I'M ALIIIIIIIIIVE lol AGAIN WELCOME BACK TO LION AND KICCHIN S UPDATING FOR CHAPTER 14! Yes, yes sorry for making everyone wait. I actually wanted to update sooner if it wasn't for school, we're bracing for finals as you can see. Oh and yeah, congratulate me guys 'cause finally I had my profile filles *my friends clasps in te background* yeah, so to everyone if you have time hope you try visiting me on Fictionpress-its kinda like FF's sister but its more on fiction stuffs. And yeah, if you noticed when you go there my posts are relatively older than here, but yeah, when you get bored you can read them if you want and if you don't mind hope you would leave a review too or just tell me here what you think of them. BTW OH MY GOOOOOOOOOSH WE ARE BAAACK and I hope I didn't make you wait for too long. Today's update may fall short but I PROMISE like really promise the next chapter will be suuuuuuuuper long. I'll compensate I promise! WHO IS EXCITED TO KNOW ABOUT KUROKO'S PAST? I AM lol, actually as I told you guys before the story will be much complex than my previous works, I have plotted this in my mind so the results are super mega long chapters, and yeah I hope you guys stick to us till the end. Everyone seems curious about what Akashi meant at the last chapter, oooh what does me mean, hm what do you think Hinonoona-san, could you be right about Akashi's intentions? Hohoho~~And to Bubbles9595 we'll find out what kind of look Akashi meant at that moment~! Oh gosh can you feel it? And AJ-san you're being perceptive you're so awesome, you're catching up lots of clues! Let's see what really happened before and why Akashi seems very petulant about Kuroko's treatment with Kagami!

ENJOOOY TODAY'S UPDATE AND DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW, gtg 'cause I need to write a report on my Indusrtial Psychology class LOL. I MISSED YOU GUYSSSSSS send your loves via reviews or PM or just give LION a fav and follow *winks*

Chapter 14: Before

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"Your Highness?" Akashi blinked finally breaking from his trance, looking up he found Mebuchi standing there with a concerned look. Ah, yes he was speaking with the other about Kagami's departure. They were making sure the things and the transportation of Seirin's incoming King will be well. He didn't want to be accused of sabotaging the Kingdom if something were to happen to the man. Speaking of the man, he wondered…if Kagami knew that Kuroko was his brother. Did Kuroko informed the other, was he doing it on purpose? Ah, however, the way Kagami acted didn't seem like that. He didn't even thought something like this would happen. Kuroko…never really interacted with others, well the other had always been fascinated with Westerners however…the look in his face when I took that object—Akashi reached to massage his forehead, this isn't good.

"Your Highness, s-should I call the Kuroko-denka?" Mebuchi asked in concern for the other, he had only seen Akashi like this twice, and all those occasion almost scarred the whole Palace to death. Akashi however raised a hand to him indicating he is alright.

"Its just a bit hot, nothing to worry." Akashi lied, having Kuroko right now goggling on him wouldn't solve anything, and for that to happen they need a bit of time away from the other. When they are together, they just force the worse out of the other.

"But Shujo I could not let you be looking like that."

Akashi sighed, "Then if you insist call Furihata Kouki."

Mebuchi blinks, Furihata…Kouki? Ah, the new guy, he thought silently thinking and picturing the boy in his head, slowly the image emerges, a brown haired boy, that fidgety boy. "E-Eh?" Mebuchi could not help but be perplexed, the Emperor is actually asking the company of the attendant that Kuroko gave him? Usually he'd say he'd die before he would agree for some commoner to stay longer than an hour with him in his very own office. Despite the confusion Mebuchi decided that it would be the best to do as what the Emperor asked him to.

Akashi watched as Mebuchi bowed his head and left him on his own. Looking at his hand, he remember the feeling of Kuroko's clothes against him, he hated having to do it. He hated when his aggression gets ahead of him, however…sometimes there was no way Kuroko would understand until it is a hair away from getting rob from him. Kuroko kept hiding away, Kuroko ever since that day seems to have packed all his emotions inside a chest and dropped it in the bottom of the ocean. He never blamed Akashi for making that decision, he never showed to the ceremony for the death of that squad, he never had the time to weep for that person's death. It was the thing about Kuroko, he won't blame others, and instead, he blamed himself. He kept blaming himself for the things he didn't do, for the things that was beyond their understanding. Kuroko shouldered the world…and the most painful part of that was that was because of some stupid title as the fifth prince.

