I sat there all night, closing my eyes a few times but never able to relax my mind enough to fall asleep. Every sound was a potential threat. Was that the door? Footsteps? I took some comfort in Darry's light snore threading it's way under the door, but wondered, if I screamed with someone's hand over my mouth, even right outside his door, whether he would be able to hear me.

You're overreacting, I tried again and again to convince myself. Yet my body involuntarily reacted to every noise, causing my heart to race and my senses to sharpen. I could feel the tension in every muscle in my body.

I'm going crazy, I realized. I had never, ever, been afraid of the dark. God, just a few months ago I had left the church for home, alone, in the dark of night, without a second thought. Now I was reduced to sleeping on the floor outside my big brother's door? I hated myself for being so pathetic.

Once the sun came up I went back into my own bed and balled myself up against the wall, where, finally, my eyes became heavy and I felt myself slipping away.

"Scout?" It was Ponyboy.

"Scout?" I heard his footsteps coming toward the bed. The last thing I wanted was for him to jump on me, so I answered, letting him know I was awake, without moving.

"What?"

"Darry wanted me to ask you if you think you're ready to go back to school today."

Was he kidding? Had he seen what I looked like? There was no way I was going back to school looking like some cheap girl whose boyfriend beat her up.

"No," I said.

He sat on the bed.

"Why?" I started to think that maybe I had overestimated the compassion of my family for what I was going through. Either that, or my public façade showed only a tiny fraction of what was going on on the inside. I was falling apart. The last thing I needed was a classroom full of kids staring at me and whispering.

"I'm not ready. I still need the pills." I was lying, outright. My ribs were feeling much better, and a few aspirin would have probably done the trick. It was everything else that hurt. My heart. My confidence. My self-worth. My brain, from all the thinking.

"Okay," he said, patting me on the thigh through the covers. "I'll have Ben get your work again." Ben had been getting my work for the past two days- I hadn't even opened a book. I didn't care.

I knew Darry would be in next, and he didn't disappoint me. I knew he wasn't going to jump on me so I didn't say anything when he called me.

"Scout?"

I ignored him and pretended to be asleep. This was becoming a valuable ally, feigned sleep.

"Scout?" he called, and, very gently, for Darry, he squeezed my shoulder.

I didn't answer but he wasn't fooled.

"C'mon, baby. I know you're awake."

"I can't go, Darry. Not yet. One more day, please? Can't you just tell them I'm really sick or something? I just need one more day. I'm still too sore."

I heard him thinking. I knew he would sigh, and he did.

"Nobody can stay with you today, until this afternoon."

"I'll be okay," I said. I hope, I thought.

"I don't know, Scout. I really don't want to leave you by yourself."

"Please, Darry?" I didn't usually beg him for anything.

"Okay," he said, "but you're gonna lock up the house and stay inside, and if anybody comes around here, you call Soda."

"I will."

He stood up. "This is the last pill I'm giving you, okay?" Mrs. Cummings said you shouldn't need them anymore.

"Okay," I said, wondering how the hell I was ever gonna sleep after that.

He left, then came back in with a glass of orange juice and handed me a pill.

"You're going, tomorrow," he said. "You can't stay out any more, or Social Services will be all over it."

"Okay," I said, praying that one more day would be enough time for me to pull myself together.

Pony headed out for school with Two-Bit, who poked his head in for a quick hello, and Darry and Soda went off to work, Darry making me follow him to the door in order to lock it.

The silence of the house was strange. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I stood against the door, hearing Darry's truck pull away, already feeling the welcome sleep-inducing effects of the pain pill. Finally, I stepped away from the door and headed into my bedroom. I opened my top drawer and took out my Mom's ring, sliding it down over my thumb. Then I pulled out the necklace Dad had given me on my birthday, just before he died. I put it around my neck, struggling to secure the clasp with my sore wrists. Then I headed back down the hallway to my parents' bedroom. I crawled into the bed and, again, pulled up the covers.

................

I awoke to knocking at the front door and my blood froze. Darry had broken the bedroom door lock- I was thinking about whether or not to go hide in the closet when I heard a voice calling out to me.

"Scout? Are you okay?" It was Ben.

I took a moment to catch my breath before going to let him in.

I opened the door and felt what I recognized as a brief moment of happiness when I saw him smiling at me.

"Missed you today," he said. "Pony says you're coming back tomorrow?"

"I guess," I said, unenthusiastically.

"Are you still hurting?" he asked. "I mean, a real lot?"

