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Chapter XIV: Insightful Ruminations

EPOV (He wouldn't shut up)

Remnants of her delicious taste and intense warmth have been cemented in my infallible memory. I can still feel them on my lips, hours after my fury from her prank inspired me to kiss her.

I can still smell her enticing scent of lavender, gardenia, and a hint of coconut on my body. I need to be marked by her scent and warmth forever. I shudder with pleasure at the knowledge that she is marked with my scent, as well. The idea arouses me so profoundly that I cannot control the growls rising in my chest.

I feel my cock harden at the thought of marking her as mine. Arousal has been my constant state of being from the day Bella's scent pervaded my senses. Not a single day passes where I don't have to relieve myself multiple times.

I desperately desire to complete the mate bond. Nonetheless, I suppress my primal urges because I simply want to relish in the memory of the kiss.

That kiss was sublime; beyond anything I had envisioned in my fantasies.

Her soft lips moved against mine in perfect synchronicity. Bella has the most delicious, full lips that I have ever encountered. I never want to stop kissing her. I'm certain that I will never tire of kissing her sweet lips. In that instance, I felt whole for the first time in a century. It's as if our bodies are already in tune with each other.

I've had sex, and reveled in the feelings my former partners and I shared. But nothing I experienced in my younger years can compare to the feelings of love, lust and passion I felt during that momentary kiss with my Beautiful Bee.

I will have to patiently wait for her heart to recognize our connection.

"Edward, son. I hope I'm not interrupting?" Carlisle's thought voice suddenly inquires. I must have been too deep in thought to hear him approaching.

Bella not only drives me mad, she also steals my thoughts from the present. I smile to myself at the idea. Never would I have ever imagined myself to be a lovestruck romantic.

"No," I whisper, knowing he would hear me as clearly as if I had shouted.

His quiet steps rustle the grass as he makes his way to the center of my meadow where I'm lying and sits down next to me.

His thoughts are quiet as he relaxes next to me, taking in the natural beauty of my meadow. Even though it's nighttime, the meadow is still enchanting.

"How are you feeling?"

He is aware of the events that took place earlier today because Alice told him about me kissing Bella.

I don't have to think through my answer. "I feel alive and whole."

His thoughts show that his gaze has shifted to my face. The remarkable doctor that he is and forever will be, Carlisle notes that I look peaceful; a word he has never used to describe me.

"She's your mate," he states.

I open my eyes to see him smiling at me. I smirk and nod. "You and Esme recognized it from the start."

"We did. And I'm happy that you finally realize it. Your mother will be delighted to hear that," he comments.

I simply nod, then scowl into the distance.

"What's wrong, son?"

I'm hesitant to tell Carlisle because it is quite an embarrassing confession.

He notices my hesitance and waits; not pushing.

After a few moments of deliberation, I confess. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to win her affection. She confuses me at every turn and disguises her emotions with sarcasm and snark to keep people away. Though, as of late, she has been friendly to my siblings and Angela from school. Everyone else is kept away."

"What was the catalyst to her friendly behavior?" Carlisle wonders.

The answer to his question is as clear as a mountain stream. "They were genuinely friendly to her. I can see the surprise in her eyes when anyone speaks to her in a friendly manner. I surmise it's because she's never been treated in such a way before. I sometimes wonder what happened to her at her previous high school that forces her to act so defensively."

Carlisle's thoughts become guarded as he inquires. "How do you theorize that?"

I narrow my eyes when he shields his thoughts from me. "When Angela asked her whether she had admirers there, her eyes darkened, and she shut down. Why are you hiding your thoughts from me, Carlisle?" I snarl, a red haze clouding my vision as I leap up to tower over him, feeling my fingernails lengthening into claws and venom coating my teeth in preparation to physically confront him. He has seen her medical file, therefore, something grave must have happened to her to force him to conceal his thoughts from me.

"Son, please calm down," Carlisle soothes, putting his hands out. His movements are measured as he slowly stands with his hands in front of him in supplication. He knows not to agitate a vampire that's been driven wild with surging feelings of protectiveness.

He looks up at me from a half-bowed position. "Edward."

I growl.

He sighs. "Son, you know very well that Bella will be hurt and will never trust you if she becomes aware that you know about any injury she sustained. When the time comes that she trusts you, she will confide in you."

The red haze slowly dissipates when I hear that Bella will be hurt by my actions. I gulp down the venom, and force my stiff body to relax and retract my claws.

