Chapter 16:
A couple of months later, Danny gazed at the acres of grave markers. He was sitting next to one in particular. He brushed away some dirt as he continued to talk. He did this every few weeks. He smiled as his fingers grazed over the name. McGarrett.
"Grace is excited for cheer to start. She's been practicing and she's really good. But. . .that's just from a father's perspective." He grinned as he gazed over the grounds.
"Mary's here. She talks about you every so often. . .she misses you. But I think she's told you that." He paused as his gaze drifted to his left. He saw Mary standing near Grace as she crouched down to sweep some leaves off another grave marker. Danny could hear them talking faintly about something. "The first time I saw her talking to you was when I realized it wouldn't hurt if I started talking to you. It's nice." He paused. "Never really thought much about talking to someone after they die, but. . ." He waited for the words to come. "I guess I've had trouble with thinking about life after death. What it's like. . .what the rules are. . ." He shrugged as he looked at the marker. "If it even exists."
He breathed through his nose as a breeze made it's way through the lot. The leaves in the trees rustled and a few fluttered off the branches. The leaves fluttered to the ground, meeting their dead mates as they all tumbled together along the ground.
Danny looked up again and saw Mary whisper something in Grace's ear. Grace laughed and hid behind a near by tree.
Danny looked down at the marker again. "I was thinking about that night. . .in the warehouse. What had happened. . ." Danny said as he pulled his hand to his lap and looked at his fingers recalling in the night. He saw his wedding ring wrapped around his ring finger. He caressed it and then twisted it around his finger. "I think that was the worst night of my life."
Danny took in a sigh as he played with the petals of the flowers he left in the little stand near the marker when he had first began his chat.
"Like I've said, it felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest. It was difficult to breathe. . .and-" He paused. He shook his head. "I couldn't function correctly. Something like that has never happened to me before." He paused again. He then smiled. "I'm so glad. . ." He paused and swallowed. "I'm so glad your son survived." Danny said in a hushed tone.
Danny turned as he heard laughter. A man, in a nice blue suit, walked to Mary, who was laughing and giggling. Danny grinned widely as he gazed on the man's burly shoulders that fit perfectly in the suit jacket. Danny took in a breath through his smile as the tall, dark haired man let out a small exclamation as Grace jumped out from behind the tree. Grace was grabbed and spun around in the man's arms.
"Like I've said before, it was touch and go, but. . .he made it." Danny thought back to the time Steve was in the hospital. Danny closed his eyes as he remembered later on that night when he reached the hospital.
Pacing out in the waiting area, not knowing Steve's condition, Danny twisted his hands. He had been told that they 'revived' him at the scene and had brought him to the hospital. He ran his hands, which were caked with dried blood, through his hair and kept with his pacing.
"Danny!"
Danny turned as he saw Chin and Kono run to him.
"Danny, what happened?" Kono asked.
Danny looked up at her with tears in his eyes, anxiety clamping down on him. "You know he was in between vests. He had grabbed a spare from HQ before we headed to the scene. . .it was defective, or. . .out of date. . .I-I don't know. M-maybe. . ." Danny was finding it difficult to breathe. "Maybe it was. . ." He drifted off, choking on his words.
"Hey, hey. Danny." Chin murmured as he placed a hand on his shoulder.
Danny tried to hold his breath to regulate his breathing to normal. It seemed to help a bit.
"How is he?" Chin asked.
"I-I-I don't know." Danny answered.
"They haven't updated you?" Kono asked. She took out some wipes from her pocket and gave them to Danny.
"No. . .do you think that's bad?" Danny asked with worry on his voice. He shook as he tried to open the package.
"No, no. Danny. . ." Chin placed a hand on his arm. "Danny, you need to stay calm. Okay?"
"Yeah, Danny. . .I just thought it was a little strange they haven't updated you, it's been like. . .an hour." Kono said. She took the package from Danny and opened it for him, handing him the wet towelette. Danny took it and wiped the dried blood from his hands.
Chin gave Kono a look.
