CHAPTER FOUR:

"So I guess this is the place."

Nagisa, Rei and Haru looked from the message Gou had texted Nagisa with. They looked up at the apartment before looking back down on the message. They all wanted to make sure they were at the right place. With some confidence that they were indeed in the right place, Rei knocked on the door hoping that the person that would answer it will be Gou. A few rings later Gou answered the door with wearing casual clothing with her hair tied up into a bun.

"Glad to see you boys could make it."

"Of course we'll come help Gou out!" Nagisa cheered as he went to give a light embrace to her.

Rei lifted up his glasses to the bridge of his nose. "If there is a chance where I don't have Nagisa clinging on me like a lost child, I will take that opportunity gladly."

Gou gave off a light chuckle, not sure to take what Rei said as a compliment or not. Soon she turned to Haru who was silent at ever. He looked like he was in deep in his own thoughts before noticing she was looking at him. Haruka gave a small smile and wave in response.

"Glad to see you're here too."

"You did so much for me. It's only fair."

His words made her heart race a little but Gou thought little of it. She turned back to Rei and Nagisa and with a determined look on her face she placed her hands on her waist.

"Let's get some house cleaning done!" She cheered as she fist pumped into the air.

Haruka sighed. "I thought we were here to help you move into his new place, but sure, whatever."

It took nearly the whole day to help sort and unpack Gou's things. There were constant conversations happening all over the place so unpacking the towers of boxes in the rooms didn't really felt that bad. There were also huge black plastic garbage bags that was filled with crumpled up or ripped newspaper that were used to wrap up any fragile items.

The sun began to set when Nagisa suggested to idea to eat. Haruka offered to cook for them all but with all the glares he received in response told him that they weren't up for that. In the end, after ten minutes of discussing the idea of ordering pizza was established. The laughter from all of them filled up the emptiness of the apartment as they retold their old stories from high school and even the stories where Haru had already graduated. In return Haru talked about life in Tokyo and how hard training could be at times.

As much Haru wanted to share all the funny stories he had with Makoto he knew now wasn't the time to share them. It was a shame because he knew they would laugh or tease him or Makoto about it.

"Alright then, we got to get going." Nagisa yawned and stretched his arms into the air.

Rei pushed his boyfriend's arms down. "Please cover your mouth when you yawn." Rei sometimes he felt he was Nagisa's mother than partner.

As Rei slowly dragged his boyfriend from the apartment Gou sighed and took a sigh of relief as she closed the door behind her. She had forgotten how much hard work moving into a new place could be. She looked at Haruka who closed the lid of the pizza box before he noticed Gou was staring at him.

"Did you want some?" He offered the box to her.

With her hand up, "I'm full thanks."

"Alright." And with that the swimmer headed his way to the kitchen as Gou looked around her apartment.

She smiled at how well it looked for only been unpacking for a few days in. She soon could smell the sweet aroma of tea as she slumped into her sofa. With the coffee table only inches from her, she stretched to reach the remote to only be blocked up two mugs filled with hot tea.

"Why aren't you leaving yet?" Gou asked as she made room for Haru to sit beside her. A few seconds had passed before Gou remembered why. "Ah…crap. Sorry Haru."

Blowing into his hot drink. "It's fine." He muttered before taking a sip. "Anyway I came to let you know that I'm planning to end things between me and your brother."

Gou felt a little disappointed hearing the news as she rested her head on the arm of her couch. "It's sad to hear that but if that is what makes you happy Haru then I'm in no right to stop you."

"Thank you. It means a lot coming from you."

Minutes flew by as Gou closed her eyes for a moment before hearing the small drops of rain echo from outside. It felt relaxing to listen to it and let her whole body shut down before she remembered the tea that Haru had made for her was going cold. She sat upright and reached over for her drink before noticing Haruka was lost in his thoughts again.

"Haruka?" Gou began. "Your marriage with Rin…was the cheating stuff the main reason why you're going to divorce him?"