Carlisle slowly stands upright and approaches me, placing both his hands on my shoulders. "Son, I know you're worried and are protective of her. That's to be expected of a newly mated vampire. I'm positive that you already know this, but do pace yourself with her. I can only tell you that the only constant kindness she's seen is from her parents; to her way of thinking, anyone else is a potential danger. Nevertheless, I am certain that she has feelings for you because mating isn't a one-sided process. My only advice to you is for you to show her kindness, patience and behave as the gentleman you always are. Though kissing her without asking for permission wasn't gentlemanly behavior, sometimes a small nudge is necessary to break through barriers. I only ask that you not make a habit of it." He ends with a raised eyebrow.

I bow my head in shame at my animalistic behavior. Though I don't regret the kiss, I shouldn't have acted so uninhibitedly.

"I know, Carlisle. It definitely won't happen again. Not until she gives her consent," I say as I bow my head in shame.

"Son, look at me." I raise my head. "Elizabeth would be overjoyed to see her son in love. I'm not shaming your rash behavior, nor condemning it. As vampires, our emotions are elevated and more intense than humans', and sometimes we might feel a lapse in our control, which is understandable. You will most likely make mistakes, just don't agonize over them. Learn from them and show her the man that both your mothers and I know you to be."

"And she does like you son. Never doubt that," he asserts.

"Carlisle, she could've kissed me back out of sheer lust, not affection," I voice my concern.

"I know you don't believe that, Edward. Tell me, how would you describe the kiss?"

Without hesitation, I reply. "Passionate."

That's when I realize she has affections that are deeply buried. During the van incident she clung to me for safety, so it must mean she trusts me. Even if, at present, her trust is only at an instinctual level. She even voiced her desire to stay behind after the kiss, instead of immediately leaving with Chief Swan.

Happiness envelops me at my realization.

He hugs me briefly and pulls back. A fatherly smile forms on his face as he notes. "Bella will be good for you. She's already brought out some of the 19 year-old in you."

I chuckle at his observation as he darts away in a flash.

~E&I~

I'm in my room standing on a step-ladder with bottles of nail polish remover to disintegrate the superglue. I pour it in a spray bottle to spray the parts of the furniture in contact with the ceiling. It's a tedious and slow process to wait for the glue to dissolve.

I growl in annoyance. The process is taking much longer than I anticipated.

I hear Alice's graceful steps approaching my bedroom. Before she can knock I bid her to enter.

She stands against the door frame, surveying the state of my once tidy bedroom.

Being the considerate sister that she is, Alice reigns in her laughter. She has always been my favorite sister and these moments are a testament to it. "I'm here to help."

I'd rather bring my room back to its previous perfect state by myself. "Thank you for the offer, Pixie. I would prefer to do it on my own."

Alice huffs at the nickname I've called her ever since we met 60 years ago. I smile at her reaction.

"I came here to let you know that your CDs are in the storage facility in Port Angeles," she tells me sheepishly.

I shake my head and pinch the bridge of my nose. "Alice, if there's a single scratch on any of my CDs-"

"I promise you there isn't. I've seen it," she taps her head, winking.

"Besides, if anyone's to blame it's Rosalie, she was responsible for moving them," she adds.

Rosalie was out hunting with Emmett; had she heard Alice's confession she would've been furious at the betrayal.

"What? You mean it wasn't Bella's idea?" I ask, shocked at the knowledge.

"No. She didn't know anything about it until I texted her to tell her about it. She called and told us to put them all back in place because art is very personal and shouldn't be desecrated like that. But by the time she called, I saw in a vision you would be back before we could get them back here, so it was too late by then," Alice explains.

My sweet Bella. The moment she passionately defended me, a complete stranger to her, I knew she was a sweetheart. I feel my love for her grow even more, knowing she cared that taking away my music would anger me.

I raise an eyebrow at Alice, dragging this out longer, simply to watch her squirm.

"I'm sorry about your CDs, dear brother."

I can't really stay mad at her when she apologizes with the perfected "puppy dog look" as it is called these days. I simply smile and hold my arm out, which causes her to squeal in delight and jump into my arms, enveloping me in a tight hug.

I chuckle and she kisses me on the cheek then steps down.

"By the way, I didn't just come here to to apologize for the CDs. Edward, I think you should know that Bella's future disappeared for two hours, earlier this evening, before it came back."

I jump down and land in front of her, anger shooting like a flare through me. "When? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I hiss, advancing on her.

Jasper suddenly barges through the door, pulling Alice away, before stepping closer to me and snarling in my face.

"Don't ever talk to my Alice that way again!"

I glare at him. "I was just made aware by your Alice that the future of my mate disappeared for two hours. Would you not be angry if information that vital regarding your mate was kept from you?"