"Sorry." Kono said softly. "No news, can be good news, though. . .right?"
Danny chewed his lower lip and still paced as he wiped his hands.
Chin turned to Kono. "You are not helping." He said in a hushed voice.
"Alright. I'll see if I can talk to someone about getting news." She said as she turned to the front desk.
Chin turned to Danny as he watched Danny pace and grab his hair. The man needed to relax, to calm down. "Danny. . ."
"Chin, I can't." Danny spoke quietly. He knew where Chin was going with his tone. "I can't right now, Chin. I can't get over the fact that every time I see a surgeon walk down these halls, a nurse with a clipboard, a doctor that walks out of a room, they're going to give me the news. Horrible news. I can't get over the fact that my heart is beating so hard right now that it feels like I'm in danger. I can't get over the fact that my stomach is in knots. . .in a jumbled mess, and it feels like I'm going to throw up. I can't help that my anxiety is at its highest peak right now, and that it hurts to breathe. I can't help that my love for the man that is in surgery, right now, is flickering out of existence." He paused. "I know what you are going to say." He looked at Chin with honesty in his eyes. "But I can't. . .I'm sorry, Chin, but. . .I can't 'stay calm' or 'think rationally' or even think that he'll be okay. Chin, it was bad, and I can't, I. . .just. . .can't!"
Chin quieted and said nothing for a moment. "Danny. . .you're wrong to say that."
Danny turned to Chin. "What?"
"You said that you can't help that your love is flickering out of existence." He looked at Danny. He shook his head. "You and Steve are the real thing, Danny."
Danny looked at him with tears in his eyes.
Chin's eyes began to water. He cleared his throat. "And. . .if Steve. . ." He shuddered out a breath. "If he doesn't make it. . .your love for him won't stop, pal." He walked over to Danny. "It sounds cheeky and. . .probably weird to hear this from a friend and coworker. . .and I know I don't normally talk about things like this, but. . ." Danny heard the man's voice crack. "Your guys' love is forever." He whispered as a single tear trickled down his cheek.
Danny squeezed his eyes shut. He felt Chin's arms around him. He could feel his heart breaking at the words. He grasped onto Chin and held onto him as he let the tears run.
"Guys."
They broke as they heard Kono's voice and they saw a surgeon walk down the hall. Danny held his breath as he came to the waiting area.
"For McGarrett?" The surgeon asked.
The group rushed over to the small man. Danny wiped his eyes and sniffed.
"We were able to stop the bleeders and pull a single bullet out. As you know, he did pass out at the site, but we were able to-."
"Wait, he passed out?" Danny asked.
"Yes, he passed out-"
"No, no. His chest stopped moving. . .his eyes closed. . .he. . ." Danny spoke quietly. He couldn't accept this. He couldn't accept anything at the moment.
Chin placed a hand on Danny's shoulder and squeezed it. He looked back at the doctor.
"When you saw him at the site, he was suffering from a collapsed lung. He was also suffering from lack of oxygen at the scene when the EMTs showed up. We were able to fix it and he's in recovery now. He's still on watch, but he should recover from the wound and the collapsed lung alright." The doctor said.
Danny loudly let out his breath that he was holding. He felt Chin squeeze his shoulder again and Kono touched his arm. "Were there any other complications?"
"There was a small complication during surgery. He did begin to hyperventilate. We were concerned that since the bullet caused trauma at the chest and he had came in with a collapsed lung, his lung may collapse again. And we were also concerned about brain damage from lapses of oxygen in his blood happening so frequently." The surgeon then gave a small smile. "But, he was able to recover himself. . .relax. . .and breathe properly with some artificial breaths."
"So. . .you're saying. . .he's going to be okay?" Danny asked.
"He's not out of the woods yet, but he's definitely on the path." The surgeon said.
"Um. . .he lost a lot of blood-" Danny began.
"Oh, yes. He did lose some blood. We did a CBC and a PCV when he came in and felt his levels weren't so decreased to a level that a blood transfusion would be needed. He is receiving fluids via a I.V. line and we're planning on running another CBC and PCV towards the morning, maybe in 7 hours. Just to double check his levels and that he is producing red blood cells on his own."
