Chapter Seventeen

The downpour that flooded Helm's Deep for the duration of the battle has long since ceased to a mere drizzle, small drops of cold liquid falling every so often. A splash of a cold raindrop lands on my cheek and I absentmindedly wipe it away in annoyance. I swiftly make my way through throngs of men congratulating one another on the victory, side stepping men and women and children alike with one destination in mind.

I have not seen hide nor hair of Aragorn since the battle but as of right now he is not at the forefront of my mind. I am in search of another, and he is all my mind can focus on at this time. I know what I shall find when I arrive, and it pains my heart just to think it, but I must see him. Tears burn at the back of my eyes, a growing threat at what is to come, but I push onward and pay it no mind.

Upon reaching the dead and wounded, I scan my eyes over the expanse of the area, searching face after face for one in particular. So much sorrow is held in this area of Helm's Deep, families weeping over their wounded loved ones while others grieve for the lost. My eyes have never witnessed such tragedy and pain, I feel a little overwhelmed by it and I could easily become consumed by the anguish I am beholding.

I push past the initial shock at such pain and devastation, pushing it to the back of my being so it cannot touch me, and move carefully through the makeshift aisles. A lump forms in my throat when my eyes land on the one of whom I seek, lying mere feet in front of me amongst fellow fallen Elves. My heart constricts painfully at the sight of not just Haldir but the rest of my kin.

Strange to think I had just spoken to Haldir a few mere hours ago, joking with one another and drawing much needed comfort from him that he gave so selflessly. Now he lays stock still, chest no longer rising and falling with each breath, eyes not moving beneath their lids. I shall never hear another word pass by those motionless lips, now tinted a light shade of blue, nor will I ever lock eyes with those pale blue irises again. My friend is gone, soul drifted away right before our very eyes, and I know not who to deal with it. 'Tis so very hard for me to comprehend the fact that the strong warrior Elf that I befriended is gone and I shall never see him again.

Taking a deep, steadying breath, I force my feet to move forward and drop to my knees beside my fallen comrade, my fallen kin. He appears so peaceful in death, though I know his fate had been anything but peaceful. He looks so calm that I would think he was merely sleeping if it weren't for his face, ashen and devoid of light. I hope he has found peace wherever he is now, safe and secure with a love so pure of the likes none on earth has ever known or could ever comprehend.

My lower lip trembles with barely suppressed tears as I take his limp hand in my own and squeeze it gently, using my other hand to tenderly cup a cooling, fair cheek. "Lle naa belegohtar, Lle ume quel," I whisper softly but with conviction. "You fought bravely and Middle Earth shall always remember you for that bravery. They rejoice now for the sacrifice you've made, you are a true hero Haldir and I couldn't be more proud of you."

Other Elves have joined me now but I pay them sparse attention, focusing solely on the Elf that gave me more than he could possibly ever know. It was his strength and comfort that he lent me in which kept me strong and alive for so long. Without him and his kind heart I very well might not be here right now and I shall always be grateful for what he has given me. I owe my life to this kind and brave Elf.

"'Tis been an honor to be your friend, Haldir. I know you gave me a precious gift when you befriended me in my time of need." I say through the first forming tears, smiling down at his face. "Amin harmuva onalle e' cormamin."

I am caught off guard when I feel the press of his lips against my temple, but I simply close my eyes and allow the soft kiss from a friend to ease my weary soul for at least a moment.

I close my eyes in a mixture of grief and cherished remembrance at the bittersweet memory of a night that seems so long ago. I had felt so lost and alone that night, I was on the edge of defeat and he pulled me back from the ledge with his friendship and kind heart. We had met before that night, on brief and rare occasions, yet we had never been very close, were more like acquaintances than friends. But it was that night in which we walked away with a friendship with a promise to be everlasting.

"Take care of yourself, Legolas," he says softly, concern and fear in his eyes. "I fully expect to see you again, so don't disappoint me."

My breath hitches in my throat and tears fill my eyes as I look upon someone who cares. "I'll try my best, mellon-nin."

The corners of my lips lift into a semblance of a smile, watery and crestfallen. I hadn't disappointed him; I was there to see him again and spent some friendly one on one time with him before fighting beside him on the battlements of Helm's Deep, elated to be in his presence once again. There was no way I could have known this would be our last meeting.

