Sorry it has been a while. I've been very busy lately.

Enjoy =)

Snape POV

I have had quite a bit of trouble sleeping, I have no idea why. All I keep thinking about is that I should be dead right now. But I am not. That night I should have died... I know something else happened. I just can't remember what it was. I don't remember a lot these days. I've been having blackouts also. The length of them varies, and I have no memory of what happens in those blackouts. However Miss Pansy Parkinson has filled in a few of those blanks. According to the little witch, I have been violent towards Draco. Although I don't recall it. And I found out from Mr Harry Potter that the meetings Draco attended with the dark lord, and his father, the meetings that I was not allowed into under any circumstances, the meetings Draco returned from in complete hysterics. In those meetings my dear Godson was raped. My poor boy.

I am currently sitting in my office, preparing for my lesson. As I mull over these thoughts a tear escapes my eye.

To be raped is a traumatic enough event as it is, but for it to have been done by your own father, and on more than one occasion. I can't even begin to imagine what Draco must have felt, what he must continue to feel. If I had known what was truly going on, I would have happily spent a life sentence in Azkaban for killing the bastard myself.

I rub my temples with my fingers, in hopes of easing the ache in my head. Knowing my class will be waiting, I down a pain relief potion and leave my office.

I burst in through the doors the end of my cloak floating behind me in it's usual manner. "Right class. I trust you have all completed both assignments." I say, in my natural tone.

"Actually... I... um..." Ronald Weasley mumbles.

"Well... spit it out Mr Weasley." I order.

"I only got one paper completed, Sir."

I roll my eyes at the redhead Gryffindor. "Then you shall go first Mr Weasley."

"First at what?" The boy asks, furrowing his brows at me.

I motion the class to stand and with a simple spell I clear the room, leaving only a trunk in the middle of the room. "Every one stand in an orderly circle. Weasley come and stand by me." The class does as instructed. "I trust you all remember the spell when facing a boggart from your third year. However in case not, the spell is 'Riddikulus'." I wave my wand, opening the trunk. As expected a giant spider crawls out.

The fiery haired boy begins to tremble. "Riddikulus." He says, nervously. The spider then deflates making the noise of a whoopy cushion. The class erupts with laughter.

"Now just because Mr Weasley's fear was the same doesn't mean it will be the same for all of you. Sometimes our fears can change. Harry Potter, you're next.

The dark haired Gryffindor steps up to the creature. It morphs into an open closet filled with raw bacon. Mr Potters face turns from disgust to fear when the closet threatens to trap him. I can't help but find the sight amusing. Even more so when the spell turns it into a pink princess castle.

Next up is the Irish Gryffindor, as he holds out his wand he is faced with a smelly cow. "Riddikulus." The cow turns pink and purple, with a frilly tutu.

"Draco Malfoy." I call out to go next.

The blonde stands confidently before the boggart, his wand pointed at it. It morphs into Lucius Malfoy... at first. Just as Draco is about to utter the spell, the creature changes again. This time into a monstrous version of myself. The blonde's confident demeanour collapse when the other me moves towards him. He flinches and drops to his knees, trying his best to hide in his robes as means of defence.

I step in front of the cowering boy. I point my wand at the boggart. "Riddikulus." The other me turns bright orange and begins doing an Irish jig. I wave my wand again sending it back in the trunk.

"Draco, go to my office I'll be up in a minute. The rest of you, class is dismissed. Now get out." I order.

Mr Potter stays behind. "Sir, will Draco be okay?" The Gryffindor asks, sounding very worried.

I smile at his genuine concern for my Godson. I study his emerald eyes. They are so much like his mother's. I can clearly see how much he cares for Draco and I over heard those lards Crabbe and Goyle whispering about Draco and Potter being something of an item. As long as he makes him happy, I don't care who it is, even Potter.

"It's okay, Mr Potter. I will speak with him. Now run along to your next class." Potter nods and then leaves.

I return the room to it's original state. I sigh, thinking over what I just witnessed. I hate that Draco is so afraid of me, I only wish I could what I do in my blackouts. Deciding I don't want to leave my Godson waiting, I climb the stairs to my office.

