Chapter 12

There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats

—Albert Schweitzer

Waya was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. He slammed the apartment door behind him, face still set in a scowl.

"Hello…" Touya's voice was slightly hesitant. "Are you all right?" His poor rival had been studying apparently before his loud entrance had disrupted his thinking. The taller of the two pushed his shoulder length hair behind his ear. The movement was slightly nervous. Strange but now that Isumi had pointed it out, he could see the shyness. A bit. The thought brought him back to why he'd been angry at Waya in the first place. He felt his face heat up and his scowl deepened.

"Yeah." Stupid Waya.

"Really." Touya didn't sound convinced at all. "You ate right?"

"Yes." He muttered, toeing his shoes off. Kira came and nudged his hand with his wet nose. He picked his kitten up, tucking him under his chin. The soft fur and the rumbling purrs were comforting.

"Sushi?" The gentle inquiry made him look back towards his rival. Why did the other man care for god's sake?

"Ramen." Touya nodded slowly, puzzled frown pinching his features slightly. He seemed a bit lost and gave a quick glance back at the kifu he'd been looking at. The answer wouldn't be found there though. Karu jumped from the table where she'd been resting to Touya's shoulder. She purred, her eyes closing and opening slowly towards him. Hikaru supposed that it was her way of greeting him. "You?"

"Excuse me?" Touya blinked at him, confused at what was being asked of him.

"Did you have a good day?" He clarified, moving towards the kitchen table. He settled at his chair, reaching for the kifu with his free hand. He gave it a cursory glance but was distracted as Kira kept bumping his head against his chin. Where Karu would meow and bat at your face or hands with her paws until she got what she wanted, Kira would either gently wait or simply nudge you with his face. And here was the prime example. He began scratching his kitten under his chin.

"Yes, thank you." Touya answered quietly before sitting back down in his chair, making sure to do it slowly so as to not unbalance Karu. The rivals stayed in silence for a bit—Touya ignoring the fact that Hikaru kept stealing glances at him and Hikaru trying to get rid of Waya's words that were currently ringing in his head. Finally, Touya sighed. "What is it?" What was this, Hikaru thought a bit startled, was he a freaking open book? It seemed like everyone could see right through him and that the only thing he could keep a secret was friggin Sai! And even there, he thought a bit sourly, Touya had come pretty close to guessing the truth one or two times. He was sure it was only because Touya was too rational, too stuck in common sense, and too much of an adult really that he hadn't just stuck with his gut reaction of thinking that Sai was a ghost.

"Are you sterile?" The question slipped out of him and he hit his mouth the moment the meaning of his own words clicked in his head. Oh my god. He had not just said that! He had not just asked that! Stupid Waya! He was gonna kill that guy tomorrow. That is… he thought a bit weakly…if he wasn't dead. Touya blinked at him, his mouth opening and closing slowly. The incredulous look on his face would have been comical except, except… Two red spots suddenly colored his rivals cheeks.

"I…Shindo… What the hell?" The hesitant voice changed to a roar. "What kind of a question is that?!"

Karu squeaked while Kira bolted. So fast and in such a panic that Hikaru could only rub at his throat and upper chest where he'd just been gauged by the claws that had pushed off of him. Damn it!

"I just…" He started, his voice cracking. "I just don't understand why you said what you did!"

"What the hell did I ever say to you that would ever make you think that I was sterile?!" Touya demanded, green eyes flashing dangerously towards him.

"I didn't think you were!" Hikaru sputtered defensively, the volume of his response starting to creep up to match his rival's. "It was stupid Waya! And it wouldn't even have come up if you weren't such a damn enigma all the time!"

