WE'RE STILL HERE AGAINST ALL ODDS
Romance, bit of Angst
Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, The Doctor
Words: 2850
What if... What if Ianto had never died, but lived to become an old man? What if he lived to see his hair turn white, and Jack was still by his side?
After all those years of alien fighting, Jack and Ianto have retired(sort of) from Torchwood. And despite their own little conflicts - Ianto envying Jack's ability to still go out with the team, and Jack aching to travel the universe once again - their love for each other stands strong.
Only one thing really matters:
we're still here. we're still here.
Through the static,
through the ashes
we were brave.
through the perils
of endless narrow escapes,
we're still here. we're still here
- Sleeping at Last, We're Still Here
Jack was strolling down the street absently. Just minutes ago, he'd said goodbye to the team in the Hub, and now he was on his way home. The days that he'd lived in the Hub, as the leader of Torchwood Three, were long gone. Years had passed and things had changed, and now, he usually jumped back in only for the big, flashing "world's-at-stake" adventures anymore, every once in a while. Those dashing young people in the new team got along pretty well on their own, even without an old immortal like Jack. Didn't surprise the Captain, of course - after all, Gwen had been their leader for a couple of years before she had died, killed in action... the only way for her to go out. The corners of Jack's mouth pulled up to a small smile at the memory of his brave, amazing Gwen; then his thoughts drifted off once more. There was a lot on his mind.
But already had he reached the house that he called home these days, and he walked through the front yard up to the door, turning the key in the lock, entering the place. A short look around, then he stepped through the backdoor into the garden.
And there he was, sitting at the wooden garden table, with his back to Jack - glasses on his nose, staring at a laptop screen, lean fingers flashing over the keyboard and feeding some code into the device.
Jack's pondering face lit up. "I'm back", he said with a smile in his voice, stepping closer and wrapping his arms around Ianto from behind, pressing a tender kiss to his cheek.
"Jack," Ianto turned his head to face the Captain. "So, done with saving the world again, huh?"
Jack grinned. "All thanks to you and that software. So, actually, you saved the world. Again."
Ianto laughed, but there was something bitter in the tone of it. "Yeah, 'course. But it's not as much fun as it used to be."
Jack sighed and kneeled down besides the welsh man. "We've been over this so often", he mumbled in a quiet voice, gently caressing his lover's wrinkled face, and stroking the thin, snow white hair. "But the world's safe for now. So let's forget all that for a while. I won't leave again anytime soon, I promise."
"Unless the rift decides not to play along that way." Ianto laughed again, slowly taking off his glasses and setting them on the table. "I know you want to comfort me, Jack, but it doesn't matter what you say - I'm still feeling useless, sitting here, while you're out there, with them, having all the fun."
...
Time is a strange thing when you're immortal - it doesn't leave its traces on you, well, at least no visible ones. Still, one year could stretch like a century - that's how it had been back when Faith had first told Jack how long he had to wait to meet his Doctor again. Much later, buried deep in the ground underneath Cardiff, he had lost all concepts of time - a century or a second - it all felt the same in the course of suffocating and coming back to life, and suffocating again. In recent times though, one year went by in a moment, all too fast and all too rushing.
Yes, the years had passed, leaving not a trace on Jack.
The years had passed, and Ianto had aged. And every wrinkle, every little affliction made sure to remind Jack that, while he had forever ahead of himself, Ianto did not.
And he cursed every year, every day, every second that flew by so fast and careless.
Ianto was now 76 years old. And with Torchwood, this was quite a thing... Jack reckoned that Ianto was one of the longest living Torchwood members ever.
That, of course, didn't mean that the job hadn't left its mark on him... oh no... Ianto had been merely in his thirties when a venomous alien had got to him. It'd bitten him in his leg and had almost killed him. For three months, Jack had spent day and night at the welsh man's bedside as he'd fought against the sickness in his body and the delusion of his mind. Eventually, Ianto had got better, but he would never go out in the field again. The alien bite had left him with a heavy limp, and his inability to go out with the team had left him with depression... After a while, they'd known that they couldn't go on like this anymore, and finally, Jack had passed on his leadership of Torchwood to Gwen, and bit by bit, he and Ianto had retired... sort of. They'd traveled together, and seen as much as they could of the world. They'd tried to live a domestic life - but, of course, Torchwood never really let them go.
...
"Jack? Jack!"
Ianto's voice dragged the Captain out of his thoughts. "Sorry, you were saying?"
The welsh man sighed and stood up from his garden chair. "Come on, let's go inside. I'll make us some coffee."
Jack straightened and put an arm around Ianto's back; the man leaned against him for support, and they slowly made their way into the house. "I was asking", Ianto started after Jack had closed the door behind them, "How's the team doing? Any news from the Hub?"
