Part Thirty-Four

Cragen situated himself in his chair, frowning unhappily at some paperwork in front of him. Olivia had the impression he was trying very hard not to look at her, and the sick, guilty feeling reemerged, taking its place in her gut, twisting her stomach in knots while whispering to her that Cragen, like everyone else, knew precisely what she and Elliot had been up to at the cabin.

She swallowed hard and glanced at Elliot, hoping to at least share the miserable feeling and the unbearable knowledge that they were about to get blasted, possibly fired for their behavior. But Elliot wasn't looking at her. Elliot, who'd apparently completely forgotten about their extracurricular activities, was still grimacing at the floor, muttering to himself about being a failure as a father.

She suspected that she would somehow wind up assuming the blame for having run off and slept with her partner when she'd really been about the last to blame. Blame Elliot for dragging her off at gunpoint. Blame Dickie for confusing the issue of Elliot's trustworthiness. Blame Richard White for coming after her in the first place. Fuck, blame Cragen for introducing them. Of anyone, Olivia believed she was the least responsible.

Although, when she thought about it, it was abundantly clear in her memory that she'd been the one to crawl on top of him. He'd been perfectly within his typical ass-backwards behavior, trying to protect someone he was worried about without giving a single thought to what might happen. And she knew, despite his terrified screams in the throws of his nightmares, he would have spent that night alone on his side of the bed without daring to touch her. He'd been in control and rational since he'd stopped taking those pills; he hadn't had any memory lapses either.

Even when he'd been taking them, he'd been impaired, his inhibitions lowered further than they ever normally would have been, but he hadn't crossed that line. When he had made advances, she couldn't be sure where those evenings would have ended if left up to him. The first night they'd been at the cabin, he'd turned her away. She couldn't swear he wouldn't have wound up doing the same thing those other times, when she'd thought he was drunk. It was entirely possible that he would have gotten control of himself and walked away on his own.

He was just Elliot, fucked up and confused and determined to do whatever he was determined to do at any given moment.

She couldn't blame him for thinking she was out of her mind. She wasn't, but she easily understood why she might look that way to Elliot. She certainly seemed to be acting that way. She knew what she felt for him, had finally identified what was at the heart of how he was able to make her so crazy. Unfortunately, that startling revelation had come at the tail end of a ridiculously stressful period that truly tested the bond between them. Before she realized what she shared with him, she had to question him, his integrity, his honesty. And the poor man hadn't been privy to any of the thoughts or revelations she'd had.

He'd only watched his partner turn her back on him, only to change her mind and have sex with him, leading him to firmly believe she was either playing him or she was losing it. She was starting to think she ought to be thankful that Richard White had come after her. She didn't want him out killing people, particularly not herself, but if he hadn't reappeared, she and Elliot never would have wound up in that cabin. Judging from past experience, without White's intervention, she might never have even found out that Elliot and Kathy were getting a divorce.

Although, according to Kathy, Elliot had left her for another woman, and according to Elliot, the other woman was Olivia herself, therefore it stood to reason that Elliot would possibly, probably, told her. Eventually.

With a dejected sigh, she realized she was back at square one. It took all the courage she could muster up to look at her boss without blushing. "How did that fucker get released?"

Cragen's sigh echoed hers as he slapped the top file closed and shoved it to the side, causing a cascade of papers and forms to spill out of the sloppy pile. He glanced at it for a second as though he was contemplating tidying them back up, but in the end, he leaned back against his chair and folded his arms over his chest. "Apparently, some months back, Richard White contacted Greyleck claiming to have information regarding a string of particularly violent rapes being committed by a gang in Rikers. He was looking for a deal, after serving almost ten years as a model prisoner."

Elliot woke up from his previous fixation, his face once again red with anger. "Ten years? The bastard's a murderer."

Cragen nodded, his face conveying his agreement. "We all know he's a murderer, but he never confessed to killing Karen Fitzgerald. At trial, he admitted that he'd raped her, but swore up one end and down the other that he didn't kill her. The witness who saw him at Louise Billings' apartment refused to testify because White knew where he lived, so the DA never felt there was enough evidence to try him for her murder. The jury only found him guilty of manslaughter for Fitzgerald."

Shaking his head, Elliot glanced at Olivia before sighing. "Shit, we're lucky he was away for ten years." His hands balled into fists in his lap and Olivia could almost feel how badly he wanted to hit something or, more likely, someone. "He admitted to the rape. It should have been a slam dunk that the son of a bitch at least rot in prison. What fucking jury would have believed his bullshit?"

Olivia could remember quite well the wide smile White had turned on them when they'd met in his office. She and Elliot hadn't fallen for it, but most others had, at least at first. "He was a charmer, Elliot, remember?"

He snorted and folded his arms, suddenly reminding Olivia of a petulant child who hadn't gotten his way. "You mean some asshole on the jury was a complete sucker."

Cragen shoved at his papers again, taking out his anger on the only thing available. "More to the point, Greyleck, being the crusader that she is," Cragen's mouth contorted around the words as if he really had to force them to come out. "Well, stopping prison rapes is one of her things, so, there you go."

"I don't believe it." Olivia shook her head like it might help the facts settle into place. "She let him out? He raped and murdered an ADA. What the hell is wrong with her?"