Draco POV

Snape ordered me to go wait in his office. I reluctantly obey. I walk into his office an I see to comfortable looking chairs with a table in between them. I decide I'd rather sit in the corner, sounds fitting for a coward. I choose the corner behind the door. I sit down, bringing my legs up to my chest and I let myself cry.

A few minutes later I hear the door gently open. "Draco." Snape calls softly.

"I'm over hear." I mumble wiping my tears with my sleeve. The dark man closes the door and sits down beside me.

"So Draco, what happened back there?" He asks, his voice full of concern.

"I just showed the entire class what a pathetic piece of shit I am." He scowls me with his eyes. "Sorry."

"Are you afraid of me?" Snape asks. I can hear the hurt in his voice, it almost makes me want to cry again. I remember what Hermione said about how he has no memory of what happens when Lucius is in control of his body.

"When it turned into my father, I became over whelmed with fear. And when it changed to you and came at me... I don't know... it was a reflex from when my father used to beat me." I don't want to tell him the truth about everything, in case I upset him. Because it isn't his fault, it's my bastard father's. I know he has been getting called that a lot lately, but it fits.

"I understand that." Snape replies, smiling weakly.

My wrist begins to itch, so I scratch it. Snape's gaze shifts to my wrist where I am scratching. "How is that? The self harm?" He asks.

"It's the same." I sigh, unable to hold his gaze. I roll up my sleeves to show him several new cuts on both arms, however the angrier ones on the dark mark.

Snapes eyes widen. "Oh Draco." He gasps.

I know landing in the hospital wing should have been a sign to stop, but it's not easy. "I'm sorry." I whimper. "I really did try to stop. It's hard. I will get a bad feeling or thought and... I just have to do it. I try to fight the urge, but I usually cave. I am sorry. I know it's weak."

"It is not weak Draco. It's just a way of coping, we all have them. Just because yours isn't the most healthy, doesn't make it weak. You have been through so much in seventeen years, I am proud at how strong you are."

"How can I be strong when I have to do this to stay remotely sane. You're the strong one. You knew what you had to do for Dumbledore and you did it. You didn't falter, even with pretending to be loyal to Voldemort. I only wish I was a strong as you."

"Perhaps we are more alike than you think." He answers.

I give him a confused look and he rolls up his left sleeve. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, on his arm, like mine, was the mark with dozens of scars on top of it. Some thicker than others, some longer, some angrier. Unlike mine his scars were all white, they had obviously healed. I'm guessing they are maybe somewhere around five to ten years old.

"I used to self harm as well." He continues. "I when I had to go undercover for Dumbledore, I knew that in the end I would have to be the one to kill him. You see even though your mother and father said you had to be the one, it was never you. I hated myself for it. And even before that. When Voldemort went to the Potter's home, I ran to try and save them. However I was too late Lilly was dead and Harry was alone. I held her in my arms, but there was nothing I could do. I felt so helpless and a blade seemed to be the only thing that helped."

I can't help but notice how sad his eyes are. "Did you start cutting because Harry's mum died? Or because you got the dark mark?"

"Both. However I did do it when I was a student here too. Potter, Black and Lupin would bully me so it became one of my ways of coping for that as well."

"I understand that." I admit. "I get shoved about the halls and called names a lot. I'm kind of numb to it now. But it's not so bad, I have Pansy and Blaise at least."

"And Harry Potter." Snape adds. I blush. "I know you like him and that he likes you."

"Are you mad that I'm gay?" I ask.

He softly smiles at me. "Of course I'm not mad. Love is love. And lucky for you the boy turned out more like Lilly than he did James. I can see he makes you happy, that is good enough for me."

"Yeah, he does." I smile. "He asked me to be his date to Hogs-Prom. Well I was the one asking him, but he saw me struggling so he helped me along. I can't wait."

Snape stands to his feet. "Right, come on you." He says, holding out his hand to help me up.

I take it and stand up too. "Where are we going?" I ask.

"I am taking my Godson to get a suit for Hogs-Prom." I nod and follow him out the door.

I am still a little embarrassed about what happened in class, but I am slightly glad it happened. I feel closer to my Godfather. And I'm really happy that he doesn't care I'm gay. This could be the start of something beautiful.

It might be while until I get to update again. Thanks for reading.

Until the next chapter ;)