Part Ten
When she came to, Munch was hovering at her side, sliding his arm behind her shoulders to help her sit up. "Take it easy, Liv."
Fin was just returning, a can of soda and a pack of crackers in his hand. "Here you go, baby. Have a couple bites before you try to get up."
She batted both of them away, unsure that she could possibly get even a single bite down. "Where's Kathy?" She put her hands out, aiming for the ground, but Munch and Fin caught her, each taking a side and helping her to her feet.
Though Fin was able to be shrugged off, Munch didn't let go of her until she was seated at her desk. "Kathy's gone. She said she had to take the baby home." He snagged the items from Fin and placed them in front of her, opening both the soda and the crackers as though she was too delicate to do it herself. "Now eat at least one of those and take a couple sips or I'm going to go tell your partner that you just passed out and just see if he lets you out of his sight for the next week."
The mention of her partner made her shiver. But she didn't have the strength to tell another person that Elliot was the man who'd attacked her. So she reached for a cracker with a shaking hand, breaking off a corner and putting it in her mouth. Her stomach was rolling still, her head wrapped in fog. She didn't want to have to make a run for the bathroom to be sick. She wasn't sure she'd get to the bathroom before she collapsed again. She was barely able to keep herself sitting up.
She managed to get half a cracker down and take two sips of the soda. It was enough to distract Munch. Her attention focused on the crackers, staring at them, pushing them around, brushing the crumbs off her hands. There were other things she needed to do, but she couldn't bring herself to think about them.
There were footsteps, the soft sound of a man's heel on the tile floor. She knew better than to think Elliot would be coming, but it was a habit that had formed years ago and she felt a twinge of disappointment to see Cragen come around the corner. He held her gaze for a moment and she could see the wheels turning as he tried to decide what to do or say. He looked about as devastated as she felt, though at least he was still on his feet rather than slumped over a desk playing with his food.
It only took her a few short moments to bring him up to speed on what she'd found out from Kathy. He'd moved out. He had no one who would vouch for him. He had no alibi. Olivia was pretty sure he'd been hoping for something else.
Finally, he just looked away, approaching the pair of detectives a few feet away. "John, I need you to tell Elliot that he's about to be placed under arrest. Have him call his PBA rep. I'm going to notify Greyleck before we book him."
Munch stared at Cragen for a long time, then turned to see if Fin had any idea what was happening. Slowly he turned to Olivia, who only avoided eye contact. "What? Why?"
"For attempted rape, assault, battery, stalking, that'll be a good start until Greyleck can come up with more to add to the list." Cragen turned away, ducking into his office and grabbing the phone to call Greyleck before anyone could pester him with questions.
Lucky him, Olivia thought, knowing the questions would instead fall on her. She reluctantly lifted her eyes, expecting to be peppered with questions, thinking she'd rather eat a four-course meal than explain the pieces of the story Munch and Fin didn't have.
But Munch and Fin were atypically silent, their usual curiosity and banter squashed under the weight of the moment. Munch rose from his desk, quietly following the captain's directive without objection. Fin swallowed so hard it was audible and turned his eyes away from her. When Munch returned, he immediately immersed himself in something that kept him from saying a word. She was utterly thankful for the silence.
Olivia watched as Cragen made his phone call and summoned the strength to join him as he made his way back to the interrogation room. She tried to make her voice sound as normal as possible so he wouldn't throw her out of the station. Although she knew she was safe at home, she didn't feel right leaving. Not yet. "Did he say anything?"
Cragen winced, his steps slowing as soon as they neared interrogation. "No, not really." He let out a breath that Olivia figured he'd been holding for a long time. "He keeps asking for you. I keep telling him that's not going to happen, but, well, you know Elliot." His voice faltered as the words fell out, as though he realized just a hair too late that it wasn't the right thing to say.
She understood his meaning, though. Whether she wanted to acknowledge it or not, she did know that Elliot wasn't about to stop asking for something simply because it had been deemed impossible. But her mind flashed to the information Kathy had given her and she realized that Cragen was dead wrong. She didn't know a damn thing about Elliot besides whatever bullshit he decided to snow her with on any given day. She shook her head. "No, I really don't."
Cragen nodded, not arguing because there was no point. "You know I'd advise you against listening in, but-"
"I know." She nodded and tried to ready herself for anything Cragen might be able to wrestle out of Elliot. "And so do you."
With a nod, he reached for the door. "Yeah, I do."
Elliot was on his feet the minute Cragen walked in, but his disappointed face revealed he'd been looking for someone else. "Where's Olivia?"
Cragen shook his head. "Did you call a lawyer?"
