CHAPTER 16

Tony was happy, far happier than he'd been in a long time. Bad dreams were mostly a thing of the past, and he hadn't had a flashback in ages. His health was good – bruises all gone – and his appetite had come back. If he occasionally felt a bit down, it didn't last long. Tony knew that a big part of his positive outlook was due to Jethro. Just being around him helped; Jethro was steady presence, and he was caring and non-judgmental, qualities that allowed Tony to be himself. Sure, at times the older man got into a bad mood, and he tended to clam up rather than vent if something bothered him. Tony learned to let Jethro go off on his own, to work on his boat or brush the horses, or whatever it was that he needed to do. When Jethro came back, he'd nod and give Tony a small smile, his way of apologizing, and everything would be back on track again.

Tony had been staying at Kelly Brook Farm most weekends for the past four months. It was his haven, after a hard week at work. Jethro told Tony to make one of the bedrooms upstairs his own, which Tony did, a back room with a single bed and peeling paint that overlooked the orchard.

Tony came and went as he pleased, and every time he arrived at the farm, Jethro welcomed him home like he was a member of the family. Tony helped out around the place – there was always something to do – and paid his share of expenses. Jethro seemed happy to have him there, and the one time Tony had suggested that maybe he was overstaying his welcome, Jethro glared at him fiercely and told him to "stop being an idiot."

Tony's relationship with Jethro seemed to have grown beyond simple friendship. While he lay in his single bed upstairs, with Jethro sleeping right below him, Tony tried to classify their relationship. He liked Jethro, admired him, and yes, he was grateful to him, but it was more than that. They had become comfortable in each other's presence, often knowing what the other was thinking, needing only a look or a shrug to make a point. Whether they were working shoulder to shoulder in the barn, or cooking dinner in the kitchen, they seemed to move around each other in a well-orchestrated dance.

Tony thought, 'We're like an old couple,' which made him laugh aloud. But after his laughter died, he pictured where they'd be in five, or ten years, and what they'd mean to each other as time passed. Would things remain the same? Still friends, but no more than that?

"I don't want it to be the same," Tony whispered to the night. "I want…" He didn't know what he wanted, other than to remain close to Jethro, who despite his sometimes-crusty-old-man ways, was one of the most generous and kind people Tony had ever met. He wasn't bad looking either, Tony thought with a laugh. He covered his mouth, not wanting to disturb Jethro, and smiled into his hand. Jethro would grumble under his breath if he could hear what he was thinking, and he'd tell Tony he'd been out in the sun for too long. "Make you crazy," Jethro would say.

He would eventually figure it out, Tony told himself, as he rolled over and went to sleep. There was no hurry. Time moved slowly at Kelly Brook Farm. It was as if there were no clocks, and they gauged the hour by the angle of the sun, and the need for food or rest.

~ • ~ ~ • ~ ~ • ~

In August, Jethro borrowed a sailboat for a few days and took Tony and Zack on a trip along the coast. His own boat wasn't going to be complete for a year, Jethro said. "Takes time to build something that will last."

They returned home suntanned and happy, with Tony going over a list of sea-related films he thought Zack, and Jethro, would like: "Treasure Island, the 1950 version, Whale Rider, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea… oh! and The Russians are Coming – you haven't seen it yet? We have to see it right way!"

~ • ~ ~ • ~ ~ • ~

As the end of summer drew near, Tony became busier than ever with work. With the end of his term in Congress approaching, he had a lot of projects he wanted to complete, and a lot of things to get in order. He had less free time, but he did whatever he could to spend some time with Jethro, even if it was only watching a Sunday afternoon game on TV, and during halftime, catching up on what the other had been up to recently.

Friday evenings, Tony spent with his son. They usually watched a movie, or Tony would take Zack and his friends bowling; dinner was always pizza. Tony would often spend Saturdays with his son, cheering him on at a soccer game, or playing computer games until their eyes got tired. If Wendy agreed, Tony would take Zack with him to Kelly Brook Farm, and there Zack would help his dad and Jethro with chores and have fun running around like a wild thing.

