19:sexual healing..

Thanks guyz 4 d messages & reviewing. Sorry 4d long wait. The story will probably end in one or two chapters. Depending on the length of the next chapters. Thanks CaliGrlFoLife 4 being ma beta.

all mistakes are mine.

Paige and Emily stayed in Germany for a few more days after the agreement was made while Spencer and Akin flew back home. Paige formally introduced Brook to Emily.

Paige told Emily how she felt so angry and restless that day so she decided to go for stroll in a park so she could get away from work and just breathe.

She was sitting watching people having fun when Brook came from nowhere and stood right in front of her. They hugged and talked for hours, reminiscing and telling each other about their lives.

Brook is engaged to a German and they were there to get married. Paige followed her to her fiancée's family home. They enjoyed a barbecue and each other's company. Paige told them all about her life, Brook and her fiancée gave her some wonderful advice based on already leaving together for years. They made her sleep over to catch up more. Brook decided to follow paige the next day to see Akin & Spencer.

Now, Emily got to see Brook's fiancée and they all became friends.

Paige took Emily to Paris afterwards, then Switzerland, Poland and Turkey. She took Emily to her favorite places in Europe, they later came back and attended Brook's wedding and then flew back home.

Paige and Emily were always in each other's company. They spent the last two months traveling all over the world, their 'real' honeymoon was perfect. Paige sometimes travels out for work alone and Emily surprise her after a day or two, Paige and Emily were rarely far from each other's side, and one could scarcely fail to notice how desirable they made being together appear. They were a striking couple, of course, Paige splendidly tall and elegantly, grinning that lazy, approving grin at her beautiful young wife who seemed to be able to make her laugh with a joy that no one had ever before observed. It was more than what one saw, it was a feeling that one had when watching them as if the couple were joined together by more than just affection or even wedlock. It was, the ton remarked with collective sighs of surprise and occasional envy, a most unusual marriage by modern standards. Nick and Bette even went so far as to muse aloud that it was quite, quite obvious that the Paige and Emily were in love with each other already.

Paige loved Emily with a passion and devotion that were rooted deeply in her soul. She could not see, or hear, or touch her enough to satisfy her craving for her. At night she would feel that hot need rising within her that seemed to increase, instead of diminish each time she came; and she would press herself against her as if she, too, could not be near enough to her, for long enough. In bed she was a passionate, irresistible lover intent on pleasing her wife. At first after they finally reunite, Paige thought she was teaching Emily not to be embarrassed or shy when it comes to intimacy and Emily responded by coming all out. Showing Paige what she was capable of, she held nothing back from her and to them both it was the best experience ever!. They held nothing back from each other, they responded passionately in their lovemaking, they surrendered themselves willingly to the wild and stormy tides that they caused to rise and crash until they cried out and then one would hold the other in her arms, tracing the curves of her body, whispering until they both slept, happy, peaceful, and sated.

Emily's days were filled with contentment. Whenever possible she would curl up in a corner of Paige's spacious study during the day, leaving hers and reviewing accounts, planning menus of the main house or simply reading, stealing surreptitious, admiring glances at her wife as she leaned back in her chair, going over the correspondence and reports on her work. Occasionally, Paige would look up as if to reassure herself that she was there, and grin at her, or give her a quick wink before turning her attention back to the business at hand.

In the beginning, Emily had never dreamed that Paige might like having her there. This was her private world where she talked about staggering amounts of money with business agents, NGOS and partners that she soon realized were amazingly perceptive and prudent. She knows without any doubt Paige loves her work, though-she didn't have to do it. She told her that one night and Akin told her once that in the last ten years Paige had nearly doubled the vast McCullers wealth.

Emily loved listening to Paige meeting with her lawyers and business acquaintances. She adored the thread of quiet authority in her voice as she spoke with them. She was so quick, and sure, and decisive. She was also devastatingly beautiful and charming, she thought with a burst of pride whenever she looked at her. She felt cherished and protected when she was near-safe and loved.

When she went to work or shopping in town with Bette or Hanna or rode with Khal, Paige happens to travel out, she missed the sound of her voice, her warm glances and engaging smile.

Emily's nights were a celebration of their love. Sometimes Paige lingered over her as tenderly as she had on their first time other times she teased her, deliberately tantalizing her, making her tell her exactly what she wanted; then there were times when Paige took her swiftly, almost roughly that's why now Emily could never decide which way she loved and prefers the most.