"Waya? Enigma? Me? I'm the enigma? Oh coming from you that's rich!" Karu decided it was time to follow her brother's quick escape and just jumped off her perch, slid on the kitchen floor and scrabbled about to get her legs beneath her so she could run very far away from the brewing argument. It was their first in the apartment. Their first in a long while. "You're the one who hides…"

"This isn't about me! And don't you fucking bring up Sai!" He'd literally seen his mentor's name about to be pronounced and he'd attacked before it could come crashing on him. "You don't wanna tell me anything about yourself, fine!" He'd made his way partially away from the table when a hand gripped his arm. "Let go Touya!"

"No. You don't have the right to just…say…something like that and expect me to just understand where you're coming from." Touya hissed and then let go of his arm. He took a step back and took a breath. "I promised I wouldn't bring up Sai until you were ready." His voice was calmer. "I won't." He leaned back towards the table, letting it take most of his weight. "I don't know what you want from me Shindo. And I really don't understand what it is I could have said that would have brought about this… this…" He floundered on his next word. It probably wasn't polite and Hikaru felt something inside of him drain at the sight of his rival looking harassed and tired. He wasn't being fair. He knew he wasn't. He was the one that had messed up, that was pushy…

"I'm sorry." Hikaru started slowly. "Its none of my business. It's just…" Just what? Just that he wanted to know? It wasn't blatant curiosity. He was concerned. And it was hard.

"Just what?" Touya asked, voice slightly gruff but still low.

"You looked upset that one time…when we talked about how good you'd be with kids and I didn't understand. That's all. It's stupid." It was not what Touya had been expecting and he sat down on the kitchen chair with a dull thud.

"Shindo…" He started weakly. "We had that conversation ages ago. It's been bothering you for that long?" He shrugged as an answer; he didn't really know what else to say. Touya shook his head. "Shindo, I said what I said because…I know myself. I know that I would put go first no matter how much I cared about them and it simply wouldn't be fair to them. I," He hesitated before going on. "I was lucky enough to want to follow my father's footsteps, to actually love go as much as he did…but this isn't a genetic trait. I wouldn't want any child who wouldn't understand that to feel like they didn't matter or that they were second best." He finished weakly. "I know that might sound strange but…I just wouldn't want to take that chance."

…

The truth of it, Akira contemplated as he waited for some sort of reaction from his rival, and he'd die before admitting it to anyone but his love for go wasn't truly as pure as some people made it out to be. It had started out simply because he'd wanted his father's attention. He'd realized very early on that the one thing that could catch and hold his father's attention was this intricate game of black and white stones, creating a universe of patterns on the wooden board that he hadn't been able to comprehend at that time.

He still remembered his first time, letting go of his mother's soft and warm skirt that he'd been clutching tightly and gently making his way towards the goban…he'd reached for the stones that were still laying on its' surface despite the fact that all their guests had already left (the group study sessions had already been in practice years before he'd been born) and had stilled at his father's intake of air. When no rebuking words followed the breath, Akira had taken his wavering courage and gently touched a black stone. "Play?" He'd asked shyly.

The look of pure pride and warmth that had flashed in his father's face that night was something he couldn't forget and wouldn't let go of. So slowly and surely, he learned and conquered the game and along the way—his need for his father's attention—his father's approval turned into a love of the game. It wasn't always love, sometimes it was his own rival—just as real as the rival Shindo was to him…except Shindo had never taken his father from him.

Those were the times when he had hated go. When his father started seeing him as a potential rival first and a son second. When his father had a heart attack and still wouldn't (couldn't?) stop playing. When his father left Japan and went to China to continue his growth and never even once stopped to think if Akira was ready for such a move, if Akira was ready to leave the nest… Yes. He loved it and hated it. And he never ever wanted such a life for another child.

It was an indefinable thought, a lingering scar of his own childhood that had bordered too close to neglect…

Shindo kept looking at him with such an open expression that every emotion seemed to scream back at him. It made him nervous and feeling very vulnerable. Like perhaps he'd given a hint of the feelings and memories he'd locked within him deep inside. It almost made him wish that he and his rival were back to screaming at each other instead of just sitting in this interminable silence.