"Once this war has been fought and we claim victory," Haldir begins, smirking smugly and with certainty, having more faith in their strength than even Legolas can lay claim to, "I'd very much like for you to visit me in Lothlorien, celebrate our victory in true Elvin tradition with a feast and song. You can accompany me on my guard of the borders, partake in a friendly archery competition, and we can take the time to get to know one another better, for we haven't truly had the chance yet."

I can feel a sob swelling beneath my breast as our last conversation is pulled to the forefront of my mind. I had so been looking forward to spending time in Lothlorien with a good friend, getting to know him on a more personal level without the hindrance of the war. I was aware I might not be given the chance if my heart were to take me away before then, but now I know for positive that I shall never have the chance because death intervened.

The tears I've been suppressing finally break passed my barriers and spill unchecked down my cheeks as the reality of the situation hits me all at once. Haldir is gone, he is really gone, and he won't be returning. Death snatched him out of my grasp when I wasn't looking and now he has gone too far out of my reach, gone to a place that I cannot follow. I've lost the one person that has been my strength all this time, the being I leaned on for support, I have lost a caring friend, and now I feel utterly and devastatingly alone.

My body jerks, startled, when a hand suddenly lands on my shoulder, wrapping around it and adding gentle pressure. I raise my watery eyes to lock with Aragorn's compassionate irises and my body gives a violent shudder as I nearly fall apart beneath his watchful gaze. The pain in my chest increases to new heights and immediately I know what is happening, have grown accustomed to the warning signs, but I cannot bring myself to leave Haldir's side just yet. My heart may be breaking at this very moment, threatening to worsen, but 'tis just going to have to wait long enough for me to say my goodbyes.

I am a bit shocked when Aragorn wraps his arms around me but I am also grateful for the small amount of comfort he is offering, so I lean back in his gentle embrace and turn my head to rest my eyes on Haldir's calm features. I brush an errant strand of hair away from his face and smile down upon him, my falling tears mixing with the dirt and grime on his cheeks.

"Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au'," my My tone is naught but a whisper and, though I don't wish to, I remove myself from Aragorn's arms and lean down so I can place a kiss to Haldir's smooth forehead. "Quel kaima ar' namaarie, mellon-nin."

The pain in my chest intensifies to an alarming height and when I feel a familiar crack from within the agony is soul deep. Unlike before, however, my heart continues to crack and the fear I feel inside is of the likes I have never experienced. This is it, I'm dying and there is naught I can do to prevent it, I acknowledge with wide, frightened eyes. I know I must find solitude, away from so many eyes that I wish not to bare witness to my current state.

I stumble clumsily to my feet, a palm pressed firmly to my chest, and I am unable to keep a pained expression from surfacing on my face. Aragorn rises to his feet as well, grasping onto my elbow and raising a hand to cup the side of my face as he tries to lock our eyes. I shy away from him, however, and he instantly grows concerned. Out of my peripheral vision I watch as realization slowly dawns on him and I bare witness to the bone deep fear that washes over him, overpowering the current expression of concern on his facial features. I must get away from here, I have tarried too long, I think to myself in growing panic.

Aragorn reaches out for me once more but I evade his advances and take the opportunity to flee. Aragorn calls out to me, sounding panicked and scared and desperate, but I pay him no heed. I run blindly, unaware of where I am going, just knowing that I need to get away from prying and curious eyes.

I run until there is an undeniable ache in my legs, tiring sooner than an Elf is wont to, and then I collapse to the earth, my knees hitting the ground hard. My fingers scrabble at dirt as excruciating agony courses through my weakening body and I can no longer keep a cry of pain inside. My heart gives a final crack, giving me hope that the worst of the pain has passed, and then I am promptly pulled into a bout of painful coughs.

A foul coppery metallic taste invades my mouth once my coughing fit has subsided and I spit out the acidic liquid. My own blood glares up at me from the light brown earth and I need not a mirror to know it is slipping out from my nose and the corner of my mouth. All at once my strength gives out on me and I slump over onto my side, too weak to hold myself upright any longer.

I am startled when Aragorn suddenly appears at my side and pulls me into his arms, but the only sound I can make to show my surprise is a groan. His eyes shine with tears as he cradles my head in his lap, running his fingers through my hair and brushing it away from my face. Gandalf is here as well, his ever watchful eyes peering down upon us in sympathy and deep sorrow.

