He was there. I could feel him, his hands on me, his mouth smothering mine. Oh, God. It was happening again. No. Please, no. Not again. I screamed, pushing him off of me, kicking and clawing. Not again. I'll kill him first.

I awoke to the sound of something crashing, and was immediately surrounded by brothers, though at first I fought them off, throwing awkward, uncoordinated punches that sent searing pain through my back but did little or no harm to anyone else. I was sweating, crying, hyperventilating.

"It's okay. It's okay, Scout." It was Darry talking and holding me down, trying to calm me, but Soda and Pony were there, too, rubbing my head and back. I had forgotten where I was. I was confused, terrified.

"He was here!" I cried, frantic. How did he get in? I looked around. All the windows were closed. "He was here."

"It's okay." Pony held my hand. "It was a nightmare. Just like I have. You're okay, Scout. It wasn't real." If anybody knew how scared I was, I guessed maybe he did.

"It was real. He was…" I couldn't think straight. Could it have just felt that real, without actually happening? Logically, he couldn't have been there, but it sure as hell had felt real, maybe even more so than the first time.

"Nobody's here, Scout," Soda said. "You're okay."

I just held on for dear life and tried to breathe normally again. I could feel Darry's heart beating almost as fast as my own, and both Soda and Pony were wide-eyed. I had obviously scared them almost as much as myself. Finally, I remembered; I was in my parents' room.

"What happened?" I managed to ask.

"You were screaming. We couldn't get in. You locked us out, Scout. I had to break the lock." Darry was still holding me tightly against him, and it was sort of hurting my ribs.

"Darry…" I said, "let go…" He loosened his grip immediately, but didn't actually let go, for which I was grateful.

Finally I calmed down enough that my heart didn't feel like it was going to explode out of my chest and my breathing had returned to almost normal.

"I just felt safer… in here," I said, trying to explain where they had found me. I guess nightmares don't really give a crap whether you have tried to lock them out or not, though.

Nobody said anything. I knew that they all understood. They all missed Mom and Dad every bit as much as I did.

"Sorry I woke you up," I said. I was. I knew they had school and work in the morning.

"You just scared us, that's all," Soda said. "We couldn't find you, at first." Right, they wouldn't have expected me to be in our parents' room.

"You two go back to bed," Darry said, wearily. I knew what he was probably thinking; now there were two of us having blood-curdling scream-inducing nightmares… he and Soda were in for it.

Pony and Soda both got back up and went to their room, but not without a squeeze of my shoulder and a "'Night Scout." Pony looked particularly concerned.

"'Night," I whispered.

Darry sat and stared at me. I felt stupid.

"I slept in here, too, when you and Pony were gone," he said.

I was surprised. I guess he'd known exactly why I had come into their room. We all needed them, at different times, for different reasons. I forgot sometimes, that Darry could be just as hurt or lonely or scared as the rest of us.

"I know I'm not them, Scout," he said, "but is there anything I can do that they would have? I mean, I don't know what you need. What do you need, baby?"

"I don't know," I said. I was exhausted again. The nightmare had taken so much out of me. It had exerted me, mentally and physically.

"Want me to stay in here, with you?" he asked.

I had assumed he'd make me go back to my own room.

"Yeah," I said. "I miss them. So much."

"Me too," he said. "I wish they were here for you now. Of course, if they were still here, this never would have happened."

"You don't know that." I didn't know either. "You're doing a good job, Darry," I added. "None of this stuff that's happened has been your fault."

"Right."

"I mean it. Really. None of this is your fault."

"Well, I wish I knew who's fault it was, so I could make sure it never happens again."

"Me too." I meant, I wished that he knew, too. But nobody did. I wasn't even entirely sure if Steve knew. Something about him that night had just been so… inhuman, like he wasn't aware of what he was even doing. He hadn't come around on Sunday, which wasn't all that strange- he still had to work on Sunday whether he'd been out drinking the night before or not, so after he worked his shift he often just headed home and went to bed, or so Soda told me. Soda had worked with him and hadn't said anything about him being messed up or anything.

I knew, sooner or later, I would have to face him. The thought of that gave me a chill down to my very core. I was afraid to even hear his voice again, much less see his face.

Darry must have felt me shiver, because he lay me back gently and leaned his head on his elbow, looking over at me.

"He won't hurt you again, Scout. I promise. You're safe here. We're not going to let anything happen."

I really, really wanted that to be true. But I wasn't so sure how safe I would ever really feel when I knew that my attacker was a welcome guest in our house. My own house didn't even feel safe to me anymore. I couldn't really think of anyplace that felt safe, actually. Even with Darry lying in bed next to me, I was still scared. I could feel the fear, eating away at me from the inside. As he drifted off and I heard his light snoring, I struggled to give in to sleep. I had hoped that slumber would be a safe haven, the one place where I might find some solace, but, twice now, my dreams had betrayed me.

I lay awake until the sun peeked through the curtains and Soda came in to wake up Darry. He opened the door and saw me, lying awake.

"You're up early," he said. I didn't let on that I hadn't slept.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"Seven." Darry stirred next to me and eventually sat up.

"It's seven?" he asked. "Why'd you let me sleep so late?" Darry was usually up by six.

"It's okay, Darry. Me and Pony got breakfast."

