The Depressing Reality of Christmas - A very Black Christmas

by viv-heart

Christmas isn't merry for everyone. Let's not pretend otherwise. Sometimes you can't help yourself but to hate the holiday as it reminds you of all the things you have lost. But sometimes reminding yourself that you aren't alone with your feelings helps. Stay strong. With Love, your personal Grinch Divided into 3 parts, 6 drabbles each. Canon character death, alcoholism, depression

4. Sirius

Sirius – hiding in his childhood home

Sirius threw another empty bottle against the wall and watched as it broke before reaching behind himself for another one just to realize there weren't any left. He growled tried to stand up. Everything was spinning.

Sirius cursed but managed to get on his feet. How much had he drunk? He didn't know. But judging by the glass on the floor quite a lot. That hadn't been the plan. Or had it? Why had he drunk so much? Was it because of the place? Because of his mother's screeching portrait on the wall he hadn't managed to remove yet? Dumbledore's stupid rules? Not being able to see Harry or Remus for that matter? Because Peter had gotten away?

As he stumbled around the house, Sirius' eyes fell on Regulus' closed door.

Ah, yes. Christmas. The family feast. That's why he decided to get smashed. Sirius snorted. Had been a good choice. He hated Christmas.

Sirius walked over to the door and pushed it open. He hadn't been in Regulus' room since he left all those years ago. He avoided it since he moved in. After all, he had no idea what happened to his brother and feared what he would find in the room.

Proof that he was truly evil? Or something entirely different? His corpse or a message that he was hiding from Voldemort somewhere in the Carribean? Everything was possible and Sirius wasn't sure that he wanted to know the truth. But he had to look inside eventually. And since he was already feeling like shit and was pretty drunk on top of that it seemed to be a good moment to do it.

Sirius looked around. Not much had changed. He went over to the desk and started to go through the things on it, throwing everything he deemed unimportant on the floor.

He continued to go through the whole room like that but didn't find anything.

"No Christmas present for me as it seems," Sirius muttered before kicking the chair. It helped. Sirius took it and threw it against the wall. Oh yes, it really helped.

Sirius trashed the whole room, letting out the anger and grief he held in himself for so long before he collapsed on the floor, sobbing.

He hated his family. He hated his life. And he hated Christmas for reminding him that he cared.