PSManiac: Hello, loyal readers! It is time for chapter eleven of Multiverse Mishap. Wahoo! Sorry for being so late by several weeks, but
LittleBigPlanet is so addicting. Buy that game, it is so worth it. It's the greatest game ever. Thanks to all who suggested. Remember that if I
didn't create it, I don't own it. Enjoy!
Chapter Eleven: Rancid Acid
Billy Bob's jeep landed on a cobblestone road in a new world. The bandicoots climbed out of the jeep.
"Well, that was one of our softer landings," Crunch said.
"Yeah," Coco agreed, "Who knew that Billy Bob can actually land that thing."
"I sense that the next crystal is nearby," Aku Aku said, "But where? Where? Where is it?"
Crash pointed to something behind Aku Aku. He turned around and saw a huge building that was a huge, medieval castle with huge gears,
hoses, pipes, pulleys, smokestacks, and metal sheets covering some sections of the walls.
"Whoa," all of the bandicoots said simultaneously.
Rising out of the center of the building was a tall clock tower with an observatory at the top. Next to the building was a sign that said, "0th
School of Doom."
A banner hung over the entrance of the establishment, and it read, "School Talent Show, Today at 9 PM. Afterwards, Future Dictators of the 0th
Dimension Club Taco Party."
On the banner was a photograph of the talent show trophy, a power crystal.
"Are you guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Coco asked.
"Yeah," Billy Bob said, "I could sure go for them there tacos."
"No, I'm not thinking about the tacos!" Coco corrected, "It's the talent show. If we win, then we will get the power crystal. "
"To the school!" Aku Aku cheered as they rushed inside.
Someone watched the bandicoots enter the school from a secret surveillance camera.
"Yes," his deep voice spoke, "Go into the building, and into your doom."
Suddenly, a voice over an intercom said, "Sir, some kid puked down in the West hall."
"Same one," the mysterious person asked.
"Yep," the voice answered, "Same one."
The mysterious person drew his glowing red light saber (don't sue me, Lucas Arts) that resembled a meter stick. The glow of the light ruler
revealed that the mysterious person looked at lot like Darth Vader, except a graduation cap instead of a helmet, and a bow tie around his neck.
"As soon as I make sure the Storm Janitors clean up that Johnson kid's vomit," he announced, "You bandicoots shall meet the wrath of Darth
Teacher!"
He put away his light ruler and marched toward the sliding door. But the door didn't slide open by itself, like it was supposed to, so Darth
Teacher crashed into the door and fell on his back.
"A little help, please."
After filling out the files to become students, (I would write about that, but who would want to read about someone doing that?) Crash, Coco,
and Crunch walked to their first class. Billy Bob and Aku Aku would be with them, but Aku Aku was too old to be a student (By several eons)
and Billy Bob was too stupid to be in that school, due to his inability to count past the number two. So, those two became janitors at the
school.
"Who do we have first? Coco asked.
Crunch looked at his schedule and said, "We have Science Class in room 28 billion."
The three of them walked into class at sat at their lab table. Crash saw that a Budson Burner was set on their table. Curious, he reached out to
touch it, but Coco slapped his hand away. Crash's ears drooped and muttered something that sounded like, "Aww."
The bell rang and the class looked at the empty teacher's desk at the front of the room, wondering where their teacher could possibly be at.
"Morning, class," a voice said from behind the desk.
The owner of the voice stacked phonebooks on the teacher's chair and climbed up the stack.
When he reached the top, the bandicoot's eyes widened in shock as the parakeet teacher faced the class and said, "I am your new science
teacher, Mr. Victor."
"Sulfrix?" Cortex asked to no one in particular, "So that is what this strange world is."
He turned to Brad and Quill.
"Come to think of it," Neo said, "What are you guys doing here? You don't work for Wolfgang, do you?"
"I you must know," Quill said, "We are here to transform this barren chunk of rock into a lush, livable world. With so many worlds being
occupied by the armies of Wolfgang, land has become a rarity for us 0th Dimension dwellers."