Tony didn't question his friendship with Jethro any more. He didn't spend time trying to figure out if it was possibly something more. It wasn't necessary. Whatever they had together, it just was, and that was enough for him.

~ • ~ ~ • ~ ~ • ~

Tony needed to raise some cash. He was buying back half of the company he'd started, and had to relinquish, SafeZone. After a lot of number crunching, Tony decided that the best solution was to sell his condo. The building was full of tenants now, with a gym and a small restaurant on the ground floor, and he was pretty sure he could turn a quick sale, hopefully with a profit. As soon as the word got out that Tony was selling, several people approached him, and within a month, he'd closed a deal. His joy over the sale was tempered by the fact he no longer had a home in his district in Baltimore. Although living in his own district wasn't a requirement, Tony had always done so. It went hand in hand with his commitment to the job.

"I would move in with Wendy, only the thought of moving out to suburbia makes me break out in hives," Tony called to Jethro, who was in the living room. Of course he was joking, because it was clear that he and Wendy would never reconcile, and living in the same house, even temporarily, would be very difficult for both of them. Tony pulled a bag of hot popcorn out of the microwave and dumped it into a bowl. "You want butter and salt on your popcorn? Or is this a good time to cut down on salt like Ducky told you to do?" There was no answer. "Jethro?"

Tony walked into the living room, where Saving Private Ryan was already in progress. He had assumed that Jethro was glued to the screen, and that he hadn't heard him, but Jethro wasn't even sitting on the couch. He was standing in front of the fireplace, staring into the low flames.

"You don't like the movie? I had a feeling it might be too intense. I read that some WW2 vets had PTSD from watching the beach scene." Jethro didn't respond, so Tony approached him, turning the sound down as he passed by. "Hey, what's the matter?"

"You want to live with her," Jethro said, making it sound as if it were a fact.

"With Wendy? Not exactly," Tony said, without thinking.

"Not exactly?" Jethro took a few steps towards Tony.

Tony stood his ground, wondering why Jethro looked so angry. "Of course I don't. I just meant…Now my condo is sold, I have to find somewhere cheap to stay until the end of the year, when my term is up." Jethro stared at him long enough for Tony to wonder if he'd said something wrong. "There has to be someone in Maryland with a room to rent," Tony said.

"You should move in here," Jethro said, as if the words were difficult to get out.

Jethro's offer surprised Tony, if he was saying what he thought he was saying. "Like really move in? You'd be okay with that? I thought you liked your quiet time on weekdays when I'm not here." Jethro also liked wet towels picked up off the bathroom floor, dishes to be done immediately after a meal and not left heaped in the sink, and for Tony to pick up all the things he habitually left strewn around the living room – but that didn't mean any of them got done.

"You've already got a room with your name on it," Jethro said, as if Tony was being purposely dense.

"Okay…well…I'm not sure it's a good idea, and you're not in my district," Tony said slowly. "There's a big difference between visiting on weekends and actually moving in with you."

"You think you moving in is going to make a difference to anyone except us?"

Tony let out a humorless laugh. "Well yeah. Wendy's lawyer might use it against me. We've outlined the custody terms but it isn't cast in stone yet. It could end up being a huge battle, and I really don't want that. You know lawyers."

Jethro's face hardened. "She'd do that to you?"

If Wendy wanted something, she wasn't above doing whatever it took to get it. For a while they had been on better terms, probably because they saw so little of each other. But then Wendy had started bringing up the way he was throwing away his political career, and she suggested it wasn't too late to save it. She'd dropped hints about how they should try again, save their marriage, and reminded Tony of the good times they'd had.

Tony had been clear from the beginning that there was no going back. She hadn't liked hearing that.

Wendy had said that she didn't want to go through with the divorce. "How can you do this to me? Humiliate me like this? Do you have any clue what it's like to be told that your membership at the country club is going to be revoked? That they only let you in because you were married to Congressman DiNozzo?"

Tony couldn't help laughing. "Guess that means they're going to take my membership card away, too, once I'm out of office."

