Facing Donnie again that evening is hard. April still wants to feel guilty, but she doesn't. Not one bit.
And it confuses her.
Everything about last night confuses her.
At least she's able to mask her confusion with some anger that Donnie didn't wake her that morning.
"But you looked so peaceful and sweet in your sleep!" Donnie defends himself which makes Raph make some gagging noises behind his back. "And after all these headaches I thought you might need some more rest."
"It doesn't matter," April says. "I had classes this morning and you let me sleep in."
"Why didn't you set your alarm clock then!?" Donnie's voice gets only a tiny bit louder, a sign that he's really getting angry.
His brothers hear it, too, and Leo and Mikey choose to leave the main area. Only Raph remains, watching them with a small smirk curling his mouth. April really feels like punching his face.
But this is not about Raph, heck, it isn't even about Donnie! It's about her! Her and not feeling guilty when she should.
"Because ... ," she starts, but she really has no idea what she could reply. It is her fault, she knows that. She should have set her alarm clock. And even more importantly, she shouldn't let it out on Donnie because she's confused.
She stops, setting her jaw into a hard line and sucking in a deep breath.
"I'm going," she says, turning on her heels and leaving the lair again.
She hears Donnie call after her, but he doesn't follow.
Again, April waits for the pang of guilt, again, it doesn't come.
Right before she climbs up the ladder to the surface, she punches the wall for good measure, letting out a cry of … well, of what, exactly? Anger? Frustration? She doesn't know and it doesn't help.
Her hand is still hurting when she arrives at Murakami's.
She looks around the restaurant. There are only a few customers there, and April realizes she's looking for someone special, but she isn't there.
Of course she isn't.
With a sigh April slumps down at the bar.
"April-chan!" Murakami greets her. "I didn't expect you today."
"Well, I really need some pizza gyoza right now," she replies.
"Bad day?" Murakami asks, frowning.
"Sort of."
He leaves it at that and starts preparing her order.
"Sort of?" a voice asks as someone takes a seat next to April, and the red-headed woman isn't sure if she should be angry or relieved that Karai showed up.
"Yeah, sort of," April repeats. She isn't going to give Karai any more than that. Then she cocks her head. "How do you do that?" she asks.
"Do what?" Karai asks back.
"Show up when no one expects you to."
Karai laughs silently. "One of the perks of being a kunoichi. Not that you'd know of." She nods towards April slightly bruised hand. "Got into a fight?"
April hides her hand under the counter. "Sort of."
"Are these your favorite words today?" Karai asks with another laugh.
"Sort of," April replies, and then they both laugh.
They don't talk much after that, just sit side by side, April eating her pizza gyoza and Karai sipping her sake.
But when April leaves Murakami's two hours later, she really does feel better.
Back at the lair, she still doesn't know how to act around Donnie, and he doesn't seem to know what to do either, so they tiptoe around each other.
April waits a while after Donnie has already gone to bed, before she goes to his room. She sits down on the edge of the bed, slipping out of her boots.
She only jumps a little when Donnie suddenly hugs her from behind and presses her back against his plastron.
"I'm sorry," he whispers into her ear.
"It's okay, you only surprised me," she replies, knowing exactly that that isn't what he apologized for.
"I'm sorry," Donnie says again, starting to kiss her neck. "I'm sorry."
April closes her eyes and enjoys the warmth of Donnie's arms, the prickle of his kisses.
That night, Donnie makes her come again.