Haruka put his empty mug onto the coffee table and turned to face Gou. "Remember Saito?"

Gou's face went grim at hearing the boy's name again. She smiled at remembering her little nephew. Her heart jumped at the news after hearing her brother and Rin were going to adopt a little boy. She was so happy for them and could already imagine the crazy things and gifts she was going to give to him. It was funny that when she finally met him a few days later she noticed how beautiful his blue eyes were and how red his hair was.

He was only five when they met. That little boy could put a smile on anybody's face. It had now been years since she had heard his name or even bothered to look at a photo of him.

"Yes." Gou looked away for a moment. "He was such a sweet kid."

Keeping himself together in front of his sister-in-law. "Well things were rough when Saito died. I think losing Saito caused Rin to cheat on me as a way to deal with his loss."

The young woman didn't want to remember the day of the funeral of her little nephew. Saito was eight at this point when she watched them place that infamous white blanket over the boy's body. She could only watch from the entrance of the room as she saw her older brother clinging onto Haru for support. Haruka was too quite that it didn't feel right and her brother was just screaming for Saito to come back.

The boy was only eight. Why did the cruel faith of life decided to say that was enough for him? It had now been a year since they lost him yet the pain still felt too real.

"I loved your brother so much; even more when we got married. Then when Rin suggested the idea to adopt I couldn't help but already imagine teaching him or her to swim." Haruka smiled at that idea before continuing on. "But with Saito in our lives I couldn't be with him or Rin as much as I wanted due to my training for the last Games. I was training hard for the three of us but when I noticed that Saito didn't want to hang around with me anymore I knew I was doing something wrong."

"…Haruka." Gou muttered as she held her warm drink in her hands. She didn't know where to even start her sentence. Soon Haruka just kept on going.

"Every time I got back home I noticed that Rin didn't want to hang with me anymore due to how I was putting my training in front of him and Saito. So to fix that, I planned to take a whole month off and have the three of us go camping."

Gou remember the phone conversation she had with Rin about how annoyed he was with Haruka always out with his training. He understood him of course because he was a professional swimmer himself but he didn't adopt Saito to raise him by himself. He needed both his fathers by his side.

"And everything was working. I felt Rin wanted me again and Saito was warming up to me again but things started to happen. During the whole trip Saito was getting these horrible headaches. At first we thought it was because he was tired but they were getting too intense that he was screaming and couldn't sleep at night. When we came back we discovered that…"

"Saito had brain cancer." Gou cut in.

Haruka closed his eyes to take in a minute to rest. "Yeah."

It didn't take long for Haruka to start crying from retelling the ordeal of losing his son. Gou scooted in closer to help comfort her brother-in-law.

"And we needed to give him an operation to save him. But because he was a child it was so risky. If Saito ever survived it there was a chance he wouldn't be the same boy we all loved. Rin was too devastated to make a call so I made the decision to go through with the operation even with the risks."

By telling the story to Gou Haru's body started to slid sideways as his head rested on her shoulder. Gou didn't mind it as she wanted to do anything she can to lift the burden from Haruka's shoulders.

"But Saito didn't make it from the complications and things went sour from there. Rin didn't talk to me nearly at all, we were never home at the same time and we hardly ate dinner at the table together. We reached the point where we didn't share the same bed for months."

"So why didn't you tell any of this to me earlier?" Gou rubbed Haruka's back to help him calm down.

"It never came across my mind. I was too destroyed to talk to anyone. Even talking to my parents about it would just make me feel more upset than I needed to be."

Haru turned in his spot to where his forehead was resting on Gou's shoulders as he found the sudden urge to hug her. It didn't take long for him to burst into tears as he continued to cry into her shoulder and held her a little more tightly. Lost and unsure what to say Gou continued to rub his back.

"Did Saito die because I was a hopeless father and useless husband?!" Haruka screamed, clearly irritated with the way he acted when Saito was still alive. "Is this my punishment?!"

