I'm sorry if I've let any of you down with this long break I've had. Truth is right after chapter 8 was uploaded I was kicked out of my house after a fight. I was allowed back but the brief period I had to live with my dad was extremely hard on me. Next to that this chapter has caused me more trouble in writing. It may not be all that great and I am so sorry for that. I'm back at school now so chapters should pick up. Again I am so sorry.

Please review tell me what you think, thank you by standing by me and being so patient and as always enjoy.

Chapter 9

The glowing neon open sign continued to flicker as Jane sat there in her car debating where or not she should go in and get a drink. The bar wasn't very crowded yet and probably wouldn't be for a while. There wasn't much of a chance she would run into anybody she knew either. This wasn't one of her regular haunts. She just wanted to stay as far away from the Dirty Robber as possible. She'd lost her nerve on her way to Maura's. She hadn't really thought about where she was going which is how she ended up outside some random bar, unable to decide if she should go in.

In the end the need for a cold beer won over. The bar itself wasn't that large. A few booths along the wall, a few tables spaced out through the area and stools up against the bars. Jane surveyed the room. A group of college students sat at one booth at another were two business-like men. A couple patrons were scattered at different tables some eating some just drinking. There were two people occupying stools by the bar. One was an older gentleman who seemed to be engrossed in the newspaper her was reading. The other person at the bar had a hood over their head. Whoever it was didn't appear to be very interested in small talk with the bartender or like they would talk to anyone who sat near them. Jane decided to sit a couple of stools away from the hooded patron.

The bartender was a younger woman, most likely in college, with a warm smile. She came over to Jane; "what can I get you?"

"What do you recommend?" Jane asked taking a precursory glance at the tap.

"Depends on what you're looking for. You look like a beer person to me. Boston Lager maybe? Golden Monkey if you feel like getting trashed."

"I think I'll stick with the Lager. You have it on tap?"

"That we do. I'll have it right up."

Jane glanced over at the hooded patron again. She couldn't really see their face but when they took a sip of their beer Jane did see bruising on the person's face. Jane also noticed the persons knuckles were torn up and spotted with dry blood like they had punched a wall. Her attention was pulled away when the bartender set her beer down in front of her.

"Thanks."

She stared at the golden tinted beer for the longest time before actually taking a sip. That was when she felt eyes on her. Not the bartenders, but the hooded person next to her.

"Detective Rizzoli what the hell are you doing at this bar?"

Shit… Jane glanced over towards the woman. Out of all the bars in Boston she would end up in the same one as Alexis Eldsfield. She looked like hell, her nose was still bruised so was her jaw. Jane could tell Alex was extremely wasted. Her speech was slurred she didn't seem to be able to focus. Jane wondered just how long Alex had been drinking.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were harassing me."

"Honestly you were the last person I thought I'd run into."

"Hey can I get another beer?" Alex directed the question to the bartender as she moved over a barstool so she was sitting right next to Jane. "And her next one is on me."

"Last one Alex," the bartender said handing Alex another bottle.

"You're cutting me off? C'mon now."

"You've had enough; you're done for tonight."

"Fine just put the detective on my tab."

Alex shrugged off Jane's confused look as she took a sip of her beer. Jane just watched her.

"What's with the sudden act of kindness Alex?"

"To drunk to care," Alex shrugged. "I get you don't like me. I'm not asking you to. But I damn well appreciate your dedication to finding Gracie's killer. Even if your dedication ruined my life."

For the first time Jane felt bad for the way she handled the woman. Alex had lost two friends in a short period of time. The murder obviously hit her hard but Cody assaulting her had been enough to push her over the edge. Sitting next to Alex now Jane realized just how broken she was.

"Do you always drink this much?"

"I'm not an alcoholic if that's what you're asking," Alex said defensively.

"It wasn't." Jane said taking another sip of her beer. "You just look like shit."

