RWBY belongs to Rooster Teeth. If it belonged to me, Yang would give her sister some "hands on" sex education.

Volume 4 begins in less than three weeks! (At the time of this writing.) Here's hoping Neptune dies! Horribly!

Chapter 8

"Ah, the Vytal festival!" Weiss said uncharacteristically cheerfully. "This is gonna be so fucking great!"

"It's not like you to have some fucks to give about something that doesn't relate to being a hunter," Ruby pointed out. "It's kinda freaking me out."

Weiss shrugged. "Well, I'm mostly just looking forward to kicking some ass in the tournament."

"Gotta agree with you there," Blake said, "I'm not just going to beat the competition. I'm gonna humiliate them."

Ruby grinned savagely. "We're going to beat them so badly it'll satisfy me sexually." She thought for a moment. "I've been meaning to ask, why are we here at the docks?"

"Students from other schools are supposed to start arriving at Vale today," Weiss explained. "I want to learn about them so I can figure out any weaknesses they might have beforehand." She thought for a moment. "Maybe sabotage them."

"Ooh, I like that idea!" Ruby said, grinning. "Maybe we could ambush them before the tournament!"

"Or we could find a way to drug some of them," Blake suggested.

"I could fuck some of them so hard they'd be in a coma!" Yang spoke up.

"I doubt that would work," Blake said.

"Actually, it would." Ruby countered. "She's done it before. There's a neighbor boy back home who still hasn't woken up."

Weiss and Blake stared incredulously. Yang's attention, however, became occupied elsewhere. "Check out the hunky cops!"

The other girls rolled their eyes, but looked where Yang was looking nonetheless, only to see the cops Yang was talking about standing in front of what looked like a shop with the windows broken and police tape across the front. Curious, the girls walked up.

"What happened here?" Ruby asked.

"Robbery," one of the officers replied. "Second Dust shop to be hit this week."

"Who needs that much Dust?" the other cop asked.

"I dunno. An army?"

"You thinking the White Fang?"

"I'm thinking we don't get paid enough."

"I'll bet they're right," Weiss said, her good mood gone, "the White Fang would definitely rob a shit-ton of Dust stores like that."

"Would, yes. Could, no." Blake replied. "That collection of idiots and pussies hasn't been worth anything since they kicked me out." The other three girls turned and stared at the cat faunus. "What?" she asked. She thought for a second. "Oh, right. I used to be a member of the White Fang. Did I not mention that yet?"

The pending questions were interrupted by a shout of "Stop that faunus!" Turning towards the docks where the shout had come from, the girls saw Sun Wukong leaping out of an arriving ship.

"Get back here, you fucking stowaway!" one of his pursuers shouted.

"Kiss my ass!" the monkey faunus cheerfully replied as he took off, passing Team RWBY and winking at Blake… who responded by flipping him off.

As Sun took off, followed by the aforementioned pursuers, Ruby commented: "Do you think that he's here for the tournament?"

"About the right age, obvious huntsman training, and he came here on a boat," Blake said. "So yeah, probably."

"Quick! We need to observe him!" Weiss shouted and with that, Team RWBY took off, only to come to a stop when the Schnee heiress collided with a orange-haired girl. Weiss quickly got back up, the monkey faunus forgotten. "Oh shit!"

Penny Poledina smiled cheerfully, uncaring that she was on the ground. "Sal-u-tations!" she said happily.

"Um… hi?" Weiss replied.

"Are you okay?" Yang asked, "We'd better make sure you aren't hurt anywhere; strip down and-"

Blake interrupted her. "Would you stop thinking with your vag for five minutes?!"

"No."

"Do you… want to get up?" Ruby asked.

Penny appeared to think about it for a second. "Yes!" She then stood up, and as Team RWBY took a simultaneous step back, she said, "My name is Penny. It's a pleasure to meet you!"

"Uh… I'm Ruby," replied- guess who- Ruby.

"I'm Weiss."

"I'm Blake."

"Why did we introduce ourselves in the order of our team name?" Yang asked. "Oh, I'm Yang, by the way."

"It's a pleasure to meet you!" Penny said.

"You already said that." Weiss deadpanned.

"…so I did!" Penny replied, not losing her cheerful smile for a second.

"Well, sorry for running into you!" Ruby said, and she and her team turned to walk away.

"That was fucking weird," Yang said.

