Hmmm yes you get a twofer today. Lol I'm on spring break so enjoy it while it lasts people!!! J

These two chapters were really hard to write for me….very emotional.

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EPOV

I stood there staring at Bella's grave, like I so often did. It was as if I was seeking an answer from her. As if she would pop up and tell me suddenly that everything would be okay. But instead there was silence as I tried to sort through my thoughts.

Every single time I had seen her, she had known. She had hoped for me to take her away. She had always wanted me. And time and time again I had hurt her. Leaving her alone in that forest once again, broken.

I traced the name carved into the stone with my forefinger, "Bella," I mumbled, my voice strained and forced. Why was I so stupid? Why was I so hell bent on hurting her and me? I didn't know the answer as tears once again filled my eye

I realized than that I shouldn't be here. I was fawning over a grave, when I had the real thing back waiting for me. Waiting for me to make it up to her. I hurried off to her house.

I got there only a few minutes later, but Bella wasn't there, and neither was her truck. My heart fell but I decided to wait for her in her room.

I opened the door to her room, looking quickly around before stepping in, in case there was some chance she was still there.

Everything was a mess, a flurry of anger, and I nearly panicked at the prospect that something had happened until a piece of paper caught my eye.

Edward,

Went to get some air, back soon.

Bella

That comforted me a bit, but I knew if she wasn't back within the hour I would be out searching for her, and I hoped she realized that too.

Slowly I began to pick up the mess, wondering what had upset her so much that she'd felt the need to destroy her room. I grimaced at the idea that it had something to do with her dream from the previous night. Finally, almost everything was clean as something caught my eye.

It was a leather bound book, and it looked old. I frowned, I hadn't known Bella read the Bible, but after grabbing it from it's corner I realized it wasn't an old bible. It was a journal of some sort.

I placed it on her bed, closed, when it opened by itself to the middle of the pages, as if it'd been read in that spot numerous times. I tried to close it but my name caught my eye, and curiosity got the best of me.

I sat there for the next half an hour reading over Bella's thoughts. From when we had first met, to the day that I had left her. I sat stunned as I realized all that she had gone through. All that she had felt for me, that she still felt for me.

I stared at that final page, the page full of so much doubt, and self hatred. Even after I broke her heart, she had hated herself. Thought that she wasn't good enough. How could she ever think that? She was so perfect for me, but somehow my actions had made her feel less than perfect for me.

I heard a noise in the doorway, and looked up to see Bella standing there. I stared at her as she stared at the open book in my hand.

"I'm sorry," I tried to say, but she made no movement to grab it from me.

"Bella," I pleaded, walking towards her, and her eyes looked up to me than. I almost crumbled at the sight I saw. Now I could see it. I could see every line of hurt, every twinge of pain in her eyes. It was all from me.

She seemed empty now, hollow. Not the loving Bella from the meadow, not the blushing girl from Port Angeles. She was a shell because she had never thought she was good enough for me. But just as quickly as I saw her pain, I saw her anger too. And I knew I deserved that. She flew at me than.

"What the hell Edward?" She screamed, ripping the tattered book from my hands.

"Bella I'm sorry," I pleaded again, not able to look up at her. Too ashamed by the pain, and hurt, and insecurity I had caused.

"EDWARD IT IS NOT OKAY!" she screamed at the top of her lungs before collapsing in a heap on her floor in a mess of sobs. I knew this was about more than her diary as she clutched the evidence of her old life to her chest.

I wanted to go to her. I wanted to wrap her in me, but I didn't know if she even wanted me. You are so selfish. My mind screamed.

Bella was in hysterics now, rocking herself back and forth as the sobs overtook her body. Her breathing came in ragged gasps, and I realized if she didn't calm down she was going to make herself pass out.

I went to her than. Wrapping my arms around her I began kissing her. Her hair, her forehead, her tears. I had to let her know she was enough, I had to let her know she was the only thing I had ever wanted. The only thing I'd ever regretted losing.

"Bella, Bella, please breathe. Breathe. I love you so much. Please just breathe," I said but that only made her cry harder, making her chest constrict even more. It pained me to see her so hurt, I would've gone off to the Volturi right than if I didn't think it would only hurt her more.

"Bella," I cried, continuing my trail of kisses. Suddenly I grabbed the back of her head, forcing her lips to mine. She came to me willingly, and my heart cried out knowing she had always been this willing, as she always would, even after all the pain I'd caused her.

Than I knew I had to show her my love for her. I kissed her back, more passionately than I ever had, but still holding back aware that I could hurt this fragile girl.

I was lifting us up than, kissing her more fervently now as I pulled the book from between us and she quickly wrapped her hands into my hair groaning into my mouth.

I laid her down on the bed, stopping to kiss the remaining tears from her cheeks, her eyes, her nose, and our lips crashed together again. Grabbing the hem of her shirt, I pulled it over her head, careful not to rip the soft material between my hands.

She grabbed at my shirt much more aggressively and quickly ripped my shirt from my body, running her hands along my chest, which surprisingly sent a shiver down my spine. We were kissing again, our tongues intertwining with one another. My hands slowly traced up her sides, as she pulled me closer to her face.