Alex chuckled at the comment. "Well detective you don't look much better yourself." Jane found herself chuckling back at Alex. It surprised her that it was so easy to talk to Alex. Jane wasn't drunk enough to have her opinion on the woman change; yet there she was talking with her. "So what are you doing here? Drinking away your problems too?"

Jane shook her head. It would take a lot more than one beer to get her to talk about the real reason she was there. "Rough day at work," she lied. Work hadn't been nearly as rough as waking up from yet another dream about Maura. "What about you?"

"Drinking myself numb." Alex glanced at Jane, with a grin spread across her face. "Drink enough and I'll forget the bullshit for a while. It's not like my life can get more fucked up."

She was surprised that the detective was actually listening to her complaining. Her drunken self was actually enjoying the company. Even if it was Jane's fault she was in this situation.

"Look, Alex, I can't say much but I went to talk to Bill Baker about a couple of people of interest in the Harper case, my partner spent the day interrogating them." Jane was surprised by the words that left her mouth. What the hell was she doing? "I went home early so I don't know if it went anywhere but I want you to know we are still looking."

Alex dropped her head back so she was staring at the ceiling. To Jane she appeared to be thinking, but it could have been something to do with her being drunk. "Cheers to you guys then." She dropped her head and raised her nearly empty bottle.

"I also told Bill I'd have someone check on you, he's worried," Jane said, "he said something about your brother."

"Course he's worried. He's looked after me since I started going to his gym. But he's concern is misplaced this has nothing to do with my brother."

"I'm getting that there is bad blood between you and your brother."

Alex finished her beer. "The bad blood is with my mother. My brother just happens to have taken her side. I don't want to talk about it." Alex glanced over at the clock on the wall then rose from her seat. "I need to get home."

She tossed a few crumpled bills on the bar without even looking at them. Jane watched her for a moment. it was obvious that Alex wasn't very stable on her feet and that she definitely couldn't drive.

"Hang on you're not thinking of driving are you?" Jane asked.

"No. I'm walking." Alex began to stumble towards the door. She didn't get very far before she bumped into a rather large woman.

"Watch where you're going asshole!" the woman shouted.

"Or what?"

Jane could see where things were going and immediately rose from her seat. She maneuvered between the woman and Alex. "BPD. I suggest you sit down before we have a problem. Alex you come with me."

The angered woman backed down fairly easily. Alex, on the other hand, wasn't as willing to give it a rest. Forcing Jane to lead the drunk construction worker out of the bar.

Outside Jane almost immediately broke into a sweat. During the hour she had been in the bar the humidity had risen. She was about to let Alex go when she really took a good look at her. Alex had bloodshot eyes and was swaying slightly. She was also tripping over her own feet.

"Come on, let me give you a ride back to your apartment."

"You promise that's where you're taking me?"

"Yes I promise."

"If I weren't so drunk I'd be suspicious, but I'm really just dizzy."

"Just get in the car."

"Yes ma'am."

Jane just rolled her eyes.

XXXXX

Jane helped Alex stumble into her apartment. They only got as far as the couch before Alex collapsed on her couch. Blue walked over to them sniffing the air but quickly lost interest. Jane wasn't quite sure what more she could do for Alex. Except maybe leave her card incase Alex sobered up and could help ID the man in the security video or if she just needed help.

"You going to be alright?" she asked, glancing quickly around the apartment.

"Depends on your definition of 'alright'," Alex replied.

"I'm going to leave my card. If you need anything just call."

"Aye, aye Captain."

"Get some rest Alex."

She wasn't really sure why she was suddenly concerned about a woman she barely knew but she was.

"Hey Jane. I'm the last person you should take advice from but whoever it is that's got you so worked up? Go for it. Worse that can happen is they say no. Don't be missing your chance."

"Alex?"

"Yes officer?"

"I hate you."

"You say the sweetest things."

"Goodbye Alex.

"Bye Jane."

Jane she the apartment door behind her, smiling ever so slightly. Alex was rather interesting drunk. She was also right. Jane did need to go for it. She'd already lost her nerve once that night. She wasn't about to lose it again.