"Yeah, she's on her way." Elliot sat back down, his expression returning to one that Olivia would have previously labeled devastated, except that she refused to give herself any credit any longer for being able to identify anything Elliot was really feeling.
"Do you want to wait until she gets here?" Cragen's voice and face remained professional and stoic. Olivia had to give him credit for being able to put aside any personal feelings. She'd proven a hundred times that she wasn't necessarily able to do the same.
Elliot's elbows were propped on the table, his face in his hands as he rubbed his eyes. "I don't care. I don't have anything to hide, but it appears that's beside the point."
Concentrating on the file folder in front of him, Cragen took a moment to gather his thoughts. "Ok, so you never told me how you gained access to Olivia's apartment. How'd you get in?"
"The only way I've ever gotten into her apartment is by knocking on the door and waiting for her to answer."
His hands were restless, moving continuously from separate fists to entwined fingers and back again. It was a nervous tell, something she'd always looked for in perps to determine if she was on the right track. So he was nervous. The only question was why.
"But, I, uh-" He made a face as if to say he really wished he hadn't made a sound.
"But you what?" Cragen's eyes were off the file, the details of the case that he'd put together so far. His stare was fixed on Elliot's, looking for a weakness, hoping for a confession.
"I have a key." Elliot broke the eye contact, choosing to look at his hands instead.
"How did you get a key?" For a brief second, the icy exterior cracked, revealing a boss who didn't necessarily want to hear the answer. It angered Olivia, because she'd thought she'd made it perfectly clear that there was nothing he had to worry about hearing.
"She gave me one, ten years ago." He shrugged. "In case of an emergency or something. I've never used it."
"Does she have one to your place?" The question seemed innocent enough, but Olivia knew what he was hinting at. Elliot hadn't told anyone that he'd moved out, so although Cragen didn't know whether or not Olivia had a key to his house, he knew Olivia certainly didn't have a key to the apartment he'd neglected to mention living in.
"She has a key to the house." Elliot obviously enjoyed splitting hairs. The statement was entirely true, she knew, he'd just failed to mention that her key was to the house he didn't live in anymore.
Cragen nodded, making a notation in the file. "So she could pop in and visit you any time she wanted, right?"
Elliot's eyes narrowed and he leaned forward. "You talked to Kathy, didn't you?"
Cragen didn't say a word, but he looked up from the papers.
"Oh, fuck." Elliot's face dropped back into his hands. "Shit. Does Olivia know?"
Cragen shook his head, seeming amazed at how well Elliot was playing the worried partner rather than the obsessed stalker. "Why don't we keep on track here?"
"Look, you don't understand, Don! Kathy thinks I left her for Olivia. I really don't want Liv to find out like this."
"Find out what?" Cragen's blank stare was almost back in place, but Olivia knew if she could see the discomfort, so could Elliot.
"I'm not playing fucking word games with you!" He stood up, kicking at his chair until he succeeded in knocking it over. "Some asshole is out there, trying to hurt Olivia, and you're in here trying to find out if something inappropriate is going on between your detectives. You're worried about IAB busting your ass when you should be worried about protecting Olivia!"
Olivia fought back tears as she tried to deny the honesty in his voice. He sounded so much like the man she'd known for so many years, like the partner she'd come to trust more than her own instincts. But she had to remember that he wasn't that man. That man didn't exist anymore, maybe he never had. She wasn't looking at the man she could trust with her life, knowing he'd die himself before he'd let any harm come her way. She wasn't looking at her partner. She was looking at the freak who'd jerked off in his car with her panties in his hand.
With a sigh, Cragen shook his head and ignored Elliot's outburst. "Why don't we get back to the discussion of the keys, then?"
Elliot glared at his boss and then kicked his chair halfway across the room. For a moment, both Olivia and Cragen tensed, wondering if he was finally going to lose it. Olivia had never seen Elliot manage to keep such a tight grip on his temper and she figured he was bound to lose it soon. But perhaps he realized more was riding on his control than ever had before.
Because after he took a deep breath, Elliot quietly righted his chair, pushed it back to the table and sat down across from Cragen. His voice was calm, cool, obviously forcibly controlled. "Please, Don, just tell me how she is. Is she ok?"
Cragen's face fell, sheer disbelief showing. "How the hell do you think she is?"
"God, worse than she was this morning if she actually believes this bullshit." He dropped his face into his hands. "Please let me talk to her."
A wry laugh escaped Cragen's lips. "You're going for that insanity defense, aren't you?"
Elliot lifted his head and Olivia could have sworn there were tears glistening in his eyes. "I would never hurt her. She knows that. Just let me talk to her."
"What makes you think she wants to talk to you?"
"Because she doesn't believe that I would hurt her. I know she doesn't."