Alice looks at me from behind Jasper's angry form, pleading. "Edward, I didn't tell you because she was in La Push at the time. You know very well that if I had told you, you would've broken the treaty to make sure she's safe! Please calm down. When her and Chief Swan's futures disappeared, I went to the border and waited. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I know I should have, but I saw you crossing the border, breaking the treaty, and that would've destroyed the tentative peace that Carlisle has held with the tribe."

I glare at her. "You still should have immediately told me and the entire family. What if something did happen to her?" My voice breaks at the end.

"Edward, I'm-"

"Just get out. The both of you," I hiss, too furious to listen to her pleas.

With his hardened stare still in place, Jasper grabs Alice's hand.

"You're being unfair to her, Edward. When you calm down, you will apologize to her."

With a resigned expression, she follows him out.

~E&I~

An hour later, all my furniture is back to its rightful place. After accomplishing that, it takes an additional two and a half hours to drive to Port Angeles, stow my precious music in my car and drive back home. Add another hour for organizing them and it takes just under three and a half hours to have my CDs placed back in perfect order. I also bought a small can of white paint for the ceiling because it was ruined by the nail polish remover.

During the drive I was able to calm myself down. Now, I am feeling terrible for talking to my sister so rudely.

As I lie down on my bed, listening to Linkin Park's What I've Done, the irony of the situation is not lost on me.

I sigh, turn off the stereo and walk to Alice's room, which is situated at the beginning of the hallway.

Before I can knock on her door she whispers that I can enter. I see her sitting on her bed with her knees drawn to her chest, and her arms wrapped around them. I remember the anguished expression on her face after I hissed at her in my room. The image before me, coupled with what I see before me, causes me pain because I have never hurt Alice's feelings in this way before. I make a promise to myself to never hurt her again.

I sit down at the edge of the bed, looking at my pixie of a sister.

"Alice," I whisper. "My behavior was reprehensible. I should have never treated you in that manner. I'm so sorry."

I hang my head in shame.

Her guarded thoughts slowly open up. "I knew you'd get mad, but hissing at me as if I was your enemy hurt me, Edward."

"It was never my intention to hurt you. I was angry that Bella could have been hurt and there was nothing I could have done about it. I felt like a failure as a mate. Nevertheless, it doesn't excuse how I treated you," I implore.

"I hope you can find it in you to forgive me," I add in a whisper.

Alice raises her big, tear-filled topaz eyes to me. "You're my brother, of course I forgive you. And I understand your anger, but you're right, it doesn't excuse your behavior."

I swiftly pull her into a hug and kiss her on the head. "Thank you, sis."

She hugs me tighter. "You better not do it again!"

"I won't," I promise.

"I think we should tell Carlisle about the temporary disappearance of Bella and her father from your vision," I add.

"I will when he comes back from his shift."

As I leave for a run Alice says, "Don't step on the first branch."

~E&I~

After thirty minutes of aimless running, I find myself perched on the tree outside of Bella's room. I remember Alice's warning and don't step on the first branch.

Bella's room is almost shrouded in darkness, with only the moonlight entering through her window to illuminate her sleeping form.

The darkness doesn't hinder my sight. When the sun sets, the colors simply change into darker tones, modifying the surroundings into different hues of purple.

Now that the possibility of losing her for reasons still unknown to us has become a somber reality, I am unable to stay away from her any longer than a few hours. The feelings of unease and constant worry has made me act in an irrational manner. I must collect my thoughts and act reasonably if I want to be the man that Bella relies on.

I smile, remembering our kiss, the action exploding out of my reaction to her prank. I know my act was shocking, and it was due to the mounting anger toward my siblings that had festered during the days between coming back into my room, witnessing it in that dreadful state, and today.

After the short hunting trip with Carlisle, I had returned in a good mood to relax and listen to music, while he went to his shift at the hospital.

Upon entering, I was shocked to see my room completely devoid of furniture. I had called for my siblings but none of them were in the house. When I realized that my CDs were also gone I was enraged, and started turning about in a circle like a madman, cursing and pulling at my hair that is already a constant mess. I had even started growling softly, thankfully, at a low enough volume that it wasn't caught by any of the microphones on the cameras they had used.

When I caught sight of a bedpost through my peripheral vision, nowhere near where it should be, I disbelievingly turned my gaze to the once empty ceiling to see my bed, couch, and coffee table mounted there.

I was stupefied. The presence of my siblings' scents in the room alerted me to the fact that they had done this. Yet, my subconscious was telling me it was ultimately Bella's doing. However, I didn't have any evidence of that and it wouldn't have been possible for her to be in my room without her scent leaving a trace. So I stood there like an idiot, muttering to myself and worrying over my CDs.

