TO MEET YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE

Angst, TW: Suicide Attempt

Jack Harkness, Esther Drummond

Words: 1593

Coda to Miracle Day, Episodes 8-9. Set at some point in the two months where Esther and Jack hide in Scotland, and Esther has to take care of him. - When Jack gets shot during the "Miracle", his wound doesn't heal as easily as he's used to. Suddenly, he realizes just how mortal he actually is. And that this could finally be his chance.

...

Jack woke up from the pounding pain in his stomach. He groaned, and slowly moved. Damn, he wasn't used to this anymore! Not that he hadn't got shot before his immortal life - after all, he'd been a Time Agent, getting shot every other day was basically in the job description - but since then... he was used to healing fast - no stitching up wounds, not being forced to lie in a bed for weeks doing nothing, not having to rely on another person to get better... by the way, where was Esther?

Slowly, Jack sat up. The pain got worse, and the man instinctively pressed his hands on his stomach. He felt a bit dizzy. And he needed to pee.

"Esther?", he called out in a hoarse voice. "Esther, you're there?"

He didn't get an answer. Might have gone to the village for food. Hesitantly, Jack shot a glance to the bathroom. "Ah, screw it!", he mumbled and pushed away the blanket that he'd been wrapped in. He was in pyjamas bottoms, his upper body covered in bandages. Carefully, the Captain put his feet down on the ground. The floor was cold, and a shiver ran through Jack's body.

Then he got up - and barely managed to stay on his feet. God, he was so weak!

Damn this 'Miracle'!

Staggering, he moved forwards, feeling slow and helpless, cursing his whole situation; he even stumbled on his way and almost fell.

Finally, Jack reached the bathroom, locked the door, and tumbled towards the toilet.

After he'd finished and turned to get back - his view started to blur. Jack squinted and, with trembling hands, held on to the sink as the world started circling in front of his eyes; for a second, his view went black - and then his legs gave away, his hands, wet with sweat, slid down from the sink, and Jack fell to the ground. He landed hard on his back and let out a painful scream... and his wound again, pounding and pounding and pounding...

He'd put his hands back on his stomach - now he realized that they were wet. Slowly, Jack looked down - the bandages, all too white just a minute ago, were now soaked with the deep red colour of blood. It seemed that the bullet wound had opened up again, maybe when Jack had stumbled on his way to the bathroom.

The man swallowed hard, slowly sat up and leaned against the tiled wall. "Esther-", he called, pressing his hands on his wound to stop the bleeding. "Damnit, Esther!"

He could feel himself getting weaker. It'd been a while since he'd last died of blood loss, but it had happened often enough for him to know the signs. His fingers were getting cold and numb, and he felt so dizzy-

Jack's view blurred again, but behind his eyes, he started seeing things, figures and images, lulling him in - he violantly shook his head, no, he couldn't give in to that!

"Esther!", he yelled again. Blurry pictures taking on shape.

Distinctly, he registered noises from outside of the bathroom. He forced his eyes open, and squinted until his view cleared. "Esther?"

"Jack?" The familiar voice of Esther Drummond, on the other side of the door, finally. "You in there?"

"Yes! Yes, I am!"

"Are you alright?"

Jack fought the urge to let his eyes fall shut and just doze off. "No-"

Jolting at the bathroom door handle. "Jack! You locked the door!" Esther's voice, slightly panicky now, floating in the distance.

Shit. Jack groaned. Half-heartedly, he tried to get up, move towards the door, but his efforts only made the blood pump faster out of his wound, so that his view blurred again and he had to lean back against the cold bathroom wall.

With a deep sigh, he closed his eyes. There it was, the figure in the dark, not so blurry anymore. Not as blurry as the bathroom when he opened his eyes.

A sudden wave of realisation struck him. That figure, that person, waving at him, he recognized them. Ianto Jones.

"Ohhh... Ianto-" Jack's voice was nothing but a whisper. He raised one hand, reaching for the image of his lover. He seemed so close, and yet, Jack's fingers touched nothing but thin air.

He had to go further.

There was Esther's voice, somewhere in the distance. "Jack? Jack, open the door! Come on!" Banging against the locked door.

