A.N. I don't know why I didn't post this sooner....I even forgot I had this chapter already finished.... Well I Should get seven up tomorrow, and then I'll probably wait until next week to post something...

Chapter 6

I stepped into Kyon's house everything was familiar, yet it didn't belong to me, It seemed almost as if I was back home, to my home. After taking off my shoes, I was going to go up stairs to Kyon's room when my mother stopped me. She looks the same, all her facial features were the same, but I knew it wasn't her, for sure her mannerisms would be different. Everything about who they were was different other than how they looked.

"Did you come home alone?" She quizzed.

"Yes, Kyon is in a club, so I had to come alone," I answered while looking at the lady that only resembled my mother.

"Oh, I see but you shared the same bike this morning," she uttered.

"I came walking," I quickly chimed in.

"We didn't know about this, we'll buy you your own bike later."

What's the point of that, this should be all over before this week is even done with, I'm sure by then we'll find a way to make everything go back to normal. To get you ,my mother, back as well as my dad, to go back to wherever it is my brother is. All of that will be done before this week is over, so why even bother; it'd just be a waste of money. For all I know maybe he'll figure it out by today, and then I'll have my own bike back, the one I used since school began. I really do hope he does make it go back.

"It's fine. I really don't mind walking," I said with a smile on my face; smiling was the only way my mother would believe that I was okay with walking home.

If only that was true...

I walked away and walked up the stairs, all to reach Kyon's room. It wasn't my room, but it did contain my clothing; at least not everything had changed if it had maybe this would have been the one time that I lost my mind. I started to strip removing off my top, then my skirt. There wasn't anyone to walk in me this time, so I didn't even bother shutting the door. Even if someone did open the door to the room, it would be another girl, so what was there to worry about, nothing that's what. I picked something out of my closet and changed into it. Jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt seemed simple enough and I really didn't want to go through my closet simply for clothing. Although I wasn't even going anywhere, which meant I could've put on some sweatpants, this is just in case, I guess though not really. His room, I envy him... I don't feel right going through his stuff even if most of it will probably be the same. I simply ended up watching television downstairs, at least then it felt the same, although the shows weren't even the same... What am I supposed to do now? This day has been too much..... I just want it to end, I want to go back.... there's nothing I can do today, tomorrow it'll be different though, tomorrow he'll figure something out....

NO!

That's not right! I have to do something! If I sit here what will everything I said amount to! I won't back down on what I told myself this mess will be solved by me, the girl version. I won't back down on this simply because I don't seem to fit, maybe my piece attaches to one I've yet to see or maybe all the other puzzle pieces are wrong. Haruki, and me.... what can it mean, what can something as stupid as this mean! Does it have to mean what it means, really? The meaning...Haruhi, Kyon..... if someone who was interested in the same things suddenly appeared before Haruhi, what would Haruhi think? Kyon and me, Haruhi and Haruki, is that how it's supposed to be? My father his words, "even if we planned to get married," it wasn't a joke was it? If that's connected to the true past of this world, I can assume we're supposed to be pretty close, more than 'pretty' actually. To sleep in the same bed with him... what am I supposed to be to him? A girl and a boy, what happens between these two? If they loved each other, many things would occur, kissing, sex, and raising a family. A kiss, the first time it was a kiss, but if Kyon suddenly kissed Haruhi what would happen? I don't know... but that wouldn't get me back, would it?

Hate... love... these emotions that seem to come hand in hand do they play a part here? Haruki, and Haruhi, could it be what I think? Is Kyon supposed to get jealous and therefore confess to Haruhi? It seems possible, but then how would that get me back? Even if they were together, Haruhi would disregard me, and would that mean I'd be sent back? And if that's right why would I be here in the first place? I'm not 'needed' in that case.

If only Haruki was needed, why am I here? My life can't just be controlled by someone else can it? I don't like that idea at all! Kyon, and I, is she supposed to become angry at me? Would Haruhi wish I moved back if she saw me together with Kyon? Would she become jealous of me? Or is it something else. How does she think? Irrationally....but what does that mean?

She's always made Kyon go along with her hasn't' she, then she may feel bad if suddenly something came up that she had to leave him alone. If she's with Haruki, who would Kyon be with? He couldn't be with one of the SOS Brigade members, Haruhi would become angry if suddenly the club was destroyed because of matters of the heart, so the alternative would be to use people outside of the club. I'm not part of the club here. Haruhi fooled herself into thinking of this didn't she? She changed everything to make this work even her own thoughts.

I'm a placeholder until she's gets bored of Haruki..... She needed a break....is that what this is? A break to find out what she really wants? That's incredibly moronic! More so than people who really think people take the time judge others! They don't even bother judging, for judging requires thought, people just put certain labels they found elsewhere on people.

It seems right, I can't do anything but wait then. Is that really the truth? I was simply brought here to take up some of Kyon's time until Haruhi went back to bossing everyone around in the SOS Brigade? I was moved here against my will? Do I really mean nothing more than that in 'this' world? And if so why am I forced to waste my time here!

Why does she use other people? Does she need to use me to feel better about herself? Is this so she doesn't worry about how Kyon feels, is she really that normal of a girl? Can she really fall in love that easily? If she's allowed to have whatever she wants, why can't I? I'm not any different from most girls, I may act like I don't care, but that doesn't mean I don't want a high school romance. I want to have someone to hold my hand while I walk home, some who can cheer me when I'm sad, can I not have someone? Kyon, Nagato, Asahina-sempai, can I have none of them? Haruhi will become bored of Haruki it's only a matter of time when that does happen, she'll go back to Kyon. Even if I did make him love me we couldn't be together she'd make something up to split us apart like me moving. Moving back to where I came from, and when I get there, I still wouldn't be able to have anyone. Koizumi would surely stop me; Haruki wouldn't allow it so what choice do I have? Haruki doesn't care about me, so why can't I hook up with one of the other members? I don't care if he becomes jealous, I don't care if he does realize something then, I don't want to live with some ogre who doesn't care about anyone else! I want to pick my route through life, to not be guided and told what I cannot do, this is my story, and I change it, I make it 'evolve'. I make it so I can live happily, is that not what that would mean? If I suddenly fell deeply in love with Kyon, it wouldn't matter, I have other things to do, I have to see my brother again no matter what.

This is just another one of Haruhi's passing phases. I have to make her hate me by having Kyon love me; actually, Kyon can fake it and I can too. But what if I can't fake it, and it becomes real, what can I do then? Nothing, all I can do is forget this all happened when I get back since I will be going back that's the only choice.

Everything I tell myself means nothing, I can't have anybody, and I know I have to get back, but I don't want to risk falling in love with him. It has to be fake, like the thought that I control my life.

Nothing is ever deep, things are never thought out they're just and remodeled by others, whose work is then remodeled by others until we get something that means nothing in the end, but we think it does mean something. Nothing is ever deep. Nothing....just Haruhi, I'm not deep...I can never hope to be deep, the word 'deep' was created by man, as in humans, therefore, what does it mean?

Chapter 6—End

A.N. Please review...if you have the time.