Chapter 8

The remainder of Iris's stay in the infirmary passed with a mix of check-ups, bandage changes, and bedrest. As a result, she had a very long time to think about what she had done. She was extremely lucky to be alive, but she was even luckier to not have been captured or tailed by Neo Arcadia. Her foolish decision could have put the entire Resistance in danger, and realizing that made Iris feel like she had swallowed something nasty and indigestible. That feeling intensified when Alouette paid her a visit. Iris couldn't bring herself to utter a greeting when she saw the betrayed look in the smaller Reploid's eyes.

"Why did you take Kitty out of the base?" Alouette asked.

Iris had no answer. Not only did she not have an excuse, she felt like something was stuck in her throat and keeping her voice synthesizer from working. She could only lower her head in shame.

"Why aren't you answering?" Alouette pressed.

Iris pointed to her throat and shook her head.

"Does your throat hurt?"

That was true, but it wasn't what Iris was trying to convey. She shook her head again and mouthed, "I can't talk."

"I can't hear you," said Alouette. "Is something wrong with your voice?"

Iris nodded and repeated her words.

Alouette's face lit up with understanding. "You can't talk? Why? Is it because your neck is hurt?"

Iris shrugged and shook her head.

"You don't know?" asked Alouette. "Then shouldn't you get Rocinolle to find out what's wrong?"

Iris raised an eyebrow at the smaller Reploid, hoping to convey that she couldn't call anyone while in her current condition. Fortunately, Alouette caught on.

"Oh right, you can't talk," she said. "Okay, then I'll get her for you!"

Alouette darted off and returned with Rocinolle within moments. Rocinolle performed a quick diagnostic and soon confirmed that Iris's muteness was psychological in nature.

"Sy-koh-loj-ick-al?" Alouette enunciated. "What does that mean?"

"It means that a powerful emotion is keeping Iris from speaking, even if she wants to," explained Rocinolle. "I find it odd that this has only manifested now, though. She had no problem arguing with Zero yesterday."

"Does that mean that this is my fault?" Alouette asked worriedly.

"No, at least not directly," said Rocinolle. "I believe Iris is finally realizing just how severe the consequences of her actions were. She took Kitty with her when she left the base, and by doing so, she betrayed your trust. I suspect the guilt she feels over her actions is suppressing her ability to speak."

"Well, will she get better?"

Rocinolle nodded. "She will, given enough time."

"I hope you're right," said Alouette. "Iris, I don't like that you put Kitty in danger, but I don't want you to be silent forever. You still have to say you're sorry to Kitty, so hurry up and get better!"

Iris wished she could say she was sorry a million times over, but it'd be nothing but empty words. Nothing she said could make up for what she had done. What sort of monster betrays a little girl? Had things turned out differently, Alouette could've been killed, and it would have been all her fault.

The next day, Iris was released from the infirmary. She still could not speak, but her neck was almost fully healed and no longer needed routine checkups. Her bandages had been removed, and the only evidence of her injury was a faint mark on her neck.

Naturally, Lumen was incensed when she discovered that Iris was mute and tried to tell her that there was no use crying over spilt milk, but Iris was having none of that. The Reploid retreated to her newly repaired room and curled up on her bed.

Iris barely moved for the rest of the day. She only got up to eat when her hunger became too intense to ignore, and the moment she was done eating she returned to her listlessness. Despite Lumen's almost constant yelling, Iris failed to respond to anything until she received an unwelcome visitor in the evening.

"How long did you plan on holing yourself up in here?"

Iris twitched irritably. She had forgotten to lock her door. However, given past experiences, she knew better than to think a locked door would repel Zero.

"Zero!" Lumen exclaimed. "Thank goodness you showed up! This bump on a log has been ignoring me all day!"

"Ignoring you? That's odd," said Zero. "Normally she won't shut up when she's pissed."

Iris shot him a nasty glare.

"So you really have lost your voice," he noted.

Iris narrowed her eyes and tilted her head, hoping to convey the question, "Why do you care?"

"Defiant even when mute, I see," Zero said in an amused tone, eliciting an enraged but silent snarl from Iris. "So, what made you clam up so badly?"

"She feels guilty over leaving the base on her own," explained Lumen. "I've been trying to tell her that what's done is done, but she seems determined to wallow in misery."

"Is that so?" A sly smirk spread across Zero's face. "Sounds like a challenge."

Before Iris could begin to comprehend what that meant, Zero had seized her arm and dragged her out of bed. She landed ungracefully on the floor and glared furiously at her tormentor.

"Get up," Zero ordered.

Iris's eyes narrowed, as if to say, "Make me."

Zero's response was to scoop her into his arms. When he saw her shocked expression, he smirked and said, "Don't test me."

Iris's face flushed with embarrassment. She squirmed and pointed towards the ground.

"Put you down? It's too late for that," said Zero. "Maybe next time you should listen to what you're told."