Haruka's tears kept on pouring as Gou held Haruka back. "This isn't your fault Haru! You did all that training and work for them so you could all live together and give Saito a bright future!"

"Then why was he taken from us?!" Haruka still refused to look Gou in the eyes. He instead lifted his face where his chin was now resting on her shoulder.

"I wish I knew Haru!" Gou finally snapped back. "Now please stop blaming yourself for Saito's death. You did what was best for him. You call the operation because you wanted him to live. You went off to work to give the things Saito needed in life. You had a son with my brother to be happy!"

Haruka lifted himself away from Gou and saw she was starting to cry as well.

"That's like saying Makoto cheating on me was some sort of punishment for me for being a horrible person as well."

Stunned, "Gou you know that that isn't true-"

"Then the same principle lies with you! Why do you believe all of this is all punishment for being happy and doing what was right to save your son's life? Any parent would risk the chance to do anything to save their child because it's better than doing nothing at all!"

Haruka wondered how Gou could always find a way to talk some sense to him. Was it because they were both handed an unlucky hand from the gods of life or was there something more? Was it the comfort of a friend that only she could give him that even his parents nor husband could provide for him?

What kind of influence did this red head woman have over him that could make him open up like this?

"You fought to keep Saito alive. You fought to keep your marriage intact with my brother until the very end. It's just sometimes we don't always win that battle but that doesn't mean we were wrong to believe otherwise."

Her dazzling ruby eyes, her wonderful long locks of red hair and her charming smile and her cute laughter. Haru knew all these signs as he felt them before for a certain man. He pressed tightly on her shoulders as he tried to clear his thoughts of Gou in his mind. His heart was racing much faster than he wanted it too.

He wanted his heart to stop with these crazy feelings. He wasn't ready yet his body craved for her warm embraces and her comfort. He started to pull himself from her and looked away before feeling Gou had reached out for his hand.

"Are you sure your okay now?"

He shifted his eyes from staring on the floor to the dazzling ruby eyes Gou hand. Without even knowing it his fingers intertwined with Gou's as he held her hand tight. Somehow Gou's fingers replied and intertwined and soon their hands were locked. Still with only a few centimeters apart he moved his body close enough that he could hear the beating of her heart beating like crazy. He felt something strange in him; telling him to move closer to her face before his mind finally spoke and pulled his face away from Gou's.

He slipped his hand away from her. "Sorry." Haruka tried to cover up his embarrassed face with the back of his hand. "I-I'll head off now."

Gou nodded as she watched Haruka make his way away from her. Just watching him leave was already giving her heart quite the heartache.

"Come on Gou. The water isn't ankle deep yet." Haruka yelled.

The professional swimmer watched as he tried hard not to laugh. Gou was only a few steps away from him. He watched on from the deep end as Gou was standing by the water. The water was just hovering above her ankles yet her body was frozen in fear. Haruka couldn't help but laugh at the scared look all over Gou's face.

"This isn't funny Haru!" Gou yelled as she threw a small sea shell at him. "This is scary stuff!"

Having his fun Haru swam over to her and stood up onto his feet. He flicked his hair a few times to get water out of it before looking at Gou. He could see her face went red for a moment before looking away.

Ignoring her flustered face, "Do I need to hold your hand again?"

Quiet for a moment. "Well you carried me on your back last time." Gou corrected.

"Anyway you won't drown. You got those remember?" Haruka pointed at the floaters wrapped around Gou's arms. "They'll keep you safe alongside your life jacket."

"Still it feels weird that these small things are going to prevent me from ending up at the bottom of the ocean." Gou looked disheartened at her yellow floaters wrapped on her arms, poking them lightly.

Haruka offered his hands to Gou. "Then let me help."