"Can we see him?" Danny asked.
The surgeon's face turned slightly serious. "He needs his rest. He's not even up from the anesthesia yet. He's being transported to a recovery room as we speak. Since it's so late and he did go through surgery, we'd like him to rest."
"Please? Even if it's just for a few minutes?" Danny asked.
The surgeon looked at him with seriousness. "I'm sorry. Not tonight. You can come by tomorrow morning at 8, when visiting hours start."
Danny felt slightly disappointed, but he knew the surgeon was right. Steve needed rest and he wasn't going to get any with Danny there, crying with happiness and kissing him until his head popped off.
The surgeon must have seen his face full of disappointment and looked around. "Look."
Danny looked up at him.
The surgeon began writing on a piece of paper. "Come in at 7. You'll be able to see him then. This note will get you in before visiting hours."
Danny smiled as the surgeon handed him the note.
"I'll let the staff working tomorrow morning know." He added.
Danny nodded and looked back up at him. "Thank you." He said to the surgeon. The surgeon nodded, and turned up the hall. Danny turned to his mates.
Kono and Chin smiled at him. "Danny, he's okay. He's gonna be okay." Kono said quietly.
Danny felt light, hopeful, and yet, still afraid. He wasn't out of the woods yet. He grasped his hands together and popped his fingers. He swallowed as he looked at his friends. "Thank you." He paused as he looked at both of them. "For everything."
Chin and Kono continued to smile at him.
"What are friends for." Kono said.
"We believe in you guys." Chin said.
Danny felt the happy tears in his eyes.
After some matter of convincing, Kono and Chin had taken Danny home. Danny had given Grace a call to tell her about the situation and what was going on with Steve. As worried as she was, Danny tried to comfort her by saying Steve was going to be alright. He just wished he believe those words himself.
With no night's sleep, he had driven back to the hospital the following morning and was able to find out where Steve was staying. His heart pounded as he walked quickly down the hall.
107. . .He stopped at the room. He glanced at the clipboard that rested on the open door to make sure that he had the right room and walked in quietly. He peeped behind the curtain that was covering the entrance. Steve was up. His hospital bed had been propped up and he was looking out the window. He still looked worn and tired. The nasal cannula that the surgeon said they placed on him last night was still there. He still had an I.V. in, but otherwise. . .
Steve was looking like he was going to be okay.
Danny was over ruled with emotions and quickly rushed into the room. He threw his bag on the nearby chair, startling Steve a little.
His eyes lightened as he saw Danny. "Danny!" Steve smiled.
"Steve." Danny whispered. Danny climbed into his hospital bed, swinging his legs over and straddling Steve's lap.
Steve let out a small groan as Danny settled on his body. "Careful, Danny." He murmured.
"I'm sorry, baby, I'm sorry. Forgive me." Danny whispered, grabbing the man's cheeks. He brought the man's lips to his own, kissing him fiercely and almost aggressively.
Steve chuckled against his lips. He gently touched Danny's arm and grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him close.
Danny brushed the back of Steve's neck and ran his fingers through Steve's dark hair. It felt so soft, so familiar. . .it gave Danny shivers.
One of Steve's hands drifted to Danny's waist and then rose up his abdomen to the man's chest. It felt so good to feel Danny again.
Danny pulled from Steve's lips and rested his forehead against Steve's. "Oh, Steve." He whispered with a grin.
Steve grinned back at him. "Danno. . .my Danno."
Danny chuckled as he leaned in for another kiss.
Steve chuckled again. "Babe, someone is gonna see." His lips brushed against Danny's as he spoke. There was a small length of silence as they kissed each other. Danny kissed him fiercely, holding to him like never before.
Danny broke but stayed close to Steve's lips. "Babe, I'm sorry, but I couldn't care less about people seeing." He paused as he brushed his thumbs against Steve's cheeks.
Steve grinned as Danny's fingers wandered to the man's lips.
