Dr. Wyatt meets the ambulance at admitting. "The chief told us to transfer her to Mercy West. He said it was in the best interest of the patient," one of the EMTs says, shrugging his shoulders.
"Thank you," Dr. Wyatt says, as she watches them transfer Sadie to a bed and strap her arms to the bed although she is already sedated.
The doctor stands nearby and waits for the EMT to leave before asking Dr. Wyatt, "Are you the treating, psychiatrist?"
"Yes. I have all the files from her previous facility. It took weeks to get them. Weeks that could have made a difference. Weeks that could have prevented all of this!" Dr. Wyatt replies, realizing at that moment exactly how angry she is at those doctors for not providing her with all the information. The bits and pieces that she was given were not enough. Now that she has all of the information, she believes she could have helped Sadie. Gotten her back on her medications…provided the structure and guidance that she needed. She is angry and being a psychiatrist, she knows just how important it is to share that rage with those around her.
"I'm Dr. Atwood. I understand you treat at Seattle Grace where Sadie was a surgical resident?" he asks.
Dr. Wyatt nods. "She had no business being there like this. We weren't given all the information. She is in very bad shape, Dr. Atwood."
"I read the chart. We are going to admit her on a 72 hour hold before we decide where to transfer her. We don't have the facilities here to treat this kind of severe case," Dr. Atwood explains.
"May I see her when she wakes up? I feel like…" Dr. Wyatt sighs, having trouble explaining.
"Like you failed her? You didn't fail her. You didn't know. Of course you can see her. Give me your pager number and I'll page you when she wakes up," Dr. Atwood says.
"If you don't mind…I'll wait here." Dr. Wyatt says.
"Not a problem. We gave her an emergency injection of the medications that she had neglected to take, so she should be lucid when she wakes up. She may or may not remember the incident." Dr. Atwood explains.
"Thank you," Dr. Wyatt says, waiting.
She waits for a few minutes until Sadie begins to stir. When she opens her eyes, she looks around. "What the hell ? – Where am I? Dr. Wyatt?? What…Oh my god…" she says, as the memories return to her.
"Sadie. You are at Mercy West Hospital in the psychiatric ward. Do you remember what happened?" Dr. Wyatt asks.
Sadie closes her eyes. "I wish I didn't…but I think I do…Did I…no…I couldn't have. I mean…I've been off my meds, but it hasn't been that long…but I don't think I…Oh my god! Please tell me I didn't…Please…" Sadie says.
Dr. Wyatt goes to take Sadie's hand before remembering that it is strapped to the bed. "Sadie…I think we need to start at the beginning…" she says, placing her hand over Sadie's.
Sadie squeezes her eyes shut allowing a single tear to escape. She nods. "I'm ready," she says.
(Break)
Callie looks at Meredith's leg as Derek stands next to her bed, nervously.
"I think you're going to be as good as new in about a month. You can get around on crutches for the next two weeks and then we'll start trying some weight bearing exercise to see if you can put weight on it. All the nerves are intact and everything looks really good. As far as being taken hostage by a psycho friend goes, you didn't do badly. She's a good shot. Tell her next time she goes on a psychotic rampage to try to replicate that shot and keep the work load light for the orthopedic surgeons!" Callie quips.
Meredith smiles weakly and Derek laughs heartily. "Did you hear that, Mer? You'll be fine. Especially now that McPsycho is locked up!"
Meredith looks at him strangely. "McPsycho?" she asks.
"Cristina came up with it. Izzie suggest McCrazy, but Cristina said it went beyond crazy and McPsycho was much more fitting," he explains.
"I'm McTired," she says, rolling her eyes.
"Are you kicking me out?" he asks, kissing her.
"Yes," she says, smiling at him and kissing him back. "I love you."
"I love you too, McTwisty," he says.
"What??? You can't give McNames!" she says.
"Oh…you'd be surprised. Sloan, Karev, Hunt and I and I have one for everyone now…but since you just kicked me out, I guess you'll have to wait to hear them!" Derek says, smiling as he leaves, closing the door behind him.
A moment later, the door opens. "Meredith?" Lexie says, as she comes in.
