I woke up sweating. My sheets were soaked with sweat and twisted around my body to such an extent I didn't know if I'd be able to get out of them. I was so scared from my dream. Everything had seemed so urgent. But it was just a dream and I had to believe that. No one was coming for me and I could just stay where I was and live happily in my little world. At the same time I wished I never had to go back to sleep again, I didn't like feeling like I was in danger.
I felt slow that morning once I got up. My body felt like every motion was taking a lot of effort. I fed Jasmine though and had a cup of coffee and then decided to head to work early and get a jump on things. My appartment was making me jumpy and I felt really out of place there.
The morning air was cool and crisp, the type of air that wakes you up because it's so fresh but not cold enough to require a coat. Most of the shops hadn't opened yet and the bars were all closed for the day. A few people were out for their morning jogs and it struck me as odd that I'd never taken to jogging before. I used to be very athletic but since moving to Atlanta I'd given it up. Brent wasn't yet on his way to work, probably just waking up and grabbing his own cup of joe before getting dressed for the day. I reached the office before my boss and stacked and restacked the many files and notes and pamphlets for the afternoon meeting with the other executive secretaries in my office. Our monthly meeting was my job to prepare for and I'd long been ready for the meeting. I decided that I'd make the coffee for the office and straighten up the desk of my lighthearted boss. He never could keep his office clean and had asked me on occasion to straighten it up for him. There was only one thing I wasn't allowed to do and that was straighten the small center drawer in his desk. He kept it locked and I'd always assumed he had some family secret he didn't want me to know about as once a week he'd always head out extra early to somewhere he'd never spoken of. In any event it wasn't my problem and I had no desire to get involved.
When I got back to my desk Brent was waiting for me, probably wondering what had happened to me that morning. I sat down and started checking my emails so I would look busy and he'd leave sooner. I didn't want to talk about the night before with him.
"What's up Brent?"
"Oh nothing Cara just making sure you hadn't run back home on me. I got worried when you didn't walk to work with me this morning."
"I just have a lot to do this morning before the meeting with the other exec's this afternoon. It's an important meeting and you know I always over stress about it."
"Yeah but that usually entails restacking your notebooks for the meeting 4 or 5 times that morning Cara. Is there something else you want to talk to me about? What happened when you called your dad's place last night? Did you have the dream again?" He looked annoyed and I couldn't blame him. I was acting out of the ordinary but it was in hopes of avoiding him and this very conversation that I did it.
"He did the same thing he always did and no I didn't have the dream again. Maybe since I didn't get an answer last night my subconscious felt relieved that there was no reason for me to return home so I stopped dreaming." I shrugged and stared him down hoping that would be the end of it. I was rewarded with his casual shrug and a "see ya later" and left to myself for the rest of the morning with only routine filing left to do which only took me an hour.
When George, my boss, came in for the day I was bored to death and was jumping with the possibility that maybe he might have more work for me.
"Hey Cara you cleaned my office this morning thanks! I was going to ask you to do it today sometime. Looks like I don't have to. You probably have a lot to do to get ready for that meeting huh?"
"Nah I finished with that a week ago George. I was hoping you might have something for me to do otherwise I'm going to step out of the office so I'm not just sitting here for 5 hours waiting for the meeting."
"Go ahead and get some fresh air Cara I think Macy's is having a sale today anyway. My wife mentioned something about it."
"Ok I'll see you later then George. You sure you don't have anything for me to do?"
"Not a thing. Get outa here and have some female fun."
I hitched the bus to the mall and browsed around buying a sweater or two. I didn't need them here but for some reason I felt driven to buy them. I also found a cute pair of boots with fur lining and couldn't pass up the deal. Feeling guilty I decided Jasmine could probably use a new toy or two and spent about $40 on her as well. When I looked at the clock I figured I could take the slow route back to the office and still be in plenty of time for the meeting and then head home to try not sleeping for a change. Jasmine would like the extra attention she got since she slept all day and played all night.