Akashi barely registered when the guards announced the new presence in the room. It fell in late to his senses when he saw a familiar face coming in with a tray of tea. Akashi could smell the faint scent of chamomile from his seat. Furihata bowed his head ever so shyly as he quietly placed the tray in the nearby table before pouring him a cup of the tea. It was awfully quiet between them. Furihata stood there a few feet away from him who seems to have taken a liking on the floor as he had stares at it. The other must be frightened of him even more after the stunt he pulled that morning. It was understandable.

"…The…tea, I prepared…its chamomile, it helps people…to relax."

Akashi raised his head to look at Furihata who was now looking at from his bowed head, however rather than looking scared, Furihata looked concerned. "How is my brother?" Akashi found himself asking. Furihata raised his head slightly as he fiddled with his thumb. "Was he…was he upset?"

"I…honestly cannot tell." Furihata answered truthfully. "He dismissed me and went back to his quarters."

Akashi took a sip from the cup admiring the scent from the tea, before looking again towards Furihata, "Why did you ran to the scene, I told you to leave."

Furihata's eyes widen and suddenly went down on his knees and bowed his head, Akashi was surprised at the other's abrupt actions making him flinch. "I-I'm so sorry!" Furihata exclaimed apologetically, "I'll take any due punishment for me, just please don't exile me from the Palace, I-I have nowhere to go!"

Akashi sighed, "I am not punishing you, Kouki. I am…merely curious."

Furihata raised his head looking at Akashi with surprised expression, "W-Well…I…" Furihata sat on his bended knees as he tried to remind himself what on earth was he thinking back then. He remember being asked to get tea for the Emperor, however as soon as he got away from the sight he heard Kuroko's voice. Kuroko never raised his voice, running back he found the two. "I…I thought…I should stop Shujo."

"Stop me?" Akashi raised a brow, did Kuroko taught Furihata what happens to those who stop the Emperor? However something about the way Furihata's eyes flicker made Akashi hesitant to make any further comment.

"I-I was…scared…"

"Am I that really frightening?" Akashi found himself asking out loud, no one had actually dare to say that until now. They all masked it with a smile, with pleasantries. It was the first time someone actually dare speak and voice their opinion about their impression of the Emperor. Akashi expected Furihata to confirm that question, however—

Furihata shook his head vehemently. What a strange man, he did say he was scared, if not because of him, then…of what?

"I-I wasn't scared of Shujo…I learned yesterday…Shujo isn't really someone I should be afraid of, n-not in the sense of how I am afraid he would raise a fist at me, or something like that…Shujo isn't like that. But…earlier, I was scared…I was scared that Shujo might do something he didn't really mean to." Furihata said quietly, "He wasn't really angry, he was just…he wants denka to understand something, I-I don't know what that is but I know Shujo looked at Denka with a look of concern."

"You think too highly of me Kouki."

"B-But…isnt that the truth Shujo?" Furihata said almost whispering. He saw it even with the way he grabbed Kuroko. Even with the threat of his words, Akashi looked at Kuroko in a way a mother would when he scolds her children about lying. His ways might be a little harsher, that was what Furihata only concerned himself. When he run to Kuroko's side, he saw the way Akashi's eyes gleam with concern towards his brother—did I push him too hard, did I hurt him?—his eyes were saying those words. Akashi Seijuuro might be a bit harsh and hard with his words and action however he meant well. "Shujo only meant well."

Akashi stared at Furihata's eyes, no, he wasn't saying this because he wanted to be in Akashi's good side, which was weird, because normally people would. Furihata Kouki was doing this, speaking honestly, speaking his thoughts, unconsciously. Furihata Kouki, a terribly real thing in a terribly fake world. "I-I mean, if you were really mean, if His Highness really meant to hurt Kuroko-denka you wouldn't have asked me how he was doing, i-instead you'd laugh o-or say that it was only due f-for someone like him o-or some evil stuff like that." Evil? Akashi pursed his lips supressing a laugh from erupting from his lips, just where does this boy picks up his vocabulary? And where is he even getting this information, ah he prayed only that Kuroko isnt feeding him some stupid children stories about a evil madman and a stupid damsel in constant distress, or a fire breathing dragon that lives on a faraway land. "A-Anyway…m-my point is, Shujo has a reason why he did what he did."

"You're awfully talkative Kouki, that I must say."

Furihata blushed and found himself falling from the other's trick again, Akashi only asked a few question and he practically decided the whole course of the conversation by dominating it with his nonsense. Looking up he thought he'd found the usual serious Akashi Seijuuro, however, when he looked up he saw the very same Akashi he saw there back in the forest, a simple young man smiling. Smiling. The word was as rare as the blue moon to see in the face of His Highness, and yet there was he, there was Furihata looking at him, again.