Wendy had cajoled, pled and used guilt to persuade Tony to reconsider the divorce.

Tony had never wavered though. "I'm not the one who cheated, remember?" He'd told her, in no uncertain terms, that this was the right move for him. It was time to make a change. Wendy hadn't taken it at all well, and that was when Tony had realized that she had always believed he would eventually give in.

Tony admitted to Jethro, "I guess she might use it against me, twist everything around, make out that our friendship is. . ." Was he willing to take the chance that Wendy might contest their verbal agreement about sharing Zack, out of spite, once it came time to set it down on paper? No, he wasn't going to risk losing custody of his son. Zack meant everything to him, and if her lawyer convinced the judge to award Wendy full custody because he was living with another man… The thought of only being able to see Zack once a month, or on limited visits, or only in the summer – or not at all – scared Tony.

"You guess?"

Something in Jethro's tone made Tony wake up. "I don't trust her. I'll be happy to be wrong, but what if I'm right? I can't assume anything. Isn't that one of your rules?" Tony patted down his pockets, looking for his cell phone. He must have left it upstairs. "I need to have a talk with my lawyer."

"Let's sit down and talk this out," Jethro said, turning off the TV.

But Tony slowly shook his head. "No… I think I need to go." He needed time alone to work out his strategy. He'd been walking around with blinders on for months now. It was high time he got his act together and took the initiative.

"Tony, don't go." Jethro reached out and took hold of Tony's arm.

"I need to think. I can't do it here." Tony stepped back but Jethro didn't release him. His hand slid down and captured Tony's wrist.

"I want you…" Jethro cleared his throat and started again. "I want you to–"

Tony demanded, "What do you want from me, Jethro?" He found he was angry at Jethro and he didn't know why.

"I want things to stay as they are," Jethro said.

"What things? You want us, to grow old in this…this hideaway we've created? This place that's safe from the outside world? You want us to be friends forever, is that it? Have you ever thought that maybe that's not enough for me?" Tony pulled his wrist out of Jethro's grip.

"You want it to be more?" Jethro asked, looking angry.

Yes, he did, Tony realized. He wanted a lot more, but this wasn't the time. Tony said evenly, "I'm afraid that if she thinks we're…more than friends, she could use it against me, Jethro. Even if we're not, she might read something into the way I come here every free moment I've got, like you're some magnet I can't help being attracted to. Do you understand? My coming here is dangerous, and I can't take that chance, not with my son at stake," Tony said. "I'm sorry, but I just can't."

Jethro stepped away and said, his voice hard, "No. You're right. You do what you need to do."

Jethro left the room and Tony stood there numbly, wondering if he and Jethro would ever be able to come to an understanding, to take the next step. He'd been denying his feelings for a while, for too long, probably, but it had been a difficult time for him. He'd been complacent ever since the kidnapping, had followed Jethro's lead, had stayed in this sanctuary because he'd known there'd be no pressure. Tony didn't doubt that Jethro loved him, though how much, and where it would take them was a big mystery – one that wasn't about to get solved anytime soon.

Tony drove away from Kelly Brook Farm with a heavy heart. After the kidnapping, Jethro had helped him to recoup his strength, helped him heal by simply being there. He'd helped him more than he could ever know, and for that, Tony would be forever grateful. But now there were things that he had to do on his own, and there was no time to lose.

~ • ~ ~ • ~ ~ • ~

"I need your help, Dad."

The astounded expression on his father's face might have been amusing if the situation hadn't been so serious. Senior soon covered it up and almost preened because his son was actually coming to him for advice. "You know I'm here for you, Son. If it's about the weapons bill–"

"It's not about work. It's personal." Tony waited for his father to adjust his train of thought. "Even if we don't see eye to eye most of the time, I love you, Dad. But there's someone I love more – Zack – and I don't want to lose him. If you never do anything else for me in your entire life, please do this one thing for me."

To is credit, Senior didn't hesitate before saying, "Of course, Junior. What do you need?"

~ • ~ ~ • ~ ~ • ~