Authors note- I went iceskating and I fell twice. My knee is bruised and my ass may be. It was fun though. Oh and I was going around the rink these teenage boys were doing callme signs. I put up my pink (Middle finger in china) and said geta life. Then there was thins one kid he sped past me and said "Loser" he was looking at me then he bashed into the wall his other friend started laughing and I was like " Whos the loser now". It was funy.
Read this conversation.
Jimmy (My brothers (Nick) friend) - I have a teacher thats a prostitute
Me- Can I meet her.
Jimmy and Nick- Whoa Megan.
Me- What
Jimmy- Are you a lesbian
Me- No I just said I want to meet her
Penny (cousin)- *laughs*
Me- I am saying the wrong things today
REAL CONVERSATION. We were all at the table and Jimmy said that. Man yesterday was just crazy.
Disclaimer- Nothing.
BPOV
****
Month later
****
I have been talking to Rose and the others for awhile. Trying my best to avoid Edward.
Today I had to perform at Central Park. It was for a charity event. I make entertainment people come pay and they are giving it to a hospital for children.
Charlie was coming with me. Sarah had her baby dropped off with her mom adn she flew out with Devin. She said she would watch Charlie for me.
I went through my closet looking for some clothes.
I grabbed a demin jean skirt, Black racerback and black converse that went abouve my knees. A little weird.
I still dressed like I was in highschool. I am not really the shopping type but its not like they dont fit.
I threw my hair in a pony tail and brushed my teeth. Charlie and I already ate breakfast. I walked out of the bathroom and threw my clothes in the basket in the laundry room. I saw Charlie on the couch.
" Ready to go sweetheart?" I asked.
She smiled. She had on a pair of jeans and a black shirt that said 'My moms a rockstar' and then a pair of tiny little converse that were blue. She ran up and hugged me.
" Momma you gots high shoe." She stated
" Yes, I do." I picked her up and grabbed my keys.
______________
The drive over was uneventful. I gave Charlie over to Sarah and went to find the band. They were on the stage getting ready. The park was completely full.
I walked up on stage and grabbed my acoustic. The first song was a solo for me.
" Alright guys. How are you doing?" I asked
They screamed
"Alright well we are raising money for Saint Johns Childrens hospital to help the kids. You turn in money over there." I pointed to the people at the tables. " So first I am going to sart with You can then on from there.
I strummed on my my guitar and started to sing.
" Mmmmm....
Take me where I've never been, Help me on my feet again. Show me that good things come to those who wait. Tell me I'm not on my own. Tell me I won't be alone. Tell me what I'm feelin' isn't some mistake. 'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, You can. Save me from myself, you can. And it's you and no one else. If I could wish upon tomorrow, Tonight would never end. If you asked me, I would follow. But for now, I just pretend. 'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love, You can. Baby, when you look at me, Tell me, what do you see? Are these the eyes of someone you could love? 'Cause everything that brought me here,
Well, now it all seems so clear. Baby, you're the one I've been dreamin' of. If anyone can make me fall in love, You can. Save me from myself, you can. And it's you and no one else. If I could wish upon tomorrow, Tonight would never end. If you asked me, I would follow. But for now,
I just pretend. 'Cause if anyone can make me fall in love... Only you can take me sailin' in your deepest eyes. Bring me to my knees and make me cry. And no one's ever done this, Everything was just a lie. And I know, yes I know... This is where it all begins, So tell me it'll never end. I can't fool myself, It's you and no one else. If I could wish upon tomorrow, Tonight would never end. If you asked me, I would follow. But for now, I just pretend. If anyone can make me fall in love, You can.
Show me that good things come to those who wait "
I finished the song and waved for the rest of the band to come out. We put all the songs in order for what to do.
" I still hear your voice, when you sleep next to me.
I still feel your touch in my dreams.
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why Without you it's hard to survive.
'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling. And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last. Need you by my side.