At first she had been a little frightened of the stormy, tumultuous passion she could arouse in Paige with a kiss, a touch, an intimate caress. It took very little time before she was shamelessly glorifyed in her bold sex drive. They were each other's body, heart, and soul. They were finally at peace with their world.

It has been two good months for Paige and Emily finally being together for good. They exchanged birthday gifts they earlier overlooked. Emily has been so busy enjoying her marriage she has missed a lot from work so, this time when Paige had to run down to Niger in West Africa where rebels had destroyed their fuel pipelines Emily couldn't follow her. They would FaceTime or speak everyday.

One night emily was working in Paige's office, she felt more comfortable working in Paige's office than hers. Her perfume and the air around there brings comfort to her heart. After working for four good hours Emily decided to get some fruit juice and snacks from the kitchen. As she was coming back her phone started ringing so she was hurrying to pick it up as she thought it was from her wife. She dropped the cup slightly at the edge of the desk and it poured along the lines of the drawers. It was just Hanna so she told her she would call her back. She ran to the kitchen to get some tissues to clean the mess up and rushed back to the office. She then pulls all three drawers one by one cleaning them and bringing out the papers that some of the juice spilled on.

Emily cleaned the drawers up and dried the few wet papers on the table. Just when she sat to continue work she saw a paper with a heading that caught her attention. I, NICK MCCULLERS HAVE RELIEVED ALL POWERS OF SAID PLACES TO MY DAUGHTER PAIGE.

Shaken Emily read the agreement whereby Nick relieved all authority to Paige if she agreed to marry a wife of his choosing, Emily Fields. Emily couldn't believe her eyes, she read the paper almost ten times with tears spilling out of her eyes. She couldn't believe Paige lied to her. She couldn't believe the hell she made her go through when she herself had skeleton in her closet.

Emily stood up, walked to the sitting room and back to the study, she knelt down on the floor near the desk, her shoulders jerking spasmodically with her silent weeping. Her head was thrown back and tears were streaming from her tightly closed eyes.

Emily thought she would never be able to stop. She cried until her sobs were dry and choked. She cried until there were no more tears left to weep she felt dry and barren "it was all a lie!" The five words coiled around her heart, squeezing and twisting until she couldn't properly breathe...

The next morning Paige called her cell and it was switched off. She called the office and was told Emily called in sick. Paige became worried so she called her mom, her mom told her Emily told her she was going to New York to visit her dad for a few days. Paige relaxed a bit, she thought maybe she was on her way and wanted to surprise her.

The next morning Paige decided to call Wayne as it had been almost 24 hours and Emily should have reached by now. Unfortunately Wayne said he hasn't seen her since the auction. Paige waited up to the next day when Emily didn't call or arrive she flew back home.
As soon as she enters their apartment she went to their room checking Emily's closet, her clothes were all there. She calls her cell again it was still off. Paige went to her study to start making calls to the authority for an investigation or whatever as she sits down she was faced with the agreement papers Nicklaus and she signed. Paige slowly picks it up to read again. It was all there and Emily has read it!. She screamed in shocked. She didn't even know when the tears came down. How could she have been this careless?. Why hadn't she told Emily about it when they were being open and honest with each other?. Paige decided to pull herself together and look for Emily to explain everything not just sit here in misery. The first person that comes to mind is Hanna, she decided to travel to New York as Hanna is there with Caleb.

Paige had already called Caleb to inform him she was coming to see Hanna and she needed his help. She knew Hanna would be just as angry as Emily. When she arrived at the suit Caleb opened the door with a fake smile, he too wasn't happy with what Hanna had told him, but he respected Paige and wanted her to try and make things better. Hanna was standing there staring out the window, she refused to turn and look at Paige. Caleb simply said "please Han" and gave them privacy. He had already begged her before Paige arrived. After he left the room was so quite, Paige didn't know where to start.

Staring out the windows with her back to her. She wasn't surprised when hanna didn't greet her with any of her usual open friendliness, nor did she turn around and face her as she said in a cool, remote voice, "Shall we indulge in fake polite trivialities for the next five minutes, or shall I come directly to the point?".

As she turned around to face Paige, never before had Hanna seen this Paige. She was as always, bold, forward with implacably calm, but now she positively emanated a ruthless determination to seem calm and in control. She stood there with tears staring back at her.

With a brief, almost curt inclination of her hand trying to say something, but caught up with emotions and unable to speak Hanna stood, trying to equate this woman with the one she had known.

"You're here because of Emily?". Hanna pretended not to notice Paige's pain.

"Yes". Paige said in a whisper. She gave her head a slight shake and cleared her parched throat.

