I spent the whole rest of the week thinking about what I would say to Sandy. I couldn't believe how important it had become to me to see her. We had always been friendly with each other, and I had always liked her, but she had been little more to me than my brother's girlfriend. Suddenly I was feeling a bond with her that felt just as important as any connection that I had ever felt with anyone.

She knew. Just knowing that, that there was somebody else out there who had been through what I had, was huge.

Ben and Anna had helped me decide that, as soon as I could, I should talk to her, alone. No matter how many times Ben had asked, or how many times I felt like I couldn't hold everything inside, I had not told anyone the details of what had happened that night. I just couldn't, and I wasn't even sure why. Maybe I still felt like it would look like I had somehow asked for it, or deserved it… I didn't know. But I was sure that, with Sandy, I would want to talk about it, I would need to talk about it. And she would get it. She would know.

We had planned to leave in the morning on Saturday, and by the time Friday rolled around, I was feeling sick with anticipation. Literally. I was achy and cranky and felt tired, even though I had been sleeping much better with Darry in the other bed in my room. Darry, himself, was just as antsy about the whole trip as both Soda and I seemed to be. It occurred to me what a huge stretch it was for Darry to allow the two of us to go - to drive to a place half a day away, where we had no real clear idea of what might happen. I was actually pretty glad that Two-Bit was coming along for the ride. If things didn't turn out well with Sandy, at least Soda would have someone else who could drive on the way home, and support him. I didn't think a twelve year-old kid sister would be much help for a seventeen year-old whose girlfriend just rejected him.

But I didn't see how she could. He knew, now, about Steve… and everything, and he still wanted her. I just prayed she wouldn't hurt him again, when he clearly loved her so much.

Darry was like a mother hen that Saturday morning, checking and double-checking that we had everything we needed: snacks, drinks, blankets and pillows (we planned to just sleep in the car, rather than wasting money on a hotel somewhere…), a spare key in case we somehow lost the car key, maps, etc. He handed Soda an envelope as we climbed into the car, telling him to keep it safe, in case of an emergency. I knew it was money- maybe even a lot.

Next he came over to me and handed me another envelope with some money inside.

"I want you to call home, every time you stop somewhere with a phone, okay?" he said. "Just so we know where you are, and that you're okay."

I must have looked surprised that he had entrusted me with this task.

"They won't do it," he said, motioning to Soda and Two-Bit, "but I know you will." He was right, I would. "I just need to know that everything is alright. So call home, okay?"

I nodded, and snaked my arms around his neck, standing up on the car frame so I was eye to eye with him.

"Thank you, Darry," I said, "for letting me go."

"I hope it helps you… to talk to her," he said, sadly.

"Me too," I said, kissing him on the cheek. He hugged me tightly as Soda started the car and Two-Bit settled into the front seat with a Pepsi.

"See you on Monday," I said, letting go of him.

"Be good, baby," he said. I smiled up at him.

"We'll be fine, Darry. Don't worry." I knew he still would, though.

"You call, okay?" he whispered in my ear. "Drive safe, you two," he said to Soda and Two-Bit.

"Will do," Soda said, and, with that, he put the car into gear and headed out of the driveway.

And so began our roadtrip.

…………………..

The first six hours or so weren't so bad. We talked, listened to the radio, and played stupid games involving making words out of license plate letters and guessing what famous person one of us was thinking of using only yes/no questions.

But the novelty wore off soon after. I was increasingly uncomfortable and cranky and couldn't find any position except lying down that was comfortable, but that made me feel carsick. Arkansas has been tolerable, but Mississippi was insufferable. Not to mention the fact that, for a great deal of the time, we felt like we were the only people with white skin in the whole state. Late Saturday night, after being stuck in a four hour traffic jam due to an accident, we pulled over to get gas. There wasn't a white person to be seen, anywhere.

"Can I help you?" A black man was at Soda's window. I didn't even try to get out to call Darry, though I knew he was probably sitting by the phone.

"Fill it up," Soda said, and he did. Soda handed him some cash and the man went into the office to get change, coming out and returning to the car, handing Soda some money.

"Thanks," Soda said. I was in awe. In Tulsa we never got to see black people, really. They had their own part of town.

"Well, this is an experience," Two-Bit said.

"It's Mississippi," Soda said. I wasn't sure what that meant.

Eventually, it was almost ten o'clock, and I convinced Soda to pull over, in the parking lot of a 24-hour diner. He figured that nobody would ever check the cars there, so it would be safe to sleep there, in the car. He and Two-Bit headed in to get some food, while I stopped inside the door, at the phone, to call home.

"Scout?" Darry answered before the first ring ended.

"We're fine, Darry. I'm sorry, I didn't get a chance to call before."

"Where are you?"

"Almost in Alabama. We got stuck in traffic for a long time."