"I…I don't even know where to start." Shindo started finally. "You're an idiot you know that?" He blinked at that. It wasn't what he had expected, especially with Shindo's current kicked puppy face staring back at him. "A complete and utter idiot." He opened his mouth to retaliate but closed it with a snap when Shindo punched him on his upper arm.

"Ow! What the—?" Akira demanded rubbing at it. Shindo cracked a sad little smile and shrugged.

"It's what Waya does when he thinks I need cheering up." He paused. "Be honest, did that actually help you?"

"I didn't need cheering up and that's possibly the most uncivilized, brutish way of going about it." Akira pointed out finally.

"Hmm…" A mischievous glint washed away the previous sadness that had been dominating those green eyes as Shindo tilted his head in mock pensiveness. "I don't know…" He drawled out. "It seemed to work." Akira blinked at him and shook his head.

"Somehow, I think the only idiot present is you." Before Shindo could retaliate, he quickly added. "Anything else bothering you that I should know about? Any other insane theory Waya concocted that's addled your brain?"

"Hey now!" Shindo looked ready to defend his redheaded friend.

"Sterility? Hitting to cheer up someone?" Akira grumbled. He watched as the unspoken defenses crumbled right in front of his eyes. "I rest my case."

"Oh shut up. I promise to never go back to him with my questions. That good?"

"I suppose…"

"Game?"

"Please."

…

The next few days passed by them in a blur as they tried to figure out the pros and cons of moving to a slightly larger apartment. The most obvious cons were the increase in rent, the physical work, and the chaos that always came with the actual moving. The pros, some of which had taken Hikaru aback, was a room they could each use to teach their students to. An office space. He'd never had one before and it was an intriguing prospect. He'd never thought of what his taking up space would cause to Touya's usual organization. And of course what was becoming the most POSITIVE of the POSITIVES was just more room for the two growing kittens to play around and hide in the nooks and crannies.

Karu especially needed more room. She'd started getting bored with her 'home', with her brother, and with her human beings gone more than usual. Because of this, she'd started meowing at the top of her lungs at random times during the night. As if she was checking if everyone was still home and couldn't they just come out and play with her instead of sleep?

The first night it had happened, Hikaru had yelled at her when he'd cracked his eye open for what felt like the thousandths of time and realized it was 3 freaking am. Touya had then opened his room and asked him if he was insane. All in all, it had not gone well. 3 fucking A. M. was NEVER a good time to be lectured on animal training.

The second night, he'd tried his hardest to ignore it all just like Mr. Know it all—Touya Akira—had told him to. It had… failed to say the least. He'd finally given up on getting any sleep and reviewed two games before passing out on his go board. Touya had to hide a smile at the go stone imprinted in his cheek and his freaking out at all the drool that had gotten on his board. He hadn't found it amusing at all.

The third night, he locked Karu in the bathroom. Not only did that not do anything to decrease the noise coming from those annoyingly loud little lungs, it got Kira on his case too! Kira had spent the majority of the night scratching at the bathroom door, making pitiful noises as if trying to reach his sister and let her know that he had nothing to do with this treatment. Touya, who was still sticking by his animal training, ignored the noise blissfully unaware as to what Hikaru had actually done. When he woke up to discover his cat swimming in the toilet and their towels soiled with feces and urine… well, Hikaru shuddered at the memory. It hadn't been pretty and he hoped never to see Touya get that angry EVER again.

Never.

Ever.

As a peace offering, he called the vet in desperation for a cure, medicine, ANYTHING damn it! As he talked and explained the situation, Karu blinked sleepy eyes at him before batting at his foot. He tried to shoo her away and scowl at her. It only caused her to play and pounce harder. He was very tempted to put the phone down and bark at the silly creature.

The vet had sounded unconcerned and had asked him a series of questions: had their schedules changed, did they have enough toys, how many hours did they spend playing with each of the kittens, would they be willing to getting another cat, and so on and so forth. His answers only resulted in the following diagnosis. Karu had separation anxiety and their ever growing hectic schedule caused them to stay too long away from the home.