'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static. And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky. Can't you hear my heart beat so... I can't let you go. Want you in my life. Your arms are my castle, your heart is my sky.
They wipe away tears that I cry. The good and the bad times, we've been through them all. You make me rise when I fall. 'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling. And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side. 'Cause everytime we touch, I feel the static. And everytime we kiss, I reach for the sky. Can't you hear my heart beat so... I can't let you go. Want you in my life. 'Cause everytime we touch, I get this feeling. And everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last.
Need you by my side"
I saw Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie in the front. I smiled at them. They had a look of worry in their eyes. I looked back at them and Alice pointed to three spaces away from her. I looked. I was not prepared for what I saw
Edward Cullen.
I took a deep breath. He was staring at me. I forced my gaze away and the band started up again.
" Starin' at the broke street light, Some of those lonely nights, I didn't know if we would make it through.
Stayin' up 'til 5 AM, Watchin' the sun come up again, I'd do it all again if i could.
So if I call will you be there? I miss the nights we used to share...
Up on the rooftop, Listening to punk rock, Nobody believed us, This could be our one shot, That was all we had... The nights that we wasted, Got us through the days that, Seemed never ending, Always in a haze but, We just didn't care... No, we just didn't care...
The only place that we could go, Starin' at a world we didn't know, Wondering if this was all we had.
40 ounce, intoxicated dreams, All our faded memories, That's what made us who we are today.
So if I call will you be there? (If I call will you be there?) I miss the nights we used to share...
Up on the rooftop, Listening to punk rock, Nobody believed us, This could be our one shot, That was all we had... The nights that we wasted, Got us through the days that, Seemed never ending, Always in a haze but, We just didn't care...
No, we just didn't care...
All these nights, Left alone, Is what made us... All these nights, Left alone, Is what made us...
What made us...
Up on the rooftop, Listening to punk rock, Nobody believed us, This could be our one shot, That was all we had... Up on the rooftop, Listening to punk rock, Nobody believed us,
This could be our one shot, That was all we had... The nights that we wasted, Got us through the days that, Seemed never ending, Always in a haze but,
We just didn't care...
No, we just didn't care... "
I took another breather and then took a sip of my water.
People cheered. I smiled.
" Alright lets go again"
" The faster were falling, Were stopping and stalling. Were running in circles again Just as things were looking You said it wasnt good enough. But still were trying one more time.
Maybe were just trying to hard.
When really its closer than it is too far Cause Im in too deep, and Im trying to keep, Up above in my head, instead of going under . Cause Im in too deep, and Im trying to keep, Up above in my head, instead of going under. Instead of going under.
Seems like each time Im with you I loose my mind, Because Im bending over backwards to relate. Its one thing to complain But when youre driving me insane Well then I think its time that we took a break. Maybe were just trying to hard.
When really its closer than it is too far Cause Im in too deep, and Im trying to keep, Up above in my head, instead of going under. Cause Im in too deep, and Im trying to keep, Up above in my head, instead of going under. Instead of going under. Instead of going under.
I cant sit back and wonder why. It took so long for this to die. And I hate it when you fake it.
You cant hide it you might as well embrace it So believe me its not easy. It seems that somethings telling me, Cause Im in too deep, and Im trying to keep,
Up above in my head, instead of going under. Cause Im in too deep, and Im trying to keep, Up above in my head, instead of going under. Instead of going under.
Instead of going under.
Instead of going under again.
Instead of going under.
Instead of going under again.
Instead of going under again. "
I hit the last note on my guitar and the sound slowly faded away. Devin looked at me and nodded
"How can I decide what's right?
When you're clouding up my mind Can't win your losing fight all the time Not gonna ever own what's mine When you're always taking sides You won't take away my pride
No not this time
Not this time
How did we get here? I use to know you so well How did we get here? Well, I think I know how The truth is hiding in your eyes And its hanging on your tongue Just boiling in my blood, But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are If you're a man at all Well, I will figure this one out on my own (I'm screaming "I love you so...")
