Karui was seriously questioning the sanity of her master at that moment. "Argh!" Her sword was like liquid in her hands, slicing through the air almost as if it had a mind of it's own as she used it to deflect the onslaught of shuriken aimed her way. To say they were in a mess would be an understatement.

She and Omoi were only chunin. There was no way they were ready for a challenge like this. Master Bee might be able to handle himself against that shark-looking guy, but even with Samui here the other shinobi was too much. It wouldn't be long before they were completely overwhelmed.

"Samui behind you!" Karui heard Omoi shout from somewhere to her left. She didn't have time to look though because she saw her opening, and managed to impale the enemy on her sword. It was only a a brief moment of victory though, before the figure disappeared in an explosion of crows and she realized she had been played.

"Dammit!" She cursed, ducking as the birds flew past her. A moment later she whirled around to see the Akatsuki member making short work of her teammates. Omoi looked unconscious and Samui was starting to falter on her feet. It was almost like the ex-leaf shinobi was taunting them. Although, Karui couldn't wrap her mind around why he would waste time messing with them when it was clear that his teammate was having a difficult time with Bee out in the woods. One would think he'd be eager to help his companion reign in the jinchuriki that was bold enough to attack them on sight (again: see Karui's questioning of her master's sanity). But no, he was here fighting them for an extended period of time when he had already proven on more than one occasion that he was capable of their total annihilation if he really wanted to kill them.

"Rah!" Karui charged, deflecting a blow that had been aimed at her leader with the side of her sword. And, in a blink of an eye, their aggressor had disappeared.

"Where'd he go?" Karui spun around, eyes scanning the clearing.

"He's not gone. On your toes, Karui." Samui ordered, also looking around the clearing. "Did you recognize him from his bingo book entry?"

"Yes. Itachi Uchiha, S-rank. Killed his family and defected from the Leaf."

"Right." Samui confirmed. "Whatever you do, don't look in his eyes."

"Okay." Karui nodded. How the hell were you supposed to fight someone you couldn't even look at?

…

Itachi regarded his enemies from a distance as they spun around, waiting for his attack. It was just his luck that a jinchuriki would jump out of the woods like a wild animal and attack them. Shouldn't he have been hiding or something? Honestly, it would have made his double-agency so much easier if this group had just stayed away. Now, he had to somehow manage to get out of this alive, with Kisame, while letting the jinchuriki escape and making the whole thing believable enough that Kisame doesn't start to suspect him of anything. Great.

What to do?

Too bad this team of three wasn't any stronger. If they were then the amount of time he spent fighting them would be more believable. If only it had been another powerful shinobi from the Cloud. But no, it was two decently skilled chunin and one wily jonin. Not enough to match him by a long shot.

Itachi could always use a genjutsu to knock them out. That might be his best bet, considering he'd already done that to their third teammate. However, then Kisame would expect him to help him take on the Bee. The jinchuriki was very powerful – more powerful than Itachi had anticipated. He believed Kisame would likely be matched by him. Was that good, was that bad? Itachi didn't know. But maybe… maybe he could convince his teammate to retreat if things got too hot.

The only way to do that would be to get himself taken out of commission somehow, because as powerful as Bee was, taking on two of the strongest members of the Akatsuki alone would end in disaster for him. As long as Itachi was up and fighting, Kisame would refuse to back down. Though, Itachi doubted the two girls down below were a believable challenge for him.

He supposed… he could knock them out with genjutsu and then pretend to get knocked out by Bee and blame it on his illness as well as exhaustion from the previous battle?

There was no better option. Kisame would retreat if he saw Itachi go down.

With that in mind, he dropped down into the middle of the clearing, mangekyo activated.

"Don't look in his eyes." The blond one hissed, her vision locked on his shoulder. Well that would make this more difficult. No matter….

Itachi charged. The battle that followed was quick, although neither of the girls would look him in the eye. That was fine, though. He could force them.

He had just taken the redhead by the chin and watched unconsciousness roll through her eyes when a presence so well-hidden he hadn't even sensed it with his superior sensory abilities cracked through the woods and kicked squarely in the shoulders, sending him tumbling into a tree. He met the blond one's eyes briefly. She looked just as surprised as he felt.

Itachi was not often surprised. He did not like the feeling. His last surprise had been a scroll labeled "S" ordering the assassination of his entire family. Surprises were never good.

The raven whirled around to meet a pair of… blank red eyes.