The lingering thought of Haruka nearly kissing her crossed her mind as she looked at his hands. The way their fingers intertwined came back to her as Gou could feel her face heat up once again. But as much her mind told her not dwell into those thoughts no longer her body craved for his touch again. So without anymore hesitation Gou reached for the swimmer's hands and held them tight as Haruka slowly started to move backwards.

Gou felt her body was ready to freeze up on her the deeper Haruka walked. She could feel the water rise up to her knees, then her waist and slowly up past her breasts. Haru could feel the woman's nerves due to how tight she was holding onto his hands.

Soon it reached to the point where Gou's feet were barely touching the sand. "I think I should head back now."Gou started to struggle as she wanted to head back to shore.

"Stay."

Glancing back Gou felt her body suddenly being pulled forward and soon she was into the arms of Haru. Her mind was running a million miles an hour trying to think of anything to say.

"Just hold onto me."

"A-Alright." The woman stuttered as she secured her grip on Haruka.

She looked around and could see the whole sea and the many islands in the distance. The view was great from where their standing and even the view of seeing the shore was great too. But the only thing Haru was looking at was the nervous woman in his arms. It soon didn't take too long for Gou to notice him staring.

"Gou?"

"Yes?"

Confused at why Haruka suddenly called her name Gou went back to looked at the water around her and noticed how clear it was. Having the feeling that she was still watched she looked back up at Haruka and noticed how red his face was at. She felt his arms around her tighten before feeling his face locking up at her and their lips colliding.

The sudden kiss was passionate and sweet. Instead of pulling away like she should have done she raised her arms from holding on Haru's waist and placed them over his shoulders. Their tongues touching as the heat of their kiss went on.

But it was Haru that suddenly stopped and pull away from Gou. With a flustered face we walked to more shallow water and dropped Gou down. Her cheeks were nearly as red as her hair.

"I'm sorry." Haruka nervously spoke as he avoided any eye contact with the woman. He turned on the spot and headed towards the ocean before feeling Gou stopping him by walking in front of him. Her arms spread out wide to stop him from going any further.

"I'm sorry too." She replied.

Confused. "For what? I'm…the one that kissed you."

"But I didn't hold back." Gou put her arms down. "Haru…that kissed meant something, didn't it?"

More embarrassed that he was before, he nodded. "I've grown to like you a lot Gou." Lost for words the woman let Haru talk more. "I thought this was just a crush but I think I'm passed that point now."

The woman in front of him was confused. It was so clear during high school that Haruka never once had any interest in girls. She heard from Nagisa that Haru's first love was a god damn waterfall and if he was asked who he would date if he was a girl, he boldly said Makoto. He even married his brother years later. So when did he start liking women? It was so out of the blue.

"I didn't think this would happen. I've never had interest in women before and you know that." Haruka sighed. "But the more time we spent together I started I really like looking at you. I like the way your hair compliments your figure and your eyes. Also I find it funny that you still fan girl over muscles after all these years." Gou noticed a soft smile crept across Haru's face. "You make me feel happy Gou. Like really happy to the point that maybe it won't be that impossible to make you mine."

"I…I didn't see this coming." Gou blushed at Haruka's wonderful words. "Haruka…"

Haruka bowed his head as a form of apology. "I'm sorry for saying all of these things to you or kissing you like that all of a sudden. I know you're still hurt from Makoto and so am I with Rin. Maybe what I'm feeling is just a stupid little crush…oh…I don't know." Haruka muttered towards the end of his sentence. "All of this doesn't make any sense."

The swimmer soon heard Gou laughing softly before bursting into hard laughter. He wanted to get mad at her but he just couldn't find it in him to hate her, after admitting to her and himself that he indeed was interested in her.

"Oh Haruka, you're so cute." She laughed. "You never were the one that was good at planning. That was always my job." She smiled. "But if it makes you feel any better I'll admit it that I am starting to get interested in you. But I'm worried that we are using each other as rebounds and I don't want to treat you or make you feel that way."

