Chapter 13

Rocinolle gave Iris one last check up before releasing her. Her processor was in good shape, so she was cleared to leave, but not without repercussions. Rocinolle put her under house arrest until Ciel recovered from her illness. Iris would only be allowed to leave her room to work in the infirmary. She would have gladly obeyed those terms, but Rocinolle didn't trust her at her word.

Iris sighed heavily from her seat on her bed and spared a glance at her jailor. She was not at all surprised that things had come to this, but that didn't make it any less awkward. Lumen had taken great pleasure in the arrangement and teased her about it before flying off. As annoyed as Iris was, at least this was at least better than being Professor Dahlia's experiment.

"Why are you even here?" she grumbled. "You always know exactly where I am thanks to this―" she tugged on her choker, "―so what's the point?"

"You have a talent for getting yourself in trouble when I'm not watching you," Zero replied.

She frowned at him. "No, I don't! In fact, I managed perfectly fine before you came along!"

Zero raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing her. She groaned and massaged her temples.

"Fine, have it your way," she grumbled. "But you'd better not watch me when I go to sleep. It's creepy."

"What if you have another nightmare?" he asked.

"That's none of your concern."

His expression grew serious. "Of course it's my concern. I promised to protect you."

Iris opened and closed her mouth several times as she considered how to respond. Finally, she asked, "But why?"

"Did you already forget? You almost died. I'm not going to lose you again."

Iris turned her head so quickly that she nearly gave herself whiplash. "Wait, what do you mean by 'again'?"

"I―" Zero grimaced and touched the jewel on his helmet. "I don't know."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Did you have a girlfriend or something?"

"A what?"

Iris stared at the wall and cursed herself for her slip up. "Um… You know, a girl that you were like, really close to."

There was a short pause. "I don't remember."

Iris released a soft sigh. "Right. Amnesia."

"But I can't shake this feeling that I've seen you somewhere before," said Zero.

"Don't be stupid. That's impossible."

"Iris. Ever since I was awakened, I've heard only two names familiar to me: yours and X's. This isn't something I can just brush off."

"Coincidence," Iris said coldly. "There could've been hundreds of Reploids named Iris in your day. And maybe one of them just happened to look kind of like me. Well, you'd better stop using me as a replacement for her, or else you're an even bigger asshole than I thought."

"Iris―"

"Stop. Just shut up and leave me alone."

She turned so she could lie on her stomach before burying her face in her pillow. Stupid, stupid Zero. He never really cared about her. She just reminded him of his old girlfriend that he couldn't even remember properly. What she couldn't understand was why those thoughts made the invisible knife plunge into her chest again.

She laid there for a very long time, doing her best to keep her sobs as soft as possible. Only when her hunger became too much to ignore did she finally move. She stood up, trudged over to her vanity, and pulled out her pouch of E-crystals. Without thinking, she gave Zero a sideways glance and tossed one at him. He looked mildly surprised, but caught it easily.

"Why―"

"I never paid you back for peeling me off the floor," Iris explained. She pulled a few more crystals out for herself and sat back down on her bed. She ate the crystals slowly and deliberately, savoring their sweet flavor. When she finished, she saw Zero standing in front of her.

"What?" she asked.

Without warning, Zero wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him. Iris was so surprised that all she could do was squeak.

"Am I doing this right?" Zero asked.

"Huh?"

"I've seen Ciel do this to Alouette sometimes. It always seemed to help them both feel better."

Iris was unable to respond with anything except unintelligible noises. Her insides felt like they had melted into a warm puddle of goop, and the pain melted away with them. Her processor slowed to a crawl as it tried to sort through her conflicting emotions. She hated Zero, so why was she enjoying this?

At last, she chuckled wryly. "You idiot. You don't even know what a hug is?"

"Is that what this is called?"

"Yes, and you did just fine. I do feel a little better," said Iris.

"I'm sorry," Zero said after releasing her. "I didn't mean to make you upset. I swear I wasn't using you as a replacement for anyone."

"You swear it?" she asked, crossing her arms.

"I swear it on my honor."

She sighed heavily. "I still don't believe you could have possibly seen me before you lost your memory, but whatever. I'll take you at your word. Holy crap; you're actually smiling."

It was barely noticeable―just the tiniest curve in the corners of his mouth―but it was enough to make Iris sit back down on her bed. Damn it all, how could something that hardly counted as a smile make her feel like she was being bathed in warm sunshine?