"Now, about what you were saying before we were interrupted," Weiss said to Blake, only to notice the cat faunus wasn't looking at her.

"She's following us." Blake said.

The other three girls turned and saw that Penny was indeed following them. "Uh, Penny, why are you following us?" Ruby asked.

"Because we're friends!" Penny answered, beaming.

"No, we're not." Weiss said flatly. "Now please go away, we were in the middle of something."

"Okay, new friend!"

"We're not- oh forget it."

"Okay, before something else happens, Blake, would you mind explaining?" Weiss said.

"Well, as I said earlier, I used to be a member of the White Fang," Blake began, "but those pussies kicked me out."

"Why?" Yang asked.

"Stupid bullshit. They claimed I was 'unstable' and that I kept 'attacking other members with little to no provocation', and other stupid fucking reasons. Also, I made a few of our younger members cry," Blake answered.

Ruby, Yang, and Weiss all exchanged a quick glance. That was Blake, all right.

"Anyway, getting back to the issue of the Dust robberies," Weiss said, "you said that the White Fang couldn't pull them off?"

"I'm confident they can't," Blake replied. "The White Fang are a bunch of pathetic morons."

"You know," a new voice piped up, "there's one way to prove for sure that they did or didn't do it." The girls quickly turned towards the voice and saw a certain monkey faunus perched on a lamppost. "Hi. I'm Sun."

"Are you sure this is it?" Blake asked Sun as the five teens watched over the docks. It was dark and quiet.

"Definitely." Sun replied, "They kept saying how huge the SDC shipment is." He turned to Weiss. "I'm surprised you don't know anything about it."

The heiress snorted. "Just because I'm gonna run the company someday, doesn't mean I have any say yet. I don't even have a fucking position, because in case you haven't noticed, I'm still underaged."

Any further discussion was cut off by the arrival of an airship which landed and opened its loading doors. Figures wearing familiar looking (to Blake) uniforms stepped out.

"What. The. Fuck?!" Blake snarled. "When did they become competent?!"

Before the others could reply, an unfamiliar voice sounded from the ship: "Let's get a move on, idiots!" Five sets of eyes widened when the disgraced former General James Ironwood stepped into view.

"That fucking traitor!" Weiss snarled, her intention to gloat forgotten.

"Something's wrong," Blake said, "the White Fang would never work with a human."

"Maybe it isn't really them," Yang suggested. "Maybe they're just wearing the uniforms to throw off the authorities."

As the grunts began to get to work one of them, not looking where he was pointing his rifle, accidentally shot one of his fellow members in the head, blowing his brains out.

"No, that's the White Fang, all right," Blake grumbled.

Suddenly, a pair of large vans drove up, and men dressed the same way as the thugs Ruby had fought that night at the Dust shop began spilling out. Ruby's jaw dropped as she recognized the self-proclaimed criminal mastermind who followed them.

"Excuse me," Roman said conversationally, "we've got plans for this Dust, so if you wouldn't mind, please get the fuck out of here."

"We were here first," Ironwood retorted, "Leave, and we'll let you live. Try and fight, and you will die."

"Oh?" Roman said. "Now that would be intimidating, if you were… well, intimidating."

Ironwood's eyes narrowed. "Are you mocking me?"

"No, no, no," Roman said, then snickered. "Yeah." With that, he gestured for his men to attack, and Ironwood did the same.

It soon became clear that both sides were equally incompetent. One of Roman's thugs lifted the axe he was carrying high above his head, only to smack it into the head of a fellow thug behind him. One of the White Fang grunt tripped over a rock, his arms flailing and smacking into a nearby thug's nether regions.

"I honestly can't tell if this is funny or sad," Weiss said as the five teens watched the alleged "battle".

"Well, not everybody there is completely pathetic." Ruby pointed out, gesturing to the center of the brouhaha, where Ironwood and Roman were engaged in battle. Despite Roman's earlier bluster, it was clear he stood no chance against the former General. He was knocked back with a vicious punch to the solar plexus, while Ironwood drew his pistol with his non-punching hand. Before he could aim it, however, there was a flash of light to his left, and a certain tri-colored girl kicked him in the face. As Ironwood stumbled back, Roman, having recovered, brought up Melodic Cudgel and fired. His opponent barely dodged.

"Now this is entertaining!" Yang said.

"What's entertaining?" The five teens jumped at the voice behind them.

"Penny?! What the fuck are you doing here?!" Ruby demanded.