Feeling a little better after hearing what Gou said Haruka reached for her hand slowly. He paused a few moments before fully committing to it. He held her fingertips lightly.

"Then I'll prove it." Haruka spoke, surprisingly confidently. "I promise I won't make any moves until I settle things with Rin first. I won't make you feel like a rebound or anything like that."

Holding onto his finger tips as well, "You've changed a lot you know." She joked.

Nodding, "Yeah, this caught me off guard as well."

Rin noticed the bright head lights that poured from his living room window before looking at the wall clock in the room. It was just past 10pm which was an unusual time for Haruka to be out. As swimmers he knew how early their training could start at so staying past ten on a weekday was signing anyone up a grueling day. Putting his tablet down, he opened the door and watched from the distance and noticed his sister's car and Haruka walking out from it.

He caught a glance of his smile and how he was laughing so carefree like he use to be with him. He hated how only his sister and their close group of friends were able to see it now after what he did to him. Rin crossed his arms, hating to admit that he probably deserved anything he got now from Haruka. After cheating on a man that had only be faithful for nine years Haruka didn't need to get anymore bullshit heading his way. He deserved to be happy.

But was that path to happiness involve him with Haru still? Could Haruka be happy with him still after cheating on him? Did he even deserve that kindness from him again?

Soon the sound of the ignition rumbled in the air and the bright headlights from Gou's car faded away into the darkness of the night. Rin watched his husband smile and wave to his little sister before noticing him. He smile quickly vanished as soon his eyes met his husband as he slowly walked up to the front door.

"So where have you been?" Rin asked as soon his husband reached the door. He took a few steps back to let Haruka in, still waiting his answer from him.

His husband dropped his bag onto the coffee table with his back facing him. "So, you're my mother now?"

"I'm your husband Haru." Rin reminded.

Haruka nearly wanted to choke after hearing those words from him. "Yes you were, for the last nine years of my life."

Rin felt like his heart dropped. But he should have expected this. He hated himself otherwise of thinking that Haruka would change his mind on it.

"So…after all this time…"

Rin watched as Haruka walked into the kitchen as he watched on.

Pouring himself a glass of water into a hard plastic cup. "I tried Rin. You know that." Haruka was still avoiding looking at his husband. He could see his hands were shaking as he poured the water into his glass before he just gave way. "I tried…I tried…" He muttered over and over again as he put the jug of water down onto the table.

"Haruka please, maybe there is another way. Maybe I should move out to my mother's now that Gou has a place of her own to stay and-" Rin stopped as soon he noticed Haruka was starting to cry. It was a rare gesture he did as half the time he was emotionless and quiet.

"I want to love you again but I can't. I've tried. Anytime you come close to me I keep of thinking that Sosuke touching you instead, his lips on yours and not mine!" He yelled as he slammed his fists onto the table. "But it's my fault that you started looking at him. I mean maybe if I spent one less day at work then maybe I would have noticed Saito's health and could have stopped that damn cancer hitting him…"

Haruka slammed the cup of water in front of him, spilling water all over the kitchen tiles. Rin raced forward a little before backing off. He admitted to himself that Haru being not home all the time was the cause of him looking somewhere else but their son getting cancer? It was never his fault or his. In fact he admired his husband's courage to call the operation even with its risks when all he could do was yell and blame the universe for their son's illness.

"Haru…Saito getting sick…was never your fault."

But Haru just kept on crying as his body slowly sunk to the floor. He remembered Gou saying similar things to him but the burden was still on his shoulders and they were so heavy. But that wasn't the only reason he couldn't love his husband anymore.

His heart was now only fueled with the desire to be with Gou and prove to her she wasn't just some rebound from his current relationship with Rin. He wanted to show her and that desire was what was keeping him hopeful that there was still some light out there in the world.

He couldn't just blurt in front of his husband that he was in love with someone else. It wouldn't make him any different to what Rin did with him with Sosuke.