Surprised, Zero touched his mouth. "This is called smiling?"

"Your ignorance knows no bounds," Iris said dryly. "But yes. It's something people do when they're happy."

"Happy," Zero echoed, placing his palm over his chest. "You mentioned that emotion the other day, but I still don't understand it."

"You don't have to understand happiness, you dolt. You just feel it."

"Is there any way I can feel like this more often?"

"Yes, but it's up to you to discover what makes you happy. What works for one person may not work for another."

Zero gazed at her intently. "Can you help me?"

"Eh?!"

"What? Did I say something weird?"

"W-well, no. It was just so sudden, and…and… Um…"

"Iris? Are you okay?"

No, she was not okay. She was drowning in his eyes again, and damn him for making it worse by getting right in her face. All of a sudden, his helmet vanished, and all rational thoughts left her mind.

"You're gorgeous," she blurted.

Zero visibly recoiled. "What?"

His sudden movement snapped Iris back to reality. She was horrified to see that he had never removed his helmet, and even more horrified by what she said. She covered her eyes and bolted, but didn't make it more than two feet before Zero pulled her into his arms.

"Iris, no! I'm not mad!" he exclaimed. "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you cry again!"

Iris slowly removed her hands from her face. Zero's arms were around her, holding her tight, and his warmth seeped into her body. But instead of getting flustered, she found herself calming down. As strange as it sounded, she felt that as long as she was here, she would be safe.

She craned her neck in order to look up at him. "Gosh, I've never seen you so rattled before. You shouldn't fret over me. I'm not that important."

"Don't you dare say that," Zero growled, his grip tightening.

"But it's true," Iris protested. "Anything I've ever done could have been handled by someone else. Hell, if Milan and the others had never found me I doubt things would be very different here."

"You're wrong."

She scowled. "You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"No, I mean it. I've learned a lot since I met you."

"You're an amnesiac. You've had to learn stuff from everybody."

"No one else bothered to teach me about being happy."

Iris had nothing to say to that.

"Everyone says I'm some kind of legendary hero, and who knows, maybe they're right," Zero continued. "But that title's a mixed blessing. People see me for what I've done, not who I am."

"What does that have to do with me?" asked Iris.

"You treat me like a person, not a hero."

"I don't see what's so special about that. All I did was give you what I thought you deserved."

"That's exactly my point. Ever since I woke up, my supposed reputation has preceded me. I don't know if I really am the Zero Ciel claims I am, but if it turns out she's wrong, I'd still be Zero the idiot to you."

Iris finally understood what he was getting at. Zero didn't know or care about what he was prior to losing his memory. To him, his past self might as well have been a different person. But the Resistance members judged him based on his title, and they were too intimidated or starstruck to see him as anything but a hero.

Iris's core swelled with pity. They only saw Zero's surface. They didn't know that he enjoyed a good chase, or that he was as stubborn as a cockroach, or how much his eyes lit up when he was happy. They didn't know about the sensitive soul hidden beneath his cold demeanor.

Then she realized just how close she had gotten with Zero in the span of a month and a half. Despite her dislike of him, she had gotten to know him as well as Aigel and Lumen. Now she was welcoming his embrace―something she never could have imagined when they first met. Was she getting Stockholm syndrome, or had he just grown on her without her realizing it?

"Once an idiot, always an idiot," she chuckled.

"I'll be your idiot every day as long as you stop thinking so little of yourself," said Zero.

"All right, all right," Iris grumbled. Zero finally released her, and she sat on her bed with a sigh. "Damn, you're persuasive."

He smiled his little smile again. "I try to be."

"Anyway," she continued, clearing her throat. "About your request… Since I'm stuck with you for at least the next few days, I suppose I could help you learn how to be happy. But I expect you to be on your best behavior, got it?"

He looked so grateful that she just about melted on the spot. "Understood," he said.

"I have to leave for the infirmary soon, so we'll start tomorrow," said Iris. "Is that okay?"

"Sounds good."

When the time came for Iris's shift to begin, the two left her room together. As per the terms of her punishment, Iris had to be escorted when traveling to and from the infirmary. She found it degrading, but she supposed it was fitting.

She jumped when Zero suddenly grabbed her hand. "What are you doing?"

"Rocinolle ordered me to keep you from wandering off," he explained.

