Thanks to those of you who are sticking this out. To those who think they want to stop reading my story well…I would say read on! I promise I'm not as cold hearted as I seemed in that last chapter. There is a method to my madness.
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BPOV
I bolted upright, noting that I was sweating profusely. The memories of the night before swirled through my mind, and I suddenly felt as though I couldn't breathe.
"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward said in his velvety sweet voice. Tears filled my eyes once again, I was such a horrible monster of a person. How could Edward even still be beside me when I had betrayed him?
"Oh Edward," I sobbed before thrusting myself towards him, wrapping my arms around his torso.
"Bella my love, shh," he murmured into my hair, as he rubbed circles in my back, "it was just a dream."
I sat up than, just a dream? Suddenly the details in the room came into view. Edward was lying next to me, still stock naked. His pale skin sparkled even in the soft light cast down by the clouds. His chest was even more defined during the day, and I gaped at him for a moment. My eyes grew wide as I looked down at my own bare chest realizing he was staring back at me, seeing me for the first time in the light, and my cheeks flushed at the thought that I had just been pressed up against him.
"But how could it be a dream….Edward it was so real," I whispered, as tears began to pour from my eyes. The colors bouncing off his chest seemed to cast a bright blue light into my eyes, which only made my tears fall faster.
"Do you want to talk about it love,?" he asked as his fingers weaved through my hair, trying to hide the hint of panic in his voice.
I shook my head, as I stared at the comforter on my bed, my fingers picking at an imaginer thread, avoiding his eyes. Would he see my thoughts of betrayal?
"Maybe I just need a shower to calm myself down," I said, wrapping my sheet around me as I stood up. Edward eyed me mischievously, "Need any help?" he asked, in a voice that normally would've made my knees turn to jello.
"No," my answer came to sudden, and Edward frowned, "but don't leave," I added before planting a small kiss on his forehead as I padded out to the bathroom.
Once the door was shut I stood, staring at myself in the mirror. I looked the same. My skin wasn't raw even though I had scrubbed it so roughly, my eyes didn't seem tired or red rimmed from crying, except from the few tears that had just fallen. Yet, how could everything have been a dream? I could clearly remember those blue eyes, his touch, the look of hurt on Edwards face. What did it all mean?
I turned the knob on the wall, waiting for the steam to fill the room, trying to grasp at some sort of understanding, but nothing came. I climbed into the shower, the water kneading the stress from my body, and I realized I was being silly. Of course it had just been a dream, I would never do something like that to Edward. He was my love, my life. The reason I was here at all. I smiled than, trying to forget my dream and remember the events from the night before. Closing my eyes I tried to envision Edward as he made love to me, the way his hands had explored my body, his gentleness, but every time I came to his eyes all I could see was blue. My stomach soured, I wanted those horrible gems out of my mind, out of my thoughts. After a my futile attempts I grumpily turned the water off than, and began to towel off.
Edward was standing right outside the bathroom door as I opened it, causing the both of us to jump. I smiled slightly, amused that I had actually surprised Edward.
"I just wanted to make sure you're alright," he practically stuttered. He must be nervous, and I wondered what about. Had I said something stupid in my sleep to alarm him?
I tried to shoot him a smile that would reassure him, "Yea I'm okay. That dream was just so bad I wanted to try to get it out of my head," I stated, staring into his dark eyes.
"I didn't….take things too far last night did I? I mean I thought you…" he began but I cut him off.
"NO…no, Edward, I've been waiting almost two lifetimes for last night." Raising both of my hands I gently placed them on his cheeks, rubbing small circles with my thumbs, genuinely smiling at him now. I felt a blush begin to form on my cheeks as thoughts of his hands on my bare skin filled my mind and I added, "It was perfect."
He seemed to accept that answer as he stared into my eyes. "That must've been some dream than," he sighed as he brushed a stray strand of hair behind my ear, I knew he was trying to get me to open up to him about it. I only nodded as he brought me gently to his chest, and I gratefully nestled into him, breathing in his scent that seemed to clear my mind.