"…H-His Highness…looks different w-with a s-smile…like that."

Akashi was stunned, was he…smiling? He suppressed the urge to reach up to his lips and confirm the other's statement. However, he found that there was no need to, he could see that same gentle smile creeping in the lips of the brunette. For a moment that smile was able to wash away the migraine off his system, the room felt lighter in just a split second. "Why, do I smile differently?" Akashi found himself asking the other. Furihata nodded meekly and he replied only with a satisfied hum.

"Do you think, Tetsuya shares the same view of you towards my action?" Akashi found himself asking. What was he doing, his rational self was screaming, why was asking the opinion of a peasant? However something inside was telling him, Furihata wouldn't lie, he wouldn't say things just to make him satisfied, he won't be like the others-Furihata is the only one.

Furihata looked up at the other seemingly slightly frightened, however, the other just as what the Emeperor expected answered him with all sincerity, "I-I…I don't know, h-he might be confused…as to why…e-even I, myself, is confused as to the reason why H-His Majesty did it—though I-I know he didn't mean denka any harm, t-things may be s-slightly different…i-if we don't s-speak thoroughly p-people m-may take it differently, a-after all a-actions m-may have d-different interpretations…h-he might think you were a-angry…well, t-that's just i-in my opinion."

Different…interpretations. Could it be…could it be that day as well, could it be different if he told Kuroko that it wasn't his fault that the boy died? Would it be different if he had only spoke to the other? If he did only something back then, would Kuroko be different now, wouldn't he close himself from the others, would Kuroko look at things better if he only didn't let the others interpret things on his own? Could it be…the reason for the frozen look in his beloved brother…was his own fault? He had the power to hold and manipulate a huge Empire in the palm of his hands but yet he could barely save his brother from the utter pain of someone precious to him being taken away. Was it…after all his fault?

"S-Shujo?" The voice broke him from his trance state. Akashi looked at the brunette with questioning look.

"What is it?"

"You…looked…angry, for a moment."

Yeah, that was right. He had always been angry, angry at himself, for being so feeble, so…human. People praised him, cherished his existence like a God, but in reality…he was just some failure, failure as a brother, as a son. What kind of brother and son was he when he couldn't even protect his younger siblings, instead they had to do that for him. Kuroko became the way he is because of him, for him. If only he was better, if he could have protected them, if only if he wasn't naïve. "Maybe I am." Akashi whispered. And now, he was facing it yet again, the same thing. How could he protect Kuroko, what will happen to his already broken brother if Kagami would ever fall to the same fate as Ogiwara Shigehiro? It would kill him, it would kill him now to see Kuroko with the same expression he wore that day. He wouldn't be able to look at Kuroko's self-loathing figure, he would not be able to take the thought that he could have done something, or that he made the wrong decisions. It was supposed to be his job to lead them, not mislead them. There was the pain somewhere in the pit of his stomach, regret, anger, guilt? Akashi didn't really know what he was feeling, somehow the pain in his head started again.

Furihata stared at Akashi unsure what to say, he didn't know the brothers, and he was sure what to tell him. Was living such a responsibility filled life caused him to be filled with all these feelings, if it was the price to pay for power then Furihata was glad he refused it.

"Kouki would you...listen to my nonsense ramblings of miserable soul?" Akashi found himself saying, he doesn't know why he suddenly asked Furihata that. However, he just felt secured, maybe it was his constant fear of him punishing the other, or maybe it was just Furihata himself-it was Furihata's whole personality that mad him feel relaxed. It wasn't the tea, it was Furihata's presence. The boy's utter normality and average personality made Akashi feel that there was no need for pleasantries, there was no need for all the fake smiles and formalities-as if he could be himself with him. Furihata nodded as expected, he was starting to think that the brunette could not say no to anyone in particular. Furihata Kouki, is the perfect example of kindness and innocence. "Would you swear not to tell a single soul?"

"Y-Yes, I-I swear in my name..."

"Then...tell me Kouki...if I am wrong..."

