Hello all! My schedule is ramping up as the semester goes on, so I can't promise weekly updates if I want to keep my quality at least fairly consistent. I'm not going to release anything I'm not satisfied with.
I have been asked several times about Meredith's illness in the first two chapters and whether or not that is being to be a big part in the story. The answer is sort of.
Meredith woke up on Monday morning before 3am to a kick to the chin. She groaned softly and forced her eyes open, and sure enough Zach was lying the wrong way across the bed. His foot was right next to her head and his pajama top was on inside out. She could hear Evan snoring loudly on her other side and once again wondered how she could fall asleep on the left side and wake up in the middle.
She had ordered a set of bunk beds for the boys, as she didn't have any extra beds in the house. They were supposed to come that night, which she was grateful for. Her boys were getting to be too big and too loud to share a bed with both of them at the same time. They almost always got sick at the same time, and when that happened, she always let them sleep in her bed. She remembered being a kid and just wanting to lie on her mom when she was sick. Of course, she realized pretty quickly that Ellis Grey was not that kind of mom. It made her even more determined to be that kind of mom for her kids. Ellis Grey's life had been all about surgery. There hadn't been any room for Meredith in that equation, and yet somehow Meredith Grey's life was all about surgery, yet always all about Zach and Evan.
So, even now, when she was up hours before she had to get ready for her first day back at Seattle Grace due to a kick to the face, she felt lucky that they were here. She slowly climbed out from in-between them. She would let them sleep for as long as possible. They were on winter break from school for the next two weeks, at which time they would start at their new school. She'd spent a lot of time before they left Boston trying to figure out what she'd do with the twins on days she had to work.
Meredith had taken the first two days they were in Seattle to show them the city, just as she'd promised. They'd gone to parks, museums, skating rinks, and everything in between. She hadn't remembered being happier in a long time. George had taken off Friday off, and he'd gone with the Greys to the children's museum, which wasn't too interesting to either George nor Meredith, but it gave them a chance to catch up while the boys had fun. Izzie had gotten Saturday off, and they'd taken the boys to go sledding. She'd gotten to catch up with her friend in between helping the boys haul their sled up a steep hill. They'd then gone out for lunch, and Evan had ordered ice cream. Izzie had been confused at this, and the ensuing conversation had Meredith in stiches. On Sunday, Alex was off, and they took the kids to an indoor trampoline park. Alex was a huge kid about it, and watching Zach and Evan try to tag team Alex in an inflatable boxing match had been really something. Even when Meredith joined in at the boys' side, they had nothing on Alex.
Meredith didn't think she'd played around like a child all weekend in her entire life, and she loved it, but she loved surgery too. She would get at least one day a week completely off as part of her agreement, a Saturday or Sunday if possible. Webber seemed to just understand that Meredith was doing everything in her power to not be like her mother. She felt a little guilty about using his guilt about her childhood to her advantage, but it was for a good cause.
She'd pulled a photo her sons out of her wallet to show him. "They have your eyes," he'd told her, smiling at the photo for a moment, before his face twisted into concern. "But you know who they really look like?" Meredith paled. "They look like my head of Neuro." She'd tried to deny it but he hadn't bought it.
"I suppose it's really none of my business," he'd conceded after several tense moments. Meredith had made a mental note not to ever leave her wallet lying around when she was at work.
As for the boys she'd signed them up for a week long day camp at the children's museum they'd gone to to keep them occupied before school started back up. The hours fit her schedule fairly well, and when they didn't line up Izzie or Alex were going to be able to pick the boys up or drop them off.
Meredith sat down at the kitchen table with some toast and coffee for the first time in forever and it felt wonderful. No more rushing to get things together in the morning, because now she had a day off to prep lunches and make sure the boys put on clean clothes the first time. She had all of her things together, and even though she hadn't really slept, she felt less tired then she had since she'd found out she was pregnant seven years ago.
"Meredith! Oh my god you actually showed up!" Meredith was ripped out of her thoughts by the voice she recognized so well, even though she hadn't seen her since she visited Boston several years ago.
"Cristina!" Meredith whispered loudly, "I love you and you're my person but it's not even 4am yet!" Cristina took the chair opposite Meredith anyway, grabbing the half-eaten piece of toast off of Meredith's plate and taking a bite. She eyed the box of photos Meredith had left on the counter, ones that had been hanging up at their apartment back in Boston but she hadn't had time to put up yet. Cristina got up and grabbed the box, bringing it back to the table and looking inside.
"You are getting your stray slobbery toast crumbs on my family memories," Meredith joked, pulling the box away. Cristina swallowed the toast and grabbed the box back.
