Author's Note: Before you all start running towards me with pitchforks, I think yous should hear my owed explanation. I've started my first year of high school, so I'm super super busy. High school is more important than fan fiction so I've kinda put this off to the side for the past few months. But now that I'm into a schedule, I'm back on track with this. I absolutely love writing fan fiction, and I could never abandon this story. I hope that you enjoy this chapter :)

Thank you: To the people who have reviewed, favorited, and alerted this story. To the people who have favorited and alerted me as an author. To the people who read every update even though they're secretly pissed at me for not updating frequently. To the people who bother me for an update because they're dying to know what's next. To the people who give me honest critique. To the people who love this story. Thank you :D

Tears of a Mourning Bookworm

Chapter Twelve: Fear of the Future

Harry wasn't exactly sure how this all happened, or when, but all he knew was that when he woke up, he wasn't in the boy's dormitories, and his arms were around something.

Hermione?

He wasn't wearing his glasses so it was difficult to tell, but he was pretty sure that Hermione was right in front of him. Laying down. Facing him.

"Harry!" she said in an excited whisper. Her lips gently pecked his.

"Hermione, you -- I -- what?"

"You fell asleep last night," Hermione began. "And I just couldn't wake you up. You were too adorable."

Harry felt heat rise in his cheeks. "W-When did I fall asleep?"

"About two in the morning, I believe," she said, her eyes concentrating. "You said that you were really tired, and I kind of layed down right in front of you since I was tired, too." Hermione smiled at him.

Harry shrugged, a laugh as a response. "Well, good morning."

"Good morning." Hermione leaned towards him to kiss him again.

"What the – ?"

Harry slammed his eyes shut and held Hermione tightly. They both knew whose voice that was. The familiarity struck Harry violently.

Ron.

"What is this? I – you – Harry? With...Hermione? I can't believe this is --" he stuttered.

Harry had to open his eyes now. Ron was clutching his forehead and surprise had widened his eyes to twice their normal size. His face was becoming exponentially red by the second.

"Ron, I can explain!" Hermione said, panicking. She looked at Harry for a second, her eyes pleading.

Harry released her from his grasp reluctantly and sat up, facing his best friend. Although he knew that it would agitate Ron, he put his arm gently around Hermione's waist; it was an automatic response, the need to protect her, even if it was only Ron confronting them.

"Fine," he replied. "Explain to me, Hermione, why you and Harry were – were – just –kissing on that couch!"

"We didn't want to keep it as a secret!" Hermione said innocently. "That's just what ended up happening."

But even Harry knew that they never really agreed to revealing their relationship any time soon.

"Oh, did it now? And look what's happened! I can't believe you'd hide this from me. Harry? Why?"

Harry bit his lip as he looked up at Ron. He then swallowed roughly before speaking. "You know how dangerous it is to let people know about this."

Hermione smacked his arm. "I'm already in so much danger as being your friend, so being someone more to you doesn't change the fact that I'm still in danger – "

"Both of you!" Ron shouted. His face was now as red as his flaming hair. "It's not like I'd tell everyone about you two. You could've trusted me."

Harry sighed. "There's another factor, too, Ron. You know that."

Ron clutched his fists. "Jealousy, is it?"

"No," Hermione whispered, looking down. "Awkwardness. With me and Harry being together, you might've felt awkward."

"Whatever," Ron snapped. "I can't believe that you guys would do this to me."

And with that, Ron turned on his heels and stormed out of the common room.

"He'll get over it. He always does," Harry said more to himself than Hermione.

Then he heard sobbing.

"Hermione, what – what's wrong? You know he'll get over it."

She shook her head and tears rolled off her bottom eyelids. Her hands were shaking. "Look what we did..."

"Hermione --" Harry began.

"No! Harry, he's our friend and we betrayed him!" Hermione squealed. She ran her fingers through her hair and continued to shake her hair. "I can't believe that just happened."

Harry wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek. "Don't worry about it."

But apparently this was the wrong thing to say to her at the moment.