Thinking about it now, I can see the humor in the situation. Taking away my CDs wasn't funny, but mounting the furniture to the ceiling was a clever idea. I shouldn't have been surprised it was Bella's doing, since she's already proven how cunning and clever her pranks can be.

In addition to her ingenious pranks, her intelligence is demonstrated by the manner in which she speaks and how well she performs academically at school. I know that, with the exception of Calculus, her classes are in the Advanced Placement program. I wonder what subject she's most passionate about. What does she aspire to become in the future?

Regrettably, I don't know the answers to those questions. However, I hope that someday soon she will tell me about her dreams.

"Mmmm, Edward kisses and BBQ sauce," Bella mumbles in her sleep.

I bite on my knuckle to stop the rush of laughter. My body is shaking with the force of my laughter and I hunch over my stomach to muffle my sounds.

She's fucking adorable.

Only Bella could conjure up a dream as such. I wonder, how are my kisses and BBQ sauce are connected? Is she comparing my kisses to the taste of BBQ sauce? Or is she saying she likes my kisses as much as she likes BBQ sauce? How does it taste?

Or is it some sort of food play fetish? If it is, I wouldn't mind it at all.

Though I love the different sides of Bella that I have been honored to see, the most precious of all is her sense of humor. It's one of the rare times when her eyes truly brighten and her walls become nonexistent.

Such as this afternoon, when after the crowd dispersed having just witnessed our kiss, she approached me, took out a small bottle of olive oil, and held it out to me.

"To help you remove the glitter from your hair."

I took it gently from her, momentarily touching her warm hand.

She then came closer, which made me hard for the third time that day, and whispered in my ear, once again, that we were even, before sashaying her beautiful self away.

I shake my head from the memory of her warmth and sensual scent, and lie against the tree, appreciating the few moments I can have with her.

Unlike the previous time I visited, when she was having a nightmare, this time she seemed to be having pleasant dreams. I recall that the smell of adrenaline in her blood and her pounding heart had forced me to enter her room to help her calm down. I had almost been caught, however, but she had gone back to a peaceful sleep afterwards. Never again had I stepped foot inside her room. Only if she invites me will I enter.

~E&I~

For these past few weeks, a melody has been flowing in my mind. My feisty bee is the muse of this sweet tune. After couple of decades of cessation, watching her sleep for these past weeks has inspired me to play and compose on my piano again. The piano is one of the few family heirlooms that I own. Esme loves it and encourages me to play. I know she's been sad that I stopped playing these past twenty years because every time she requested that I play the song I composed for her, I would half-heartedly play it and then leave. She had noticed my reluctance and would always feel sad after I left the piano bench.

A few weeks ago, when I willingly touched the keyboard of my baby grand for the first time in twenty years, she was elated, and stood in the doorway watching me play. Esme had kept my piano perfectly tuned, when I would not be bothered to, in the hope that I would play again.

I'm very thankful that she did.

Last night, another small piece of the melody that has been teasing the periphery of my consciousness surfaced and prompted me to leave my sleeping vixen to play the piece.

I have been playing Bella's melody on my piano for three hours. It isn't complete and I've been trying to find the perfect ending.

With no noticeable success, I close the lid of my baby and set out to join my brothers, who are outside engaged in a friendly wrestling match.

Emmett notices me approach them and says. "Get your scrawny ass in here, bro!"

Emmett's brief distraction gives Jasper enough of an advantage to pin him down.

"Aw, man! That's not fair, Eddie distracted me," he fumes.

"War isn't fair, Emmett. So never lose focus," Jasper advises.

He then turns to me. "Are you ready, little brother?" he goads, raising an eyebrow.

I smile at him, then I bare my teeth and growl, "Don't worry about me, are you ready?" before lunging at him and then feinting back away. I am pleasantly surprised by the way the thoughts in their minds disappear abruptly, as if they are shocked by my playful retort. They exchange looks of disbelief before responding by coming at me simultaneously.

We run around all over the Olympic Peninsula, laughing, snarling and growling as we attack, punch, and pounce on one another. All three of us are covered in mud and forest debris. After throwing a couple of mudballs at my brothers, I sprint away with them following behind me promising retaliation.

As I zigzag through the trees and jump over fallen trunks, a gust of wind blows, bringing three foreign scents along with it.

I stop immediately and stand still as a statue, hissing at the strange scents.

The scents of three vampires.

DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUN

A/N: All credit for the banner of the story located on the top left goes to Fiona McKelvey Keenan! Thanks, girl.

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