Part Sixteen
There was no time to study her surroundings and pick a direction. She'd aimed for his upper chest, a move designed to throw him off balance and get him out of her way. Had she struck lower, she might have broken some ribs, which would definitely have slowed him down, but he also likely would have doubled over into the van, blocking her exit.
She heard him cursing up a storm and knew he was on his feet, chasing after her. The bright blue of her coat seemed to glow in the dingy light from the gas station sign and Olivia cursed Jeb's Foreign and Domestic for leaving his damn light on. But there were trees up ahead, dark and thick, hopefully enough to lose Elliot in. He wouldn't give up easily, she knew, but she figured she was more desperate and therefore might outlast him. Maybe she could hide in the darkness, wait out morning, run for it, whatever it might be, at first light.
"Jesus fucking Christ, Olivia! What the hell are you trying to do?"
Hiding was her only option. He was faster and taller than her on a good day. Apparently doubly so when running in over a foot of snow. Her fucking parka and boots had been purchased because she hated being cold, not because they helped her move faster. She could hear from his curses that he was getting closer.
Desperation gave her extra strength, allowing her a burst of speed, making her feel light as a feather as she dashed toward the promising darkness.
His body came down on her like a fucking ton of bricks. A heavy fucking ton of heavy fucking bricks. Maybe two tons. A trick he'd probably learned in his high school football days. She tried to fight, wrestling him as best she could, but the fall had once again stolen the breath from her lungs. As soon as he flipped her onto her back, he grabbed the length of chain between the cuffs, yanking her hands and arms up and over her head.
She looked up at him in the low light, seeing her partner's fierce rage reflecting in the depths of his eyes. His body was once again straddling her, his weight centered above her. That was it, she knew, she'd forced his hand. He was going to have to rape her or kill her there, where Jeb and his staff might find her. She took in what breath she could and let out the loudest fucking scream she'd ever heard. At least it sounded that way to her.
He didn't much like it. Holding her arms over her head with one hand, his other came down and clamped over her mouth. "What the fuck are you trying to do? Do you think you're going to survive out here for long? Look around, Olivia, there's no one here!"
She was crying again, sobbing, half blind from tears. She didn't need to look around. They were surrounded by snow that revealed no one had been around for a very long time. The silence spoke volumes as well.
He leaned down, shifting his hand from her mouth to below her chin, holding her face still as he forced her to look at him. "Where the fuck are you running to? Do you even know which direction civilization is in?"
Unable to think of anything else to do, she struggled beneath him and tried to pull her hands free. "Please! Please let me go, I won't tell anyone. I swear. I won't tell anyone what you did. I'll tell Cragen I made the whole thing up. Please just don't rape me!"
His hand released her chin, moving down to grab her coat at the throat, pulling it and her head up toward him, toward his face that was so full of fury she was surprised it hadn't melted the fucking snow. "I gave up everything for you! You think I'm ever going back to the NYPD again? I lost my job, my pension, my family, I'll probably never see my kids again, all because of you! Everything, Olivia, you cost me everything! And I didn't care! I just wanted to fucking protect you!"
The tears in his eyes, the way his voice started to crack as he yelled, made her wonder which one of them was nuts after all.
"You want to run away? Go ahead. Good luck. To hell with you!"
His weight shifted off her, leaving her ice cold immediately without the heat from his body. His shadow crossed over her and then she heard him stomping through the snow, the sound getting softer as he got further away. And she was terrified. She didn't know which way to go, he'd been right about that. She knew of all the places someone might look for her, Jeb's Foreign and Domestic wasn't on the list. The bedraggled appearance of the station she'd barely seen as she tore past it didn't really leave her with much hope that Jeb was coming back any time soon, let alone soon enough for her not to be frozen stiff.
Shakily, she pulled herself into a sitting position and twisted around to look for Elliot. She fucking hated him, at least part of her did, but he and that van seemed as close to home as she was going to get for a very long time. She wasn't sure she wanted to watch the taillights disappear into the distance, carrying him away from her.
He was pacing behind the van, his hands on his hips, his breath visible as he stared up at the sky. She wondered if he was praying, maybe seeking guidance, maybe trying to decide what to do with her. His words echoed in the silence, his voice so loud in her head that she couldn't ignore it. She'd cost him his job, his family. She hadn't; he'd been the one to stalk her. But again, he'd been screaming his persistent claim of innocence at her, his patience worn thin because she was fighting him while he was trying to help her.
