Chapter Eighteen

Overwhelming panic settles in my veins, flowing through me fast and painful as I watch Legolas' eyes slide closed and am unable to stop them. It does not escape my attention that he seems to be doing little to fight it as well, and that is just unacceptable. He cannot simply give in to such a fate, he is not meant to die today… not when so many still need him, when I still need him. He does not deserve to die like this, not when his love is returned.

It shames me to know I could have prevented this if I had only mustered up the courage to tell him the depths of my heart. I had wanted to wait for the right time, when this war wasn't shadowing us, but I should have known something this profound couldn't wait. I should have told him the moment I recognized my feelings for what they are. Now that I think of it, something so joyous would have given us something beautiful in a time of such peril. You are a fool of a man Aragorn, I tell myself silently with a shameful shake of my head.

I scream and plead to Legolas, hoping desperately that somewhere inside he can still hear my voice. He does not steer within my arms and his eyes do not even flutter, much less open to show me those beautiful cerulean irises I have come to adore so much. Gandalf is a silent presence beside me, I can feel his concerned gaze upon my form, but I pay him very little mind. My focus is solely for Legolas, the dying elf in my arms.

I wrap my arms around Legolas' limp body, holding tightly to him, and bury my face into the crook of his neck. Tears slide down my face as I take in a deep breath, the scent of nature and honeysuckle and Legolas consuming my senses. I commit the aroma in my memory, scents that shall always make me think of the beautiful elf that has loved me unlike any other being on Earth.

I drag my lips up to a perfectly pointed ear, rest them against the shell and take an intake of air while summoning the words I wish to speak. I know not if this will work, Legolas could very well be lost to me now, but I have to try. I cannot lose him without a fight, and there are things I need him to know before he goes, if it should come to that… I can only hope he can hear me.

"Saes Goheno nin, Legolas," I whisper softly, emotions making my voice rough and scratchy. "I have been so blind mellon-nin. I must have been not to see you slipping away from me a little more each day."

I pull back, lowering Legolas enough to brush the hair away from his face, something I have longed to do for quite some time now. The strands are silky smooth between my finger tips, just as I suspected them to be, and it draws a watery and pained smile to my face. Oh Elbereth, I wish I had not waited so long to tell you the truth, I think sorrowfully as I gaze down upon his still face, surprised by the peaceful expression I find there.

"You remember the day I told you I wished to speak to you after the war, that I had something of importance to tell you?" I know that Gandalf is watching me curiously but I do not let that deter me, I have waited far too long as it is to speak these words and I will not let an audience stop me now. "I was a fool to wait so long, for thinking words so meaningful shouldn't be spoken during such a dire time, but… the truth is that I love you Legolas, with all of my heart I love you. So, you see, you cannot possibly leave me now, because I need you mela amin."

I fall silent after these words are spoken, watching Legolas' face intently for any signs of acknowledgement, for any signs of him waking, but he remains passive and limp within my grasp. Pain grows within my chest as I sweep my eyes over him, silently pleading with him to open his eyes and look upon me, to simply show me any sign of life still held within his body. He does not stir, however, and the anguish I feel intensifies, hate for myself growing by the minute.

My heart breaks when my mind tells me that Legolas is gone and he won't be returning to me, sobs burst free finally and my face crumples under the weight of the pain I am experiencing. I bury my face against the elf's neck once more and do naught to stop the tears from falling, moistening Legolas' skin. I can feel the weight of Gandalf's hand on my shoulder but I make no move to acknowledge is comfort.

"Please wake up Legolas, you have my love, my heart… do not leave me, I cannot bear to lose you too!" I cry into the skin of his neck, holding onto him with a near bone crushing grip.

"Do not give up on him yet Aragorn, keep talking to him." Gandalf's wise voice speaks to him encouragingly, willing me to reach out to Legolas with all my might, with all the love held within my soul.

I take in a deep breath to steady myself before pulling away and placing a tender kiss upon Legolas' forehead, closing my eyes for a brief moment. My voice is but a mere whisper when I speak once more, this time in my love's foreign tongue, "Edro gûr lín, A'mael. Lasto beth nin, tolo dan nan galad."

I place a kiss to Legolas' brow, simply resting my lips there for a long moment as my tears fall upon his face, and I close my eyes in an attempt to stem the flow. My breath hitches from trying to repress the tears and from the thought of having to say goodbye to a love I only just found, someone I never knew would come to mean so much to me, the love of my life.

I pull back reluctantly and open my eyes to find a pair of sapphire irises staring back at me in wonder and slight confusion. My heart leaps into my throat as I stare back at Legolas in shock and joy, unable to breathe a word though plenty are flowing through my mind at the moment.

"Estel?" His voice is quiet and weak but I am so overjoyed to see him alive that my concern is minimal right now.

"Aye, Legolas, it is I, your Estel. You had me very worried little elf." I speak lightly, teasingly to mask the lingering fear gripping me.

He looks strangely dazed as a small smile lifts his lips. "My Estel," he whispers before closing his eyes once more.

My eyes widen in sudden fear and I grip onto his shoulders, barely restraining myself from shaking him. "Legolas! No! Wake up! Don't leave me again, please!"

"Aragorn, stop!" Gandalf's loud voice breaks through my hysteria and draws my attention to him. He smiles reassuring once he knows he has my full attention. "He is simply resting, you need not worry now. I assure you, Legolas will be fine."

I bring my eyes back to Legolas and sigh in relief when I see his chest rise with an intake of air. He shall be alright, he will live, I tell myself simply to let the words sink in and calm me. "Quel esta, mela amin," I say softly to him, smiling fondly as I stare upon his sleeping face.