"Don't worry about it? Don't worry about it? Harry, do you not see what we've done to Ron? Things will never be the same. No matter what, Ron will feel left out. When we make some kind of insane plan for another mad idea, he'll think that his opinion doesn't matter. And when we're in our group for Potions, he'll feel really awkward," Hermione said at the speed of light. "Look what we've done..."

While his arms were still around her, Harry turned his face away from Hermione. Was she more concerned about Ron? Harry was, of course, bothered by the fact that Ron knew what was between them, but he knew Ron. He'd get over it....

But when? How long would it take for him to overcome the fact that Harry and Hermione were together as a couple?

"We...," Hermione began, her mouth open to say more. She paused.

"Hmm?"

"We...we...we can't – we can't do this anymore. This. Being a couple. I think we should stay as just good friends," she said. Her voice was at such a low volume that Harry had to close his eyes and concentrate deeply in order to hear her.

Then he wished he hadn't heard her. We can't do this anymore.

"How is that supposed to help the awkwardness?" was Harry's verbal response.

"I don't know."

"We can work this out, Hermione," he said, pulling his arms tighter around her.

"We can't! This was just...just a product of you caring too much. It wouldn't have lasted anyways," she retorted with a sob.

Hermione's words slammed roughly against his chest and released his grip on her. She stood up and limped out of the common room and up the stairs to the girl's dormitories.

It was then that Harry's heart broke in two.

–

Hermione made her way to her four poster bed and laid down. It had been two weeks since she broke it off with Harry, and still it was weird being alone.

Usually Ginny was in the dormitory with her, helping her into her nightgown or school robes, or experimenting with her hair, or venting about how pushy Dean Thomas was.

Or Ron would be with her, asking her questions about schoolwork as he usually would. And he'd make the stupidest jokes and Hermione would laugh at just to make him feel like he was cheering her up.

Or Harry...Harry did everything for her. It hurt to think about him. She loved him as more than just a friend. She loved the way he wrapped his arms around her and didn't say anything. She loved his unexplainable way of putting a smile on her face. She loved when he didn't know what to do, so he'd just kiss her.

And she just threw it all away because of a prat. Hermione might as well have been the prat in this entire situation. But she had to end it with Harry. What were the chances that they'd make it to the end? Surely Ron would intervene at some point. He showed jealousy over Krum, and the conversations following that between the two were either awkward or raged.

It felt like someone had taken her heart and was slowly ripping it into pieces. There was no way she could move on like this.

Harry was at meetings with Dumbledore more frequently. Every time he returned, Hermione would be innocently sitting in the common room, and Harry would wear that pale expression that he wore every time a realization of more danger occurred to him. He'd sit next to her and talk about the session, but never did he make eye contact for longer than five seconds. While he helped her move around, he managed to keep his distance from her, probably fearing that she'd be offended if he was too close to her.

Or maybe he just thought of her as breakable. Which, anyone could argue, she was. Every time she thought about her parents, tears met her eyelids. Whenever she saw a knife, she couldn't help but feel the pain in her arms. And now when she'd remember those romantic moments with Harry, her heart would break. Them not being as close as they were left her with no support. It was all her fault. She would keep hurting everyone in her life in fear of what might happen in the future.

What was the point?

–

"Where's Hermione?" Ron asked.

Harry paused at the sound of her name. It had just occurred to him that Hermione wasn't awkwardly sitting across from them.

"She was in the dormitory this morning," Ginny interjected with a raised eyebrow. "Then she went to the bathroom."

Ron shook his head, leaning towards Ginny. "Well it's not like me and Harry are going to check and see if she's alright. Go."

Harry was suddenly reminded of how Hermione wasn't alright by herself at all times. Of course she wasn't; her physical recovery still had some time to complete itself.

"Fine," Ginny snapped, standing up and strolling out of the Great Hall.

Harry shrugged the situation off and continued eating his breakfast. Hermione would be back within a matter of minutes.

Ginny's return was something he didn't expect. She walked quickly, without Hermione, and walked straight to the staff table. She talked to Professor McGonagall, who then stood abruptly and rushed out of the Great Hall. Ginny tried not to bring attention to herself and walked at a slower pace to their to their table.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"Harry, she..." Ginny began in a hushed voice. "Hermione tried to kill herself."

Author's Note: As if there wasn't enough angst already.