A/N: Thank you all for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and alerting! This fic was supposed to be drama and angst filled and it turned out to be more humorous than anything so I'm rolling with it. Humor and fluff with a splash of drama. Should be fun. Also I'll eventually up the rating to M because why the hell not. Humor, fluff, and sex scenes. What more could you ask for?

"Well then you're suffering from a terrible bout of amnesia and have had sex with someone else and now you're- well you're-" he stuttered, holding out his hand and motioning to her hidden stomach.

This was going great. "You can say it, it's not a dirty word Lucifer. Pregnant. And no I don't have amnesia and I didn't sleep with anyone else, I'm not a whore like you," she griped.

He grabbed his drink and downed the rest of its contents, a humorless smile on his face. "Well than congrats on the Immaculate Conception, I'm sure Gabe will be appearing soon with the message from dad." Seeing her lip quiver he immediately backpedaled, anything to avoid the mess of a crying woman. "Detective, I can't father children. I'm not sure how else to say it," he pressed gently, voice soothing. "I don't know what tests you took but they're clearly defective."

She couldn't understand why this was so difficult for him to understand, most men would be running for the door yet he was sitting here in complete denial. In all her years she had never stumbled across someone with their head buried this far in the sand. "Did you have a vasectomy at some point? They're not one-hundred percent."

"I'm afraid to even ask what that is."

"You have got to be kidding me. It's when they go in you know- down there on a guy, and snip-"

"Stop!" he commanded, pulling himself upright and crossing his legs. "No need to continue that sentence. You humans call me evil yet come up with vile torture methods like that all on your own."

"I don't know what to do Lucifer," Chloe whispered quietly, her small voice cracking with vulnerability. She was openly shivering from the declining night temperatures and stress and though she pulled the coat tighter it wasn't alleviating the chill.

Lucifer grabbed his glass and stood, "Go inside, you're freezing." He waited a beat but she didn't respond, just sat and shook. Decision made he set his glass back down and ever so gently slid his arms around her back and under her knees and lifted her against him, carrying her inside and to his bedroom where he laid her down and pulled the blankets over her after grabbing his coat back.

Chloe watched him flick off the lights and after setting his folded jacket down neatly on the chair he settled in next to her, on top of the covers and fully dressed, arms folded behind his head. She rolled over to face him and tried to convey how she was feeling, hoping he could decipher at least some of it. "Trixie's seven, a baby wasn't up there on my priority list and I'm still married to Dan. I haven't even filled out divorce papers yet and now I'm pregnant. I can't believe I was so stupid." Sniffling she looked away from the man watching her curiously. "You're obviously not going to admit your part in this so I guess I'm on my own."

Lucifer could see she was exhausted, her eyes trying to close and yawns escaping her every few words. "You need to rest, you're exhausted."

"I should go home," she argued and tried to throw off the covers but Lucifer's hand shot out and grabbed them, pulling them back up over her shoulders. "You're never on your own Detective, and you won't be tonight. You're upset and weary, just close your eyes for a bit."

He waited patiently until her breathing evened out and quietly climbed off the bed and walked to the backlit bar to pour himself another drink. So Chloe was pregnant with an unknown man's child. It shouldn't have mattered to him yet it did, it filled him with something heavy that he didn't like. The detective was amusing, entertaining, and quite enjoyable to be around yet that was all going to change. Who was this mystery man and would he come back for Chloe?

With a heavy sigh he walked to the couch and dropped down, resting his feet on the glass coffee table and rubbing at his eyes. The hairs on his arms began to stand up and he groaned, why was the bastard dropping in now? "What Amenadiel? I very much prefer to loathe you from afar instead of up close."

The angel walked in from the patio and began to move straight towards the bedroom, Lucifer frowning at first before jumping up and scrambling to block his path. "Where do you think you're going? If you want a tour you can come back the Tuesday after never-gonna-happen."

"I'm not going to harm the human Lucifer, you know I can't do that," Amenadiel stated in his normal apathetic voice. "Now move before I make you."

Lucifer's lip pulled as he looked like he was going to growl but he refrained. Not budging an inch he shook his head, "I do like it rough, show me what you got bro."

The angel should have expected as much, his little brother never had listened to him, instead lashing out with a sharp tongue and heavy fists before thinking any situation through. Tilting his head he began to grin. "You care for this human woman, more than you're willing to admit. More than you realize."

"You've said all this before, beginning to repeat yourself brother? You are getting quite old," he smirked. "Now why don't you bugger off, or perhaps I could call Maze up here. I heard you two had quite the foreplay downstairs."

Amenadiel hated that he let his brother get to him so easily but the little shit had always had a knack for getting under people's skin. Blowing out a steady breath he centered himself again and stepped back. "I'll be back Luci. Enjoy your human, your time on earth is coming to an end," he sneered.

"Careful Amenadiel," Lucifer ordered in a low tone. "I don't respond well to threats."

With a flinch he couldn't stop he watched his brother take flight and sighed, what was next? Walking back to the couch he dropped down and kicked his shoes off, finished his drink and lied down.

Sleep didn't come easy for the Devil, instead he lied in the dark for quite some time staring into the dark. Chloe had never lied to him, he could tell after all, so had she really not had sex with anyone else? Was there even a small possibility that she really was pregnant and that it was his?