Jack smiled. "Oh, they're fine. Pat's giving David a bit of a hard time, but, well, you know them. Alex did great in the field today."
"Yeah, she always does, doesn't she?"
Jack shot a glance at the welsh man. Ianto smiled, but in his voice there'd been the slightest tone of jealousy.
The Captain couldn't really blame Ianto. Alexandra was young, smart, and talented, and everyone in the team knew that she "secretly" fancied Jack. And he, well... he couldn't deny how much he liked her back... but he also knew that Ianto had no real reason to be afraid.
He gently wrapped his arms around his lover's waist from behind, his lips brushing over the soft, wrinkled skin of Ianto's neck while the man was fumbling with his coffee machine. "Jack", Ianto exclaimed giggling. "Come on, let an old man work in peace, or do you want me to spoil the coffee?"
Jack grinned and obediently retreated to sit down at the kitchen table, but his eyes were locked on Ianto, watching the man in a strange, happy trance.
Ianto Jones, making coffee. Some things never changed. The coffee machine was even the old one from the Hub - since nobody else had managed to produce a decent beverage from it (definitely Alien tech!), Ianto had taken it with him when he and Jack had finally retreated from their, say, full time jobs at Torchwood, leaving the field to Gwen as the leader of a fresh, young team. Now, although Jack often watched the welsh man making coffee, it never bored him. Instead, he found himself indulging in memories, recalling so many happy moments... sometimes, it really was the little things that mattered the most.
After a while, Ianto came over with two mugs of coffee, and sat down next to him. "So, world's safe, and that's it?", he quipped, watching Jack carefully.
The Captain hesitated for a moment, then he shrugged his shoulders. "Same old, as always."
Ianto slowly nodded and lowered his glance. "You know... I - I saw him. When you returned to the Hub, the SUV's camera was still on."
Jack's heart skipped a beat, and he closed his eyes for a second. "Oh", he murmured under his breath. Ianto didn't need to elaborate - the Captain knew who he was talking about. And so, he started to tell his lover the truth.
/
Yes, Team Torchwood had saved the world, just another tuesday - or so Jack thought. Until he returned to the Hub. Because there, he was greeted by the sight of a very special blue telephone box. Jack figured that the aliens they'd fought, the threat they'd faced, had caught the Doctor's attention. He didn't know what to think - he didn't know how to feel. For a moment, he just stopped. And then, the Captain hurried out of the SUV and ran towards the TARDIS. "Doctor!", he shouted. "Doctor!" It had been years since he'd last seen the Timelord. Sure, he still came to Earth, saving the day in his quiet way without expecting any reward, but usually, he barely left a trace - and to stop by just for the old times' sake? No, that wasn't the Doctor's manner. But now, the Captain saw the TARDIS, and all he could think of was to run, run and make sure that it wouldn't disappear, that the Doctor wouldn't just leave.
He had almost reached the blue box as its doors opened and a man stepped outside. Jack stopped on his way, and his eyes wandered over that unfamiliar figure in front of him. Still, he recognized him immediately. So the Doctor had regenerated once again (once? how could Jack know - might have been more than once). Now, he was tall and slim, with short, blond hair... and such a young face!
But his eyes betrayed him - so very, very old. Jack couldn't estimate the time that had passed for the Doctor since their last meeting, but he reckoned that it had been long.
He now moved forward slower than before, greeting the Timelord with a nod. "Doctor."
The Gallifreyan approached Jack with wide arms and pulled him into a tight, long hug. After they'd parted, Jack watched the man closely. Then, he glanced towards the TARDIS door. "Where's the Companion?", he asked, balancing his voice between concerned and lighthearted.
"Oh, there's no one just now. Like a Lone-Wanderer-Adventure." Jack liked this new Doctor's voice. It was soft and high pitched - almost a boy's voice - but at the same time, it carried all the wisdom and burden of the ancient Timelord.
"Yeah? Since when?", he pressed Doctor didn't answer, and Jack cleared his throat. "So, this today - guess you were involved in saving the planet's ass, huh?"
"Just a bit."
The two men started talking - exchanging stories, things that had happened since their last meeting. Most of the time, the Doctor was speaking. Finally, after a minute of silence had indicated that enough tales had been shared, Jack asked: "Why today?"
And then, the Doctor gave him an answer he never had expected: He invited the Captain to come with him - but it was more than this. It wasn't just a casual "Come along, if you want to, I don't mind", no, Jack could sense how very serious the Doctor was, how much the Timelord wanted him.
/
"Oh, it seemed so easy in that moment...", Jack smiled a hapless smile, and looked up to Ianto. "Just... get into that TARDIS, fly away with him, leave this place behind... Oh, I wanted to go with him. Wanted it so much it hurt."