"Lexie?" Meredith says, for lack of anything else to say.
"Please, just let me talk. I'm sorry...I practiced this whole speech, and I gave it to Izzie like 30 times. She told me I had to just talk to you because she couldn't listen to it again…" Lexie says, looking embarrassed.
"Really? That doesn't sound like Izzie. It sounds more like Cristina…" Meredith points out.
"Yeah. But I think the stress of the whole thing is hitting Izzie pretty hard right now. She sort of fell apart before when she left your room. One minute we were all laughing, and the next minute she just got hysterical and was crying and couldn't stop. I don't know if she was just so worried about you, or if what had happened just hit her, but Alex had to take her somewhere and get her to calm down," Lexie tells Meredith.
"Wow. She was really strong through the whole thing. Even in the hospital…she was the only one who didn't fall apart," Meredith says.
"Yeah. I think it all caught up to her now. Anyway…can I just give you my speech so no one ever has to hear it again?" Lexie asks.
Meredith shrugs, awkwardly. "Sure…" she says.
"I lived a pretty good life. I had a wonderful mom and dad, a sister I was close to. I loved high school…I loved college, even loved Harvard. I was popular everywhere I went and pretty much happy all the time. I was valedictorian, prom queen…the whole nine yards!" Lexie begins.
Meredith interrupts her. "Are you trying to make me hate you?" she asks, meaning it as a joke.
Lexie cringes. "No…just let me finish…please!"
"Okay," Meredith says, realizing that she is making Lexie nervous, and for once, is trying not to make her sister uncomfortable.
"So, everything in my life is approached from that perspective. I've been successful and happy and pretty much gotten everything I ever wanted…until I met you. You were the one person I wanted to like me who really didn't. No matter what I did, I couldn't get you to like me. I wanted you to be my sister, and I couldn't even get you to let me sit with you in the cafeteria. It threw me for a loop because I've never had that happen before. I had to figure out why, and what I could do to change your mind about me, but no one would help me…everyone just kept telling me that you were dark, twisty and damaged, and to leave you alone. I didn't understand what that meant…until I met Sadie. She was sort of a window I could look through to see you. Then, when she offered me a chance to read your diaries…I just had to do it. I needed to know if it was just me that you hated, or what it was about me that made you so hostile…"
"Lexie…I didn't mean…" Meredith tries to interject.
"Please…let me finish…" Lexie pleads. "I know…you didn't mean for me to see the things you wrote. Your violent thoughts towards me…your desire to burn my skin, or knock my teeth out or the thousands of other ways you'd maim or disfigure me if you could…And I should have never read them. But I did and I can't take it back. But what I realized as I kept reading was that none of it really was about me. It was about you. You ARE damaged, Meredith. And I'm so sorry that your life was so hard. You never had a family, so obviously, you don't understand what it means to be family, and you never had unconditional love growing up. So I guess, what I'm saying is that I get it. You don't hate me…you just don't know what to do with people who are unconditionally nice to you because you've never had that before. So here I am…I'm Lexie Grey. I'm your sister…no matter how much you want to hurt me in a million different ways, I'm still here and I'm still going to care about you, and love you and be nice to you. So bring it on, if you need to. Test me…push me away…I'll keep coming back and I'll risk my life to save yours when your ex-best friend holds a gun to your head…and I'll cry when you get shot even if it's just a small wound to the leg…and I'll…"
"Lexie!" Meredith interrupts.
"What?" Lexie asks.
"Stop talking! Please. It's my turn!" Meredith says.
Lexie is stunned into silence so she quietly waits to hear what Meredith has to say.
"All I can tell you is what I have told Derek. I'm trying my best…and you're going to have to meet me halfway. It means that I'm not going to always be nice and I'm not always going to trust that you're really here for good. And that whole unconditional love thing? I don't actually believe that it's real, but I'm trying. And the word 'family?' I don't really know what it means…but maybe you can help me learn..okay?" Meredith says.
Lexie's eyes mist over, and Meredith says, "Okay…and you can't do that. You can't get all emotional all the time, because I don't know what to say or do and I just…"
Lexie interrupts Meredith's rambling by hugging her tightly. "This is called a hug. Sisters often use it when they don't know what else to say," she says, smiling through her tears.