Lumen wolf-whistled before saying, "I'll let you two have your alone time!"

Iris blushed harder and wished she could hit the Cyber Elf, but settling with hitting Zero instead. The former Maverick Hunter wasn't fazed at all by the blow, and in fact he seemed to be greatly amused by her futile efforts. He carried her out of her room and kept a firm grip on her even as she struggled.

Iris wished she could voice the numerous nasty words she had in mind, but in her current state could only mouth silent curses. She hated that she was at Zero's mercy. Why did he take such pleasure in messing with her? Even more infuriating was that, deep down, a small part of her liked being carried by him. Not only was he a complete pain, he was making her systems glitch up!

"We're here," Zero said suddenly.

Iris gave a start. She had been so busy hurling mental insults at Zero that she hadn't noticed that they had gone outside. A bright light that she quickly identified as the sun hung low on the horizon, painting the sky shades of orange, red, and purple. She could feel the wind brush past her face and through her hair, and she was surprised at how nice it felt. Sand spread for as far as she could see, and the only signs of life were a few scattered buildings way off in the distance.

"You've never been outside before, have you?" Zero asked. Iris shook her head in response. Zero set her down gently so she could get a better look around. She turned around and saw more of the same landscape in every direction. She looked at Zero with a puzzled expression, wondering what his purpose was for bringing her here.

"This is what the world is like," he said. "There's nothing but desert for miles around, and according to Ciel, organic life is virtually extinct. The Resistance is forced to hide in a wasteland because of Neo Arcadia's B.S. policies. My objective is to change that."

Iris chewed her lip. She knew things were bad, but she had never could have guessed just how bad. How in the world did the Resistance survive so long in such a harsh place?

"Lumen probably told you something like this already, but shit happens," said Zero. "There's nothing you can do to change the past, and moping around won't do anyone any good. If you want to change things, you have to start with the here and now. Alouette forgives you, so get your ass together and stop blaming yourself!"

Iris's expression twisted with anger and pain. Did he think her emotions were operated by a switch or something? She couldn't just stop feeling guilty! She glared at Zero, wishing she could tell him that he wasn't the boss of her.

The former Maverick Hunter sighed. "You don't change, do you kitten?"

"Kitten?!" Iris mouthed, bristling with indignation.

"You're independent, defiant, and go wherever you feel like. Just like a cat," said Zero. "I didn't want to have to do this, but since you listen to actions better than words, I'll have to bring this out."

In the blink of an eye, Zero fastened something around Iris's neck. The female Reploid fingered the object and discovered that it was a navy blue choker with an admittedly cute pink heart-shaped tag attached to it. What confused her is why Zero would give her something like this.

"It's a tracking collar," he explained, causing Iris to jolt in alarm. "I had Cerveau make it since you always seem to get into trouble when you're unsupervised."

Incensed, Iris reached behind her neck and fiddled with the clasp. She felt around but the clasp's surface was smooth except for a small indentation. Her eyes widened in a panicked realization and she frantically tugged the clasp, but it held firm. Next she tried pulling on the choker itself. It was elastic enough to not tear at the force, but it didn't stretch far enough to pull over her head.

"You're so predictable," Zero sighed. "If removing the collar were that easy, I wouldn't have bothered with it in the first place."

Iris trembled with fury. Did Zero think she was an animal that needed to be kept on a leash? She didn't need constant surveillance! As she still couldn't speak, she let him know what she thought in a more physical way. Zero massaged the fresh red handprint on his face, but looked unsurprised.

"I knew you'd be pissed, but this is the best way I could think of to keep an eye on you while I'm away. When I saw that huge gash in your neck, I thought…" He trailed off and averted his eyes, seemingly unable to find the words to finish his sentence, but Iris saw that his fists were clenched and trembling slightly. "Look Iris, it's not that I don't trust you, but I never want to go through that again. I don't care if you hate me for as long as I live, but will you at least let me protect you?"

A small tendril of guilt snaked into Iris's gut. For the first time she had caught a glimpse of the real Zero hidden deep under that cold warrior exterior. He had been genuinely terrified when she was on the brink of death, and that same fear was driving him to his current actions. What she couldn't understand was why she would instill such a strong emotion in him when they were acquaintances at best and bitter rivals at worst.

Then there was his odd request. He sounded so earnest that it was a little embarrassing, yet she couldn't help but feel flattered. The fact that he was asking for her permission to protect her was almost kind of cute. Almost, she reminded herself.

Iris decided that it couldn't hurt to humor Zero. After all, as long as she was a good little Reploid and didn't go gallivanting on her own again, she wouldn't have to worry about him. So she nodded at him, and his eyes lit up so much that they resembled sapphires. For some reason, the sight made her core feel light and fluttery.

"Thank you," said Zero. "Iris, I swear on my honor that no harm shall come to you."