"Where'd you stop?"

"At a diner."

"Where's Soda and Two-Bit?" Figures, he was worried that they'd left me.

"They're right here, Darry," I motioned Soda over.

"Put him on."

"Okay, here's Soda." I handed the phone to him.

"Hey Darry," he said, as I went over to the booth to sit with Two-Bit.

Eventually, Soda hung up and came over to sit with us. We ate dinner and headed back out to the car for the night. The parking lot was full and I was sure nobody would find us sleeping there. Two-Bit got the front seat, Soda got the back, and I got the floor of the backseat, cushioned with pillows. We all lay there for a long time, tossing and turning, and talking in the interim. Eventually, I heard Two-Bit softly snoring in the front seat. Soda sounded like he might be sleeping, as well.

I lay there, thinking, for a long time, achy and uncomfortable, listening to people going in and out of the diner.

"Scout?" It was Soda, barely a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay? Why are you awake, still?"

"I'm okay. I just don't sleep very well."

Soda rolled over to the edge of the back seat, hanging his hand over the side to rub my back.

"Are you scared?"

"Not really," I answered. I wasn't, with Soda and Two-Bit right there.

"Come up here," he said, pulling me up to the seat. I climbed up next to him.

He hugged me and I realized that he was crying, a little.

"What, Soda?" I asked. "What?"

"What if she hates me, Scout?" he whispered, through his crying. "What if she still doesn't want me?"

"She will," I prayed, hugging him back.

We just lay there for a while.

"Scout?" he said, even more tentative than the first time.

"What?" I whispered.

"Can you…" he started to cry again.

"What?" I asked.

"Do you think… can you tell me how it happened?" he asked.

I was shocked.

"Why?" I asked.

"I just… I need to know what happened to her… so I can help her… so I don't scare her…or you. I don't want to scare you."

"I'm not scared of you, Soda," I said, though I knew that, a little bit, I was scared of everyone.

I wasn't sure if I could tell him. I hadn't talked about it with anyone, and I had sworn that I wouldn't, except maybe with Sandy.

"I don't know, Soda…" I said. I was afraid of telling him. I was afraid he would judge me, if he knew what had happened.

He hugged me tighter.

"Please," he said. "I need to know."

"I'm scared…to tell…" I said. I was starting to cry now, too.

"Don't be scared, baby," he said, "it's just me."

I thought about it. I wanted to tell… I needed to tell, and I had planned to tell… Sandy. But here… Soda wanted to know, so he could know what had happened to Sandy. Oh, God.

"I know," he said, "it was that night. My birthday, right?" he asked. Of course he knew; he had seen me the next morning.

I nodded against him.

"How did it happen?" he whispered. I heard Two-Bit, still snoring softly in the front seat.

"Soda…" I didn't want to do this.

"Please, Scout," he begged. "You can tell me."

I hesitated.

"It's okay," he whispered, pulling me tight against him.

"You went to bed, I heard you," I whispered. "He was on the couch."

Soda was pushing my hair back off my face, holding me.

"I got up… to go to the bathroom…" I shuddered, remembering.

"You're okay," Soda said. "What happened?"

"I went to turn off the TV," I said.

He waited.

"I tripped, and I fell. I was drunk, Soda."

"Baby, that doesn't matter. It wasn't your fault."

I was silent.

"What happened?" he asked. "Tell me."

I fell on him," I answered. "I woke him up."

Soda just held me, stroking my hair.

"He knew I had been drinking. He knew I was drunk," I said. "He pushed me against the wall and he…" I was crying now, trying not to wake up Two-Bit.

Soda was crying too.

"He was kissing me, and I couldn't breathe… I didn't want to... kiss him... I couldn't get away... I bit him and I tried to get away, but he… he just got me. He grabbed me and he took me in my room … I couldn't get away, Soda. I tried, so hard... I kicked, and punched, and bit, and everything...but he wouldn't let me go. It was only... because Darry came home."

Soda hugged me to him and whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry, baby… That I didn't help you."

"I know," I said. "He just scared me, Soda. He hurt me." I pulled him against me, as tightly as I could. I knew he would never hurt me.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "I am."

We just lay there, for the longest time, holding each other. This was my moment, with Soda, like the one I'd had with Darry after our parents died, and the one I'd had with Pony, looking at the stars at the church. I had always thought that Soda and I were the closest, that we never needed a "moment," but I was glad that he was the one I had opened up to then. I needed him.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," he whispered. I knew that he was.

"I love you Soda," I said, as I was falling asleep. My back hurt and I struggled to get comfortable, not wanting to let go of him.

Eventually, I found a comfortable position and faded into sleep, Soda's arms tightly around me.

.........................................

A/N OI. Missed a day. Did ya miss me? Work is brutal this week. Review, please, but I know you will, 'cause you rock!