"It's fine", the Captain answered. There was a strange peace to his voice, a peculiar calmness. "It's gonna be alright."

"What are you doing in there? Come on, open that door!"

Jack smiled at Ianto. Ianto smiled back.

He opened his eyes. The bright white of the bathroom suddenly hurt his eyes. "Esther - thank you! See you on the other side, ha... just make it not too soon, yeah?"

"Jack?! Fuck, open that door!"

The man had closed his eyes again, and he faced Ianto and smiled at him. He was so close by now. Slowly, he removed his other hand from his bullet wound as well, and then started fumbling with the bandages. His fingers were numb, he barely felt them anymore.

"You bastard, what the fuck do you think you're doing in there?!"

Anger in Esther's voice. Despair. Fear. She'd figured it out, he guessed.

"Don't worry", he responded. "I'm- I'm putting things right." After all, that was what he did, wasn't it? Bless this Miracle - what- or whoever was behind all this... they had managed what the Doctor couldn't do: Make Jack normal again. Mortal.

"Stop this! You can't die! You mustn't! Not now!"

"Oh, but I can... finally, I can!" Jack's voice was trembling. He held on to that image of Ianto, waving him closer, and he was just too eager to follow.

How often had he died and hoped that this time he wouldn't come back? How often had he wished to follow those he'd lost, and condemned his immortality... and now - he had the chance. He knew that on the other side someone was waiting for him.

"Jack, no! Please, we need you! Think of Gwen!"

Ah, yes, Gwen... Jack remembered how he'd told her that he didn't want to die yet, that it hadn't been enough... looking at it now - why would he bother to live on? Had he forgotten the pains of his oh-too-long life?

"Tell Gwen...", he started. His mind was swirling. "Tell her that I'm sorry. But the Miracle - it fixed me. I had to take that chance. And-" As faint as a breath of wind, he felt his fingers brushing over Ianto's face. "... I'll be with him. She'll understand..." His voice faded along with his consciousness, and Jack's head sank down on his chest. I'm coming, he mouthed, not a sound leaving his lips, before Ianto's image faded as well, and nothing was left there but darkness.

..

He opened his eyes and let out a deep breath. It took him a minute to recognize his surroundings, the house where he and Esther had been hiding. He was back in his bed.

Slowly, Jack turned his head, and discovered Esther sitting in a chair beside him. The dark bags under her eyes were a blatant contrast to her pale face, the face that now was lit up by a small smile as the young woman looked down to him. "Hey, Jack."

Jack cleared his throat and returned the smile. "Hey", he responded in a weak voice.

"Almost two days."

"What?"

"You were out almost two days. I didn't sleep, you know? Thanks for that."

Jack closed his eyes. It hit him like a slap on the face, and he remembered what had happened - what he had tried to do. He felt his heart sinking. His wound was pounding again, making him bite his lip to withold a groan of pain.

With a sigh, he raised his gaze to Esther again. "I'm-" No. I'm not actually sorry.

There was something in the young woman's eyes that stopped him from saying anything. He blinked, then looked away, tried to move- a surprised laugh escaped Jack's mouth as he looked at his right wrist, cuffed to the bed.

"Sorry, Jack", Esther started before he could even open his mouth to form a question. "You see, I had to kick in that freakin' door to get to you. Just in time. Won't let you do something that stupid again."

The Captain couldn't help but grin and salute Esther with a short, understanding nod. "Fair enough, I guess."

The woman's smile grew wider and she gently caressed Jack's cheek. "I'm glad you made it." Then she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Why did you... give in to it? You didn't exactly seem - suicidal - before..."

Jack laughed and shook his head. "Blame the blood loss... I saw someone - someone I lost..." He hesitated and shot a glance at Esther before he continued in a voice that was heavy with guilt and grief. "Someone I loved..."

The expression on Esther's face changed; she frowned and beamed at him with compassion in her brown eyes. "Tell me about them", she asked in a gentle, soft voice, and Jack looked up to her.

A sad smile crossed his face, as he sank into the memories, thinking of where to start. "His name was Ianto Jones, and he made the best coffee in the universe..."