Jack had always loved Ianto's eyes - they were stunningly beautiful, of course, just as the man as a whole - but moreover they were gates to his soul. Even when he hid behind that cool manner of his, when his suit became an armour, and his sarcasm a fortress - his eyes would betray Ianto and mirror his true feelings. And they were so deep - so many years of knowing them, of staring into them, and Jack still got lost in their magic. And that hadn't changed in all these years; Ianto's eyes stayed forever young and old at once. As Jack looked into them now, they gave away nothing.
The Captain could have lied, of course, could have told some story of the Doctor simply checking in on him after saving the planet, the Doctor showing him his new face so that Jack would be able to recognize it- but this wasn't the right way, not for this. And besides, Ianto wasn't stupid.
"Yes, I stood there with the Doctor, two immortals in our own right, and I wanted to run away with him. Hell, he's got a time machine. Could've returned to this spot five minutes later, you wouldn't even have noticed!"
Ianto raised an eyebrow, and his voice sounded slightly offended as he stated: "'Course I would have."
"... I know you would've. But you get the idea. I mean... just think: How long have I been rotting on this planet now? How many people have I loved and lost? How many times have I saved this world, and was the prize really worth it? And he, he wanted me - really wanted me this time! Oh, Ianto, I wanted away so badly! I have lost so much, I deserve a break, this world owes me a break! I am done with this planet and everything on it!" Jack hadn't even noticed how passionate and aggressive his words were. Now he stopped for a moment, blinked, looked at Ianto. "Almost everything."
The welsh man nodded. He tried to put on a smile but it fell from his face before it was even there. "So, why didn't you go with him?", he asked after a pause, quietly.
Jack closed his eyes. "Because if all these long lives that I've lived have taught me one thing, then it's that the easy choice is almost never the better one." He felt a tear roll down his cheek; then Ianto took his hands and gently pressed them. "The funny thing is", he continued, "that if the Doctor came back right now, if he'd ask me again... it wouldn't be any easier. I- I was so tempted. He wanted me with him, you know, really wanted me... But- but I know that - had I gone with him - I would have regretted it. Not today, not tomorrow, not in a month. But eventually... And who knows if there would've been be a way back for me then..."
"And so you decided to stay", Ianto said in a soft voice, and the Captain opened his eyes to look at the man. "And what for? For an old man with a limp, and for a planet that needs saving all the time and spits you in the face as a reward."
"Well... sounds like me, right?" All of a sudden, Jack snorted, and then started to laugh for the ridiculousness of it all, of this situation, of his whole goddamn fate. With sparkling eyes, he watched the man in front of him. God, Ianto was so beautiful, with all his wrinkles and scars and the white hair. In moments like this, the Captain could just stare at him forever, and he tried to memorize the welsh man, just as he was now - head tilted and squinting at the immortal - to save the picture forever in his mind. Slowly, he leaned over and gave him a tender kiss. "I need to correct myself", he muttered with a smile. "I'm not done with this planet yet. Not as long as you are still on it."
Ianto snorted and returned the smile. Even after all these years, he started blushing at Jack's almost cheesy line, before he responded, grinning: "And I love you, too."
Jack sighed happily. "Y'know, I've been thinking - maybe we could get out for a while. The team can manage, they're all brilliant. And it's been almost a year since we've last been up at the cottage."
Ianto started snickering, and the Captain raised a questioning eyebrow. "It's just - I still can't really believe this - us, havin' our own cottage on the countrycide. I'm picturing Owen's reaction right now."
"He'd be disgusted by all the grass", Jack added with a giggle, a nostalgic smile on his face at the fond memory from oh so many years ago. "Well, what do you think? Yes or yes?"
Ianto shrugged and bit his lip. "Not before friday, I'm afraid. I've got that doctor's appointment next week because of my hip, remember? God, I really do sound like an old man. What are you still doing with me?"
The Captain sighed. He'd forgotten about that. For a the briefest of moments, the image of the Doctor flashed back into his mind, pushing the TARDIS doors open and inviting Jack to come with him. It went away as fast as it had come. "Right now, I'm taking care of you", he responded, and lifted Ianto up bridal style. "What'd you say to a nice massage upstairs?"
Ianto grinned, tightening his grip around Jack's back, and leaning his head against his chest. "I'd say 'yes, please'."
...
Sometimes, it doesn't matter how fast or how slow time passes. Sometimes, all those flying years of happiness are worth the century-long hours of regret and mourning.
Sometimes, it didn't matter that Jack knew he would have to say goodbye to Ianto eventually; it didn't matter how much longer he had the welsh man by his side... not as long as he could relish every second with him and keep it in his heart, as a memory for the moment when time would stop flying and start creeping once again.