A/N: I tried for a good long chapter so I hope you enjoy it (: I tried my best to keep OOC-ness to a minimum. The song at the end is "The Devil's Backbone" by The Civil Wars and you should totally listen to it. It's SebastianxCiel AF
Vincent kept his butler busy in the coming days, something Ciel was grateful for. In Sebastian's absence he could think clearly. He could realize the influence the butler had over him, and also the scandal of the son of a nobleman fraternizing with a servant. It didn't stop the chills he got when Sebastian met his eyes but it deterred him from trying to be alone with him. He put Sebastian to the back of his mind the best he was able and focused his attention elsewhere, which turned out to be his family.
Ciel spent most of his days being tutored in academics and the practical skills of a gentleman but he was not so busy that he didn't notice his father's strange behavior. He would go behind closed doors with unsavory looking men and disappear late at night. Sebastian was always at his side, sometimes escorting one of his father's guests outside who looked as though they had been traumatized. With each day that passed it became harder not to think of Sebastian or Alois, leaving Ciel with no choice but keep his mind on something else. His family was proving to be a worthy mystery.
The eve of Alois' funeral found him outside the room where his father often congregated with his guests. Ciel heard the clack of balls being racked for billiards, and his father talking to a heavily accented man. Their voices were joined by an unsettling, high pitched laugh. These were all voices he had heard before. He often lurked in the hallway after he was supposed to be in bed and ducked into the next room over when someone came out of the den. There had been a growing knot in his stomach, one that told him there were things that went on inside his new home that he didn't know about, and he had learned long ago that such ignorance could leave him vulnerable.
"He's not ready," he heard his father snap.
The German with the thick accent said, "How much longer do you intend to wait?"
There was a now familiar chuckle. "Oh, your voice does give me the best laughter. Anywho you should listen to him, Vincent, her Majesty is getting impatient. An awful lot of my customers have that nasty mark on them."
Ciel jumped when someone slammed their hands down, presumably Vincent. "I will not act in haste and allow him to be your next customer. Don't press me. Or have you forgotten what comes of those who cross me?"
"Quit making me laugh, Vincent, I'm going to bust a rib I say! I served your father and his father, I think I'll survive you as well, old friend."
The conversation shifted and Ciel made his leave when he heard people saying their goodbyes. He mulled over what he'd heard on the way back up to his room. Who was Vincent trying to protect? Who in that room could possibly be old enough to have not only served Vincent's father but his grandfather, too? Ciel blew his candle out before anyone could notice he was awake. He had only been able to gather bits and pieces of information from his few nights of eavesdropping but he always left the hallway more confused than when he arrived.
His mind raced long into the night, and it had not slowed down when Sebastian came to wake him. He was already dressed when the butler came in.
"Good morning, my lord, I see you have spared me the trial of awaking you."
"I'm not that hard to wake." He knew this was a lie.
"Your clothing is to your liking, then?"
"It's fine."
Ciel wore all black with a single purple rose tied into the ribbon around his top hat. It had been Alois' favorite color. He was surprised to remember that, as he had never viewed the boy as much more than a pest, but the more he thought back the more of an impression he realized had been left on him by the obnoxious blond.
"You're the curious sort," Sebastian said, kneeling in front of him.
"Pardon?"
"My hearing and sense of smell is quite better than yours. If you think I haven't noticed you listening in on your father's business, you are mistaken."
Ciel's heart, which had already been low on this mournful day, plummeted to his feet. "Does father know? I don't want him to send me back, I-"
"Shh." Sebastian put a white finger to Ciel's lips. "I am the only one who knows and I shall keep it that way unless I am made to answer a question that would betray you. The lord's orders are law to me, I'm afraid."
"What goes on in that room, Sebastian? I have a right to know."
"You are but a child to them, knowledge of your father's work would be no more than a burden as far as he's concerned."
Ciel narrowed his eye. "What about as far as you're concerned? Don't patronize me, either, you know I am no ordinary child. I will find the truth."
