, staring off into the distance; contemplating my words. When he finally turns back to me there is a soft smile on his face; understanding. "Antolle ulua sulrim." He says playfully, glint of mischief in his eyes and playing on his lips.

Instantly I know what he is trying to do, he is attempting to lighten the conversation and relax us while in one another's company. I am grateful to him for this, I am becoming rather drained by all the tears my eyes have shed as of late, so I quickly play along. "Lasta lalaithamin," I respond in a dry tone of voice that brings a smile to his face and soft laughter to his lips.

A comfortable silence descends upon us when our playful banter comes to a halt and I take the moment to simply enjoy the presence of a good friend; draw comfort from a fellow elf. My mind is still troubled, by my heart and Aragorn's behavior, but for now I push all of that into the background and allow a friend to put me at ease.

TBC…

Elven Translations:

Mellon-nin -- My friend
Lle tyava quel? -- Do you feel well?
Lle vesta? -- Do you promise?
Suilaid -- Greetings
Mára aurë Haldir, man anirach cerin an le -- Hello Haldir, what can I do for you?
Havo dad, seas -- Sit down, please
Goheno nin -- Forgive me
Antolle ulua sulrim -- Much wind pours from your mouth
Lasta lalaithamin -- Listen to my laughter