Angel's couldn't reproduce nor could demons, he had made sure of that one, because celestial beings energy wouldn't allow it. There was this whole thing that Dad had explained but he hadn't been listening very well, he never did have a good attention span.

A small noise from the bedroom made him still and hold his breath, listening hard for any indication of distress but it seemed she was beginning to snore was all. Woman could give a pig holding a chainsaw sounding a foghorn a run for its money.

Closing his eyes he rolled onto his stomach and tried to find sleep, the sound of a living person nearby lulling him into oblivion.

Chloe yawned and stretched, feeling well rested and comfortable under the warm blankets. It took a minute to fully wake and when she realized where exactly she was her eyes widened and she jerked the covers up to look underneath. Fully dressed, that was good, and no man in sight, which was- also good? It didn't feel good. Climbing out of the bed she peeked around the corner into the living room and saw that Lucifer was asleep on the couch, chest rising and falling rhythmically and limbs strewn everywhere. Had he always been that gangly?

She needed to leave to get home and get ready for work so she grabbed her shoes and tiptoed towards the elevator only to have it open before she could even press the call button and reveal Maze.

"Deserting him the morning after? I didn't think you had it in you," the demon laughed, effectively rousing Lucifer. Sitting up he rubbed at his eyes and turned towards the lift, two sets of eyes upon him while Maze asked, "So you two have sex again?"

Chloe threw her hands up, "Lucifer!"

"She doesn't have a soul!" he defended, jumping to his feet. "You were very specific!"

The glare she cast upon him would have melted lesser men but Lucifer remained untouched. "No Maze," she grumbled, turning back to face her. "Lucifer and I didn't have sex again."

The demon frowned in confusion, "Then why do you smell like him?"

Chloe looked disgusted and pulled up her shirt to sniff it. "What do you mean I smell like him? I slept in his bed but I don't think I smell like a liquor store."

"No need to be rude," Lucifer tutted and came to stand next to the two women. "What is it Maze?"

Mazikeen shook her head, "It's weird, she smells like you. It's faint but it's there and it's not from her clothes." Leaning entirely too close for comfort she sniffed up the blonde's neck and jerked back. "It's her."

"Why are you sniffing me!" Chloe demanded to know, fists clenched and voice growing hysterical. "That's not normal, you can't just smell people!"

"Maze can," Lucifer interrupted nonchalantly.

Chloe shot him a look. "I meant, it's considered extremely rude and socially unacceptable to sniff people like a dog."

"Are you calling me a dog!" Maze growled and stepped forward but she disappeared from view before Chloe could respond, Lucifer's back meeting her face.

Lucifer looked down at his demon and arched a brow. "Mazikeen, control yourself. Now what do you mean 'it's her'."

"Exactly what I said," she spat, retreating to the stairs and shouting, "She's got something in her that smells like you."

Chloe had no idea what the deal was with these two, people can't just smell things on people like that, yet Lucifer seemed to be taking her words extremely seriously. He had paled considerably but hadn't moved, just slid his eyes towards her and stared as if she was the most terrifying thing on the planet. He opened his mouth and closed it, repeating the process a few times before a pitiful squeak met her ears.

She couldn't help but roll her eyes, "So you take her word for it but not mine? I told you it's yours."

He took a few steps back before the most unexpected thing came out of his mouth. "Amenadiel!"

Time began to slow, the clock on the wall almost stopping, as the angel appeared and walked inside. "Do you see why I was here last night?"

"Just tell me, is it mine?" he ordered, hysterics coming into play.

Amenadiel walked to Chloe, Lucifer tensing and moving with him, and placed a hand on her head and closed his eyes. It only took a second and he stepped back with a tight smile. "Once again you've proven the rules don't apply to you. Congrats dad."

Chloe sucked in a sharp breath, one second Lucifer had been feet away looking pale and the next he was standing at her right side with sheer panic all over his face. "How did you- Never mind. Do you believe me now?"

The thing with Lucifer was any reaction or words were never a given, there was no telling what he was going to do or say in most situations so it really wasn't too shocking when he shakily pointed at her and announced, "This is your fault! What did you do?"

"My fault!" she scoffed, hands flying to her chest. "It takes two and really this is your fault because you told me you couldn't get me pregnant!"

"I can't!" he shouted. "You're just a freak that doesn't adhere to the laws of Heaven," he argued. Tears were welling in her eyes and he ran forward to try to stop them from falling. "No, no, no. No need for that." As soon as the first one fell he sighed and prepared for the worst. Blubbering was expected, the punch was not.

"You bastard!" Chloe screamed, cradling her hand and taking satisfaction that she had made him stumble back. "I don't know why I even try with you. Every single time I think you're capable of even a hint of some compassion or human decency you prove me wrong. You're right it's all my fault," she finished, throwing her hands up. "Goodbye Lucifer."

The words sounded scarily final and he quickly stopped her progress by blocking the elevator with his long limbs. "Don't go."

She couldn't do this right now. "I have to work today and I really don't care at this point if you show up or not." She could feel the desperation rolling off of him. "We can talk more later since apparently I'm just a glutton for punishment."

Reluctantly he stepped aside and let her enter the lift, watching her nervously and wringing his hands. "I- I'll see you at work Detective."