"What do we do?" Hikaru pleaded on the phone. "We haven't slept in three days!" He had mentioned this fact once, twice, three times, or more. It didn't seem to be connecting with her. He'd stopped counting and was convinced that their vet did not appreciate their lack of sleep. "Is there a medicine to keep her less anxious? A sleeping pill?" Their vet sounded affronted at the suggestion and Hikaru pulled the phone away from his ear. "We have more than enough toys for them though!" He started up again once the woman had stopped talking to get her breath back. "Our apartment floor is littered with them." And it was the truth, much to Touya's growing irritation. "And we cannot get another cat! My roommate is going to kill me!" He was so so dead. As if to add to his bad luck, somebody knocked at the door. "Ok well. I have to go. Thank you for your time." Unhelpful… Quack! Hikaru mentally grumbled. He hung up the phone and opened the door. "Who—mom?"

"Hello, I thought I'd stop by." She looked at him with a concerned smile. "Have you been sleeping well?" He pushed the door opened wider and then fell into her arms with a croaked sob. "Hikaru!" He would not cry! Damn it! "Oh dear." His mother gently patted his back.

"Thank god you're here!" He muttered into her shoulder. "I don't know what to do!"

"Did you and Touya-kun get into a fight?" She asked softly, pushing him away slightly to wipe at his face before leading him towards the living room. He shook his head and then nodded and then shrugged.

"Yes. No. Not really. It's… complicated."

"I see."

"It's Karu, she's got separation anxiety and she's kept us up all night—THREE of them in a row—by meowing and nothing we do works!" His mother blinked at his outburst.

"Karu?" She repeated slowly, looking down at the innocent and cute looking ball of fur that was currently rubbing herself something silly around his mother's legs. Kira it should be noted was sleeping in Touya's room. The poor little guy was also sleep deprived. He watched as his mother gently gave the kitten a caress before turning her attention back towards him.

"I've called the vet and she's making it sound like we don't have enough toys for them and that its our fault for being gone all day long and…and…" His mother hummed softly, tapping her chin.

"You know," She said finally. "When you were little, you did a rather similar thing as well. You must have been two at that time." Her smile caused the corner of her eyes to wrinkle slightly. "You refused to take naps and would keep your father and I up with the most outrageous demands."

"What did you do?" And god help him but he was NOT going to be sharing this story with ANYONE. He didn't need any more proof that this cat was like him in personality.

"We bought earplugs." He blinked. And blinked again.

"You what?" He shook his head and was confused as to how he should takethat piece of information. "I can't… I mean… huh…I guess we could try that. Wait. Did it work?"

"Oh yes. After a couple days of us not reacting to your tantrums you became an angel again." He ignored his mother's term of angel in describing him and glared hard at Karu. So apparently this whole ignoring—positive and negative reinforcement—punishment—animal training that Touya kept spouting had some merits to it.

"But it takes a couple of days?" He moaned. He didn't know if he could live through a couple more days without sleep. Although he supposed the earplugs would muffle the noise so it wouldn't be that bad. He thought some more, multiple possibilities running in and out of his mind.

For one, the new apartment solution was looking better and better. They could just place the litter box in the study and shut both the cats in there during the night. Make the study be the room furthest away from their bedrooms. He closed his eyes and tried to recall the floor plan.

"Hikaru," His mother interrupted his thoughts. He opened his eyes to see his mother on her hands and knees playing with Karu on the ground. "Have you ever thought of taking them out on a walk? Our neighbor, you remember her right? Well she takes her cats on walks and it just tires them right out…" He let her words pass by him. He needed to talk to Touya and show him that he had some better thought out solutions. Maybe his rival wouldn't kill him…completely…

…

Akira rubbed at his temple as Shindo continued to speak at a pace that simply was not human. Behind him, Waya snorted. Waya, Isumi, and he had barely come back from the Go institute before Hikaru had pounced on him along with Karu. The kitten was sleepily resting in his arms, purring her little head off. Kira was watching them from the floor.