"Where is she, please Hanna?". She demanded abruptly. Then with a touch of her former gentleness, she added, "I have not approached you to put you in a position of betraying her confidence, but because I had tried through my own resources and came up short. I am asking...begging you Hanna to tell me where she is". Hanna could see Paige was in pain. She looked small and fragile.

"Now that I've seen you I'd never be so unkind as to keep her from you. I need to know one thing though". Paige drew a long breath and nodded slightly, her expression blank.

"I wanted to say things to you that you will never forget, but after seeing you, your state I changed my mind. I know you now love Emily, you agreed then because you wanted those things right?". Paige nodded. "Good, so I'm now asking you, Paige is there anything else that can hurt my emily?".

"Nothing else I promise on my late sister's grave". Hanna opened her eyes looking at Paige in disbelieve. Paige continued "I will make it right I promise you Hanna, that's all I want is to make it right". Hanna obviously can see the naked pain flash across Paige's beautiful features, she sighed as she spoke.

"I believe you, I just pray I'm not making a terrible mistake by trusting you Paige. Follow her portrait in the auction and you will find Em". Paige nodded, most grateful to Hanna. Tears sprang in Paige brown eyes as she arose to leave. "I... we will be forever indebted to you Hanna, thank you for this". Paige said humbly trying her best to not break down in front of Hanna.

Paige flew to Hawaii, she asked Wayne to send the address of their lake house that she was going to surprise her wife for the weekend. She rented a car and used the GPS to the lake house. When she arrived the gates were locked. An elderly Native American came to the gates saying there was no one there. Paige showed him her ID and explain she was there for her wife. He hesitated, but warned her Emily was like a daughter to him

He'd noticed her crying twice in just the two days she was there. and he too has been upset. He has guarded the house since before she was born. Luckily for Paige Santiago knew Emily was hurting the moment he saw her so he let Paige pass so she could make it better for her.

Paige drove past his chalet by the gate. The short drive to the house Paige had noticed it was a neatly kept together surrounding. There were some farming done by Santiago along the way to the house, she quietly stopped at the front of the wooded two story farm house. She inhaled deeply and walked up to knock but there was no answer so she opens the door and hears some movement from the back. As she walks to the back she notices Emily kneeling and removing some fresh tomatoes with a hat. She clears her throat and Emily looks up. She stopped and just stared at Paige. They looked at each other for sometime, Emily removed her gloves and stood up looking really angry. She walks to Paige slowly.

"We have nothing to talk about I want you to leave please. I want to be left alone".

"I'm sorry I hurt you Emily. Please give me a minute to explain, please". Paige said quietly. She is pained, tensed and she was feeling anxious.

"We have nothing to discuss, everything was a lie!. And to think of all the hell you made me go through when you yourself were hiding something from me? No!. I'm not some business deal Paige I am a human being!". Emily walks to the door boiling, she opens it and shouted at Paige to leave. What Emily didn't notice was that Paige was in pain physically and emotional. Her anxiety was building, she was pale, but because Emily was blinded by rage she couldn't look at her, didn't want to look at her. Paige tried to talk, but she couldn't. She started to walk, but she couldn't. As Emily raised her head in anger shouting for her to leave, Paige falls to the ground!.

Emily rushed to Paige, she kneels and pulls Paige on her lap. "Talk to me Paige what the hell is going on? What is happening?". She asked in a panic. Without hesitating and now fully aware of the fact that her wife was fearfully lost in the midst of what appeared to be a full blown anxiety attack or something worse.

Staring back at her, Paige opened and closed her mouth several times, though she was completely unable to make words she was certain she was going to throw up, pass out or both. Her entire body relentlessly shaking, her heart nearly exploding inside her chest just looking up at Emily.

Paige couldn't breathe, her mouth running completely dry after she tried to speak and she tugged the button of her top in a futile attempt of loosening its restrictive grasp, she pitifully stared back at Emily, urgently pleading with her to somehow understand to hurry and get her backpack from the car.

Paige? Emily stated, desperately trying to understand what was happening.

"Breathe, Just. . .breathe. Please tell me what is happening, what should I do?". Emily wanted to run and get her cell phone, but she didn't want to leave Paige there on the floor alone.