"I don't see you as much of a child, as you might have already discovered. However, I'll warn you that you may not like what you find if you keep searching."
"Speak plain!" Ciel snapped, siezing Sebastian by the lapels of his tailcoat.
"I can not, my young lord. I am under strict orders not to divulge any information the lord and lady wish to keep hidden from you. Even if I desired to, I couldn't disobey them. That being said I can't keep you from finding the answer for yourself."
Sebastian placed his hands over Ciel's. He didn't try to remove them from his coat, just held them there with a gentle but meaningful grasp. Ciel looked down at their hands then back to the butler. He understood quite well what Sebastian was saying. He couldn't tell him what he wanted to know, but he wouldn't stand in his way from finding out unless he was made to. Ciel ran his thumb along the back of Sebastian's hand.
"Do you like boys?"
Sebastian raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me?"
"There's something else that I've been wondering...I can't figure out why you display such an interest in me. Do you enjoy children?"
There was a dangerous edge to the butler's eyes for a moment that made Ciel worry he had crossed the line, that he was about to have bestowed on him whatever terror had sent Mr. Spears and associates of his father running for the door, but a moment later Sebastian began to laugh. He stood up and released Ciel's hands. "No, my young master, I'm afraid I was not raised Catholic. I'm sorry to say that is another question I can't answer."
He started for the door and Ciel followed. "Father's orders? He knows of your interest in me?"
"Thankfully not. I can't answer your curiosity because I do not quite know, myself. You have quite the singular effect on me."
The words gave Ciel a strange lightheaded feeling for a moment, but it vanished as quickly as it appeared when they reached the main hall. His parents were dressed for the funeral and his hand went involuntarily to the rose on his hat. He wondered what Alois would have made of all this. The boy had been a shameless flirt, he probably would have swooned over Sebastian or at least cheered Ciel on for having his attention. A grim smile came to Ciel's face. If he had not closed himself off from others, loneliness could have taken his life has surely as it had Alois'.
"Do you not want any breakfast, darling?" Rachel asked.
"I'm not hungry."
They made the journey in silence. Rachel sat next to Ciel, and he was surprised that he didn't mind when she put an arm around him and pulled his head against her shoulder. He took a deep breath. Her scent had become something new to him. It was comforting and calming, always giving him the same feeling as a warm blanket being draped around him on an icy night. He felt both happy and guilty that he had a mother now, thinking of Alois.
The service made him pity Alois even more. A couple pews could have held everyone in attendance. The only people there besides the Phantomhives all came from the orphanage. Mr. Spears and Dr. Sutcliff were there with other members of staff and some of the older children. A tall man with long grey hair lurked toward the back, eyes obscured by his bangs and hat. Ciel looked at him on his way inside, sure that he was familiar but unable to place him. There was something about the way the charms on his waist knocked together, about his presence, that Ciel knew.
Sebastian did not join them when they were seated. He disappeared to the back of the church with no explanation. Ciel almost wished he would have stayed, but he knew he could not dare show that he took comfort in the butler's presence in front of his parents.
He only half listened to the generic service until Dr. Sutcliff stood up and approached the pulpit. He saw Mr. Spears try to pull him back and the doctor jerk away from him. Dr. Sutcliff was awkward in his dark red suit but graceful in his movements. His hair was combed into same braid he wore while he worked but there were odd black smudges under his eyes. Fruit, Ciel thought once more. It lacked his usual disdain, though. The doctor looked devastated.
He walked toward the back of the pulpit and when the priest concluded the service Ciel saw behind him. On either side of Dr. Sutcliff were familiar children of many ages. Some began to play instruments, and what they didn't have in refined skill was made up for by emotion. Ciel's throat threatened to close up. It was unfair, for Alois to have died in vain. He had taken his life out of loneliness yet there was his family, all together, all mourning him.
"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound," sung the elderly nurse of the orphanage, rising from the pew.
"That saved a wretch like me," Dr. Sutcliff joined in, reaching out to take her wrinkled hand as she climbed onto the pulpit.