On my own
(But my thoughts you can't decode)
How did we get here? Well, I use to know you so well But how did we get here? Well, I think I know how Do you see what we've done? We're gonna make such fools of ourselves Do you see what we've done? We're gonna make such fools of ourselves How did we get here?
I use to know you so well
Yeah, yeah How did we get here? Well, I use to know you so well I think I know I think I know There is something that I see in you It might kill me I want it to be true "
"Alright I am going to take a break. So go and put some money in there. Well be back in fifteen."
I walked off stage and saw Charlie. She was sitting in Sarah's lap laughing. I left her alone and chugged down some water. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Alice.
She hugged me " I tried to tell him not to come but he was curious, then saw you adn well the rest is history." She said
" It's okay. I cant hide forever. Alice?" I asked
"What?"
I sighed might as well get it over with " Does he you know have a...Girlfriend?"
She burst out laughing" Bella after you he was done." She said
I nodded.
We talked a bit more. I looked at the clock it read four thirty.
I walked back on stage.
(Origally by - The Fray: Your Found me
"I found god
On the corner of first and Amistad
Where the west was all but won
All alone, smoking his last cigarette
I Said where you been, he said ask anything
Where were you?
When everything was falling apart
All my days were spent by the telephone
It never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
To the corner of first and Amistad
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Whyd you have to wait?
Where were you? Where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
In the end everyone ends up alone
Losing her, the only one whos ever known
Who I am, who Im not, who I want to be
No way to know how long she will be next to me
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Whyd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
Early morning, City breaks
Ive been calling for years and years and years and years
And you never left me no messages
You never send me no letters
You got some kind of nerve, taking all I want
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Where were you where were you?
Lost and insecure
You found me, you found me
Lying on the floor
Surrounded, surrounded
Whyd you have to wait?
Where were you, where were you?
Just a little late
You found me, you found me
why'd you have to wait
to find me, to find me"
I looked out into the croud and then began again
" Hello there the Angel from my nightmare
the shadow in the backround of the morgue
the unsespecting victim like darkness of the
valley we can live like Jack and Sally if we
want where you can always find me. On
halloween or christmas and in the night
we'll wish this never ends.
I miss you. I miss you.
Where are you and Im so sorry I
cannot dream I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always. This sick
strange darkness comes creeping on
so haunting everytime and as I stared
I counted the webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
like indescsion to call you and hear your
voice of treason can you home home and
stop this pain tonight. stop this pain tonight
Dont waste you time on me your already
a voice inside my head.
I miss you. I miss you
Dont waste you time on me your already
a voice inside my head.
Dont waste your
time on me your all ready a voice inside my head
I miss you I miss you
DOnt waste your time on me you already
a voice inside my head
I miss you I miss you
I miss you I miss you
I miss you I miss you"
"Alright one more and I am done for the night."
I turned to Devin " Where doing Thunder." I stated
" But Bella-
" Please". He nodded and whispered over to the others
I looked at Edward and started to sing.
"Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried.
I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder
Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know (I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)
And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain
Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
And I said
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder"
I sang with all my heart. That was the song I had wrote for him.
" Momma." I heard Charlie said. She ran out on stage and I knelt down and picked her up. The crowd cheered. They had seen her a few times before.
I saw Edward staring at her as if he were trying to figure her out. Charlie buried her head in my hair. I kissed her head.
" Alright thank you guys so much. I am glad you people helped out its very apreciated. Say goodnight Charlie." I told her. She blushed
" Sorry guys my daughters a little shy. Good night." I said
I still saw Edward staring at her wide eyed. I walked off stage.
" Great job guys." I told them.
" Our flight takes off in the morning so we are leaving in a few hours. I heard they are servin' some food."
I laughed " Well I am going to take little one here home alright. I'll see you guys soon." I told them.