Paige could barely hear the sound of Emily's voice and shaking her head she valiantly attempted to gather the strength necessary to tell her wife to hurry, that she might pass out. So she courageously struggles to fill her lungs with enough oxygen to simply keep herself conscious. It was currently all she could manage to do. She was absolutely unable to find enough air or energy to formulate even the simplest of words and just like all the previous times she had been forced to endure this, she felt as if the world was rushing at her. Her head was swimming, her thoughts were racing, her panic was escalating to epic proportions and this time it seemed different, more terrifying and out of her control. With her wife in fear and tears panicking just looking at her. She has never witnessed that and as that harrowing thought suddenly gripped Paige's already horrified mind, her heart rate further increased, her chest relentlessly tightening and causing her head to grow hazier than ever before.

Emily too began to panic, feeling completely helpless to prevent this from happening right before her very eyes.

"Paige? Please tell me what to do, I can't loose you too please, I just can't". Emily gently says, though her tone held an urgent stringency she hoped would somehow manage to penetrate her wife's panic stricken mind. "I'm here, Paige," she tenderly continued, instinctively reaching Paige's face. "Paige, I need you to stay right here with me. Okay? Breathe, baby. Please just breathe, I can't live without you...". With errant tears trickling now down her sickeningly flushed cheeks, Paige desperately closed her eyes, bravely channeling every bit of her energy into pulling herself out of this downward spiral of sheer terror. She was nearly completely disoriented; she felt like her life was literally being squeezed out of her and, with her throat repetitively constricting and her chest further contracting, she futilely tried to grasp onto something, anything so she can live even if it was just another day to love Emily, to apologies the agreement doesn't mean anything if she isn't there with her.

"Backpack...car...hurry!". She quietly said with everything she had. Emily understood so she slowing layed Paige on the floor and ran to the car, she brought back the backpack in mere seconds. She opens it and poured everything on the floor.

Remaining deathly silent, Paige roughly inhaled a series of shuddering breaths, and as she carefully watched her wife's every actions. Emily picks all of the pills, some painkillers and gels. She saw two other medicines Lorazepam and Benzodiazepines for attacks. She took the two and showed Paige. She eyed one and Emily understood. She took one pill and quickly opens Paige's mouth and put it in then asked if she needed to add another and Paige blinked several times. Emily gave her another one and put some water in her mouth. Her soothing murmur and gently talking to Paige was working wonders on Paige's stricken mind.

Paige, focusing solely on her wife's gorgeous pain face and hypnotic murmured voice, she continued taking deep breathes. She took three more deep breaths and then a fourth, feeling a brief pause of certainty that she was, indeed, going to be able to get through this.

"I'm here Paige and you're going to be alright, everything is going to be alright I love you so much, Paige" Emily softly stated as she witnessed her wife's continued deep breathing. Paige coherently nodded, desperately wanting to tell her she was sorry and just how much she loves her too.

As Paige's mind finally began to clear, she was soon allowed the ability to think more clearly, to take back control of her own body in order to escape this anxiously panicked feeling. Her chest continued to ache, and her head was now throbbing, but she was through the worst of it. "I'm okay," she softly admitted, her voice nearly nonexistent. She took another deep breath, her eyes gently falling shut as she took a moment to gather her still overly anxious form. She adamantly clearing her throat, she desperately forced herself to find her voice, to sound more okay than she actually was. "I'm okay. I'm okay I just need to sleep".

Shaking her head as the tears continued to slip down her cheeks, Emily could feel the irrational anger rising within herself in the presence of what she perceived as Paige's completely blasé attitude. "We need to get to town and see a doctor Paige. You aren't just going to sleep. it's not enough after what I just witnessed".

I'm okay Emily, really, You forget I'm a doctor. I just need to rest for a while, but I'm going to be fine. Help me up to a bed. I'm gonna sleep for a while, it's gonna be fine I promise. I just want to be here with you, I will see a doctor when we get home". Emily wasn't happy, but she did as Paige asked. She helped Paige upstairs to the master bedroom. She removed her top and jeans. Paige layed in just her bra and pant. Emily covered her with a quilt and sat by her side but Paige asked her to please come be a spoon. Emily did as Paige requested and in no time Paige fell asleep.

Emily just sat there watching Paige, thanking God for saving her wife. She didn't even want to envision her life without her wife anymore.

She had forgotten all that anger she felt when she saw the agreement paper. After about an hour she stood up and called Spencer to ask her what really was wrong with her wife. Spencer told her Paige had anxiety attacks but it rarely builds. It only does when Paige was anxious or panicking about something. It all made sense to Emily.

Paige must been really stressed about her disappearance. That was why it probably built up.

Emily went downstairs cook some soup and some noodles. She locked her doors and came up check on Paige then went in for a shower. She wanted to wake Paige so she could eat something but paige was deep in sleep. She checked to be sure she was breathing then moved closer, just watching her wife until she too fell asleep.