"You know as well as I do that I couldn't escape if I tried."

"I know, but she doesn't."

Iris gritted her teeth and made a mental note to never piss off Rocinolle again. Seeing that there was no way out of this, she grudgingly walked hand in hand with Zero towards the infirmary. Her face was on fire. Not only was this humiliating, she was afraid people would get the wrong idea if they saw them like this.

She forced herself to stay strong. It could have been worse. Besides, the feeling of Zero's hand almost made up for the embarrassment. She couldn't blame ethanol this time; she really did like holding his hand. It was so warm and gentle that it was hard to believe that this same hand was responsible for so much destruction.

The trip was mercifully short. Upon reaching the infirmary, she mumbled a hasty good-bye to Zero and darted inside. His warmth still lingered on her hand, and she clutched it to her chest.

"Riss!" Aigel called as she ran up to her. "What's up? You're as red as a sunburned dingo."

"It's nothing," Iris insisted.

"I heard about your punishment," said Aigel. "It can't be easy having Zero breathing down your neck all the time."

"Yeah," Iris said softly.

Aigel placed her hand on Iris's shoulder. "Hey, if there's anything you need to talk about, I'm more than willing to listen. Okay?"

"Thanks, but I'd rather not talk about it."

Aigel didn't look pleased by that answer, but she didn't push Iris. The two of them got right to work. Since missions had ground to a halt, they no longer had an influx of new patients, but there was still a lot to do.

A couple hours into their shift, Aigel pulled Iris aside. "All right, spill it."

"Spill what?"

"What's bothering you so much that you're doing whatever you can to put it out of your mind?"

Iris winced. "I was that obvious?"

"It's kind of hard to ignore how enthusiastic you were about amputating a leg," Aigel remarked. She gave Iris a knowing look. "It's a boy, isn't it?"

"How did you know?!" squeaked Iris.

"Mate, nothing distracts a girl more than the boy she has her eyes on," said Aigel.

"I-I don't have my eyes on him!"

"Sounds like denial to me, but we'll ignore that for now. What is it about this guy that's bugging you?"

"It's nothing important."

"Riss, if you don't fess up, I'm going to find this boy and tell him you like him."

"NO! Please don't do that!" Iris shrieked.

"Then hurry up and tell me what's wrong," said Aigel.

"Okay, okay!" groaned Iris. "I just don't know what to think about him anymore. I've hated him for so long, but lately, I've been feeling weird around him."

"How so?"

"My insides turn to mush, my processor ceases to function, and I keep getting zapped every time he touches me. It's getting to the point where I think something's really wrong with me."

"Well, you'd be right about that. Sounds to me like you've got it bad."

"Got what bad?"

"Are you really that dense, Riss?" Aigel giggled. "It's obvious. You're in love with this guy."

"WHAT?!" Iris screeched. "That can't be right! I don't― I don't love him! I don't even like him! He's an idiot and an asshole!"

"Keep telling yourself that," said Aigel. "The longer you deny it, the worse it's gonna get."

"Shut up," growled Iris. "Now let's get back to work before Rocinolle finds out we're slacking off."

Iris could almost feel steam coming out of her ears. How could Aigel suggest such a thing? Her? In love with Zero? The very thought made her want to gag. Besides, even if he wasn't an ass, he was way out of her league.

When her shift was over, she found Zero waiting for her outside. "Wow, you sure are prompt."

"Just doing my job," he replied.

She sighed and held out her hand. "Come on, let's get this over with."

Even though she was expecting the shock, it still took all of her willpower to not flinch when he took her hand. She kept her face blank and suppressed her unbidden happiness. She was stronger than this. She was not going to fall for Zero's handsome face or electric touch again.

She was not in love with him, and she was going to prove it.

Can you believe it? It's been one year since I first published this version of To Bloom Again, but the story has been in development for even longer. Chunks of the earlier version (originally published here in March 2014) are on my DeviantArt account, and I have many more scrapped chapters and ideas stored on my computer.

I have never poured so much time and effort into a single work before, and I am really happy that so many people are enjoying the results. Thank you so much for all of your support, and I will continue to do my best to keep writing!

I was determined to get this chapter up and ready in time for the one year anniversary, and while it fought with me a lot (I spent a whole day on one specific paragraph because I couldn't find the right words), I managed to pull it off. I'm really proud of myself!