Cragen looked away. Olivia wasn't sure if it was because he was falling for Elliot's innocent act or if he just didn't want to watch it anymore. "She turned you in, dumbass. She knows it was you. She knows you did try to hurt her. She doesn't want to talk to you."
Olivia didn't know what to do when she watched Elliot's tears finally spill over. She stared as he broke down, seeing the disbelief give way to shock and then to anguish. She reached out for the speaker controls, unable to listen to the way he sobbed. She couldn't stand to look at it anymore either, feeling no satisfaction or justification in the way he was suffering. Turning away, she sank down to the floor, wishing she could hate him, wishing she could find pleasure knowing that he was hurting, wishing she could deny the instinct she still felt to comfort him.
She didn't expect anyone to intrude on her at that moment and nearly jumped out of her skin when she someone strode right past her, throwing open the door. It took her a moment to climb to her feet, curious to see who had just stormed into the questioning she hadn't been able to listen to.
A tall, thin redhead, dressed impeccably in a navy blue suit that Olivia instantly knew cost more than anything she owned, was standing at the side of the table, adjacent to both Elliot and Cragen. Her eyes turned to Cragen with a smile that reminded Olivia of a shark about to bite.
"This interview is over." She placed her briefcase on the table and moved to take a seat, pausing to look at Cragen like he was an annoying insect buzzing about her picnic. "I'm Detective Stabler's attorney. I'd like some time with my client, please." It was the tone of voice generals commanded armies with and Cragen, though glaring, obeyed it as such.
Olivia swallowed hard, looking over the attractive woman, wondering with a particularly painful stab in her chest if that was the other woman who'd cost Kathy a husband. She couldn't blame Elliot if she was. He appeared to have much better taste than she'd thought. But as Cragen stepped through the door and pulled it closed behind him, she saw the woman put her hand out toward Elliot in an attempt to shake his hand.
She pressed the button on the speaker, ignoring Cragen's warning as he left that nothing she heard would be admissible. She didn't care what happened legally. She just needed to understand.
"I'm Amanda Carlisle. The PBA contacted me to take your case." She waited until Elliot reluctantly shook her hand before she sat down. "I want to get a few things clear right up front."
Elliot held up his hand, sniffling and rubbing at his red eyes. "I can't possibly afford you. I want a public defender."
Olivia felt a pang of fear at his words, knowing she'd never trust her career to anyone less than the best. She'd sell everything she had and then sell herself into a lifetime worth of debt. Then she realized that Elliot, who'd given everything except his fifteen-year-old car to Kathy, didn't have anything left.
"I come with the badge." Carlisle smiled and pulled a yellow legal pad from her bag along with a pen. "Those things I wanted to get straight? First, I don't care if you're guilty. But if you are, don't tell me. I find it's much easier to argue vehemently in your defense if I don't know you're a psycho." She pulled the cap off the pen and set it aside. "Second, don't touch me, except to shake my hand, ever. I have pepper spray and I've used it on my own clients before, so don't tempt me."
Elliot just stared as she continued through a list of rules as though she was a prison warden.
"Are we clear?"
Elliot nodded mutely.
"Good. With that said, let's get down to business." She pulled a file folder from her bag, opening it up to reveal a few typed pages. "So, you tried to rape your partner." She tucked her lips between her teeth and narrowed her eyes. "Maybe it was a misunderstanding?"
Elliot's mouth fell open, mirroring the flabbergasted expression on Olivia's face. "I didn't hurt her. I wouldn't hurt her. Jesus, what kind of a sick fuck do you think I am?"
Carlisle smiled. "I don't care what kind of a sick fuck you are. As long as you stay out of prison and hopefully remain employed with the NYPD, I'll continue getting raises. So, your partner, is she a slut? If she sleeps around, this is a no-brainer."
She didn't know why, but Olivia felt a bit better to see the horrified, sickened look on Elliot's face.
"I didn't hurt my partner! It was someone else. Someone's trying to hurt her and as long as everyone thinks it's me, no one's looking out for her. I have to talk to her. I have to protect her."
Carlisle shook her head, sighing like she was dealing with someone far beneath her. "Look, Elliot, I'll be honest. If I manage to perform a small miracle and keep you out of prison, you're going to have to leave her alone. I don't know how to say this gently, so I'm not going to try. She's not interested. Deal with it. Move on. Find someone else or write a bunch of poems about unrequited love, do whatever you need to do. Just leave her the fuck alone!"
Deciding she couldn't take anymore, Olivia turned off the speaker and went back to her desk. If she kept listening to Elliot profess his innocence, she wasn't going to be able to continue believing in his guilt. And she needed to. She needed to keep her guard up and not let him get near her again. God only knew what he was capable of. And she suspected, with that Carlisle woman on his side, he'd wind up looking more innocent than a newborn baby.