XXXXX

Maura sat alone on her couch flipping through one of her old medical books. On the coffee table sat an untouched glass of wine. She wasn't sure what to do with her evening. Recently she had always been in Janes company after work; however, Jane had gone home early and Maura hadn't heard from her since. She figured that Jane had just fallen asleep early. It wasn't like she was obligated to call Maura if she wasn't coming over.

Sighing inwardly Maura reached for her wine; only to pause when she heard a knock at the door. It was only seven thirty in the evening but that didn't stop Maura from wondering who was knocking on her door. Jane never knocked so Maura had no reason to think it was her. Angela never knocked either. Hope, Korsak and Constance always knocked. Maura couldn't figure out why any one of them would be there. Especially unannounced.

Which was why it surprised her, and worried her, when she glanced through the peep hole and saw someone she didn't expect. When she opened the door the detective looked up from her hands, the palm of which she was rubbing, one of her nervous ticks. It was unlike Jane to drop by unannounced and then wait outside for Maura to let her in. Maura could tell that something was seriously wrong.

"Jane? Korsak said you went home early. I wasn't expecting you."

"I know, I'm sorry I would have called but…" Jane stopped and started rubbing her other hand. "Can I come in? I need to talk to you."

"Of course Jane." Maura moved aside to allow Jane into the house before shutting the door behind them. "What's going on?"

Jane looked around nervously, appearing like it was her first time visiting Maura at home. The blonde wanted to reach out and comfort her friend but Jane seemed to want to keep some space between them.

"I was headed over here earlier but… I don't know I guess I just didn't know if I should."

Maura watched her friend with obvious concern. It was rare that jane would come to her with a fear the detective couldn't handle on her own.

"I thought a couple of drinks might make it easier for me to come over here and just tell you what's going on."

"You've been drinking?"

"Hardly. I barely finished my first beer when Alex nearly started a fight."

"I'm confused," Maura said, "you were drinking with Alex?"

"What? No." Jane said shaking her head. "I ran into Alex at the bar. To say she was wasted is an understatement. I took her home. Now I'm here and I don't know what to say."

"Jane say whatever you need to say. No matter what it is you can trust me."

"That's what I'm afraid of." Jane closed her eyes as she spoke, unable to keep eye contact with her friend. "Either things will be the same or they won't be."

"I don't understand."

"I need you Maura. I can't keep lying to myself about it. I. Need. You. That's the problem Maura. I don't want to feel that way about you. I-I can't feel that way about you. Its been driving me insane. I just need to know…" She fell silent having her heart out on her sleeve like she did physically hurt.

Jane felt Maura's hand on her shoulder. All of the murderers she had arrested in her career she couldn't even bring herself to look at her closest friend.

Maura watched Jane closely. Human behavior wasn't her forte but she had always been good at judging the detective. Right now she needed to ensure she wasn't pushing Jane too far too soon. Unable to stop herself Maura lightly caressed Jane's cheek.

Jane responded to her touch immediately. She grabbed Maura's wrist, holding Maura hand in place. That's when it happened.

Jane wasn't sure who initiated it. But their lips connected. Maura wasn't her first kiss but Jane wanted her to be her last. The only way to describe it was sparks. She felt sparks. Maura leaned into the kiss and moaned.

Stop.

What?

I said stop.

Jane pulled away from Maura. The way Maura looked at her tore at her heart strings. "I can't do this."

Maura didn't speak. She took Jane's hand in her running her fingers over the scarred flesh on the back of the detective's hand. Jane watched her. enjoying the contrast between her calloused hands and Maura's smooth fingers.

"Why are you so afraid Jane?" Maura asked keeping her focus solely on Jane's hand. "Is it because you're worried I won't return your feelings? Because I do."

"You're my best friend…it just didn't seem right," Jane said. "It's hard for me. It always has been. I've never actually dealt with it. I couldn't. I was scared. I still am."