Meredith hugs Lexie back, awkwardly at first, but she tries to meet her halfway. After their near death experience, she realizes that Lexie, like all her friends, and of course, Derek, came through for her, and that is something she should not take for granted.
(Break)
"Feeling better, Iz?" Alex asks.
Izzie nods. "Yeah. Thanks. I don't know what happened. I just…I mean I still can't believe that she…she held Meredith at gun point. She thought Lexie was her dead sister! I mean, she was just the slacker intern, and then she went off the deep end. She was one of Meredith's best friends at one point. How could Meredith have not known? Do we ever really know anyone?" Izzie asks.
Cristina and Owen enter and respond to Izzie's question, startling her. "I know that I was the first one to say that I hated that psycho and that there was something off about her. The nut job tried to get me fired!" Cristina says.
"I should have gone to bat for you sooner, Cristina. I'm sorry…" Izzie says.
"You helped save my person….we're even," Cristina says.
"Are you two…like…" Alex asks, motioning to the fact that Owen has his arm around Cristina.
"Why do I always feel like I'm in junior high when I walk into this hospital?" Owen asks. "Yes, Karev. We are LIKE holding hands. Last night we had passionate sex and tonight we will…"
"Okay…that was more info than necessary!" Izzie says.
Lexie enters the room helping Meredith who is hobbling on crutches.
"Mer! How's your leg? We were just talking about McPsycho. Did you have any idea that she was two fries short of a happy meal or were you as surprised as all of us?" Cristina asks.
Meredith looks down and smiles weakly and offers a half-hearted laugh that comes out more like a sigh.
"How about you, Lexie? You hung out with her a lot too? Didn't you start to suspect she was crazy at some point? I mean how did we not know? We're all doctors!" Izzie says.
"I – I don't know…she was nice to me…no one else was," Lexie admits.
There is a moment of uncomfortable silence before Alex says, "I'd rather have no friends than that nut job!"
Lexie can't put her finger on it, but she is uncomfortable with the whole conversation. She looks at Meredith and notices that she seems to have the same uncomfortable look on her face.
"Mer…are you tired? Do you want to go back to your room?" Lexie asks.
"Yeah. I think I'm sort of exhausted from walking down the hall. Will you help me back to my room?" Meredith asks, Lexie.
Once they are safely in the hallway, Meredith says, "Is it weird if I wonder where Sadie is right now?"
Lexie smiles. "Not at all. I'm wondering the same thing."
"I think I'm going to call Dr. Wyatt and see if she can find out anything for me. She must have some contacts with psychiatric facilities in the area…." Meredith says.
"Who? Is she an attending? I haven't met her yet…" Lexie asks.
Meredith looks embarrassed for a moment. "No…she's a therapist on staff. I…well…I went for a while," she admits.
"Really? Wow. I wish you had grown up with me and had never had to go through everything you went through and didn't need to speak to a therapist so you could be happy…" Lexie says.
Meredith smiles. "Yeah…but in the end, we ended up in the same place, didn't we?"
Lexie thinks for a moment. "Yeah…I guess we did."
(Break)
Derek and Mark sit across from each other at Joe's.
"Tell me again why I am here with you instead of having hot sex with Little Grey?" Mark asks.
"Because it's important that Meredith and Lexie have a chance to talk and get to know each other, so we are going to stay out of their way for a little while to give them that chance," Derek explains.
"Okay…and that benefits me how?" Mark asks.
"You're full of it. Lexie Grey is more than just a hot chick to you. You care about her…you even gave her a McName," Derek reminds him.
"Which if you tell anyone I'll kick your ass," Mark says.
"Your McSecret's safe with me. I won't tell anyone about McSweetie…"
"It's better than McTwisty" he says, defensively.
Derek laughs. "Let's just say we're both better off than Hunt. McHardAss? That's what he McNamed Cristina!"
"Come on…Karev was the worst! Did he really say that Izzie Stevens was his McSoulmate? I mean the guy might as well just put on a dress and high heels," Mark says, laughing.
"Yeah. McSweetie made you sound like a real tough guy!" Derek mocks.