Kuroko Tetsuya is hard to please, Kuroko Tetsuya had always lived up by the rule, Kuroko Tetsuya was the gem of the Crimson Palace, beauty hidden from the eyes of the commoners. Kuroko Tetsuya was given only but the best from his clothes, to instructors, food, and even treatment. Kuroko Tetsuya had everything—except freedom. He wasn't allowed to go outside, talk to normal people, show his face. His life was already planned ahead of him. He will inherit the title of his mother, he will be the shadow of his eldest brother's light. He will protect him just like the legend of the shadow stated, he will be the spirit that will bring down the judgement among this land, the dark side of the moon. He had thought at some point when he was younger the sad turn of his life, however as time passed he had grown to embrace this. It had somehow become simply a part of him. Just like the moon, beautiful, fair, precious—that is what most people see, however there was of him intended not to be seen. Someone like him was supposed not to feel, feelings get in the way of judgement. Feelings were…unneeded. To protect the Kingdom, to protect the Emperor, just like that he needs to abandon it. To be far away, quiet and stoic just like the moon.

"They are part of the new recruits." Imayoshi Souchi said as he stood there with the fifth prince in the balcony overlooking the training grounds. Down below them were fresh from the training, they proudly wore the armor of the empire. It never failed to make the fifth prince proud of the people of their Empire. It was something that a few knows, Aomine Daiki is only a front, yes the man fights and leads the Imperial Army however, the true persona behind the Empire's Defensive and Aggressive faction is not the powerful and unstoppable prince and warrior, but rather the presumed quiet and frail fifth prince. He was the mind behind the it with the aid of the Imayoshi Souchi. The man himself fears the battle knowledge of the fifth prince. "What can you say?"

"I believe Aomine-denka would be enough to polish them." He said with his usual poker face.

It was then when among those numbers, a brunette stopped, Kuroko was awed when he saw the other turned to their way up. He squinted his eyes and immediately bowed his head, Kuroko could not help but to chuckle to the other's humble antics. "Ah, please stop striking and stealing the hearts of our soldiers." Imayoshi joked.

"I am doing no such thing Minister."

"Ah, yes, yes, keep telling that to yourself."

That boy…was Ogiwara Shigehiro, a young man from a small simple family in Yosen, his mother a widow, and Ogiwara was her only son. Despite the woman's constant refusal to the boy's wish to join the army due to the danger it imposed, Ogiwara stilled continued. For the Empire, he said. The determination in those eyes were beautiful, he has no special talent, nothing but an average young man but the light in his eyes Kuroko admired most. The prince didn't know when he started watching them practice, nor did he realized the interest he had to the young man. However, the prince kept his distance. He was a bit too young to know these complex things, he told himself. However…

"Denka!" Kuroko stopped and turned towards the source of the noise, he was shock to found the brunette being pulled by the Imperial Guards, he was forcefully being pushed to go down to his knees.

"Insolent!" The guards exclaimed, "You could only stay there! Keep your distance to His Majesty!"

Kuroko raised his hand without speaking, he was told that speaking with commoners isnt suited for such an ethereal being. His face was hidden beneath the half white veil from his nose down his neck. Kuroko's eyes widen when he found the item the brunette had in hand.

"Let him go."

The party was shock hearing the prince spoke in te presence of a commoner, "Your Majest you can't—"

"Do I have to repeat myself?" Kuroko asked, the party stilled and fell in silence, the guards released the young man. His clothes were now filthy, and his hands were filled with dirt, however…"Stand and face me." he ordered.

Ogiwara stood and dusted off his trousers which actually didn't help that much. He smiled widely, Kuroko was taken aback with the happiness radiating from the other. "Sorry, I didn't mean to do scare you." The other said, Kuroko remained in a safe distance from the other. "I really kinda…wanted to see what the fifth prince looks like." Ogiwara Shigehiro was one of those, Kuroko thought, he was one of those whose curiosity was piqued from the secrecy of his identity. The brunette chuckled, "Ah, man, sorry I'm kinda fidgeting, I-I didn't know you were this beautiful upfront."

"Ah! You insolent how dare you speak to His Majesty without—"

Kuroko raised his hand again, telling them to let the young man speak without interruptions. Strangely Kuroko didn't mind the way this boy seemed to call him beautiful, though most of the time Kuroko would be angry. He felt people only cared because he look like his mother. However the way Ogiwara looked at him, he looked at him like there was just nothing much worth looking at than him. His heart went wild in his chest as he tried his best to conceal his raging thoughts. What a dare devil this Ogiwara Shigehiro. The brunet outstretched his hand holding a bouquet of primroses.

"That…where did you get them?" Kuroko asked, it was rare to see a primrose in Rakuzan, and buying flowers isn't something a young man who is constantly training with the rest of the army would do in his free time. Primroses were known in Yosen.

"I grew them."