"Like, with this new world," Brad added, "We will, like, set up a resistance against the two evil dudes and, like, free the 0th Dimension. It'll be
radical, dudes."
Suddenly, the spaceship shook violently.
"Earthquake!" N. Gin screamed girlishly.
"We're in the air, almonds for brains!" Uka Uka scolded.
"Oh," N. Gin said, "Airquake!"
Uka Uka sighed and shook his head.
"Brad, quickly!" Quill called, "Activate the blast shields!"
"Alright, dude," Brad said, unnaturally keeping his cool.
He walked over to the control panel and pressed a button. A cup holder appeared.
"Whoops," he said, "Like, where is that button?"
The ship jolted from side to side, hurling everyone else from one side of the room to the other as Brad experimented with the button.
"Ah, here we go, he said, pressing a button.
Large, metal doors covered the windows and locked themselves into place.
"Electro-shields!" Quill yelled.
"Okay, dude," Brad acknowledged.
He pressed another button and the outer hull of the ship became electrified. Something outside the ship screamed a monstrous scream and the
shaking stopped.
"Those electro-shields won't last forever," Quill stated, "We must evacuated and get to the main Sulfrix base north from here."
"Isn't the air… unhealthy?" Cortex asked.
"Don't get all worried up, dude," Brad said, "We have enough space suits for all of us."
And so, they quickly suited up in their space suits. These suits were dark green with bright blue lights and an orb-shaped bowl over the head.
Once suited up, the N- Team followed Brad and Quill to a long, steep, and dark funnel out of the ship.
"Is this the only way," Cortex asked, wondering how long the downhill slide was.
"It's the only way out without attracting too much attention," Quill said, "Just stay close by!"
He slid into the funnel with Brad following him.
"Cowabunga dudes!" Brad cheered as he slid down the chute.
Nina, N. Gin, and Tropy slid down the chute as well, leaving only Cortex and Uka Uka.
"Get sliding, box-head," Uka Uka demanded threateningly.
"You see I have this thing about long, dark, and possibly steep chutes that kind of…" Cortex began before Uka Uka pushed him down the chute
and followed a second later.
Cortex began his bout of screaming like a little girl. What else did you expect?
"Shut it, Cortex!" Uka Uka roared, "Don't be such a…"
This time it was Uka Uka who was interrupted when a metal panel below them gave way. Cortex and Uka Uka fell into another chute. The box-
headed scientist read a sign that whizzed past them.
"Super Can Opener," he read, "What does that sign mean by that?"
He looked in front of him and saw that the rest of the chute they were sliding down was filled with spinning blades.
"Oh," he said, "That."
"Now, class," Victor said, "Today, we will be learning about dark matter in the 0th Dimension."
He walked around the room as he spoke.
"According to experts," he continued, "Dark matter is everywhere, but cannot be seen. Even with a super powerful microscope, it is completely
invisible. Experts say that dark matter may be what holds all matter together. In fact, it is what keeps entire universes…"
He stopped as he walked near the bandicoot's lab table.
'Wha… uh… the… but… you… how… when?" he babbled.
He pointed to the three bandicoots and asked, "Can I talk to you three outside?"
The rest of the class giggled, thinking that the bandicoots were in trouble. Crash, Coco, and Crunch followed Victor out of the room as one kid
they passed by began humming the funeral march. When they entered the hallway, Victor shut the classroom door and turned angrily to the
bandicoots.
"What are you guys doing here?" Victor asked angrily.
"I was about to ask you the same question," Coco said.
"I am a teacher here," Victor explained, "How else am I going to fund my factories and whatnot? I mean, cash just doesn't fall out of the sky!"
"With this universe," Crunch said, "I wouldn't be surprised if money did fall out of the sky."
"That still doesn't explain why you three are here," Victor said.
"We're stuck here," Coco explained, "And we need to find crystals that might be able to bring us back home."
"Wow," Victor said, "That's quite a dilemma."