Goodness, this was embarrassing. Iris was very glad that no one was watching, because otherwise she would want to disappear on the spot. At the same time, though, she found something endearing about his vow. He sounded just like a knight swearing his fealty to a medieval princess! Iris covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle her silent laughter, but her body's motions gave her away.

"What's so funny?" asked Zero.

Iris mouthed a two syllable word between her snickers.

"What do you mean, 'stupid'?!" he snapped. Iris only laughed harder, and Zero's cheeks turned a faint pink. "I-I was serious, you know!"

She made him blush! Score! At long last, she had succeeded in getting him back for all the crap he had put her through. Maybe it wasn't much, but it made her feel a lot better. More importantly, it made her realize that Zero wasn't as impregnable as she initially thought. She never would have guessed he had a softer side.

"Are you done laughing at me?" he asked, sounding exasperated. Iris nodded, although she couldn't suppress an ear-to-ear grin. Zero rolled his eyes. "Come on, let's go back."

As the two of them headed back inside the base, Iris fingered the tag that now rested against her collarbone. She was still not happy about being tracked, but she wasn't mad at Zero anymore. He really wasn't such a bad guy. A little misguided, perhaps, but he had good intentions. For now, that was enough for her to call a temporary truce with him.

Lumen was in Iris's face almost the instant the Reploid arrived back in her room. "So, how'd it go? Whoa, that's a cute necklace! Did Zero give you that?"

Mortified, Iris swatted at Lumen but missed. The Cyber Elf grinned cheekily as a blushing Iris tried to hide the choker with her hands.

"He did, didn't he? Oh man, Riss, this is huge!" Lumen exclaimed. "I can't believe he's already on gift-giving level! You really know how to charm a guy!"

Iris was so angry and embarrassed that she grabbed Lumen with both hands, took her into her room, and stuffed her into a Cyber Elf storage container. Ciel had supplied her with a spare container in case Lumen misbehaved again, and this seemed like the perfect occasion to use it.

"Riss, come on!" Lumen yelled as she banged on the glass. "Why'd you stuff me in here? What'd I do?"

Iris crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at the Cyber Elf. At the moment she was unable to explain the entire story behind her new accessory, and she definitely did not need Lumen spreading misinformation all through the Resistance base. She hoped that a time-out would deter any rumors for a while.

She sat down on her bed with a sigh and touched her neck, ignoring Lumen's protests. Being unable to speak was a bigger problem than she thought. Rocinolle had said that her voice would return given enough time, but Iris wasn't so sure. Not even her fury at Zero and Lumen had been enough to clear the blockage in her throat. Guilt still sat in her stomach like a lump of poison, and it slowly chewed away at her insides. How could she ever make up for endangering the entire Resistance?

She shut her eyes and shook her head. She didn't like to admit it, but Zero had been right about one thing: moping around was pointless. Milan would be ashamed of her if he saw her right now. A lump began to build in her throat at the thought of her deceased friend, but she forced herself to swallow it. Maybe she couldn't talk, but that wasn't an excuse to lie around doing nothing. She had four working limbs and a ton of free time. Maybe she could clean out the dumpier areas of the base like she had cleaned the kitchen.

Iris gasped. The kitchen! In all of the chaos that had unfolded since Zero's arrival, she hadn't been able to cook anything for Ciel. Filled with fresh determination, Iris grabbed Lumen's container and dashed towards the pantry.

"Geez, what's gotten into you?" Lumen asked while Iris busied herself gathering ingredients. She then headed into the kitchen and dumped her collection of Spam, canned produce, and bread onto the counter. With a little difficulty, she managed to get Lumen to explain how to cook the various things. The Cyber Elf initially refused to help until she was freed from her container, but when Iris accidentally caused a grease fire while frying Spam and made the mistake of pouring water on it, Lumen relented.

Thirty minutes later, Iris was a little charred but had managed to fix Spamwiches with a side of mixed vegetables as well as a dessert of canned peaches. It was far from gourmet but it would at least provide Ciel with some essential nutrition. Iris placed the food on a tray and carried it to Ciel's lab. As it turned out, Ciel had already eaten a modest dinner of beef jerky and coffee, but she did not turn down the extra food.

The scientist devoured her meal with amazing speed, although Iris wasn't sure whether it was because Ciel was hungry or if she just wanted to get back to work. Either way, Iris was glad to be able to help out again. If she worked hard enough, then maybe she could make up for her mistakes. She could almost feel the blockage in her throat moving.

As she carried the tray of empty dishes back to the kitchen, Iris resolved to work hard every day from then on. While she couldn't return to being a medic until she got her voice back, there was still plenty of manual labor to be done around the base, and Ciel needed a dedicated cook to keep her strength up. Iris nodded to herself, knowing that things were going to get very busy for her soon.

Phew, I finally made myself write again. I'm back in college, by the way. I always seem to write better when I'm at school. It wasn't as long of a delay as last chapter, but I still feel kind of bad for making you guys wait so long. I hope this was worth it!