When I got home that night I felt completely bored and decided to make fresh homemade ravioli's with homemade tomato sauce. It was something I rarely did since it took me over 2 hours to finish a meal for one person so I could eat it but tonight I felt like doing something difficult. Jasmine played in her new crinkle tunnel with a toy ball I'd bought her and had a hilarious time with it. I had to admit it, I was bored and wasting time. Why I was so afraid of sleeping was beyond me, no one was coming for me and I needed to ignore my dreams. I just couldn't help the overwhelming feeling that he was really coming for me, that man with the long black hair and dark eyes that just sucked me into them. I never felt attracted to anyone but for some reason this man was beautiful to me. He had harsh features high cheekbones and plump rose red lips. The rest of him was surprisingly pale but it added to his beauty, giving him an almost delicate look while at the same time letting me know he was no one to screw with. His hands were thin and long fingered and I knew he could cup my face just perfectly with it. Snapping out of my reverie about the mysterious man in my dreams I looked at the clock. It was about 10 now and I was getting tired. I knew I needed to get some sleep or I'd be useless at work the next day. So I took my shower and climbed into bed calling for Jasmine since I wanted her warm purring body to help me relax. That night I saw only trees flying by me, no words or noises just trees. It was comforting that for once I could sleep and not get totally freaked out.
When I woke up however I still didn't feel refreshed. Since my dreams had started I hadn't felt as though I was getting enough sleep, as though I wasn't really sleeping almost though I knew that was impossible. Jasmine had stayed with me all night it seemed and since it was Saturday I had no need to get up in a rush. Today was my day to clean the house and my laundry since I didn't have a laundry machine inside my apartment I had to go to the basement. I decided that once I'd had breakfast and fed Jasmine I'd do my laundry first.
During the wash cycle and most of the drying cycle I sat there thinking about my past. My father had never been the overly loving type of dad you would normally see the other kids with. He never went to events or played games with me. My life had always been different from everyone elses, more dressing to please everyone else and acting properly. At home I was either taking etiquete classes with a teacher named Ms. Breaken or practicing the etiquette in front of my fathers friends. The one thing I could honestly say my father did correctly was constantly worrying about me getting hurt or lost. He ended up buying me a necklace that I was required to wear at all times with a locator chip in it so I would never be lost. I still had it and altered it to fit on my keychain it was very pretty and as far as I knew my father had turned it off when I left home.
Once I fell and broke my left arm and my father wouldn't let me out of the house for a month. I begged him to let me go outside but he always said it was too dangerous. Finally I snuck through the kitchens of our massive home, half of which I don't think was ever used, and gone to play with my neighbors. Out in the area I grew up you either had to use a ski-do or dog sleds for over half of the year to get around. Snow was a constant in my old life. Here in Georgia it never snowed and ice only came during the specified winter season.
"Ma'am? Ma'am your dryers are done."
"Oh thank you I was sort of lost in thought."
"Looked serious. Are you ok? Anything you want to talk about? No one better to talk to than a stranger." She smiled at me invitingly.
"No I'm alright, just remembering growing up back home. I had better get going, thank you for snapping me out of it."
"No problem."
The rest of the day and the next week flew by without any problems other than my extreme exhaustion. Whenever I slept I still saw the trees flying by at an incredible speed. Every morning I'd see Brent on my way to work and every night I stopped at the same market to buy the things I needed for that evenings dinner. Nothing really eventful happened until Friday. It began normally until I met Brent on my way to work, then everything started to go awry.
"Good morning Cara," said Brent being rather shy for his normal self.
"Morning Brent. What's up?"
"Nothing."
"I don't believe you, you look like you are tongue tied."
He sighed. "Well I was hoping to make some exquisite offer you wouldn't be able to refuse so you would go to the Olive Garden with me tonight … on a date?" He looked so shy I couldn't help but think how adorable he was.
"You know I don't date Brent, not ANYONE. Why do you keep asking?"
"I keep hoping you'll change your mind just once and I can show you just how charming I really can be."
"Well, I hate to sound like a broken record Brent, because one day I know you'll make some lucky woman very happy but it's not going to be me. I don't want to be in any kind of serious relationship with anyone. Please understand it isn't you, I'm just not interested." I felt so bad saying no to him all the time but what else could I do? It just wasn't the right time for me.
"I won't promise I'm not going to keep trying Cara but for now I wish you'd change your mind. If you ever do let me know ok? I think we could have a great relationship."
"If ever anything changes I'll let you know. Please just understand that right now is time for me to be myself, not a 'me and you'. I don't want that kind of life right now."
"Understood."
Again the rest of the day flew until I got home. When I got home I put my things down in the kitchen and then the doorbell rang. As if someone was waiting for me to come home.