Kuroko couldn't help but chuckle, look at this young man, a part of the Imperial Army whose past time is to grow primroses. However the gesture was very endearing, he grew them and that takes time and effort, just to give to him. Kuroko smiled and reached the bouquet despite the warnings of his attendants Kuroko accepted the humble gift. "I shall accept them, thank you…Ogiwara-kun."

Ogiwara became frequent sight in the eyes of the fifth prince, he would come by the practice secretly watching the brunette from afar, and the look his eyes gave-the Emperor would never forget. He didn't say anything, it was due to the smile the fifth prince would secretly wear whenever he grazes the primroses, or hear the brunette's silly jokes. Akashi was afraid to destroy the smallest, the only thing that made his brother smile like that since the death of their mother. Without even saying anything or admitting, he knew that his brother had given already his heart to the soldier. And that made Akashi's chest churn in pain, when one falls in love one forgets one thing-reality.

However, sometimes reality has a harsh way of waking someone up.

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"What's the problem?" Kuroko asked Aomine who just finished speaking with Akashi, the Emperor left with a frown in his face. The prince shook his head, eyes widen Kuroko felt his hands lose its sensation, the seedlings of his new favourite plant fell on the floor.

"The eight squad fell in the hands of the enemies, we…Akashi suggest that we…leave that be."

Sacrifices

In war, there were sacrifices, real lives are thrown. Kuroko Tetsuya ever since his birth should have known this, Kuroko…knows, however…

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"Brother! Brother!" Akashi turned facing his younger brother, his cold mismatched eyes looked at the icy blue eyes shock at the expression they held. Aniue—brother, since when was the last time did he called him that? Kuroko could barey remember, however the over flowing pain in his chest didn't give a care about formalities, he held on that faint hope that his brother would grant his feeble wish, his stupid silly wish. "Is it true a-about the eight squad!"

"Yes."

"Why? B-Brother, why? Why was I not consulted about this?"

"Tetsuya…you know the answer already, don't you?"

For the Empire,

For the peace, for…the good of the people, their Mother always told them that. And withou a word Kuroko accepted that, that stupid petty excuse to beautify and veil the truth that people died, the person his brother loved died, and he could have done something.

His beloved brother wept without tears falling from his eyes, Akashi watched powerless, unable to heal those bleeding wounds.

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"And I had to watch all that before my eyes...I couldn't save my brother...my only beloved brother." Akashi said almost i a hushed voice. It has been long buried deep within his consciousness, unwilling to admit that he could have done something and yet he didn't and that resulted to his own brother's demise. He risked his own brother's happiness for the Empire, he sold his own blood relative's chance to be happy just for that moment. Chuckling humorlessly, Akashi turned and smiled again at Furihata, he didn't know why only now, why his eyes felt hot. He didn't understand why the feelings he repressed for so long comes back and right in front of a commoner to boot-

"Now tell me again, tell me I was not a bad person."

BRING ME BACK MY SON!"

The words rang loudly in his ears, the woman crying in the doors of the outer courts. It was Ogiwara's mother, she looked like she hasn't eaten in days, nor slept. Wars take a lot of things, in war no one truly triumphs. People like Ogiwara becomes a hero, however, a mother does not need a hero, a mother…wishes for his son. A child does not need a medal of honor for his Father's bravery, a child needs a father. The war ended, Teiko won yet again, however, at the expense of lives.

How naïve…

Kuroko Tetsuya…had spent so long being naïve. And the person who opened his eyes, had to leave so early. Kuroko blamed himself, just like how the woman cursed his existence. If he didn't met Ogiwara Shigehiro in the first place would things be different?

"Don't you have any shame on yourself? Don't you even care? My son died for you! And where were you? Where were you when he needed you?"

…Where was he when Ogiwara needed him? Where was…he? What did he even do for him? The boy went out the battlefield to protect him, and Teiko…and yet they abandoned them. Kuroko clenched his hand into a fist, swearing to himself, he wouldn't repeat the same mistake…

Of letting someone in…

Emotions…are unneeded.

You only give people the warrant to hurt you.

When they leave…

They take a huge chunk of your sanity.

Kuroko Tetsuya…was never…will never be the same.

Kuroko wanted to shut all those painful memories off his head, the ringing noises he prayed would give him peace as sat in his bed, his chest hurt for some reason. He declined doing any of his duty that morning, he didn't feel good, he told his people and he needed rest. But in reality he just didn't want to speak to anyone. He prayed that in silence he would come to realize his own thoughts, prayed that spending time in silence would do the trick again, he'd fall asleep at one point then he'd forget about it—the look Akashi gave him, and that sudden feeling of fear in his chest.