"Are you okay?"
Steve nodded. "Now that you're here."
Danny grinned. "Steve, I. . ." Danny searched Steve's face. His eyes, his cheeks, his lips and back to his eyes. "I. . ."
Steve tilted his head, looking at Danny.
Danny couldn't help himself. He couldn't form words from his thoughts. He went back in and planted his lips on Steve's.
After a few moments of kissing and soft, quiet moans from Danny, they broke again. Danny looked at him and could feel the tears in his eyes once more. He traced Steve's hairline on his head.
"Babe, why you crying?" Steve asked with a small smile and confused eyebrows.
Danny let out a laugh and sniffed. "I'm so sorry." He took in a sharp breath.
"Babe, what are you sorry for?"
Danny shook his head as tears fell down his cheeks. "I. . .I should've stepped in. I should've. . .I should've been out there, right with you."
Steve shook his head. "Danny, no. Okay, it was my choice to go out there. I. . .I wasn't thinking with all the facts. Just a hand full. And that's where everything went wrong. I didn't establish a clear plan when we went in. And that was bad and totally. . ." Steve shook his head. "It was bad."
Danny looked at him with tears still in his eyes.
"Danny, I'm okay. I'll pull through. This wasn't your fault. I should have ordered back up vests ages ago. Along with my new personal one." He paused and reached up to Danny's cheek, wiping a tear from it. "Okay?"
Danny smiled and nodded. "I'm so glad you're okay." He paused and touched Steve's neck. "I love you."
Steve's face lit up at his words. He smiled widely. "I love you, too."
Danny grinned as he leaned back in and connected lips again.
Danny smiled at the memory and looked over at the three figures. "I couldn't be more privileged and honored to be part of this family." He looked down to the marker again. "Your son means the world to me and. . .I hope that we stay together. For a long, long time." He swept over the grave again with his hand. His fingers lingered on a few letters. "Dare I say. . .forever?" He paused with a small smile on his face. "I love him so much." Danny paused. "And I always will."
Danny looked up again and smiled. "You can be sure of that, John." Danny watched Grace deliver a kiss to Steve's rosy cheeks and wrapped her arms around his neck.
"He's the one for me. . .and I'm never doubting that again." Danny smiled as he watched the small group slowly make their way towards him.
Danny looked back at the marker. "Till next time, John." Danny brushed the marker again and stood up.
Danny brushed the grass and dirt off his trousers and straightened his jacket.
"Hey." Steve called as he let Grace slide down from his hold. Grace turned to Mary and grabbed her hand, pulling her to look at some flowers on another grave.
"Hey." Danny replied, looking up at him.
"You okay?" Steve asked as he reached him, stopping inches from his body.
Danny looked over his face. "Never better." He smiled.
It looked like Steve sighed a sigh of relief. "Good."
Danny's smile faltered a bit.
"What's up?"
Danny looked back up at him. "Nothing. . .I was just thinking about everything that's happened in the past couple months. . .the warehouse. . .your recovery." Danny reached out and grazed Steve's chest before finding his way to Steve's back and grasping him with a hug.
Steve hugged him back. "I couldn't have done any of it without you." Steve replied as Danny placed his head against his chest and breathed in deeply. He loved being able to do that. He missed it the several days Steve was in the hospital. Steve's arms squeezed him tight. He placed a kiss on Danny's forehead and Danny chuckled.
"What you laughing about, Danno?" Steve grinned.
"Nothing. . .I'm just. . .so in love with you." Danny told him as he pulled away and smiled at him.
Steve grinned. "And I am with you as well."
Danny grinned as Steve leaned in closer and their lips met in an embrace.
Never again would they doubt their love for one another. Never again would there be piles of issues, one on top of many others. Never again would they feel they are losing each other. Even in the speed of the day, how quickly hours passed and how busy things got, they knew to take just twenty-seconds in the day to kiss, to laugh, to embrace. . .to love. . .to show love and express it.
A lot can happen in twenty-seconds and a lot can happen as a result of twenty-seconds. . .