Ben's mother shooed the boys out and sat down on the bed with me before she did any kind of nursing. She looked at me and I turned away, ashamed. She reached out and took my hand.

"Scout, honey, Ben told me what happened. He told me you think it's your fault."

"It is," I mumbled.

"It isn't, Scout. No woman asks for this." I looked up at her. Had she just called me a woman?

"We see people who look like you do right now at the hospital all the time. And believe me, it is never, ever their fault."

I hung my head. I just didn't know. I felt like I had somehow made a huge mistake but wasn't sure what it was, or which one it was, there to be seemed so many to choose from.

"Can you tell what's wrong with my back?" I changed the subject.

"Can you take your shirt off for me, hon?" I painfully pulled my shirt over my head and faced the wall.

"That's quite a bruise you've got there, Scout." She didn't seem shocked the way everyone else had. I supposed she had seen worse in the ER. "How bad does it hurt?"

I was tempted to laugh. I really had no words to describe it. "Like hell ten times over." I said.

"Okay, well, can you lay down? It might hurt less that way. I'm going to have to touch you there to see what's going on, okay? I know it's gonna hurt, so you go ahead and yell if you want to."

I vowed to myself that I wouldn't. "Ready?" she asked.

"Go ahead," I answered into the pillow.

Her hands started at the top of my spine where it met my neck. Slowly she felt down along my backbone, past the base of my shoulder blades. I tensed as she reached the outside edge of the tender area.

"Just one minute more, Scout," she said. Quickly, for my benefit, I assumed, she put her hands on the most bruised and painful area, just under my right shoulder blade. Instinctively I clenched my legs up to my chest. She pressed down on the tender area and I held in a scream, instead making a sound half cry, half curse.

She pulled her hands away. "OK, baby. Sit up. Sit up, here." She pulled me toward her and hugged me gently, being careful not to touch that particular area, as I broke down on her shoulder. "It's OK, honey. I'm all done. You have some broken ribs, that's all."

I sobbed quietly onto her shoulder. Suddenly I realized my shirt was off and felt embarrassed. I pulled away and pulled up the sheets. She handed me my shirt.

She turned respectfully away as I put it on and then turned to face me again.

"Scout, this whole thing must have been very scary for you."

I didn't respond. I just let the tears keep running down my face. She continued.

"Now, I know your brothers would do anything in the world for you, but it's just not the same as having a woman around to talk to. I know you must just be missing your Mom so much right now."

I nodded, not able to look at her, the tears coming harder now.

"Scout, I know I could never take the place of your Mom. I wouldn't want to. But, if you ever need someone to talk to, about stuff you don't want to talk to your brothers about, I hope you know I'm always there for you."

"Thanks," I managed. I didn't really want to talk to anyone about what had happened, not then anyway.

"You and Ben have been friends so long I kind of feel like you're the daughter I never had anyway." I wondered how she would feel if she knew about how my feelings for Ben were changing, and that I had kissed him.

I wasn't sure what to say. So I changed the subject, again.

"So… broken ribs? How many?"

"At least two, maybe three. It doesn't really matter, because there isn't much you can do for broken ribs anyway. Just rest. You're not having trouble breathing, are you?"

"I was when it happened, but not as much now." There was pain every time I breathed, but I wasn't like I couldn't breathe.

She took out her stethascope and listened to my chest. "Sounds okay," she said. "You're lucky you didn't puncture a lung or anything. Is there anything else you want me to check out?"

"No… Nothing else hurts that much. Just cuts and bruises, I guess. Typical stuff."

Well, that was stupid, I thought… This was hardly typical.

She grabbed some of the medical tape Soda had brought in. "I can tape them up for you… that might help a little."

"Could I shower first?" I asked. I felt dirty, disgusting.

"Sure, hon. I'll just wait here for you."

I slowly made my way into the shower. I could hear Darry on the phone in the kitchen, sounding upset.

