InkStainedFire what exactly are the conditions for this shiny nickel you speak of? Lol.
Right SM owns everyone, including all you who are fervently searching for Twilight Fanfics! :D
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EPOV
The next morning I felt as though I needed to explain why I had stopped to Bella, but when I had opened my mouth to speak, she had kissed me gently before padding off softly to the bathroom. Her own silent way of telling me I didn't need to say anything.
I was grateful for that.
The next night she climbed into bed, not pressing me, and with a gentle kiss she laid down ready for bed. It was the first night I'd ever watched her sleep without her talking.
Wednesday night was a hard night, Bella had still not tried to press me, and part of me was grateful, and yet part of me almost wanted her too. But when she fell asleep that night she had the most vivid dream ever.
I had just stopped humming my lullaby to her when she said my name. I smiled, recalling the first time I had ever heard her say my name in her dreams. I kissed the side of her head softly so as not to wake her.
Suddenly her voice changed, and I heard her heartbeat pick up. Was she having a nightmare? I furrowed my brow, waiting to see if she would say anything else.
"Edward," she moaned, just like she had that night. My eyes widened, was my sweet Bella dreaming about what I'd done to her?
Her panting grew heavier, and soon I could smell her arousal. I held my breath, as she continued to let out little moans in her sleep, occasionally repeating my name.
"I love the way your hands feel on my skin Edward," she moaned and I tried to think of anything to keep my mind off of what she was saying.
"I need you," she whispered. I tried to compose something in my head but could only think of pushing her up against the piano, her body crashing amongst the keys but it would be our own beautiful melody being played. I quickly tried to wipe that image from my head. But every thing I tried to think of somehow turned to Bella and I together.
Finally Bella let out a slight whimper as she rolled over. I tried to breath a sigh of relief but she had rolled into me, wrapping her legs around my hip. And I could feel her. She was so warm, and I had sucked in a huge hair of breath and now all I could smell and feel and think about was her right next to me, dreaming about me. I fought not to jump off of the bed to clear my head, and was relieved when I finally saw the first glimmer of light outside of her window. I wasn't sure my self control would be able to hold on much longer.
Thursday was the worst, and I almost wished she would dream another sex dream about me as I listened to her.
Her heartbeat began to pick up again but this time it was different and I could tell. I wondered what tonights dream would be about.
"Edward," she cried, and I almost wondered if she was awake but than she continued on in a slight mumble and I knew she was sleeping. "Come back for me."
I sat unwilling to move as she continued. "I waited for you Edward. I can feel you when you're around. You can still have me Edward." She was remembering her past life, and my heart felt broken listening to her broken. "I'm still yours," she whispered before breaking out into sobs.
But even her stops didn't wake her, and I was too afraid too, wondering if she would be angry with me for leaving her.
"I don't want to say 'I do'," she murmured, apparently recalling her wedding day, "Where's Edward? I only want to marry Edward?" Tears filled my eyes as she recalled more.
"Edward, I can feel you here. Are you going to stop this wedding? Are you going to claim me as your own…" her voice trailed off, as I recalled seeing the shadows in her eyes hoping it was because she missed me, and now realizing that that was exactly what it was. "Don't you love me anymore?" she sobbed again as her voice cracked.
I remained stilled, tears now openly falling from my eyes. All these years I had been holding onto the idea that Bella was thankful that I had given her her life. And she was, and yet still through every major wonderful event she still wished she was with me. She still would've given up everything for me. That thought made me instinctively hug her closer, I wanted to hold her with all I could but I knew she was still fragile and I had to be careful.
Almost as if that's what she needed she immediately calmed down as she snuggled into the crook in my neck, falling into a calm sleep once again. But I couldn't stop crying, and I couldn't get her words out of my head.
"Don't you love me anymore?" resounded through my head throughout the night. Now I knew what I had to do, there was no question about it. I just hoped Bella would be alright.
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BPOV
I woke up the next morning feeling the tears stained on my face. I looked towards Edward to see if I had actually spoken in my sleep. He smiled tightly at me, and I figured I must've said something because it looked as if he'd been crying too.
I opened my mouth to ask him what I'd said but he'd simply brushed my hair out of my face before kissing me passionately.
"Go hop in the shower, I'm going to go hunt really quick." he said, before leaving me standing alone in my room.
I exhaled deeply as I headed towards the shower. My mind was filled with thoughts from the previous night.
I knew Edward loved me, but all those years I waited for him. Waited for the day he would decide I'd lived enough that I could be with him again. But that day never came. And when I saw him that final day in the hospital I was almost sure he was there to change me than. To hold onto me forever, but still he had let me go.
Why wasn't I good enough?
The thought swirled through my head, as I tried to wash away all of my negative thoughts. Edward was with me now, wanting me.
But he still doesn't want to change you.
My mind screamed at me. Tears spilled out than. We were being given a second chance and I still might not get him. Maybe I never really was enough for him.
The thought broke my heart as I sat on the floor of the shower, the small water droplets stinging my skin as if to rub in the thought that Edward might not ever want me. Sobs consumed me.
Almost an hour later I finally controlled my sobs, and got out of the shower. I felt like I had no will to do anything, so I moved extra slow. It took me another twenty minutes just to brush my hair and teeth and dress before finally emerging from the bathroom.
Edward still wasn't back and I was partially glad. I sat on my bed, sobs wracking my body once more as my mind tried to convince myself why Edward didn't and never would love me the way I cared for him.
I reached under my mattress than, feeling the soft leather binding. I pulled it out, willing myself to read through it once again.
When I'd first came back to Charlie's I had assumed it would be gone, but after running my hand under the mattress I found it. Nobody had discovered it. My diary was still my private thoughts between myself.
Now I held the book in my hands, I slowly opened it to the middle. Where it almost opened automatically after being read from that section so many times. It was from when I'd first moved to Forks. When Edward had first started caring about me.
My fingers traced over my own writing as I tried to convince myself I could still be this naïve. Still think that maybe one day Edward would care enough to change me. That the way his eyes softened when he looked at me was more than feeling compassionate, as if I were his pet. But today it wasn't working for me, and I knew it was going to be a long grumpy day for me as I threw my diary into the corner of the room.
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Uhhh yea, kinda a hard chapter. The next one shouldn't take as long as this one did. Let me know what you think. Edward and Bella love your reviews!