"Hi guys! What are you up to?" the named girl said cheerfully.

"Penny, would you please just go awa-" Ruby was cut off when a stray shot from Melodic Cudgel hit her in the back.

As the other girls helped Ruby up, Penny glared at the direction the shot had come from, her ever-present smile gone. She stormed towards the chaotic fight from the teens' vantage point.

"Uh… Penny, what are you doing?" Yang asked.

"Don't worry Yang," Penny replied. "I'm combat ready!"

"'Combat ready?'" Weiss asked. Then as Penny's back opened as several swords came out, the Schnee heiress said, "Oh, she's a robot. Now I see."

"I wonder if she's anatomically correct." Yang stated.

(A/N: Seriously, did anybody NOT figure out that Penny was a robot before the so-called "reveal"? The line "I'm combat ready" alone is a dead giveaway.)

"Well, whatever the case," Ruby said, having recovered, "she's not going down there alone. Fuck this standing around bullshit." With that, she whipped out Crescent Rose and headed after Penny. The other girls followed suit. Sun sighed, then followed.

Inside one of the vans, Cinder facepalmed as she recognized the girls (or rather two of them) joining the fracas. So much for them not getting involved, she thought.

"Hey!" Weiss shouted as she ran up to where Ironwood was fighting Roman and Neo. "You fucking traitor!"

"I'm the traitor?!" Ironwood snarled, recognizing the Schnee heiress. "I served Atlas for over three decades, only to have everything taken away from me!"

"Oh, boo-hoo!" Weiss retorted. "You constantly fucked up, and my sister had to bail out your dumb ass over and over again."

"Don't talk to me about your sister!" Ironwood shouted. "It's all her fault my life was ruined!"

Weiss snorted. "There are these things, they are called fucks; I do not give them." The former General bristled at that, but took a shot from Melodic Cudgel before he could say anything more.

"You do remember that we're fighting here, right, General?" Roman asked. "Oh, and Ice Bitch, this isn't any of your business." He then fired at Weiss, who managed to dodge. The shot went wide, blasting a nearby storage unit… that just so happened to contain a shit load of Fire Dust. The resulting explosion knocked everyone on their respective asses.

As the various combatants began to recover, they began to notice a sound growing louder: sirens.

"Shit!" Roman snarled. "Time to leave!"

"Dammit," Ironwood growled, and shouted to the White Fang, "Retreat!"

"Well, that was disappointing," Ruby grumbled. "I barely got any chance to fight."

She and the rest of Team RWBY were standing around while the police looked over the scene. The four teens (they had no idea where Penny and Sun had gone) had already answered all their questions (while making sure to omit any mention of Blake's past).

"Now that that's over," Yang said, "there's only one thing to do."

A few hours later, the girls were back at their dorms. The air was thick with smoke, and they were sitting on the ground with goofy grins on their faces.

"Where'd you get this stuff, Yang?" Ruby asked. "It's way better than your normal stash."

"It's Glynda's," the blonde brawler replied.

"How'd you get this from her?" Weiss said.

Before Yang could answer, her sister interrupted her: "You fucked her, didn't you?"

"Damn right I did," Yang said proudly, before noticing Blake staring at her hands. "What's up, kitty cat?"

"My hands are huge," the cat faunus replied.

Ironwood swore as he and the White Fang milled around their hideout. A pair of twins walked up to him.

"You, like, should have taken us there," Militia Malachite said.

"Yeah," her twin Melanie agreed, "we want to, like, avenge Junior, and stuff."

In a different criminal hideout, Roman groaned as Cinder walked up to him. "Listen, I know it was a bust…"

"Actually, it wasn't," Cinder corrected him. "During the chaos, Emerald and Mercury managed to snatch a rather large amount of Dust from the shipment. Not as much as we had intended, but it still wasn't a total loss."

Roman's eyebrows went up. That was news to him. To his side, Neo copied his expression.

Cinder continued: "All in all, is seems this job went off… with a bang." She flashed a shit-eating grin not unlike a certain promiscuous blonde. Roman rolled his eyes, while Neo shook her head. Cinder wasn't done, however. "And it seems Ironwood's activities were revealed… with a Fang." Roman groaned, while Neo facepalmed. Cinder finished in her head: And the girls' involvement began… with a Yang.

End of Chapter 8

Action scenes are a bit of a weakness of mine.