"Actually," Crunch corrected, "The last story was a dilemma. This time, it's a mishap."
"Really?"
"Yeah, just read the title!"
"Cool."
"You guys!" Coco snapped, "We have to win that talent show to get that crystal!"
"Wheeeee!" Billy Bob cheered as he whizzed past the bandicoots and Victor in a bucket with wheels.
He crashed into a row of lockers.
Billy Bob slowly stood up with the bucket on his head. He pulled the container off and smiled at the bandicoots.
"Hiya guys!" he exclaimed.
"Who are you?" Victor asked.
"No!" the bandicoots screamed, but it was too late.
Billy Bob took a big breath and said, "I'm Billy Bob Jacob John William Earnest Patrick Christopher Arthur Matthew Maxwell Alfred Oswald Joe
Richard Elizabeth Jack Kenneth Walter Liam Linus James Tomas Timothy Eric Sheen Chester Adrian Alexander Carlton Gene Weasellotti III."
"Oh," Victor said, "That's… interesting."
Aku Aku floated up, panting heavily.
"I… finally… caught… up," he breathed.
"You're here as well?" a half-surprised Victor asked.
"Yeah," Aku Aku answered.
"Halt!" a voice commanded behind them.
"They turned around and saw a fire extinguisher.
"Over here," the voice said.
They turned to the source of the voice and discovered that it was what looked like Storm Troopers, but with buckets instead of helmets and
they were armed with spray bottles of cleaning liquid.
"It's the Storm Janitors!" Victor cried, "Run for you tail feathers!"
"I'm getting out of here!" Uka Uka yelled as he began to float away.
"Wait for me!" Cortex cried as he grabbed onto Uka Uka's bones.
"I can't support this much weight, flea brain!" Uka Uka roared.
The evil mask fell face-first onto the slippery metal floor, Cortex landed on his feet on Uka Uka's back. The mask roared in pain as his face slide
across the floor. As the blades came closer, Cortex quickly used a convenient ramp, using Uka Uka as a surf board, and leapt over the spinning
blades. Uka Uka landed safely on his back.
"Whew," he sighed, "I'm sure glad that's over."
Suddenly, Cortex's feet landed right on Uka Uka's eyes.
"Gah!" the evil mask screamed, "Why did you have to wear cleats today?"
They surfed down the chute, avoiding blades along the way.
"Electro-shields, out of power," a computerized voice said.
Huge, spiky vines shot through the chute's walls. Cortex swerved around, over, and under the vines. They shot out of the chute and onto the
planet's surface, where their allies waited for them.
As they flew through the air, Uka Uka realized that it was his face that was going to be implanted into the ground.
"Not this time," he assured.
Uka Uka floated up and pushed Cortex into the ground. The mad scientist shakily stood up, brushing off any rocks off of his suit.
"That was for using my face as a surf board," Uka Uka explained.
"Nina looked up and saw that a huge, tree-like thing, but with no leaves, was attacking the ship.
"What is that thing?" she asked.
"I don't know," Quill answered, "but we have to reach the main base before that monster does."
"Let's, like, get going, dudes," Brad said as he began running.
"Brad!" Quill called as he pointed in the opposite direction, "The base is that way."
Brad stopped and said, "Oh, that's gnarly, dude."
They ran in the correct direction. The vines of the creature turned towards the retreating heroes. N. Tangle appeared on one of the vines.
"Make quick work of this ship," N. Tangle ordered, "And then stealthily follow them."
The vines threw the ship into the world's surface before it disappeared underground.
Meanwhile, the N- Team, Quill, and Brad ran through the half-molten landscape of Sulfrix.
"I think I see the base!" N. Gin called.
"N. Gin, that's a rock," Cortex corrected.
"Oh, yeah, right," N. gin said.
"The base should be over this next ridge!" Quill stated.
"You said that five ridges ago!" Tropy called.
"Is that the base?" N. Gin asked, pointing.
"I am pretty sure that's another rock!" Neo answered before he looked in the direction that N. Gin was pointing, "And that's no rock."