"Look at me, Ben," I said. "Everybody is gonna be talking about me."

"No they won't," he said. "Everybody who cares about you knows what happened."

I wasn't convinced.

Ben led me over to the couch and sat down next to me.

"Look, Scout, anybody who says anything to you is just an asshole. Don't let them get to you."

If only it were that easy, I thought. I was even getting to myself.

Ben turned my head toward his, and made sure I knew that he was going to put his arm around me. He waited until my eyes gave him permission, then pulled me toward him.

I rested my head on his shoulder, while he stroked my hair.

"I'm scared," I said.

"I know," he said, "but you can't let him win. You give in to the fear, and he wins."

I knew he was right.

Just then, Pony came through the door and saw us on the couch, embracing.

"Everything okay?" he asked. As far as he knew, Ben and I were best friends, but not really affectionate, so much.

"Yeah," Ben said, standing up, "I'm just consoling Scout over all the homework she has to get done tonight." He stood up and took my books out of his bag, setting them on the table.

"So, I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked.

I nodded, and he headed out the door.

"You doin' okay?" Pony asked.

I shrugged.

"Get any of your homework done?" he asked.

I shook my head.

He grabbed my books and sat down next to me. He picked up a pencil, and I leaned against his shoulder while he started on my math.

When I woke up, Darry and Soda were just coming in the door. I was still leaning up against Pony, who was now reading a book. My schoolbooks were stacked neatly on the table.

"Hey y'all," Darry said. I saw him notice my books on the table. "You get some work done today?" Pony nudged me gently and I nodded.

"She did it all, Darry," Pony said. I'd have to thank him later.

I went through the motions that night, indulging Darry by taking a few bites of Alison's leftover lasagna, then showering and heading to bed. Again, I lay there, as the house quieted down, feeling the familiar fear rise in me like a fever.

When I was sure that everyone had fallen asleep, I headed out to the kitchen and took up my post outside Darry's door, waiting for morning to come, bringing with it my inevitable return to school.

..............

Darry personally dropped Pony and I off at school the next morning with a stern warning to Pony that he was to keep an eye out for me, and a warning to me that I was not so much as to squirm in my seat if it hurt.

I got a fair number of stares from the other kids – my bruises were healing, but a few had reached that stage in the healing where they looked even worse than they had been to begin with. Most of the people I knew already knew about what had happened- Darry calling Tim had sent the word out that someone had hurt me, and mostly I got a lot of sympathy, even from the toughest hoods on our side of town, who all vowed revenge.

I heard some snickers from a few of the Socs as I walked by, and noticed some pointing of fingers in my direction, but I tried to just ignore it as best I could. Ben tried his best to walk me to each of my classes, which was tricky, since, being in different grades, our schedules were pretty dissimilar. We actually did have a study hall together just before lunc,h and we sat together while I spelled words for him as he worked on a history essay.

A bunch of Soc wiseasses was sitting together nearby talking about some party their high school siblings had gone to over the weekend. We were pretty much ignoring them until one of them for some reason started in on me.

"Hey, Curtis… looks like you had yourself quite a time last weekend, too, huh?"

Ben turned to face them. "Shut your traps," he said. "Anything Scout did last weekend is none of your business."

"Just forget it, Ben." I didn't need him starting anything.

"Well, looks like your boyfriend Benjamin here couldn't protect you so much last time, huh Curtis?" they smirked. "Or maybe he's the one that messed you up? You like it rough, huh Scout?"

Ben stood up and walked over to their ringleader. I recognized him from my French class. Scott something.

"Ben, don't." I said, but with my ribs still taped up I was pretty powerless to do anything to stop him.

"Leave it to a bunch of low-life Socials to pick on a girl half their size, but twice their intelligence" he said.

"Who you callin' lowlifes? We don't let our girls get smacked around like your kind do. We don't just let 'em go spreadin their legs for any old trash."

That was it for Ben. He leaped across the desks and had the kid on the ground in seconds. I noticed his Soc sidekicks didn't make a move to help him out- they just yelled encouragement from the sidelines. Meanwhile, I ignored Darry's warning to take it easy, and tried my best to pull Ben off the kid before anyone showed up from the administration. The study hall monitor, a meek-looking general chemistry teacher, had already called down to the office, and within seconds the Assistant Principal, Mr. Benedict, was at the doorway.

"All right, Mr. Cummings, Mr. Stansfield. That will be enough." Mr. Benedict was a big guy, and with little difficulty he pulled the two apart and had them each by the collar. Clearly Ben had had the upper hand – Stansfield was bleeding from the nose and had a fat lip, and Ben looked no worse for the wear. I looked on sadly as he was dragged from the room.