I was glad that they let him sleep, since I was the one who had awakened everybody in the first place. I knew the stress of all this was taking it's toll on Darry as well.

"You sleep okay?" he asked me. I just nodded. There was no point in telling him I spent the whole night praying to be able to stop thinking about what had happened and to stop worrying that it would happen again.

Soda turned and left, calling over his shoulder. "Eggs'll be ready in five."

Darry stood up and turned to me.

"I can't take another day off, Scout. I have to go in today." He sounded guilty.

"You don't have to stay with me, Darry. I'm fine." I'm not sure who I was lying to more when I said that, him or me.

"Alison's gonna come stay with you until Soda gets home," he said.

I hadn't been expecting that.

"What, did Two-Bit have something better to do?" He was usually more than happy to skip, with or without a good reason.

"I didn't ask him," he said. "Ali offered." I guessed that at least that meant that their fight over what to do about me hadn't had any lasting effects.

"Is that okay?" Darry didn't know how to interpret my silence.

"I guess so," I said. "I just feel bad that she has to come babysit me."

"It's not like that. She wants to. She cares about you."

"She cares about you, too, Darry," I said, softly. He smiled a little bit reached down to pull me up.

"C'mon, you gotta eat."

I choked down a few bites of breakfast, just to placate Darry, and went immediately back to bed. The struggling I had done after my nightmare had only made me more sore. I welcomed the pill when Darry gave it to me, and I must have fallen asleep within a few minutes. For some reason, sleep was not as frightening in the light of day- I knew that if anything happened, at least I wouldn't wake up to darkness.

I woke up and heard noise in the kitchen. Looking at my clock, I was surprised to see that it was two o'clock. I got up and wandered into the hallway, stopping in the kitchen doorway.

I watched Alison putting together some ingredients for what I guessed must be dinner. She was the first woman since my mom, besides me, to be busying herself in our kitchen. As she turned to go to the refrigerator, she noticed me standing there.

"Oh, hey," she said. "You scared me."

I didn't answer. Fear had taken on a whole new dimension for me.

"What are you making?" I asked.

"Lasagna," she said. Right. Of course she could cook; her family owns a restaurant.

I just sat at the table and watched. She looked at me and after a minute she put down her dishtowel and spoon and sat down across from me.

"How are you doing, Scout? I mean, really."

I didn't answer. I didn't see the point of everyone asking me. There was nothing they could do. There was nothing anyone could do. What difference did it make if I was doing great or terrible? I couldn't even figure out which answer it was that people were hoping for.

"If you want to talk, I mean, if you need someone to talk to, I am here for you, okay? Anytime." She sounded sincere enough.

"Thanks," I said, staring at the floor. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to forget it, erase it completely. But it wouldn't stop haunting me. I didn't really know what to say, so I just got a glass of water and went back to my bed.

I lay there, staring at the ceiling, until I heard Soda come home. He was yelling as he came through the door and I froze as I heard Steve answer.

Oh God. I could feel my heart rate quicken, and I felt sick. I couldn't imagine that such a visceral reaction was possible, just to a voice. I was paralyzed. I heard Soda coming to my door and opening it, slowly. I closed my eyes and tried to drown out the pounding of my heart.

"I guess she's sleeping," he said. Steve muttered something in the background. Soda brought him here to see me, I realized in horror. To see what he did to me.

Oh God, please don't let him come in here. Please, Soda, get him away. Please. I hoped my shaking wasn't obvious. Finally I heard him close the door, and I slowly opened my eyes, hoping that Steve would be nowhere in my field of vision, but they were both gone.

I could still feel my heart racing. I heard the door slam and then Soda talking with Alison in the kitchen. After taking a few minutes to calm down, I got up again and went out to the kitchen. Soda came over to me and pulled me up against him and I wanted to cry, knowing that he didn't know, wishing he could keep both his friend and his sister. But I felt, already, like I was disappearing, that I wasn't the person that I had been before. I wanted my old self back, the Scout that wasn't afraid to sleep, to be touched, to do anything.

"Hey," he said, and I realized how tightly I had been squeezing him. "Ease up, kiddo, you're gonna hurt yourself." I looked up into the face of my brother who I loved so much, who, I realized, I was sacrificing myself to protect.

"I love you, Soda," I whispered into his chest, too quietly for him to hear.

Darry arrived home shortly afterward, and we ate dinner together. I was glad that Alison stayed- her being there took some of the pressure off of me to have to say anything. I mostly sat silently, listening to Soda talk about work and Darry and Alison throw around pointless banter about the restaurant and his job. At one point I looked over and saw Pony looking at me, studying me. I looked away and he squeezed my knee under the table. Of everyone, I had a feeling Pony might have the best ability to understand what I was feeling. I don't know why, really- maybe it's just because he thinks so much and feels things so strongly. But without that look and squeeze, I'm not sure I could have sat through dinner.

I went back to my room immediately afterward and pretended to be asleep whenever anyone came in. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to sleep, or be awake either. I had no idea what I wanted.

Eventually the house quieted down and all was dark and silent. The fear that had been quelled by the daylight rose up again, threatening to overtake me. Finally I took my pillow and crept silently into the kitchen, where I lay down on the floor outside Darry's door, waiting for daylight to come.

A/N: Thanks for all the support. I continue to hope I am doing justice to such a terrible situation by writing it respectfully.