"I intend to ask her that, that is, of course, if the DA's office ever makes her available." Cragen gave his phone a withering look as though it had been the one to lie to him. "Ever since word leaked out about what happened, Greyleck's been very, very busy and completely unreachable. The DA assured me that, misplaced loyalties aside, we should not be holding Greyleck accountable for the actions of an obsessed murderer."

Elliot stood up with a burst of energy he couldn't hold back. "And just who the fuck can we hold accountable? He certainly wasn't in a position to attack Olivia while he was behind bars, was he?"

Between the tension rolling off Elliot in waves and her nerves, the unexpected knock at the door behind her nearly scared Olivia to death. She counted herself lucky that she'd been able to bite back the shriek of terror she'd felt welling up in her throat. Instead, her instincts told her that she was in danger and to seek safety.

Much to her chagrin, her instincts had directed her to practically jump into Elliot's arms in front of her boss and a slightly bemused Fin. If that embarrassment wasn't enough to kill her, Elliot had to open his mouth and draw attention to her actions.

"The ribs," he hissed. "Watch the ribs!"

Feeling somewhat betrayed by her partner's sudden lack of protective behavior, she scowled and stepped ever so slightly to the side in a pathetic, futile attempt to make the others think that she'd only meant to get up, not to cling to Elliot.

Cragen, who was being quite the gentleman about pretending that he noticed nothing amiss, cleared his throat and addressed Fin. "Something new?"

"I sent some uniforms to check out Kimberly Phillips' apartment, White's old house, a bunch of old addresses I found in the Fitzgerald file."

"Cut to the chase, Fin." Cragen, for all his pretending, was rather eager for a reason to get away from any more he might have to ignore. "What have you got?"

"Uniforms found a jimmied basement door at Louise Billing's old place. Said there was an odd smell too, but we warned them off. I told them to wait for us, figured if White's there he might have the place rigged or something."

Olivia barely heard half of what Fin was saying. Years of experience taught her that what most people described as "an odd smell" turned out to be a decaying body; but she knew the uniforms would have recognized that smell. It wasn't one that a person could forget. Regardless, she felt a lump in her throat forming, wondering how many had already died because White was after her. Not only that, but she wondered how many more might die as well. She didn't intend to be one of them.

"Let's go." She was halfway to the door before she heard Elliot's voice.

"No way, Olivia, that's exactly what he wants. It's too dangerous." And there he was, the scared, caring man she'd glimpsed, the very same one who'd run off and hid, leaving her to reason with her unreasonable partner.

She still wanted to slap him. For running hot and cold on her. For not listening, not trusting her. For bringing her back to face the danger he then proceeded to warn her against facing. She turned back, her eyes firm and resolved. "I'm not going to run from him for the rest of my life."

"You go after him and the rest of your life might not be that long." His voice was loud, angry, but, Olivia realized with a bit of a shock, he wasn't trying to hide his worry for her. Not from her. Not from anyone.

Cragen crossed around his desk, offering her gun, the one he'd confiscated from Elliot what seemed like millennia earlier. "You're not going in there first. And you're definitely not going in alone."

Hearing what he thought was an invitation, Elliot moved toward his partner, only to stop short at Cragen's command.

"Call your lawyer, Stabler. Make sure she'll be there tomorrow morning." The older man stepped forward, assuming what was usually Elliot's place next to Olivia. "You'll be transferred as late as possible, but you'll have to go to the courthouse from lockup."

Elliot stared, looking completely baffled at the idea that he wasn't yet technically cleared, looking alarmed when it finally sunk in that he wasn't going with them. "What? You can't be serious."

Cragen shook his head. "I can't give you a gun. I can't let you leave the precinct. I'm not about to let you go off half-cocked after the man who attacked your partner and framed you for it." His glance bounced between Olivia and Elliot as a smile formed on his face. "I'm gullible, not stupid."

Thoroughly mortified for the umpteenth time of the day, Olivia turned away, following Fin out of the office. But Elliot's words, the fear that prompted them, made her freeze.

"Don, don't let her out of your sight." In case his words hadn't told Cragen too much, his terrified expression filled in the rest. Olivia winced, knowing Elliot would hate himself for having given away so much. But Elliot wasn't concerned with the ramifications on himself or his career or even her career. He was scared that something was going to happen to her, that he wouldn't be there to protect her, the same relentless fear that plagued his dreams and drove him to the brink and convinced him to kidnap her in the first place.

Mercifully, the boss and Fin kept walking, gathering a good sized group to storm the house. But Olivia's feet didn't move. She could only stare back at Elliot, seeing how tortured he was at the thought that he had to stay behind.

Her reputation and the rumors that would undoubtedly spread were the last things on her mind. She just knew she couldn't walk away like that, not when it was dangerous, not when so much was left unresolved between them. She closed the distance between them, her arms sliding under his as they stretched toward her, her hands pressing against his back as she hugged him tight, bruised ribs be damned.

Just in case, she decided, she didn't want him to have any doubts. She turned her face into his, pressing her mouth against his ear. "I love you."

His lips grazed her cheek, giving her the closest he could get to a kiss with an audience. "Be careful." He didn't need to repeat that he loved her; his choked whisper said everything she needed to hear.

Knowing that her resolve to avenge Kimberly and Karen and Louise and her own attack would crumble with another moment in Elliot's arms, she pulled back sharply, turning away and jogging to catch up with the team Cragen had pulled together, trying to ignore the pain she felt for leaving her partner behind.