The rest of the Socs just looked at me and laughed. Without a word I grabbed my and Ben's books and walked painfully out of the room. Darry would kill me if he found out I had gotten involved in a fight. For lack of a better option, I went to Two-Bit's car and sat in the backseat. The junior high and high school are in separate buildings, but news travels fast, especially about a fight. Only about ten minutes later, Two-Bit was climbing into the back seat next to me.

"You okay, Scooter?" He put a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah," I said, quietly. "Ben's gonna get suspended though."

"Good for him. We're not puttin' up with anybody talkin' to you like that." Apparently he had even already heard about the content of the conversation.

"I'm just sick of everybody getting caught up in this." I was. I just wanted it to go away. Instead, it just kept snowballing, getting bigger and bigger.

Ponyboy came trotting over and jumped into the car. "You okay, Scout?"

"I guess so." I said, staring at the floor. Just as I said that, Kevin came around the back of the car to the side window. "Hey boys," he greeted Pony and Two-Bit, then directed his gaze at me. "You okay?" he asked.

"I'm fine. Ben?"

"He's fine." Kevin looked kinda proud. "Gonna get a few days' vacation, though, I imagine. Our mom has to come get him."

I heard voices approaching and looked past Kevin to see Sweeney and Jakes approaching the car. They exchanged greetings with Kevin and one of them, I think it was Sweeney, stuck his head in the window.

"You okay, little Curtis?" I wondered if that's what all the older greasers called me. I had thought it was just Tim.

"I'm alright," I said.

"You don't have to put up with any of that shit from them. We're gonna take care of that little brat's big brother."

Oh, great. I had forgotten Scott had an older brother. "Don't bother," I said. "It's not a big deal."

"Oh, it is," he asserted. "We're gonna handle it though."

I just sat there. Pony opened his door and crawled out. He lit a cigarette and leaned on the car. He started talking with the guys about something completely unrelated to the fight. I just sunk lower in the seat. I didn't want to go back to class, which reminded me,

"Shouldn't you guys be in class?" I asked.

"That's overrated," Two-Bit answered.

"It's my lunch," Pony said.

"Yes." Sweeney and Jakes answered in unison. Kevin laughed.

I knew I had to go back. After missing three straight days, Darry would be none too pleased with me if I decided to skip an entire afternoon of classes.

"I guess I better go back," I said. I opened the car door and stepped out.

Two-Bit looked at me. "I'll walk you," he said. "Where you going?"

"History," I said.

"Awwww, Mrs. Barrett! She loves me." Despite Two-Bit's's lackluster academics, his teachers did, for the most part, love him. He linked his arm in mine.

"Keith," she greeted him as he arrived with me at the door of my history classroom, "to what do I owe this pleasure? I thought we sent you over to the high school quite a few years back."

"Just escorting my friend Scout here to class, Mrs. Barrett."

"Well, that is lovely, Mr. Mathews, but I presume that you might be expected somewhere across campus at this time?" she suggested.

"Probably," he answered.

"Then I suspect you had better get going."

"Yes, ma'am. Nice to see you again, Mrs. Barrett. Bye Scout," he said, tapping me lightly on the back. I flinched. I was already regretting my decision to get involved in Ben's squabble. I don't know how Darry used to be able to still play football with healing broken ribs. I could still hardly even walk right.

I finished the day, sat through Pony's practice and was glad to see Soda outside right on time to pick me and Pony up. I climbed up into the car, wincing at the pain in my ribs. He looked at me, grinning like all get-out, and I knew he had heard.

"You started a fight? "Soda was excited. Anything involving a fight always got him all excited.

"Not really," I said, staring out the window. "Not on purpose."

"So did Ben mess him up good?" Soda had to ask. I had no idea how he even found out.

"I guess," I said. "Good enough to get suspended."

"What were they sayin' to you? Ben wouldn't tell me."

"You don't want to know," I said. "Did you tell Darry?"

"I didn't see him yet," Soda said. "He wasn't home. I saw Ben in the backyard and wondered why he wasn't at practice too. He said you jumped in?"

I hadn't mentioned that to Pony.

"I'm fine," I lied. "Don't tell Darry, okay, Soda? I mean, about me getting involved."

"I won't," he said. I wasn't so sure.

I figured if there was any chance for things to get more complicated, they would.

.

A/N: Thanks reviewers. Love ya.