"Shut up, Shepherd. She's the first girl I've cared about since Addie…I'm out of practice…" Mark says.
Derek raises his glass. "Here's to moving on from Addison," he says.
Mark lifts his glass and touch it to Derek's glass. "From Addison to the Grey sisters!" he says as they hear the sound of their glasses touching.
(Break)
Meredith is home in her bed the next day. She is thrilled to be alone for a few minutes with her thoughts. So far, Derek called to check in on her 3 times, Izzie stopped into her room with muffin's twice this morning, and called to check in from the hospital twice. Cristina called once to see how she was feeling and once to tell her about an awesome valve transplant she was hoping to get to scrub in on. Alex called once and Meredith had heard Izzie in the background says, "Ask her how she's feeling!" which he did. George had called in between his rounds, apologizing for not having been around much but that he wanted to check in and see how she was, and Lexie had called every hour on the hour. Meredith curls up on the couch and is angry when she hears the phone ring, interrupting her blissful solitude.
"Hello?" she answers, trying to hide the annoyance in her voice.
"Hi Meredith. This is Dr. Wyatt returning your call. How are you feeling?" she asks.
"Dr. Wyatt…thank you so much for calling back. I know you probably can't answer my questions, but…well…after everything I guess I just needed…I don't know what I need, but I need answers," Meredith says.
"Actually, Meredith…I actually do have some answers for you. I have Sadie's written consent to share some information with you and Lexie," Dr. Wyatt says.
"Really? Thank you, Dr. Wyatt. I'd like to come in as soon as possible. I just wrack my brain every chance I get, trying to figure out how this happened."
"Can you make it to the hospital?" Dr. Wyatt asks.
"If someone drives me," Meredith thinks out loud.
"Can Derek bring you?" Dr. Wyatt asks.
"No." Meredith says. "He's in surgery all day. I told him to go to work. My leg doesn't hurt as badly today, and I'm able to get around the house. But I can't drive for another two weeks," Meredith says.
"Maybe Lexie could drive you? I could speak to the two of you together…" Dr. Wyatt suggests.
"Ummm…" Meredith hesitates.
"Meredith…just ask her. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. That's what families do for each other," Dr. Wyatt explains.
Meredith sighs. "I'll call her," she relents.
"I'll see you at 1:00 today if that works for Lexie. Let me know," she says.
"Thank you." Meredith says.
"It's the least I can do…" Dr. Wyatt replies.
(Break)
Izzie and Alex come back home and sit on the couch with Meredith.
"How are you feeling?" Izzie asks, concerned.
"It's my leg, Iz…not a brain tumor. I'm fine," Meredith replies.
"Wait til you see what Cristina has for you. It's awesome!" You won't believe it!" Alex says.
"Cristina's coming over? When?" Meredith asks.
"Supposedly Lexie's bringing her over here at 12:30. Lexie said she was picking you up and Cristina wanted to come.
"So how is this going to work? Are we hanging out with Lexie now?" Meredith asks.
Alex shrugs. "It's cool with me…I mean…she's alright."
Izzie narrows her eyes at him. "At one point, you thought she was more than all right…didn't you?" she points out.
"Yes, Iz. I slept with her…It was a long time ago. Besides, I don't think you were a virgin when we got together…were you?" Alex retorts.
Izzie rolls her eyes. "Anyway…I like her. She's nice. A little needy and pathetic sometimes, but in a sweet sort of way. Yeah…she can hang out with us, Mer. It's okay if you want to bring your little sister along," Izzie teases.
"This whole thing is weird for me. Sadie…Lexie…the whole thing. It's all just weird. I feel weird. Do you know what I mean?" Meredith asks.
Izzie and Alex do not get to respond because at that moment, the door opens and Cristina and Lexie walk in, laughing.
"Are you two having fun? This is getting weirder," Meredith says.
"Cristina was just telling me some funny stories about you. I never knew you once wore a Hello Kitty band aid to work!" Lexie says, laughing.
"Hello Kitty band aid? Is that the best you have on me? Come on…" Meredith smiles, at Cristina.
Alex nudges Cristina. "Are you going to give it to her?" he asks.