"Take a cat for a walk?" The redhead asked. "No offense to your mom but…"

"Shut up Waya. It is a good idea." Shindo muttered not allowing his friend to finish. "And not only could we do that but we have some other options. Here." He shoved a bag at Akira who startled along with Karu (who no longer purred at this plastic intrusion) and nearly dropped it on the floor. Not like Shindo would notice in his manic or whatever state he'd gotten himself into. Karu sniffed and moved to perch on his shoulder, snuggling into his neck. "I got the cats' leashes and some earplugs for us. We could also keep the television on when we're gone." His previous thought that maybe Shindo hadn't lost ALL his brain cells died at that particular suggestion.

"The television." He repeated flatly.

"Yeah. We could totally leave it on the nature channel." Shindo nodded to himself with a proud little smile. "That one I thought of by myself. I mean, you know how much Karu likes watching the bird shows." Oh my god the lack of sleep must have made his rival delusional as well. This was not good. Perhaps they should reschedule movie night. Since when had Karu watched bird shows? He clutched at the bag instead of reaching out to take Shindo's temperature.

"Shindo…" Akira started. Or tried to. Wide grey-green eyes turned to him pleadingly and halted his already troubled thought processes.

"Please say you forgive me for last night! Please!"

"Dude…" Waya sighed. "That is so not the way to get out of the doghouse. Especially with these totally whacked out ideas." Doghouse? What? When did dogs get into this mess? Perhaps he was overly tired as well.

"Waya." Isumi started softly. "Maybe this isn't the best time…" He trailed off. "How about we go get the drinks?" He offered, pulling at the redhead's shoulder. Too soon they were alone, staring at each other.

"Bird shows, Shindo?" He asked gently, finally allowing himself to sit back on their couch, careful to not dislodge his kitten in the process. Shindo quickly followed suit by kneeling on the floor, facing him still. "When has Karu ever…" He trailed off. "I actually don't think I want to know. And stop that."

"Eh?"

"Don't look at me like that." Akira clarified wearily. It really wasn't fair. "I'm no longer angry." He was too tired to be. "I appreciate you trying to come up with solutions and calling our vet. The earplugs will come in handy I'm sure…" Shindo still looked like a kicked puppy. Which reminded him of the doghouse Waya had mentioned absurdly enough. The mental image of his rival with puppy ears and tail sitting forlornly in front of a tiny wooden house alone caused him to smile just a bit. The hint of a smile on his own face caused Shindo's to lighten. He could imagine the tail start to wag hopefully. He reached out carefully causing his rival to tense, eyes wide and patted him on top of head. "Continue being a good boy and maybe you'll be out of the dog house by tonight." He was as shocked as Shindo at the words that slipped out of his mouth. The two blushed and blinked and looked away from each other.

Akira blamed it all on Waya and lack of sleep and hoped Shindo would as well.

To be continued…

A/N- First off thank you for all the good wishes, they made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. My wrists usually feel better if I don't push them too much (today is an off day—entirely my fault however so I can't complain). Also, I must apologize for the fact that in the previous chapter I used the term 'idge' which is a term my friends and I use. A made up word idiot fudge together…uhm…but yes. It's simply a cuter term for idiot.  Hope that helps and I hope this chapter was enjoyable. I'll try and update when I can. Thank you for all of your support, it is truly appreciated.

A/N 2- Concerning the separation anxiety bit… I'm living through it or having been living with it since my kitty (of 1 ½ years) has been diagnosed by my own vet. If I work longer hours, I know that I won't sleep that night simply b/c he'll be meowing at my door—wondering why I haven't been there all day to play and cuddle with him. So the pain and desperation that Shindo feels…I've lived through and its definitely NOT an exaggeration! Though I wish it was some days… lol (However, I've never locked my cat in any room where there was no litter box… I follow Touya's methods ALL the way!)