"Come now, we should seek out King Théoden and ask him for a bedchamber for Legolas to rest." Gandalf rises to his feet and I follow his lead, cradling Legolas against my chest. "He is going to need to rest for a while until he regains his strength."

I simply nod my head and follow along behind him silently, ever so often glancing down at Legolas to reassure myself that he is indeed breathing. I have a feeling I will be keeping a close eye on my elf in the following days, not letting him out of my sight…

I sit vigilant on a chair at Legolas' bedside, watching him as he sleeps peacefully and regains his strength through rest. He appears surprisingly small huddled beneath the blankets and reminds me that of a child. I cannot help the smile that climbs onto my face as I take in the sight of him, pleased to see that he is looking better than he was a day ago. Color has returned to his cheeks, taking place of the pale complexion of a day ago, and I ache to touch the blonde hair that is splayed out across the pillow his head rests upon.

I have not left his side since we placed him in this impress bedchamber and I do not intend to. I want my face to be the first one he sees when he awakens and I certainly cannot bear the thought of him waking alone. I haven't an inkling as to when he will wake up but that matters not to me; I will wait however long it takes. The longer the better in my opinion, he needs as much rest as he can get. I just wish for him to regain his strength because it pains me to see a proud elf such as him so weak.

Looking at him now it shames me to think that there was a time that I had not liked him very much, thought he was a strange elf with a silly little crush. Shows me just how much of a fool I have been. Legolas is an amazing being with a kind heart and gentle soul. How could I have ever not have loved him? My treatment of him in the past shames me greatly and I fear there is naught I can do to make it up to him. How could he every possibly forgive me for my behavior? I was aloof and downright cruel at times. He hadn't deserved that, and I know this. I will do my best to make it up to him now, though, and show him how much he means to me.

That is the reason I wish he would wake up soon, I am anxious to discuss the things that have been left unspoken. I need to tell him how much I truly love him, how I have for quite some time now. I want nothing more than to see the expression on his face when I say these words to him, and I yearn to hear him return my sentiment. More than anything I want to hear him say he loves me, so that way this time I can respond in kind, unlike in the past. He needs to know that the love I feel in my heart for him is stronger than anything I have ever felt in the past… even for Boromir.

A groan draws me out of my thoughts and I focus my attention on Legolas once more as he shifts in the bed, releasing a long yawn, and then his eyes flutter open. When he finally notices me his eyes soften and he greets me quietly, smiling almost shyly. I greet him with an equally quiet tone of voice and move to sit on the edge of his bed as he pushes himself into a sitting position.

"How are you feeling Legolas?" I question immediately as my eyes take in his appearance, searching for any signs of weakness or discomfort.

"I am feeling surprisingly well, Aragorn, thank you for asking." He replies with a soft smile. "I believe I have you to thank for that, though, don't I?"

I tilt my head to the side and look at him curiously. "Why would you believe you owe me your thanks Legolas?"

He flushes slightly as he runs his fingers over the blanket covering him. "Well, you saved my life, did you not?" He speaks softly as he raises his eyes to mine shyly. "I heard your words Aragorn, and they pulled me back. Did you mean what you said? Does your heart truly lie with me?"

"I meant every word I said Legolas. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you mela amin. I love you very much, and I have for a while now. I believe I have been in love with you since our stay in Lothlorien, possibly even before then. I was just too stubborn to admit it to myself, much less to you." I tell him honestly as I reach out and take his hand in mine. I am overjoyed when he entwines our fingers but I make no comment. "I know I do not deserve you, especially for my treatment of you in the past, but I hope you believe me when I say that I'm in love with you and my heart is yours if you will have it."

"What happened in the past cannot be undone Estel but you can move forward and make the best of the present. Besides, I have never held any resentment or grudges. I forgive you for your past actions, if that is what you need to hear, but it truly has never been a problem you need dwell upon."

I smile when I hear this and give a nod of my head. "As long as you're a part of my future Legolas and I believe I can try to let go of the past."

"I will always be at your side Aragorn; there has never been a question about that."

"I have never loved anyone as much as I love you, Legolas. What I felt for others in the past fails in comparison to what I feel for you. Even my love for Boromir falls short in comparison. I do believe you are my soul mate." I say nervously, throwing caution to the wind and laying my heart bare in front of Legolas. "My days shall be dim and gray and my life insignificant if I do not have you. Please, tell me you still want me as your lover because I am yours alone from this day forward."

The smile Legolas gives me takes my breath away and I feel as though I am in a daze when he places his hand on the back of my neck and brings are faces closer together. "I have loved you for many a year Estel, I'd be a fool to deny you when my heart longs for you so."

Neither of us speaks another word, knowing 'tis unnecessary, and I close the remaining distance between us. My lips capture his passionately and he responds with equal vigor, both of us pouring our hearts into the embrace of our mouths, the action speaking louder than words ever could. We have finally breached all the barriers keeping us apart, have finally found the way to each other, and I believe we can truly be happy now.

Now that we're here, it's so far away
All the struggle we thought was in vain
And all the mistakes, one life contained
They all finally start to go away
And now that we're here, it's so far away
And I feel like I can face the day
I can forgive
And I'm not ashamed to be
The person that I am today

TBC…

Elvin Translations:

Saes Goheno nin, Legolas -- Please Forgive me, Legolas
Mellon-nin -- My friend
Mela amin -- My love
Edro gûr lín, A'mael. Lasto beth nin, tolo dan nan galad -- Open your heart, beloved, hear my voice, come back to the light.
Quel esta, mela amin -- Rest well, my love

Lyrics:
So Far Away - Staind