"UNH4ND TH3 HUM4N F3M4L3S." The voice was feminine, though loud and commanding. Her skin was gray, her black lips pulled down into a frown and two sharp black eyebrows arched down over her blank narrowed red eyes. Her black hair was chopped just above the shoulders and split by two pointed horns sticking out from the top of her head. She carried a long stick with a dragon for the head, and other than that was adorned in entirely black clothes, save for two bright red shoes and the teal zodiac sign on her shirt. Needless to say, she was unlike anyone Itachi had every encountered. And she had hidden her chakra signature so well that even he hadn't been able to detect it.

Well, Itachi had wanted a reason to make this fight last longer. This just… wasn't what he was expecting.

Itachi hated surprises. Besides, he already had a plan.

Instead of prolonging this fight, he met her eyes and did his best to cast a few genjutsus. The girl was completely unaffected which… raised many questions. No one was able to deflect a genjutsu cast by the mangekyo sharingan, unless they too possessed the same power. Itachi blinked in surprise, though his face remained completely blank.

Suddenly, the girl started sniffing the air. Like a dog. Itachi had met a lot of freaks – the Akatsuki was filled with them – but nothing could have prepared him for what happened next.

The girl's lips cracked into a shark-toothed grin while she cackled madly and attacked, breaking apart her cane to reveal two blades. Itachi had more form, was a better fighter. That was clear. But somehow the girl was always two steps ahead of him, appearing where he least expected her to. Her movements followed no fighting style he had ever learned, making them somewhat more difficult to follow with his sharingan. They danced around each other for a few minutes, when finally, with one last mad cackle, the girl got close enough to… lick his face.

Itachi took a step back. He hadn't felt this bewildered in a long time. The girl laughed, seeming to savor the taste of his skin. He repressed the urge to shiver.

"Hehehe you have cherries for eyes so delicious. I want to taste them."

She stood there, smiling like a maniac while Itachi fought to keep his composure maintained. He hadn't the slightest clue how to react to a statement like that. And the girl… she just kept smiling at him like she was waiting for a response. It was… disturbing to say the least.

Then she attacked again. He dodged several attacks and made a crow clone – which she completely ignored. Strange, most people weren't able to tell them apart. She was though. Just what was he dealing with here?

"Come on just one lick! Just a little one! You cannot keep those candy eyes hidden from me forever Mr. Fruity Liquorice Robe!"

Itachi was fazed. It took a lot to faze him. But he was thrown for a loop with this one.

Fortunately, he was saved from responding by a large blue shark breaking through the trees.

"Itachi." Kisame said. The girl stopped attacking and graced him with a toothy grin. To his credit, Kisame only stared at her for about a couple of seconds before he moved on. He was looking rather beat up. "We need to get out of here. Bee is on his way. I faked my death but he'll be back."

"I told you we should have retreated immediately. That jinchuriki is a tough one." Itachi said.

"Oooh so that's what your voice sounds like." The girl cackled some more. "Mr. Gumdrop can I please lick your eyes?"

Now Kisame was looking as thrown as he felt.

"No." Itachi said firmly. "Kisame, let's go."

"Right."

The two disappeared into the trees, the sound of insane cackling fading as they ran.

An: Sorry long note today. This week hasn't been going so well. Fucked up my knee playing flag football when I'm supposed to be running a half marathon this summer and on top of that my computer chose now to suddenly lose all of my files. Which unfortunately included what was originally going to be chapter 5, which followed Naruto, Kakashi, Guy, and Dave some more. As well as all of my started final projects and study materials (as if finals weren't already horrible enough). BUT since Homestuck just ended I HAD to post something. So I wrote you a Terezi scene I had planned for the future (LOL what's sleep?). It's not my best work because it was so rushed and also not supposed to happen yet but I wanted to put something out there. Maybe I'll go back and edit it later when I get more into Terezi's shenanigans in the new world.

Long story short there probably won't be any more updates after this one for a while. Like a month give or take.

Also I should add, Terezi is a good fighter (ya know, much echelader levels etc) but she is not God Tier so I believe Itachi would have her bested in fighting no problem. The only reason she comes out on top overall, is because (as we've seen in recent updates) her mind powers give her a substantial strategic edge in battle. She is literally able to foresee every move her opponent makes before they make it, allowing her to react accordingly and plan ahead. Also there's the fact that Itachi was trying to lose.

Anyways, speaking of Homestuck ending… (spoilers for act 7: if you haven't finished it stop reading now)

GUYS its OVER. Low key thought we were going to see Dave deal the final blow by pushing LE down some stairs/wished we got to see how the fight ended but I actually really like how open-ended the conclusion was at the same time. That animation was badass.

(Although I have to say the genesis frog going into skaia looked weirdly reminiscent to fertilization. I died of laughter when I realized this and then had to start it over.) And then lost it at the "Thanks for Playing" :'(

Sincerely,

Advising against flag football