Once in the shower, I just stood under the water and cried. This was not the way things were supposed to happen. My first kiss was supposed to be just the first step in my loss of innocence; I wasn't supposed to have it all nearly taken from me in one night. Why? Why did this happen to me? I just kept asking myself, over and over, and couldn't come up with an answer. I looked down at my body and it didn't feel or look like my own. There were cuts and bruises that I didn't even remember having been inflicted on me. And bites. The thought of him biting me made me pull back the shower curtain and dry heave into the toilet. I was thankful there was nothing left in me.

That's how I felt, truly. There was nothing left in me. I felt like a shell of myself, like somebody had cracked me open and scooped out the inside.

I must have been in there for a long time, because, eventually, I felt the water turning cold and Darry was knocking at the door.

"Scout? Are you okay in there?"

No, I thought, I am most definitely not okay.

"Yeah, I'll be right out," I called, hoping my voice didn't sound too bad, after so much crying.

Mrs. Cummings was still sitting there on my bed, waiting. I noticed somebody had stripped the sheets off the other bed and thrown them in the wash.

I sat on the bed and lifted up my shirt so she could tape up my ribs. "Too tight?" she asked.

"No, I don't think so." It actually did feel a little better to have the breaks somewhat immobilized. She ripped the tape and pulled my shirt back down. There was a somewhat uncomfortable silence. I wondered why she wasn't just leaving.

"Is there anything else I can do for you, honey? I'm so sorry this happened, Scout. I really am."

"Thanks. I'm okay," I lied.

"Well, you remember what I said, okay?"

"I will." She got up to leave. "I'll see what I have back at the house for the pain, okay? I'll send Kevin over with it." She was known to stock a few items from the hospital for the use of the kids in the neighborhood, under her discretion.

"Thanks. Do you think you could send Ben back in?"

"I sure will. You get some rest, okay?"

"Thanks, Mrs. Cummings, really."

She smiled at me understandingly as she went out the door and closed it quietly behind her. I heard her talking quietly to my brothers and in a minute the door opened and Ben came in. He tried to smile at me but it looked forced, false. He saw me looking at him and gave up the act. He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge.

"I can't believe this happened," he said.

"Me neither," I agreed.

"I feel bad that I left you. I'm kicking myself."

"Ben, you couldn't have known. You did everything right. You were a perfect gentleman. Turns out I needed the wastebasket."

He looked at me with pure concern.

"You really didn't see who it was?"

"No." It felt a million times worse lying to Ben than my brothers. I'm not sure why. Maybe because he was the one I had been kissing just the night before.

"We'll find out, Scout. We will. We'll make him pay. The thought of someone hurting you like that just makes me want to kill someone."

I had never heard Ben talk like that before. Ben was not really an "eye for an eye" sort of person. He'd been in a few fights, same as all the boys from our neighborhood, but he was never really the one who started them.

"What are you gonna do, Ben, really? Beat him up?"

"Not me. From the looks of what he did to you, I'm not tough enough. But we'll all teach him a lesson. Darry's already called Tim, asked him to have his guys listen around. I guess Tim's pretty upset – Darry mentioned that it could just as easy have been Angela instead of you."

Tim and Darry's relationship was strange. Even though Tim was way tougher than any of us, I think he respected Darry, for his strength as well as his brains. Angela was Tim's younger sister. I think she was sixteen or something, and any comparison between her and me was laughable. She was tougher than any of the guys in our gang, and about as innocent as a discount whore. But I guess older brothers always feel protective of their kid sisters, regardless.

"Seriously, Scout, you know I'm not a fighter, but I'd like to kill the guy that did this to you. I hope you got a pretty good piece of him, too."

This had not occurred to me. I wondered what Steve looked like. I had fought with everything I had - I hoped I had at least done a little damage. He must have left right after he hit me, I thought. At first, I thought it was strange that Darry hadn't dragged him over as well to find out what he knew, but then I remembered, nobody knew he had even been here but Soda, and I was sure he didn't remember. I didn't want to see him. Never again might be too soon, as far as I was concerned.