At least he hadn't driven off yet.
She heard him mutter something as he sat down in the back of the van. It crossed her mind that he was going to find the duct tape and ensure her compliance for the duration. Instead he just sat there, his face dropped into his hands, his elbows resting on his legs. It seemed that he really didn't care if she ran off.
She didn't know what to do with that. She told herself that if he was truly so desperate to take care of her, to keep her safe, he could hardly let her traipse off into the woods. Of course, if he was really out to rape and kill her, it would hardly serve his purposes to let her go. Either way, it seemed like he should have insisted that she come back with him.
Sniffling, she found herself hoping he was going to come back for her because she didn't think she could bear the pain of walking back to him and having him reject her.
Call her Patty fucking Hearst, but she didn't want him to leave her.
Her heart soared when he looked back at her. He stood and slowly started making his way to her. But rather than grabbing her and dragging her back to the van, he squatted down in the snow until they were at eye level and held her stare.
"You said you'd never stop trusting me, Olivia. Remember?"
She shivered, telling herself it was more from the cold water seeping into her pants than from the intense way his eyes held hers.
"Now's the time to prove it."
She nodded, trying to swallow back her tears. "Please don't leave me here."
"I had no intention of leaving you here. You're the one who decided to run off." He stood up, reaching down, waiting for her to give him her hands. "Come on, you must be freezing."
Uncertain, but thinking a fairly large portion of her sanity had abandoned her for good, she lifted her hands and let him help her to her feet. As soon as she was standing, he moved again, his arms locking around her, pulling her as close as the layers between them would allow. She froze in shock, her mind reeling with the possibility that he was really was going to hurt her after all. But rather than hurting her, he just stood there, her hands and arms sandwiched between their bodies, his face pressed against hers. His breath grazed her ear, causing another shudder to rip through her body, assuring her head that her body, as well as her heart, was on his side. After a moment, his hand moved to the back of her head, his fingers slipping through her hair. Unable to stop herself, she turned toward him, her head moving forward, her face pressing against his neck.
"God, Liv," his groan was lost as he ducked down, catching her lips with his.
She didn't know, couldn't understand, what she was doing as she opened her mouth, letting his tongue invade. As his mouth worked against hers, she felt her body responding, not to the man who'd kidnapped her, not to the man who'd tried to rape her, but to the man she'd loved in secret for years. For a brief moment, the ideas meshed in her mind, the man she was kissing was the man she'd loved in secret for years and the man who'd tried to rape her as well. She felt herself shaking, honestly unsure if it was fear or desire.
He pulled back immediately; his eyes wide, his mouth hanging open. And before she knew it, he'd backed up several steps as though she was the one to be afraid of.
"Did you really need the bathroom or were you just hoping to run off?"
Embarrassed, she shrugged. "Both, I guess."
He nodded past her shoulder. "Go ahead." He started back to the van, leaving her standing there, but he turned back halfway. "Wait, why don't you put on something dry?"
The fact that she'd been sitting in snow had not entirely escaped her, but when she looked down at her soaked pants, she suddenly started to feel the chill. The energy which allowed her to sprint through the nearly knee deep snow was gone, leaving her to trudge back to the van with heavy, tired legs.
Elliot was holding the bag he'd asked her to pack, offering it to her. There wasn't much about the whole thing that didn't strike her as odd, but somehow, the fact that he hadn't taken out a pair of pants for her really bugged her. He was the man that, by all accounts except his own, had invaded her privacy, stolen her clothes, tried to rape her. He'd just had his tongue in her mouth, for god's sake. And there he was, seemingly uncomfortable at the idea of touching her clothes without her permission. Without a fucking clue what was really going on, she took out a pair of jeans and headed, unsupervised, for the grimy bathroom behind the door that wouldn't quite shut.
He was waiting for her when she returned, nodding toward the passenger side of the van. "Tell me you're not going to jump out of the damn van while I'm driving."
She shook her head, exhausted even though she'd had hours to sleep thanks to Pharmacist Elliot. She climbed into the seat once he opened the door.
He leaned over her, hooking the seatbelt through her cuffed arms so she couldn't jump out if she wanted to. He shrugged at her questioning stare. "I asked you to trust me. I didn't say shit about trust you."
She leaned her head back against the head rest and let sleep come.