It was a tall, metal skyscraper with a huge metal orb at the top.
"There it is!" Quill exclaimed, "Quickly! Before the creature catches up to us, we have to get inside!"
Suddenly, the vines tore up from the ground, surrounding the N- Team.
"Evil villains!" a voice called from atop one of the vines, "And Cortex."
Cortex pouted.
"Prepare to face your doom!" the voice belonging to a person clad in a green robe of plant life, "For I am Doctor N. Tangle!"
The vine he was standing on exploded into green goo, and he fell to the ground.
"I hate that joke."
Back with the bandicoots and Victor, they were running for their lives down the school's hallways as the Storm Janitors blasted their spray
bottle lasers at them. They rounded a corner and quickly open a vent.
"In here!" exclaimed Victor, as he pointed down the chute.
The slid down and landed in several feet of garbage.
"I'll need lots of detergent after this," Coco said, lifting a banana peel off her shoulder.
Then, something in the garbage pile moved.
"There's somethin' in here!" Billy Bob called, "I'll get it!"
He whipped out his musket and began blasting into the trash heap. He stopped shooting after about ten seconds.
"Did I kill it?" he asked.
A little parakeet popped up from beneath the filth.
"Hi guys!" he greeted.
"Moritz?" Aku Aku asked, "Is that you?"
"Yep, in the feathers!" he said, "I lost my sock down here, but I don't know where it is."
"Forget about you sock!" Victor snapped, "We have to get out of here before…"
Suddenly, the walls of the room began to close in on our heroes.
"…that happens."
An hour earlier…
"Incoming transmission, sir," an Interdroid sitting at a computer in Wolfgang's base said.
"Feed it through," Wolfgang commanded.
An image of N. Tangle appeared on a huge screen.
"Who are you to dare intrude on my valuable time?" Wolfgang asked.
"I am Doctor Nepenthes Tangle," N. Tangle explained as something shattered off screen on N. Tangle's side of the transmission.
N. Tangle sighed in half boredom, half exhaustion, and half frustration. I know that equals three halves, but math doesn't matter in the 0th
Dimension!
"Anyway," N. Tangle continued, "It has come to my attention that you are in control of what formerly belonged to Doctor Nicolas Terdimensional
including the Interdroids, is this true?"
"Yeah, so?" Wolfgang asked.
"Well," said N. Tangle, "It has come to my attention that Interdroids have been building something on high-flora worlds, such as Tropica and
Gaseous. This little 'project' of yours is proven to be highly destructive toe the plants in those worlds."
"And what does that have to do with anything?" Wolfgang asked.
"You see," N. Tangle answered, "I demand that you remove all of your forces and go someplace else, or I will take brutal force."
"Never!" snarled Wolfgang, "Those locations are too important to his… I mean my plan."
"His?" N. Tangle asked, "Who is this 'he?'"
"As they would say in my second grade science class," said Wolfgang, "It's none of your beeswax."
"Hmm," N. Tangle said, "Fine then, you brought this upon yourself."
The transmission ended, and Wolfgang turned to one of the Interdroids sitting at a computer.
"Did you get a trace?" he asked.
"Yes sir," the Interdroid, Hugh, replied, "We will have a location in a few moments."
"Good," Wolfgang said, "I want everyone else to gather information on this weirdo."
N. Tangle laid back in his chair after he closed the transmission.
"Fools, relying on such useless things like technology," he said, "But my virus will make quick work of their precious technology, along with my
little surprise once they trace my transmission back here."
He laughed evilly as most evil villains do.
Next time on Crash: Multiverse Mishap…
The bandicoots and the Evil Twins must survive the crushing walls of the school's trash compactor. Also the N- Team face N. Tangle's Sulfur
Vines and meet unlikely allies. What is N. Tangle planning? Find out in Chapter Twelve: Revenge of the Math.
PSManiac: Shorter, I know, but I was running out of ideas. Reviewing is the greatest gift of all, by the way. Happy Holidays!