It Hurt
When I broke up with Derrick, I knew Cam would be on his side because he was angry with me about Dylan anyway, but I never got round to talking about Josh's reaction.
When I first fell out with Dylan and Derrick, Cam went on their side so then it was just Kristen and Josh. Then Kristen accused me of 'being passionate' about Josh, (her words, not mine.)
Obviously that wasn't true. I mean, Josh was like my big brother. Before Josh and I lived in Westchester we both lived in New Jersey and were even in the same neighbourhood so we kind of grew up together. He was the older brother I never had. Even when Cam came along, his and my relationship wasn't the same as Josh's and mine.
Just the thought of Josh and I being more than friends was...just ew. I always took things from his closet. Ralph Lauren polos, A&F sweaters, even his signature NYY hat. I was the only one he let wear it, except Kristen of course. I mean, half my closet consists of stuff I've taken from the guys' wardrobes.
Kristen was always a bit of a jealous person. She had a really short temper and practically killed Allie-Rose Singer when she gave Josh a coy wink one day during lacrosse. Let's just say Allie-Rose has had a slight...fear, shall we say, of lacrosse balls since.
I never found out what the poisoned words Dylan or Kristen fed him which turned him against me. I guess Josh could never hate me, he did give me half-smiles now and again but they never fully reached his eyes.
I had let him down. We both knew it.
And that hurt more than anything.