I felt a hand on mine and nearly jumped off the bed. I looked up to see Ben looking so hard at me that I felt like I could physically feel his gaze.

"Damn it, Scout, why would anyone want to hurt you? You're even scared of me touching you now. Jesus, just last night…"

"I made a mistake last night," I said.

Ben looked devastated. He turned away. I realized what he thought I had meant.

"No, Ben, I didn't mean that. Not about you. I meant... about the drinking. Maybe I could have fought back or got away if I hadn't been drinking. Look at me, Ben."

He turned. He looked truly miserable. "I just… I can't believe this happened to you, I mean, after…"

"I know, and, I mean, about kissing you- I meant that. I wanted that. That wasn't a mistake."

He looked skeptical. "I just wish I could go back to last night and do it over, and stay with you. Protect you." I knew Ben could never take Steve. Not alone, anyway. I did realize that Steve probably would have never even bothered with me had anyone else been around, though.

"Yeah, well I'd do it over without puking through the fence."

I actually got him to smile, a little.

"Can I hold your hand?" he asked. I must have looked at him funny.

"Before, I tried to hold your hand and you jumped," he said.

"I didn't mean to," I said. I offered my hand, and he took it. He looked me, scanning for any kind of reaction, as he lifted it to his lips and kissed it gently. He looked down at the bruises that encircled my wrist and looked up at me.

"I'm so sorry this happened to you, Scout," he said.

"I know." I lowered my eyes, stared at the bedspread. I wondered if all I would ever hear from the people I cared about from now on was "I'm sorry," even when they hadn't done anything.

"Scout, I know this changes things…"

I couldn't answer. I wanted to feel his arms around me but feared it just as much. I squeezed my eyes shut. Ben… This is Ben. Not Steve. Not Steve. It's Ben.

I opened my eyes and looked at him and tentatively held out my arms.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said. "Your ribs?"

"I don't care," I said. I didn't. I wanted the comfort more than I feared the pain.

More gently than I can ever remember having been touched, Ben's arms encircled me. I don't think any of my brothers were even capable of being so gentle, they were too used to wrestling and tackling each other all the time. I put my head down on his shoulder and felt his breath in my ear. "I swear, Scout, whoever did this to you will pay for it." I shuddered and he pulled me a little closer, still managing to avoid touching my throbbing ribs. I picked up my head off his shoulder and looked him in the eye.

He spoke first. "I totally understand if you are scared of me now. Of anyone."

"I don't want to be," I whispered, trying to stop myself from crying again. I was afraid. Terrified. But the last thing I wanted was to let what had happened to me get in the way of what had just started happening with me and Ben.

He looked at me, searching for clarification. His hand reached up to my lips, tracing them with his finger. "You're so hurt." He said sadly.

"I don't want to be scared of you," I said, feeling the tears rising again despite myself. Somehow, again, he knew enough to be gentler than I could even imagine, and as his fingers rested on my own lips, his gently pressed against my forehead. There was no similarity to the forced kisses I had fought against the night before. A part of me still recoiled in fear from any touch but I forced it away, forced myself to make the distinction between Steve and Ben, what Steve had stolen from me and what I wanted to share with Ben. I would not let anyone take away the innocence, the softness of my first kiss. With what little fight I had left, I refused to push away Ben because of Steve.

I put my arms around him and he gently leaned me back onto the pillow. We landed softly, face to face on the bed. He looked at me and gently traced the bruises on my face with his finger, shaking his head.

Just then the bedroom door opened and Soda walked in. He didn't look surprised to see Ben lying on my bed with me – we had always done that, though I was guessing that nobody would be quite so comfortable with it anymore if they knew what had happened along with our drinking...

But, I suppose we all had bigger things to worry about at the moment.

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A/N: Hey, if you break your ribs, don't tape them! Here in the 21st century, we know that just limits your breathing capacity, and lets the fluid build up so you can get pneumonia and die! But don't worry, Scout is not gonna get pneumonia. I promise.