Akashi...his brother, he knows what he wanted, but it was difficult. Kuroko had sworn to himself, do he wish for him to betray himself? And thinking about it he didn't say anything, Kagami must have assumed he was some normal commoner, did he lied to him? He didn't told him the truth even if he had the chance, maybe it is. Closing his eyes, he tightly held the ornament in hand. Tomorrow, Kagami would be gone. It shouldn't be a big deal, this is something he knew from the beginning. And he should be happy, right? The war was avoided, everyone could go back to the way it was before…right? There was no need to see him, there was no need to be afraid of his departure. It will just another goodbye, it wasn't as if this had been something new to him. He was supposed to have been stronger after that, he had sworn…he had sworn never to fall for this kind of trick, right? He promised their mother that he would put his brother on top of his priority, more than anything—anything.

And yet…why? Why did he felt like his chest was being hammered at that moment? Looking at the small item in his hand he wondered why did he do it, it was only a simple cheap object. Akashi was right, he could have someone else do it, if not even a better version of the item. Yet he couldn't let go, he begged his brother to give it back. Didn't he promised himself, that there will be no other much important Akashi?

A soft knock resounded in the front door, "Its me," it was Momoi's voice. Kuroko was unable to respond, his throat felt dry but he knows the other would welcome herself in. When the door opened Kuroko didn't look up or greeted the other, he was waist deep in thought. Momoi was shock when a news came that Kuroko had cancelled his morning tasks because he wasn't feeling well, concerned washed over the informant and she decided to visit the other in his room. But as she slid open the door and saw Kuroko, she knew instantly, it was just a simple feeling ill.

"Tetsu-kun?" Momoi called the other using a nickname they used when they were younger, she slipped next to the prince and looked at the sad eyes of the prince. It made her shock to see the prince letting an expression show in his face. "Please don't tell me you're alright Tetsu-kun, I see that you are not."

"Please leave me alone." Kuroko said almost whispering.

"I can't." Was all that Momoi said, she stood in front of Kuroko and watched the boy's expression it was so long since she had seen something genuine in the other's face, unfortunately it had to be this. When they were younger, even being such a small frail looking boy Kuroko had always been the one who stood in front of him and reprimanded the fourth prince for teasing her. He had always been the one protecting his older brothers, but no one had seem to look at this boy and realize he's a bit too wounded to be standing alone. People forget just because they are strong that doesn't mean they don't feel anymore. Momoi knelt on her knees and scooped the hands of the prince into hers, she felt him tensed from the contact however she continued. She knows the prince was never fond of close proximity contact but she thought that for now, this is alright. "Tetsu-kun what is bothering you?"

"Nothing."

Momoi chuckled dryly, ah, he always do this. Mask it all, he would even go far as to lie to himself. Who was he even trying to hurt even more but himself. "Its not nothing Tetsu-kun." Momoi said. "I can see it, and I want to at least hear why."

"Momoi-san please—"

"When will we stop running away?" Momoi said making Kuroko's eyes widen, "When will you stop hurting yourself? Look at yourself, Tetsu-kun you're blaming yourself again even without telling me I can see that, and I-I can't watch it anymore."

"I don't know what you're saying Momoi-san."

"I know you do." Momoi said her tone a bit more serious, "Its not your fault Ogiwara-kun die—"

"Don't say it!" Kuroko exclaimed putting his hands over his ears, "I-I have enough!"

"Tetsu-kun you cannot always run! You cannot always think its not gonna happen again, you cannot close yourself! And we beg you not to!"

Silence…

"Tetsu-kun, please…I don't know what happened, but I can't look at you like that, what about us, have you thought what we felt when we saw you like that? Dying inside, closing and building that wall around yourself. That's not the Tetsu we know—"

"He's not coming back Momoi-san! The Tetsuya you know, he's not coming back!"

Momoi bit her lower lip, why…what did Kuroko do to deserve this? What did Kuroko had to do to fall in this kind of state. He couldn't even trust anyone, not even himself. Momoi turned away, the truth that she couldn't convince him that he was better than he thinks was there. Even how much she says, even how true her words were, she wasn't the right person. It was just like a medicine, even how effective or how many dosage she gives, if it isn't the correct one, she could never heal him. If not…she'll just poison him even more. Momoi shook her head and decided to leave.

As the door closed behind Momoi, Kuroko clenched his hand into the item.

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Save me…please…