Okay so these thoughts have been floating around for a while, I'm finally motivated to put it all down, so you MIGHT get three updates at once. Haha ohh you lucky readers you. This is also sort of in honor of Angstgoddess003 because she is supposed to be update her amazing story wide awake and posting the next three chapters for us by Friday. {yay, cue squeal from wa fans!}

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BPOV

Ian and I were together again. We were at his house, watching some Television show that was droning on, although I wasn't paying attention. I could feel his constant stare on me, but I refused to break my gaze from the screen, annoyed that I was with him instead of Edward yet again.

"Bella," he said softly, "why won't you let me in? Let me know what's going on behind those eyes." He stared at me, trying to be soft and caring, but I just wanted to slam the glass in my hand into his head and walk away. Instead I pursed my lips, and crossed my arms in front of me trying to send him a silent message that I wasn't going to be talking to him, let alone opening up to him. I pressed my arms harder to my chest as I realized even the stupid nice things he tried to say to me came out sounding like Edward.

Tears filled my eyes. Edward. The one who I had ruined everything with. He didn't want me anymore, and I didn't blame him. I was a complete screw up. I wouldn't want me either if I kept putting him through so much pain. If he had to know that for some stupid messed up reason, Ian was some sort of competition to him.

I glanced sideways at Ian than, and almost snorted out loud. Ian could never even begin to compare to Edward. The more time I seemed to spend with him, the more time I noticed his stupid human flaws. I recalled stubbornly refusing to go with him when he had first tried to date me, and in an attempt to be cute and try to sway me into going out with him he had grabbed me in an attempt to carry me to the car. But not with ease like Edward would have, he was surprisingly weak, and was wheezing by the time he had carried me to his car, making me not only annoyed but self conscious that I was fat. I had been fuming, and slammed his hand in the door (accidentally….kind of) before stomping off into the house. His near broken fingers had angered me even more. Stupid breakable human.

I had stopped than, was that how Edward had thought of me? Always being careful because I was just a stupid breakable human? Tears flooded my eyes, as Ian begged me to get into the car with him, or at least let him in so we could talk. I stubbornly clamped my hands over my ears than, trying desperately to remember the sound of Edwards voice. Wishing he would come crawling through my window at any moment, and we could laugh at this stupid Ian trying to win his way into my heart.

My eyes rolled involuntarily as he continued to beg beside me. Wanting me to just open up to him. But I couldn't do it. Couldn't betray Edward any more than I already had. Even though he already obviously hated me.

Ian scooted closer to me than, wrapping his arms around my shoulder and every muscle in my body immediately tensed. Even if he sensed my discomfort he didn't show it and only scooted closer, reaching his other hand up to brush my cheek. I turned my head than, offended that he had touched me there.

"Did he touch you like that?" he whispered, staring at me in anticipation of some sort of answer. In hopes that I would finally break. But it only caused my jaw to clench tighter at the fact that he had brought Edward up. How dare he speak of the god that was Edward as if he was just some average person. He put his hand under my chin than, turning my head towards him and I once again felt the trapped feeling of his deep blue eyes…

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I woke with a start, dropping the book as I sat up suddenly. I had fallen asleep. Silently cursing myself, I stretched and attempted to lift myself from the couch, but flinched at the pain in my neck. I groaned than, causing my mood to sour even more with the fact that sleeping on the couch had made me feel almost as crappy as my stupid dreams.

Taking a deep breath, I tried again making it into a vertical position this time. I silently cursed myself as I walked up the stairs to my room, reminding myself to never sleep on that damn couch again. A brief hope filled me that Edward would be waiting there, but I frowned even deeper at the sight of my empty room. I realized than how groggy I felt, and despite my discontent with wanting to sleep, I knew I needed to get some more in order to salvage my mood for when Edward came home. Silently I prayed that he would be home earlier in the day as I slowly dozed off to sleep, willing myself not to dream.

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I could tell it was years later now.

Ian and I were in a gorgeous garden, and if I hadn't felt so utterly angry I would've felt like skipping around and smelling all of the gorgeous blooms. Ians face was contorted and I was vaguely aware that he was yelling at me.

"Bella," he growled at me in a tone that caused my blood to boil, "you can't keep acting like this!" he screamed.

"Like what?!" I shouted, noting how angry I sounded as I stared back into this ugly human face.

"You have to let it go, let him go! We can't ever be happy if you don't let him go!" and I felt like I had just been slapped at his words.

"And who the hell do you think you are?! I will never let him go!" my throat tightened than as I choked out the next sentence, "He is my life, and you will never even come close to him."

Instead of retaliating though, Ian's face had transformed from angry to caring. "Bella, I'm sorry I just….I love you so much, please don't leave me baby."

Rage flared at the sound of him calling me baby, but I bit it back as I stared at him. My insides screamed to turn and leave, but outwardly I only nodded my head as I allowed him to embrace me. As I breathed in, I noted that Ian's scent was repulsive and I fought back the urge to gag as he attempted to continue soothing me. Slowly, despite my will I began to relax into his embrace.

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I woke again with a start, thankful this time that daylight was shining through the windows. "I need to get out of here," I muttered, as I quickly threw on a clean pair of clothes. I glanced around briefly, knowing if Edward were home he would be here already, but after noting that he still hadn't returned I wondered vaguely who had gone hunting with him. I decided it didn't matter.

I showed up at the Cullens fifteen minutes later, and before I could raise my hand to knock the door was flung open by an eager Alice.

"Bella," she squealed, "I've been waiting for you all morning, breakfasts almost ready, come in, come in!"

I smiled brightly, feeling relief by Alice's excitement. The smell of the food made my stomach growl, and I realized how long it had been since I had eaten last.

Alice winked at me than, "I knew you would be hungry," I only smiled at her, thanking her with my eyes as I began to shove food into my mouth, for once not caring that Alice was staring at me as I ate. As my hunger began to subside I began to notice her continual stare and attempted to take the attention off of the copious amounts of food being consumed by me.

"Alice," I said after quickly swallowing a large bite, "have you…seen anything lately? Ya know, about me?" Alice frowned slightly than but didn't take her eyes off my mouth.

"Er…nothing really, besides you coming here this morning. Why is everything alright?" she asked sweetly, but something about her face told me she was keeping something from me, and I sighed before setting my fork down.

"Yea, yea. Just wondering ya know. Trying to make small talk," I smiled the best I could at her, but her eyes narrowed and I knew she had seen right through me. "Do you know when Edward will be back?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Hmm, they should be home in an hour or so," she said, still staring at me as if she expected me to say something specific.

"Oh," I managed, "do you mind if I wait in Edwards room?" I asked hoping she would take the hint and leave me alone to anxiously wait for Edward.

"Of course," she said, beaming at me, "you know where my room is if you need anything," she chirped before bouncing out of the room.

I slowly walked up to Edwards room, realizing that I hadn't been in it in almost two hundred years. I took a deep breath as I turned the knob, not sure what to expect. I smiled when I realized it was nearly the same. The furniture had been updated, but the large book collection was still there, along with his music collection that had considerably grown.

I slowly walked through his room, fingering each book spine, and CD case, as memories flooded back. I stopped at a desk, this hadn't been there before. I smiled as I saw the sheets of music on top, most likely of things Edward had composed, and I lifted them from the desk. My fingers traced over every note, and I made a mental note to ask Edward to play these for me when he returned. I missed his music.

I glanced down before I placed the music sheets back in their place and froze in my spot as my eyes widened. Staring up at me were a pair of piercing blue eyes.

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Hashanah lies lies lies. There may be four chapters in store for you, we'll see how this next one plays out though.