"Why did you not tell me, Legolas, how could you keep this hidden," Aragorn asks in a grieved tone that shocks me, what shocks me the most is the depth of the grief that I can detect in his voice.

"I… I did not… want you… to worry, mellon-nin." I answer quietly around pants of breath. "There were more… more pressing matters to worry about… more important."

"Your well-being is most important to me, Legolas, you have to know that." Aragorn whispers as he frames my face with the palm of one hand, tears spilling down the length of his face. The sight pains me to see, I never wanted to make him cry, never wanted him to be hurt by this. "If you'd have told me, if I had only known…" He does not finish his sentence nor does he try to explain what he means by these words and I do not press him for an explanation, 'tis unnecessary at this point.

I use what little strength I have to grab his hand and smile softly when this brings his eyes back to rest on mine. "Do not cry for me, mellon-nin, I will be fine where I am going. Does not matter that I may not be here in body, my spirit will always be at your side, you'll never be alone Aragorn. My heart will follow you wherever you go; it has always and will always belong to you."

"This is all my fault." His voice cracks and falters as a sob tears through his throat and he quickly presses a palm to his mouth like this action will keep the sobs inside.

"Nay, this is no fault of yours, Estel, so do not burden yourself with it." I tell him softly, reassuringly. I am no longer afraid, have felt a calm wash over me of the likes I have never felt before, and I need him to know that all shall be alright. "Uuma dela, Estel… I have no regrets. Le melon, Estel, Nîn meleth lîn an-uir."

"I know the gravity of the gift you've given to me and I shall treasure it for all my days." Aragorn smiles through his tears. "Legolas, I know I don't deserve your love, but I thank you for loving me all the same."

"Ta nae nîn saesa, Aragorn." My voice is a mere whisper as my lips turn upward into a pleased smile.

It is at this moment that I stop fighting it, knowing it is alright to give in and welcome that endless sleep that has been tempting me ever since Aragorn pulled me into his arms. Any pain that I was previously feeling has ceased and now I am left blissfully numb as my body grows limp within Aragorn's grasp.

I can barely feel Aragorn's arms around me as he begins to shake me, shouting and crying out to me. "Please, Legolas, do not leave me here alone." He whimpers, tears of sorrow splashing upon my ashen face. "Beautiful creatures such as thee should never fade, 'tis cruel to create such light and then burn it out."

I hate to leave Aragorn at a time when he needs me most but I simply cannot hold on any longer, I am tired and worn down by defeat and all I want now is to rest. I know that Aragorn will be well taken care of, Gandalf will see to that; so I know I can pass on without any worries or regret, I can rest peacefully. I can only hope that Aragorn will reserve a place in his memory for me where he can look back and remember me with fondness, a friend that fought beside him in dire times to bring peace to all of Middle Earth.

When you look back on times we had
I hope you smile
And know that through the good and through the bad
I was on your side when nobody could hold us down
We claimed the brightest star
And we, we came so far

When you think back on all we've done
I hope you're proud
When you look back and see how far we've come
It was our time to shine
And nobody could hold us down
They thought they'd see us fall
But we, we stood so tall

Whenever you remember times gone by
Remember how we held our heads so high
When all this world was there for us
And we believed that we could touch the sky
Whenever you remember, I'll be there
Remember how we reached that dream together
Whenever you remember

My eyes slide closed and I give into the awaiting darkness, knowing I will never open them again.

"No!!" Aragorn shouts as I begin to fade away…

TBC…

Elvin Translations:

Lle naa belegohtar, Lle ume quel -- You are a mighty warrior, you did well
Amin harmuva onalle e' cormamin -- I shall treasure your gift in my heart
Cormamin niuve tenna' ta elea lle au' -- My heart shall weep until it sees thee again
Quel kaima ar' namaarie, mellon-nin -- Sleep Well and farewell, my friend.
Uuma dela -- Don't worry
Le melon, Estel, nîn Meleth Lîn -- I love you, Estel, my love is yours forever.
Ta nae nîn saesa, Aragorn -- It was my pleasure, Aragorn

Lyrics:
Whenever You Remember - Carrie Underwood