Cristina runs to the car and comes back with a large wrapped box. Meredith looks questioningly at Lexie.
"I don't know what it is. They wouldn't tell me…" Lexie says.
"Unwrap it!" Cristina tells her.
Meredith slowly unwraps the gift to find a large medical practice doll with a blonde wig on its head and a sign that says, "McPsycho" across it's chest. Meredith looks at Lexie, to see her reaction. Lexie stares blankly at the doll.
"We thought since you'd be out of work you might need to practice your surgical skills at home. You can cut this doll open and remove organs, which is going to be so much fun now that we've made it look like Sadie," Cristina says.
Meredith looks at Izzie and Alex and sees that they are both laughing. She looks at Cristina who is obviously thrilled with her gift. She glances at Lexie who saves her from having to react. "Mer…I think we're going to be late. We better go," she says.
"Oh yeah. Bye guys. Thanks for stopping by, and for…everything…Let's go, Lexie," Meredith says.
(Break)
Sadie lies in bed and waits for the next team of doctors to come in and talk to her. She tries to shake off the groggy feeling that the medications they injected her with give her, and when she can't she just decides to embrace it because it allows her to avoid thinking about that night.
She knows the sequence of events that led up to it. It was everything…going off her medication at the beginning of residency. Cristina yelling at her and humiliating her like her parents used to. Reconnecting with Meredith and realizing how much Meredith had changed. The ironic part is that Sadie had changed too. She was not reckless and irresponsible anymore until she stopped taking her medication. She had finished medical school and done fairly well…well enough to be accepted into Seattle Grace's surgical residency program. Until she came here and Cristina Yang was riding her so hard and she wasn't keeping up and Meredith had this whole new life that didn't seem to include her, she was doing well. The combination of the lack of medication, her insecurities in residency, and then the anniversary of Amy's death…well it put her over the edge. She tried to get herself back on track a few times. She thought maybe her friendship with Lexie Grey could put her back on the right track. Lexie was moral, grounded and stable…the type of person that her doctors urged her to connect with.
It seemed strange, but Lexie reminded her of Amy in some strange way. Not in the obvious ways. Lexie was smart, and very capable. But there was a neediness about her…a desperation to please, that made Sadie want to look out for her the way she used to look out for Amy. She missed her little sister so much. Then, watching Meredith treat Lexie so badly…it broke her heart. Meredith had what she herself had lost and took it all for granted. Then…on the anniversary of Amy's death, her unmedicated brain jumbled everything and caused her to do what she did…and the knowledge that she had destroyed any relationship she could have ever had with Meredith or Lexie kept stabbing her violently every time she remembered that night.
Dr. Atwood enters. "Hi Sadie. How are you feeling?" he asks.
How am I supposed to feel when I've destroyed my life for the second time? She thinks. But instead, she says, "Fine…"
"I'm sure this has been very stressful for you. I wanted you to know that we are transferring you to an excellent psychiatric facility about two hours from here. It's called Shady Brook Psychiatric Center, and they have an excellent reputation. We can have the hospital provide transportation, or we can release you to the care of someone who will transport you to Shady Brook. Is there anyone who you would like to have accompany you?" Dr. Atwood asks.
Sadie feels those words chill her body, as they make her realize that she has no one she can call. Amy is gone, her parents are incarcerated, and she had held her only friends in the world at gun point. She was fairly certain there was no one who wanted to transport her.
"No," she sighs. "I'll take the hospital transport…Thank you," she says, resigned. She is almost relieved at the thought of having a place that will make all of her decisions for her. She had written a letter tying up all the loose ends in Seattle, so leaving now seems like a perfect plan. Life just seems way too hard right now, and she remembers this feeling from the last time…
***********
Thank you so much to all of those who reviewed! I really appreciate it and LOVE the feedback! The next chapter will be up as soon as I can get it written. I'm really excited to reveal the whole story as Dr. Wyatt meets with Meredith and Lexie. And then the epilogue will be awesome! I already have it written in my head. Only a few chapters left! But I'll stretch it out at least until Grey's comes back…I promise!
PLEASE keep the reviews coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll get the next chapter up much faster if I have a lot of reviews to inspire me!! Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!!!