They gave Charlie and I each a hug.
I walked slowly to my car with Charlie. I opened the backseat door and buckled her in her chair. She yawned. I kissed her forhead and she smiled. I closed the door. I felt a tap on my shoulder.
Please dont be Edward. Please dont be Edward.
I turned around.
I saw Rose and Alice.
" Can we come with you?" Rose asked
" Sure."
They got in my car Alice in front and Rose in back. I drove to my house in silence.
When we got there I picked Charlie up and carried her into her room and laid her down. I brushed her hair out of my face.
When I walked out I went to the kitchen. Rose and Alice were sitting at the table.
" So whats up?" I asked
" Bella I think he knows. Did you see how he was staring at her and when you said daughter... I think he put it together." Rose said.
I put my head down and let the tears fall. I wiped them.
" How could I be so stupid to think he wouldnt. I know I have to tell him. Its just how? be like ' Oh Edward after you left and I left I found out I was pregnant and didnt tell you oh and by the way I still love you'. That would work out fabulously." I said sarcasticly
Alice and Rose looked at me.
" You still love him?" Alice asked in a small voice.
" Yes. I love him with everything I am. I cant forget him. I look at Charlie and I see him. He's right there. He is in my thoughts, I cant be with a guy without felling that I am cheating on him in a way. I havent been with anyother person because I know in my heart that Edward is my sould mate. When I find the one I am done. Dating game over." I said truthfully.
" Bloody hell you love him so much." Rose said. I nodded.
_____________
I made dinner for us. Emmett as Jasper came during dinner. Emmett ate the rest of the food so it didnt go to waste.
We sat in the family room. Charlie went to bed.
" Hey Bella?" Alice asked
" Yeah"
" Can I take Charlie home with me tomorrow night for a sleepover?" She asked
" I think she would love that but where would she sleep?"
She smiled " Dont worry I already made a room for her."
My jaw hung open " Why?" I asked
" Well I wanted to." She said simply.
" Well ask her." I said. Alice darted up.
" Alice she-"
I was cut off by Charlies scream. Alice came back in the room.
" Alright then. I'll pack her a you gonna pick er' up?" I asked
She tapped her chin " About three."
I nodded
_____________
We watched some movies and they went home.
I walked down the hall and opened Charlie's door. She was fast asleep. I gently closed the door and walked to my bedroom. I put on Edward's college shirt and a pair of shorts.
___________
I woke up to the patter of rain pelting on my window. I glanced at my clock
9:30.
Why isnt Charlie up? Was she okay? Oh god.
I darted out of bed and to her room. She was still sleeping.
I went to the kitchen and got some eggs, bacon and toast out.
Charlie came in a few minutes after I started. She sat on her chair. I walked over to her and kissed her head.
" I love you mommy."
" I love you too angel.".
She wrapped her tiny arms around me.
_____________
We finished breakfast and I gave her a bath. We watched finding nemo.
It was one o'clock. I went into her bedroom and packed her a bags.
We hung around the house for a little then I heard a knock on my front door. I walked to it and opened it. I saw a very happy Alice.
" Charlie." I called. She came running in.
" Tinker bell." She exclaimed.
We laughed. That was Alice's new nickname.
"Are you ready for a fun filled day honey?"
" YES." Charlie yelled.
" Lets go. I will drop her back off tomorrow at night around seven-eight." She said
I nodded and gave Charlie a kiss on the cheek.
__________________
The rest of the night was uneventful. I stayed home and watched television then made a small dinner for myself.
It was quiet. Besides the lighting in the sky and the loud thunder.
The problem with Edward was stirring in my head.
As I have said I know I need to tell him. The time was never going to be right as they said. It was true and I guess in a way I am being selfish for not telling him about Charlie. I was keping her to myself and Alice and our friends.
I again for the many times in my life fell asleep with alot on my mind.
Authors note- Well yeah review.