"Okay fine, I swallowed. Do you need me to open my mouth and go 'ahh' for you too?" Cristina asked, before pulling out a framed copy of Evan's first grade school photo. She looked from the photo, to Meredith, to the photo again. "Which one is this one?"
"That's Ev. Cute isn't he?"
"Meredith, I don't know if you have noticed but this McChild looks exactly like your other McChild, and they both look exactly like McDreamy." Cristina pulled out Zach's school photo as well and held them both up to show her.
"They don't look exactly alike and they have my eyes," Meredith replied, getting up to make herself a new piece of toast the replace the slice that Cristina had stolen. She put in an extra piece, just in case Cristina tried to take it again.
"They're identical twins Meredith, you are aware of that, correct?" Cristina asked, still looking between the photos, trying to pick out any differences at all.
"There are little differences. A lot of them. Just remember that Evan is missing a front tooth, because both of them hate it when you call them by the wrong name." Meredith pulled the toast out of the toaster, and put the extra piece on a plate and pushed it towards Cristina. "Maybe it's a mom thing. I could just always tell them apart."
"See, this is why I don't want kids," Cristina said through a mouthful of toast, "I don't want the creepy mommy senses." Meredith laughed.
"I didn't want kids either, but now that I have them I'm glad I do. Having someone in your life that thinks you're awesome no matter what you do is really helpful after losing patients or just shitty days in general," she remarked, smiling fondly at the photos on the table.
"I have alcohol for that. Alcohol makes all the bad things go away and you don't have to change it, feed it, or wake up in the middle of the night because it's crying." Cristina finished her toast and went off in search for something to wash it down with.
Meredith and Cristina were able to catch up fairly effectively in the hour and a half before Meredith had to go upstairs and wake up the twins. Evan was half on the floor and Zach was stretched out over as much of the bed's surface area as his little body could cover. They were both snoring loudly and Cristina snickered.
"You're right they're just like you. At least when you're asleep. Snoring, drooling, and awkwardly positioned!" Meredith smacked Cristina's arm in faux anger before going into the bedroom and shaking both boys awake. She somehow managed to get them both dressed, feed, and into Cristina's car on time. She still had to go and find time to get herself a car that wasn't a rental. The boys excitedly looked out the windows at all of the new sights to see, and Evan excitedly pointed out that there was a ferry boat on the water.
"If you want to take the ferry, we can do that. Less driving time for me," Cristina remarked. The boys excited agreed and not twenty minutes later the Grey twins were on their first ferry boat ride.
"We can get out of the car and look at the water if you want to," Meredith told the boys. Cristina decided to stay in the car, but Meredith helped the boys out of their booster seats and held their hands as they walked out to the boat deck. Their curls blew right back over Zach's eyes and he kept pushing them away so he could see. Evan held on tightly to his Red Sox hat so it wouldn't fall off as he peered in between the slats of the railing to the water below.
"I bet the water here is a zillion feet deep!" Zach proclaimed excitedly as he looked all around the boat deck. Evan grinned.
"Maybe there's buried treasure at the very bottom so deep that the submarines can't get it!" Meredith smiled brightly at the sight before her. She must have made the right choice. Her boys seemed happier, and even though they were bundled up against the cold she could still see the glee and wonder in their eyes at experiencing their first boat ride. As the boat approached the shore however, they hurried back to the car.
Neither Zach nor Evan were too torn up about having to say goodbye to their mother and Cristina as they ran into the reception area of the day camp. They'd been excited for the camp since Meredith had told them about it. Meredith shoved their lunches in their cubbies and hugged them both goodbye before verifying the directors had her cell and pager numbers, just in case.
"Oh my god Mer, you've turned into such a mommy," Cristina teased as they turned into the hospital parking lot. "'Oh, and you have my number right? Don't hesitate to call if they need me!'" Cristina said in a mockery of Meredith's voice. Meredith made a face.
"I'm a surgeon Cristina, I have seen a lot of kids come in with a lot of injuries. I'm just making sure if Zach breaks his arm while trying to climb something he shouldn't be; they have my number."
"Oh the joys of motherhood," Cristina cackled as she got out of the car. Meredith stepped out and was instantly hit with a wall of déjà vu. There was the hospital. It was exactly the same as it had been, except the trees were a little bigger and it looked like the pavement had been replaced in several areas.
"Cristina," Meredith said, face nearly white. She was gripping the hem of her scrub top tightly and worrying at the frayed edge. "I don't know if I can go in there."
"Didn't you meet with Webber here like two days ago?" Cristina asked, grabbing Meredith's arm to begin dragging her towards the building. Cristina was surprisingly strong for someone so thin.
"Yes, but I was wearing a hat, and gloves and a jacket so no one would know it was me, and it was…it was Derek's day off," Meredith admitted. Cristina looked at her incredulously.