The next morning Emily woke up to find an empty bed. She quickly checked the bathroom and the remaining two rooms upstairs but Paige wasn't there. She ran downstairs in a panic checking all the rooms, she still wasn't there. She peeped through the windows, her car was there. She then went outside through the back door and found her there sitting down and smoking!. Emily couldn't believe her eyes.

"You know I hate it when you smoke". Paige hurriedly turns like a guilty child. Emily looked mad with folded hands."

"You're smoking? Hello paige you had a full blown panic attack just yesterday and today you're already smoking for God's sake Paige!". Paige stood just looking at Emily feeling guilty. "I know I'm sorry, I'm okay, I'm fine now. I just wanted to feel something you know?".

"You are NOT okay Paige !" Emily challenged out of utter frustration and uncertain fear. "Do you have any idea what it's like to feel so helpless? Do you have any idea what it feels like to watch the woman you love struggling to breathe, gasping for air and then almost falling unconscious?. Do you have any idea what this feels like for ME?!". Completely caught off guard by the unmistakable rage she could hear in her wife's voice, a torrent of emotion quickly rose within Paige's chest, causing the moisture of several tears to dampen her face. "I. I. .I'm sorry, Emily. Really, I am. I just wanted to smoke to feel whole before facing you. I fucked up I wanted to come to you to make it right, but I was in pain and I hadn't really eaten in two days. I took my meds on the plane, I thought it wouldn't build up, I thought I had control over it, but sometimes that happens. Sometimes I black out for a few minutes at the very end," she earnestly replied.

"My God!". Emily spat, shaking her head at her own verbalization of anger, combined with her wife's egregious lack of insight. Didn't you think it was important to inform me of your condition? Isn't it important I was made aware of this?".

"It was, it is". Paige moved closer to emily. She stopped just few steps away from Emily and went right in.

"I have been wanting those things for years from dad. Despite the fact that I practically lead TMH, Dad still gave me problems. I wanted to personally make those places my priorities. I wanted those things for years. I wanted to focus more on them so when I saw the opportunity I took it without a care. Like you've noticed I wanted you Emily before I knew you. I hated myself you were betrothed to my twin, but I wanted you nonetheless. I told myself I was going to New York to see my half sister. I wanted to know her better, but at the back of my mind I knew I was lying to myself. I looked at you when no one was looking. I watched your mannerisms. How you fold your hands when you are angry, how you bit your lip when you were nervous, how you use your two fingers to put your hair at the back of your ears. I dream of you almost evrynight. I loved you before I knew you. Emily if the walls of my room could talk they would have told you how much I love you. i'm sorry Emily, I swear I meant to tell you, but I totally forgot about it because is not important anymore, your love is, Your love consumes me, I can't lose you. If you want I will give it all up, everything for you, you just say the word, but please forgive me". Paige moved closer and kneeled in front of Emily with tears in her eyes.

"I have never done anything like this to anybody. I have never really apologize to anybody ever. I know I have hurt you and am so sorry. I have never been so sorry for anything in my life, maybe not knowing my sister too. Please, please give me another chance to show you how madly in love with you I am. Please Emily let me love you". She held Emily crying. Emily who hadn't said a single word held Paige up. "I know you are and I have forgiven you". Paige hugged Emily with all her strength "Thank you, thank you so much. I love you Emily from the button of my heart I swear I do".

"I love you too so much Paige". Paige kissed her after sometime they held each other just standing there feeling each other. They missed each other terribly.

"Let's make you something to eat so you can take your meds again. After that you will explain why you never told me of this condition of yours. She held Paige's hand and led her to the kitchen. After breakfast Paige went up to shower, Emily cleaned the kitchen up and waited. After they both clean up Paige told Emily to take her around the place. Paige loved the place it was quite and homely.

That night the had make up sex several times. Paige explained to Emily that when she gets her attacks, all she want is a 'sexual healing'. Emily laughs and told her she will never deny her sex. Paige said it wasn't a myth, she also said. "Sexual intercourse can be incredibly calming. It is a distracting physical activity that releases endorphins and helps you feel more relaxed and less tense. If you have someone special in your life that understands that you're suffering from anxiety and is willing to share in some lovemaking in order to help you experience some relief from that anxiety, the two of you should come to some type of understanding that allows you to release some sexual energy, and possibly improve your relationship in the process".

Emily didn't believe it, but told her " I am game". nonetheless.