An hour or maybe a year later, Cragen was by her desk, talking to her, but it took him three tries before she ever realized it. She asked him to repeat himself twice more before she understood his words.
"Is his lawyer still in there?"
Olivia nodded, then shrugged. "She was when I left, but-" She shrugged again. But the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy could have danced past her without her even noticing.
"Ok." Cragen turned away, but then looked back. "Crime scene checked again and said there's no chance your lock was picked. He must have used his key."
The words clicked, about the only thing that had all day, although she had to admit it had been several hours since the first time she'd heard Cragen mention keys. "Elliot doesn't have a key."
He narrowed his eyes at her. "He said you gave him one years ago. Are you sure you didn't?"
"No, I did." She shook her head, confusing herself as to which words she intended to come out. "He said something weird the other night about using his key." It felt like someone had punched her again as pieces of it fell into place. "It bugged me, so I got my locks changed and I didn't give him a new key." She sniffled, only then realizing she had already started to cry again. "My keys disappeared a couple days later and then Elliot showed up, claiming I'd left them on my desk. But I know I didn't." She took a couple breaths, trying not to notice the attention she was drawing. "I didn't even think about it, but-"
"I'm getting his keys. That will answer that question then." Cragen didn't get more than a foot away.
"I have them."
"What?" Cragen looked confused, and upset, probably because her contact might have bad consequences if the matter came up in court. "Why?"
She pulled them out of her pocket. "Because he insisted that I take his car home this morning."
"Jesus, this is really fucked up." He shook his head as he looked through the collection of keys on the ring, finally separating one from the rest. "This one looks brand new, the cuts are still rough."
Wiping at her tears, Olivia fished her own keys out of her other pocket. "It could be his apartment, right? I mean, he just moved, you know?"
"Two months ago." Cragen's mouth pressed into a thin line as he picked through Olivia's keys, noting the newest one and comparing it to the one on Elliot's ring. "It's a perfect match." He held them up, showing Olivia, knowing she needed to see the proof, understanding she still couldn't believe it. "He must have made a copy."
Shaking, Olivia sat down again. Every single piece of evidence was concrete and pointed directly at her partner. As smart as he was, he had to be the dumbest criminal of all time.
"We've got witnesses that put him outside your door, hours before you called him. He's got a copy of the key you never gave him. You found his ring." He leaned down, lowering his voice. "I know this is difficult for you, Olivia, but the evidence is solid. Elliot did it, you told me that much yourself. We can prove it. He's not going to get away with hurting you."
His harsh words, meant to comfort, gave her the surge of energy she needed to stand up and walk around him.
"Olivia, where are you going?"
She shook her head, knowing no one was going to talk her out of it. "I have to know why. I have to talk to him."
"Olivia-"
She didn't hear his argument. She didn't care. There was only one person who could explain things to her. Throwing open the door to the interrogation room, she heard Carlisle's ardent exclamation of how Elliot's rights were being violated. And Olivia didn't give a damn.
"I want to talk to him." The adrenaline that had sent her storming in there was gone, reduced to a constant trembling she couldn't hide.
Carlisle looked between her and Elliot, who'd jumped to his feet as soon as she walked in. She held her hand up to stop him from saying a word. "You're Benson, right?" She didn't wait for an answer. "You'll get your chance in court. Get the hell out."
Elliot stepped forward, around the table, around Carlisle's outstretched arm. "Liv, what the hell is going on?"
Carlisle moved too, stepping in front of Elliot before he could get any closer to Olivia. "This is a really bad idea, Elliot."
He glanced at her momentarily, but his eyes quickly returned to Olivia's. "I want to talk to her."
"Ok. You want to hang yourself, go ahead." She gathered her papers and shoved them roughly into her bag, sitting down heavily and crossing her arms over her chest.
Olivia was mesmerized by Elliot's face, by the display of emotion she wanted to believe was real. He looked so grateful, so relieved, so happy to see her. But Olivia didn't know what to make of him, not really. She looked at Carlisle. "I want to talk to him alone."
Carlisle laughed, an angry, mock laugh. "No chance in hell."
Elliot turned on her, his eyes dark and threatening. "Go."
With a sharp glare and a sigh, she stood, grabbing her briefcase. "Fine. I'm sure you're not going to listen to me when I tell you not to say anything to her, but I'm saying it anyway, just so I don't get disbarred." She moved between Elliot and Olivia. "Keep your mouth shut and maybe, just maybe, you'll keep your freedom. I'll see you at arraignment tomorrow then." Then she was gone, slamming the door behind her.