Mally or Beast as most of the children knew her and a small blond, Dagger if Ciel remembered his nickname, stepped up and the four sang together, "I was once lost but now I'm found..."
Sebastian stepped forward, drawing his bow expertly across the strings of a violin, its melody joining the ever growing choir of voices. Each voice was wrought with sadness yet carried an unquestionable note of joy as though they were channeling Alois' stubborn cheerfulness. Ciel fought the stinging in his eye. It was as though the room had been filled with their grief and it was all pouring into him. Tears had begun to stream freely down the doctor's cheeks as he led the children in song, hand still clasped with that of the nurse. Ciel was ashamed to not know her name, she had always simply been "Nurse" and she liked it that way.
There was sniffling beside him and he looked over at Rachel, who was wiping her eyes with a handkerchief. He averted his eyes back to the choir lest she see him fighting emotion. Her words and touch of comfort would surely unravel his composure. Ciel didn't realize it was over until people moved around him. He joined the cue of people waiting for the pallbearers to pass. Dr. Sutcliff and Mr. Spears were in the front with the silver haired man and a redheaded boy everyone called Joker in the back. The size of the casket struck Ciel harder than anything had yet. Alois had been no bigger than him, making for a tragically small resting place.
No one spoke as he was lowered down. His casket was covered in roses, one from each person there. The only sound was a bird singing him one final song and Dr. Sutcliff sobbing into the grey haired man's chest. Mr. Spears was pointedly looking away. Ciel asked for a moment when everyone started leaving, and though they looked worried, his parents went on ahead of him. Soon it was just him and Alois. He watched them fill his grave back up.
"I know you're here."
He heard leaves crunching and Sebastian came to his side. Ciel took the rose from his top hat and placed it on Alois' headstone before walking away, silently wishing his fellow orphan a safe journey to the next life if such a thing existed. He walked with Sebastian in silence for awhile. They seemed to be taking the long way back to the carriage, something he was grateful for. He wasn't ready for the penetrating stares of his parents. They seemed to think he would break down any minute. They had yet to learn this was not in his nature.
Sebastian stopped by the iron gates that led out of the cemetery. Willow trees obscured the carriage from view, giving them relative privacy. He knelt and Ciel fought the urge to step back. He wouldn't be able to stand Sebastian being like the rest of them, telling him it was okay to cry, doting over him as though he was a fragile baby bird. The butler did none of this. He framed Ciel's face with his hands and leaned across his bent knee to kiss him.
It was not like the garden earlier in the week. This was gentle and chaste. Sebastian's long hair tickled his face, and his chest was pleasantly warm when Ciel rested his hands there. They pulled away and looked at each other for a long moment. For once, Sebastian looked as confused as Ciel about the feelings the kiss had called forth. Ciel leaned his forehead against Sebastian's. A steady wind had picked up, and as a purple rose blew past them, Ciel smiled.
"And hello to you, too, Alois," he murmured.
Sebastian stood up with Ciel in his arms. "Let us go."
It was the first time since his torture that someone had taken full control of his body without his breathing becoming labored and terror washing over him. He actually relaxed as he was carried back to the carriage. He didn't know what this meant for him, or his feelings for Sebastian, but he knew they had grown too strong to ignore any longer.
((((((()))))))
"Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what have I done?
I've fallen in love with a man on the run
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, I'm begging you please
Don't take that sinner from me
Oh don't take that sinner from me
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, what do I do?
I've fallen for someone who's nothing like you
He's raised on the edge of the devil's backbone
Oh I just wanna take him home
…
Give me the burden, give me the blame
I'll shoulder the load, and I'll swallow the shame
Give me the burden, give me the blame
How many, how many Hail Marys is it gonna take?
Don't care if he's guilty, don't care if he's not
He's good and he's bad and he's all that I've got
Oh Lord, Oh Lord, I'm begging you please
Don't take that sinner from me
Oh don't take that sinner from me."