My hands slowly moved under her back and she arched forward, allowing me more room to unclasp her bra. She shrugged it off, before crushing out lips back together.

I slowly kissed down her neck as her fingers stroked the side of my cheek. I looked up at her than, "I love you so much Bella. I wish you knew how much."

Her eyes filled with tears again as she smiled at me, but I still saw the doubt in her eyes as she thumbed the dark circles under my eyes, knowingly. "I didn't go hunting," I whispered, but she only nodded before kissing me again, lighter this time.

"I saw you," she said simply, and I realized she must've gone to her own grave for a sense of solace only to see me standing there.

"I'm sorry," my voice cracked as I stared down at her.

"Don't be," she whispered, continuing our kiss.

I didn't deserve this girl. She had to know I didn't. But suddenly I wanted to be selfish, I wanted all of her, and I wanted her forever.

Slowly my fingers reached down unbuttoning her pants. She stared at me eyes wide, but didn't stop me as she lifted up her bottom to allow me to remove her them. There was only one tiny piece of clothe now keeping me from seeing Bella as I'd always wanted, and I swallowed hard before pulling them down as well.

Her body looked so different in the light of the day. She was so pale, and I could see the small goosebumps as they rose on her skin at my touch. Her breasts rose and fell as she breathed deeply, as I sat there staring at her, drinking in her beauty.

"You're so beautiful," I said, as I ran my fingertips down her stomach, delighting in the effect my touch had on her body.

But she was still staring at me, still uncertain. "Bella," I whispered, before kissing her again softly. I had to do this right. Had to show her this wasn't about sex. It was about her, it was about us, it was about our love.

My hand slowly moved down her stomach, and my hand trembled. I couldn't believe how nervous she was making me. My fingers brushed her soft skin feeling how wet she was for me, and I glanced up at her as she gasped. But I was captivated by her body as I continued my journey, growing more and more nervous.

"Edward," she whispered, and I froze, wondering if this wasn't something she wanted too, "don't do anything you're not comfortable with."

I looked at her than, she was such an angel. She was worried about me. "I want to," my voice was hoarse, "unless you don't want me to…"

"I want you to," she said, before grabbing my face and pulling me to her, kissing me softly but deeply.

My fingers slipped into her than, and I felt her moan deeply into my mouth. She was so warm, we were like fire and ice as my fingers found a rhythm. I couldn't control myself than, and looked down in wonder to watch my fingers disappearing inside of her. I looked at her than, and her eyes were glazed over as she stared at me in lust.

No, it wasn't lust. It was love. She didn't just want me to have sex with her, she knew I was going to make love to her, and she wanted that too.

I was so mesmerized with what I was doing, that it wasn't until Bella was thrashing wildly on the bed that I looked up at her. I nearly stopped thinking I had done something wrong, when I realized I had given Bella an orgasm. If I had been Bella, I would've blushed at that realization.

"Edward," she groaned huskily, "I need you." Her hands slowly reached down to my own pants as she began unbutton them. Once again my nervousness came back as I kicked off my pants. What if I did it wrong? But than her hand was on me, stroking me through my boxers and I groaned involuntarily.

She slowly slid my boxers off my hips, as I kissed her softly, her hand finally touching me skin to skin for the first time. The warmth of her hand enveloped me and I felt light headed.

She gently brought me between her legs, as I stared down at her, a different kind of blush rushing through her body now.

I leaned down, kissing her again as I felt my tip press into her moisture. She moaned and tried to pull me closer with her legs, but I wanted to go at my own pace.

"Bella I love you, you are always enough," I whispered before gently entering her. Her eyes rolled back in her head, and I sat still waiting for her body to adjust to me.

Slowly she began moaning and rocking into me. My hands roamed her body as I began slowly thrusting into her. I never took my eyes off her face, wanting to know that I could take away her hurt and replace it with looks of such pleasure, and happiness, and love. She was trying to get me to move faster, but I fought her, trying to get her to enjoy our slow pace.

She crushed her lips to mine, moaning into my mouth. When suddenly she rolled us over. I growled at the new position, seeing stars before my eyes as I was deeper in her, and she moaned sexily leaning her head back. Her hands ran down the plane of my chest, and I shivered again feeling myself inside of her.

She kept my pace though, continuing slowly, while showering my face with kisses. My fingers lightly trailed up her back as I felt her breathing pick up. I knew she was getting close again, and I was almost there as well.

She looked down into my face staring straight into my eyes, "I love you Edward Cullen," she said as she smiled, "I love you too," I groaned as I felt her orgasm began, and soon I too was lost in my own orgasm.

We laid like that for the rest of the day. She on top of me with her head on my chest, tracing invisible lines in my skin.

"Bella," I whispered and she looked up at me, with curious eyes.

"Whenever you're ready," I stated merely and she frowned slightly trying to decipher what I was saying.

"Whenever you're ready, I'll change you," I said before placing a kiss on her slightly swollen lips.

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Mmm sorry I couldn't wait till they were married. lol