When Maura moved to hug her Jane didn't move away. Instead she wrapped her arms around the blonde, pulling her as close as possible. Maura held her. They stayed like that for a long time. Not saying anything. They simply stood in the silence together, waiting.

For the first time in months Jane felt all of her stress disappear. Having Maura so close to her everything felt right. She was sure it wouldn't last but for the moment it was all she needed.

After a while Maura pulled away. Jane protested momentarily until she realized Maura wasn't pulling away from her. She only wanted to look Jane in the eye.

"It's alright to be scared. Like I've said before I'm here for you. We can take this as slow as you need. So long as you're interested."

"I…" Jane dropped her gaze to the floor. The worst of it was already over. Maura was in front of her giving her a chance. She smiled. "Thank you Maura."

"Always."

"Do you mind if I stay tonight?"

Maura chuckled, "Of course not."

"Maybe we could just talk?"

"As opposed to… what?"

Jane rubbed the back of her neck, a sheepish look crossing her face. "I um… I mean you know…"

"Use your words Jane."

Jane felt her face grow hot. "I don't think I want to." Jane felt like she was in high school again. Awkwardly trying to explain what she didn't want to explain. She was a grown woman how hard was it to play into Maura's playful teasing. "You're doing this on purpose."

"I am. I apologize. But you're cute when you get flustered."

"Cute? That's what you think of me?"

"There is a lot of things I think about you. But telling by your increased heartrate and the redness of your face you aren't quite ready for that."

"Thank you."

"I'm just glad you finally told me. I was worried about you."

"You and I both, it's a weight off my chest."

XXXXX

Maura watched from her bed as Jane stripped out of her work clothes down to her boy shorts and bra. They had never been shy around one another but there was something different between them now. It was a small change but it was impossible to ignore. Jane didn't speak as she undressed. There was none of the usual banter that went on between them. Maura simply watched her.

Jane stopped with her slacks folded in her hand. She could feel Maura watching her with a different intensity than before. Jane smiled over at Maura. she could get use to the idea of waking up next to Maura every morning. For a moment she forgot why she had ever been afraid to admit her feelings in the first place.

With her slacks discarded Jane moved to lay next to Maura without bothering to look for sweatpants. Maura had also opted out of her usual sleepwear.

"Have I ever told you that you have an amazing body structure?"

"I think you might have mentioned bone structure at some point in the years I've known you. But I don't remember I was never really listening," Jane said earning a light pinch on her thigh. "Ow. What was that for?"

"Being a smartass."

"Maura you know I always listen to you. Hard not to." Jane slowly ran her fingers down Maura's arm. "There's something about your voice that… I don't really know how to describe it. But I never get tired of hearing you."

Jane began to trace shapes against Maura's thigh. She never let her gaze wonder far away from her hand.

"So what made you come here Jane?" Maura asked resting her head on Jane's chest. "I don't suppose your run in with Alex had anything to do with it?"

"With as drunk as she was it was surprising that she gave such good advice."

"What did she tell you?"

"To not miss my chance." Jane yawned loudly. "Can we not talk about her. It's really a mood killer."

"Please tell me what 'mood' is it killing?"

"Whatever this is." Jane motioned at their still forms.

Maura chuckled. She allowed her eyes to drift shut. She wasn't really tired but being so close to Jane made her want to just stop and enjoy the moment. she listened to the detective's heartbeat. She could tell it was beating faster than normal. Which was to be expected with how nervous Jane appeared to be.

Jane appeared to be content with Maura's sudden silence as she allowed herself to settle farther into the bed. One arm found its way around Maura's waist, pulling her closer. For the first time in a long time what she was feeling felt right. She was nervous, true, but also unbelievably happy. She felt the biggest relief knowing Maura wasn't about to turn her away. It was almost as if the conformation had lifted a cloud from her mind.

"Hey Maura?"

Jane didn't expect a response. Maura's shallow breathing was enough to tell her the medical examiner had fallen asleep. It was only once she was sure Maura was asleep that Jane allowed herself to drift off.

And for the first night in months she wasn't concerned that she would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.