"You wore a disguise to go to the hospital?" Meredith nodded sheepishly. Cristina just kept forcing her towards the building. "That was really weird, and kind of creepy, but none of it matters now because you can't treat patients in a trench coat and a Groucho Marx glasses." Meredith scoffed.
"I said I wore a jacket, not a disguise," she mumbled defensively, pulling her arm away from Cristina. She could walk herself. It was still early enough in the morning that it was at least semi-peaceful outside, at least if you ignored the ambulance sirens in the distance. Meredith let out a sigh of relief as she entered the hospital without any fanfare at all. She didn't know why she'd been expecting to be swarmed, and it felt a little silly now.
Meredith tried to open her old locker out of habit, but Cristina tapped on her shoulder. "That locker belongs to someone else now. Her name is actually Grey too." Meredith didn't really care what the other doctor's name was as she tried to remember which locker was hers now. Luckily there was another locker, second from the left, with "Dr. Grey" printed on it. Someone had added the word "other" in pen over her name, and yet another person had crossed it out. Meredith set her bag in her locker and started to pull her shirt up over her head.
"Holy crap Meredith. Were you stabbed?" Cristina asked loudly. Meredith quickly pulled her shirt back down, looking around to make sure no one else had entered the room.
"I had a C," she explained, turning around to face the wall so she could change into her scrub top in peace. She should have just changed at home, and she would have, but the boys had been running late and Cristina was guarding the door for her. She grabbed a ponytail holder and began pulling her hair back as Cristina moved away from the door.
"That is the nastiest C scar I've ever seen in my life! Did a group of medical students preform the thing?" Meredith pulled her top down even further.
"I really don't want to talk about it," Meredith said lamely. It wasn't a good or happy story. It was scary, traumatic, and something she defiantly didn't ever want to revisit.
"Ms. Grey, after viewing your ultrasound I really think it's best if we perform a caesarean within the next few hours. Baby A is getting a little too close to Baby B's cord for comfort, and it's my professional opinion that it would be best to get them out of there just in case. You are 36 weeks, which is about as long as we can wait given the circumstances." Meredith knew this by now. She'd been on bedrest for weeks and she'd had all day to worry and research.
"Are they ready for them in the NICU? You called in the specialist? I just-I need to make sure that they'll be taken care of properly." Meredith felt sick with worry. She knew logically that babies born at 34 weeks normally didn't spend more than a few weeks in the NICU, if that, but if something bad was going to happen, it was going to happen to her.
"Everything is in place. You'll be awake through the surgery, so you'll be fine to give direct orders." Meredith was a little put off by this statement. She wasn't giving orders; she was just worrying. "I just wanted to ask if there was anyone you wanted to call? It's often helpful for a new mother to have a support system."
"No," Meredith said quickly. "I'm fine. I can handle this myself." The doctor had looked at her sadly, which Meredith tried to be annoyed by to keep the fear at bay. She was told that a team would be back to prep her for surgery at 10am, and then Meredith was alone again.
She closed her eyes tightly and tried to focus on breathing deeply, but she couldn't ignore the fear slowly beginning to bubble up. She was having surgery in two hours, and she'd be awake for it. She'd be awake and alone and if somehow something went wrong and her babies didn't make it…she wasn't sure if she could come back from that.
She couldn't breathe. Just thinking about that possibility made her chest hurt. Izzie and George weren't there to tell her she'd be okay. Cristina and Alex weren't there to tell her to snap out of it. Derek wasn't there to rub her back soothingly and make her breathe into a paper bag. She'd never felt so alone in her life, but at least no one was there to watch her as she completely broke down.
"I-I mean, it was just a C. It was just as boring as any other C." Cristina looked at her dubiously, but didn't press the issue. Meredith could only hold things in for so long before they all came out in a spectacular shit show. She would find out about it sooner or later, she always did.
"Well, you did a good job losing the baby weight" Cristina remarked, trying to lighten the mood a little. Meredith grinned.
"I wish I could tell you I went jogging and ate salads, but honestly I just ran around the hospital and ate cold pizza," she admitted.
"I hope you don't feed your kids cold pizza for breakfast on mornings when no one's around. It's never good to pass your vices onto young impressionable children." Cristina pushed her locker closed and fiddled with the lock until it clicked.
"Oh don't worry, I keep my shitty diet to myself…" Meredith trailed off as the door to the locker room opened, and the familiar form of a neurosurgeon entered the room.
Boom and there's your cliff hanger. As always, your feedback is appreciated, and really motivates me to keep writing. I love the reviewers' predictions as to where I'm going with this as it's fun to see who gets it right.
Much love, A