"Haruka…I know you don't want to hear this but…I still love you. Please, let me show you that I want to be with you still. Let me try to fix this mess up."

Rin tried to reach his hand out to the depressed man before he felt Haruka just slap it away from him.

"You shouldn't love someone like me. You're wasting your time."

Now on his knees, "No you haven't. All you've done for me in these past nine years was being faithful and love me. I'm surprised we got this far after what I did. I can understand why you want to end things off…but having the idea that I'll be losing you for good hurts Haru." Rin sighed. "And maybe I deserve all this pain I'm getting because out of us two, I'm the horrible person here."

"You don't understand!" Haruka screamed.

"Then tell me!" Rin was getting irritated seeing Haru all upset because of him.

"You need to stop trying to love me!"

"And why not?!"

"Because I'm falling for someone else!"

Rin for a moment felt his whole heart had died on him and was now nothing but an empty shell in the inside. "…You're lying…"

Having enough of talking to Rin Haruka finally stood up and try to head out before feeling Rin holding tight onto his wrist. He tried to break free from his grasp but still felt Rin pulling back.

"You're lying so you can convince me to give up aren't you?"

Finally Haruka was able to escape from Rin's grasp of him. He refused to look his husband in the eye.

"…I'll be in the spare room."

And with those words, Haru left the scene as Rin slowly rose up from the tiles. Holding himself together he picked up the plastic cup that Haru knocked down earlier. He sighed as he began to start his search for the mop, only wishing that his problem could be easily cleaned away like water.

It must have been pass midnight when Rin decided to finally rest. But his current mood and the drama he just went with his husband made going to be alone even harder to do. He stared at the bed that was meant for two and looked away. By now he would have Haru sleeping as peacefully as he would quietly slip beside him. Sometimes it was their son Saito that would cheekily slip in between them as they slept only to wake up shocked to see him there with them.

"Those days…are really gone aren't they?"

As soon he was ready to change into a new pile of clothes he heard soft laughter from the other side of the wall.

"That's right. Haru is sleeping in the guest room again."

Rin was only able to change his shirt before his curiosity got the better of him. He walked out of the room in the hopes to see Haru one more time before bed. He noticed that the door was slightly opened and with the vision he had he could see Haruka laughing just a little. Rin tapped the door lightly to open it a little wider without causing any shock or notice.

He saw Haruka was in bed with his back facing the door. He wasn't talking but rather was listening to whoever he was talking on the other side of the phone. Rin came to the conclusion it was either Nagisa or Rei that was talking too. Satisfied, the swimmer was ready to head back when he heard Haru speak.

"He still loves me."

Due to the distance of the phone Rin couldn't pick up who his husband was talking too.

"Rin…he wants to prove to me that we still have a thing. I mean I can't blame him. Nine years isn't something you just throw away."

Still silent Rin kept on quiet.

"But…my want to be with him is gone…and I feel so horrible."

Angry muttering was heard from Haru's phone.

"I'm serious with what I said to you earlier. You're not a rebound and I'll prove it."

Controlling his emotions Rin slowly convinced himself to stay a little longer or just enough until their conversation was over at least.

"You said that too didn't you? That I'm not your rebound either? I'm hanging onto your words because I feel like it's the only thing I know that is worth holding onto."

Rin could hear laughter but was too devastated to clear out of it was a man's or not.

"Yeah, it's a little cheesy but after what we went through I don't mind it at all."

He could hear both parties laugh a little.

"Alright alright, it's late. I'll let you go. Goodnight…"

Hearing the sound of the call being disconnected Rin quietly made his way to his own room without trying to get the attention of his husband. A loud thump was heard when Rin's face crashed into his pillow. He wrapped his hands around the pillow before screaming into it. He screamed words from swear words to questioning where everything started to fall apart.

Lifting his face away he noticed he was crying. Not feeling bothered by them he closed his eyes.

"If you're going to fall in love again Haruka, please don't let it be with Gou." He begged. "Please."