A/N this is really intense so read at your own risk

The next thing Riley had to do before she left was speak to Lucas. Yet she was still scared of if he would reject her so she took Zay who knocked on his door, when he saw her his face fell and he pulled her into a hug. She didn't pull away.
"I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you again" he cried. She hugged him back
"It's alright Lucas it wasn't your fault for the way I had reacted, I was upset and panicked which is why I'm here, I need to tell you everything."

He invited her and Zay into the living room which was actually quite appealing. He had leather couches, a flat screen TV and an awards shelf full of awards. Riley sat down as Lucas offered her a drink, to which she declined. Zay had disappeared into Lucas's room to give them privacy. When Lucas sat down he looked at her expectantly, Riley took a gulp of air and began her story.
"I want you to know it wasn't your fault. I was really or maybe I still am really messed up. At first I thought that it was just my bully." Lucas tensed at the reminder of the vile human Riley still protected.
"Yet I realised she may have only been the thing that kick-started the reaction. I thought, you know it might be hormones, making me feel sad confused and dare I say it depressed but it wasn't. Nothing seemed to make sense I would go from wanting to end everything to wanting to dance around and feeling like smiley riley again" she avoided his gaze as he placed his hand over hers.
"I let it fester for a while, you know thinking that maybe I could feel like me again and this was just a phase or something. It wasn't, I dunno when the suicidal tendencies started. I guess the red made me feel like I wasn't a robot" she pulled up her sleeves and Lucas gasped, shocked but Riley didn't give him chance to speak.
"I began taking things to school, you know making it through the day, getting over the fact that maybe you and Maya loved each other and I know now that you did love me once upon a time but the way we feel right now is too confusing to be love. Then it was the fact that I couldn't concentrate everything seemed to be focused on the sharp scars I bared, how to get out of gym and never show my arms. It became a game of deception, fooling everything and everyone into believing I was okay and most people did. Except Farkle and Zay, one day I had snook out of class and gone to the toilets. I needed to prove I could feel something and when I did I felt well relived but he had seen me. I didn't know until after school, he had locked me into the changing rooms, I began to freak out but he grabbed my bag and turned out my pockets. The little things that had kept me believing I was sane had been found." She breathed deeply, this was hard but she refused eye contact with him, unfortunately she couldn't see the despair he felt.
"He told me I had to tell an adult otherwise he would tell my dad. Looking back at it I realised he gave me a choice to avoid hurting my parents and let me decide which adult I could tell. So I told him to ring uncle josh, I knew he was at college and we both sat in the changing room till he came. At first he was shocked but he hugged me and began to shake, Zay left after that and said the he had told dad I would be late home because we were working on a project. So I told josh and he took me back to his place, made me tell him pretty much everything and rang dad, saying I was spending the night at his because of something we were doing at his college. My dad is really bad at figuring out lies."

They both laughed at that.
"The next day he took me home and made sure Auggie wasn't there and we told mum and dad everything. At first it was fine, you know because they could help me control it but it got too much and I tried to end everything. Josh found me and made me check myself into a clinic, I told my parents a different environment may help and the let me go to his family home and get sorted. I had pushed you and Maya away because I truly thought that you would get hurt otherwise. I'm sorry"

She whispered the last bit. Lucas pulled her into a hug.
"You are going back aren't you?" he asked but he needn't to her silence was enough. They sat still until Lucas held out his hands.
"I know kissing Maya was stupid but friends?" he asked she shook his hand.
"Friends."