We stood like that for not near long enough when I felt Edward lean back to look down at me, and I stared back up at him through my eyelashes. "I hate to do this," he began, "but I really need to hunt." I bit my bottom lip, unwilling to let him go just yet. "I promise I'll make it a short trip," he added, "I'll be back by tonight love." I sighed as I noticed how dark the circles under his eyes were, I couldn't let him sacrifice so much for me just because of a stupid dream. Especially after he'd risked so much last night to give me something I had always desired.
"Don't be silly," I interjected, "Take as long as you need. I'll be here waiting my love." Edward seemed to glow at my response as he swiftly leaned down to capture my lips in his own.
"I don't deserve you," he whispered, and I only shook my head at his silly thought. He turned towards the window than, glancing back once at me with a worried look before disappearing out my window. I sighed loudly. This was going to be a boring weekend.
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I dreamt of Ian again.
It was so life like. I woke up in tears, but this time Edward wasn't there to comfort me. I sat up, staring out the window silently willing Edward to come back despite what I had told him earlier. Instead I tried to recall every detail of my dream to see if I could make any sense out of it.
Ian had taken me on a date. We were in Port Angeles. The same restaurant Edward took me too after my near attack. The entire date felt wrong. The entire time I couldn't shake the feeling that I was betraying Edward. He held my hand across the table, and I loosely held it back, trying not to be rude and rip my hand away from him. It was odd how I felt like I had to give this man a chance. Everything about him screamed at me the differences between him and Edward. I couldn't even begin to listen to what he was telling me, but he didn't even seem to notice that I was staring absently at him. Every fiber of my being wanted Edward to be the one touching me, to pull my chair out, to kiss me softly at the door. I wanted to punch Ian. To run into the house screaming and vomit, but something kept me from it, and I wasn't sure what.
Edward wasn't in that dream, although I waited for him in anticipation. Throughout the entire time Ian was touching me, I wanted Edward to burst in, rip Ian's offensive hands from me and drag me away with him. To yell at me, or tell me how much he hated me. I just wanted Edward, not this Ian.
I tried to recall more of my dream, I knew there was more, something I wasn't getting but should be, but I couldn't quite pinpoint it.
I flopped back on my bed, frustrated. How I wished Edward could be here with me, to distract me in any way. I tried to think about every memory that Edward and I had. The first day we met, our meadow, prom, every moment that meant anything to me, but always it ended the same, with piercing blue eyes staring back at me. But they didn't evoke the feelings of desire and love as Edwards ever changing eyes. They made me feel trapped, as if I had lost something.
Finally I got up, turning on lights as I headed downstairs. I began rustling around in the kitchen, and finally settled on reading a book as I sat in the brightly lit house. I didn't want to sleep if I couldn't dream of Edward.
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EPOV
I hated to leave Bella like that, she seemed so upset.
Even though she had told me she was glad we'd taken the next step last night I couldn't help but feel that I had pressured her into it. I went against all my rules to prove not only to Bella my love and desire for her, but to myself. How could I be so stupid, we should've waited.
My mind wandered, as I thoughtlessly hunted my prey.
And that stupid dream. She had said a name, but not mine. Ian. It made my stomach clench at the thought. I couldn't stand that she was dreaming of someone else. I sighed than, knowing I was just being jealous, she had said it was a nightmare. It's not like she was dreaming good dreams about Ian.
How I wished I could read her thoughts, more than ever on this. She seemed like she felt so guilty, and I wished she would just open up to me, but I wouldn't push it.
"Edward," Emmett called from nearby, "Are you gonna hunt or just play with yourself all day," he jabbed.
"I'm coming," I grumbled, as I raced after him after my next meal, but thoughts of Bella consumed my mind. I couldn't wait to get home to her.
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Sigh, lol I so want to add more to this, but I plan for it to be at least one or two more chapters. I think I may start writing the next one tonight since I feel so motivated. I love all you reviewers, even those of you who hate me at the moment. haha