I am a bad bad author! Cannot believe I haven't updated, so sorry :( It's not that I've lost interest in the story, I've just been uber busy as of lately and started a new story on top of that, Betrothal and Betrayal, and got a little sidetracked. But I can tell you that this story is not over yet. Please review and tell me your thoughts, suggestions or critiques :)
Thank you so much to all of those who have reviewed and kept me going: the-writing-vampire, Red red red ribbon, xxkittyxxkattxx, mistakendragon815, me, halloweenbaby, X-Man Vixen, RogueNya, Rogue-scholar07, demonlrd66, allyg1990, Acedia RG. You're all amazing!
So where were we? Oh yes, the X-Men are on their way home. Rogue is a soulless shell and Remy is a heartbroken man. Sounds about right...
I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
With my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong
My mouth is dry with words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why we live like this
Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me
Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence
And all the promise we adored
Give us life again cause we just wanna be whole
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The girls were home. So why did they still feel alone and broken? And scared, terribly scared. They flinched when Mr. McCoy had tended to their wounded bodies, any unexpected touch would send a surge of panic through them and stir up dreaded memories.
Jubilee stood in the crowded medical room, trying to piece it all back together again. Everyone around her was in a bustle, collecting supplies, clearing beds. Her mind was fragmented slightly, flashbacks from abuse and a terrible fight kept gripping her and she struggled to make sense of it all. She recalled getting here by jet, the familiar sensation of flying still made her legs feel wobbly, but how she had gotten to the jet escaped her.
She had been captured, she knew that. She had been hurt, that she could tell just by looking down at her body. But then there were memories of fighting her friends...what did that mean? Were they no longer her friends anymore? Surely she wouldn't have attacked them without good reason. And if they were still a threat to her, then why was she standing there, watching their wounds being tended to?
A new feeling stirred deep within her and Jubilee took a moment to identify what it was. Worry, there were hints of worry. And caring. So she cared about the boys she had attacked? Now that doesn't make any sense. Jubilee caught sight of the back of a brown haired boy and gasped. Burns bubbled the skin and Jubilee realized the emotion she was feeling. Concern. A barrier began to crumble in her mind and a hazy light of recognition began to breach through the confusion.
As the memories and pieces began to fall back into place, Jubilee began a mental checklist as fast as her mind could handle, trying to reassure herself that everyone was okay.
She looked again at Bobby's back, seeing the burns. Which made her think of Amara. Jubilee craned her sore neck around, trying to locate her friend. A head of brown hair was peeking out of a nestle of blankets, her brown eyes blank as they stared up at the ceiling. Brown eyes made Jubilee think of Roberto and she spotted him with a bandage around his head, Ray next to him, begrudgingly breathing in oxygen through a mask.
Jubilee's checklist drew to a blank, but she knew it wasn't done yet. There were more people for her to check on, she just couldn't identify who right now.
A flurry of red hair made caught Jubilee's eye and she watched a stunning red head pass a boy with a mullet a small cup of pills. Jean and Sam, check and check. Scott was standing by, still there but out of the way, for once he was unsure of how to help. Red hair, red hair... someone else important to Jubilee had red hair.
Rahne. Jubilee scanned for her friend and found her curled up in a bed in her wolf form, Jamie talking quietly to her as tears stung his eyes. Her wolf tail was bandaged and wrapped. Tails. Someone else had a tail. Jubilee caught sight of Mr. McCoy's blue fur and let the puzzle pieces come together. Kurt, of course.
She found him in a chair in between two beds, looking awful. On the one bed was Kitty, who was sitting up even as Mr. McCoy insisted that she lay back down. Her bleary blue eyes were locked onto the bed beside her, her chest heaving in hard sobs. As Jubilee watched, she saw Kurt's hand reach out and take Kitty's, his tail wrapping around her slim wrist and up her arm. Jubilee waited for Kitty's panic at the touch, for her to flinch and phase away, but was surprised when Kitty allowed the small embrace. What were they crying over?
Jubilee allowed her eyes to follow their gaze and felt her agonizingly difficult mental checklist burst into flames. Rogue was laying on the bed, looking more dead then alive. Her usual celestial skin was gray and ashen. The spark of life that was distinctly Rogue was gone. No, Jubilee corrected herself, not gone. It was stolen. A new emotion ripped from her chest and joined her desperation and agony at the loss of Rogue. She was angry now. And disgusted. Someone was holding Rogue's hand, the untouchable skin now free of threat. He looked how jubilee felt, only a million times worse. Remy looked as though all that he lived for had been stolen from him, his own heart ripped from his chest.
Jubilee turned from the heart wrenching sight and began filling in the blanks that plagued her mind. she had fought the boys, but she remembered not wanting to. She had been forced. Jubilee ignored the questions of how and why for now and focused once more on gaining the facts. Before she had fought the boys, she had been scared. She remembered that emotion well. Even as she stood here now, she still felt it. And she also felt disgusting. Not only because of the fact that she was covered in her blood, and probably the blood of a few other people, but because of something more. Jubilee closed her eyes as she tried to find the reason.
In the darkness of her mind, a pair of cold grey eyes suddenly cropped up and Jubilee's own eyes flew open in panic. She remembered now, and sincerely wished that she didn't. Her stomach rolled as the memories of it clouded her and Jubilee desperately tried to push it all away.
Someone was behind her, speaking urgently to her. They were saying something that sounded so familiar to her. Oh, of course, it was her name.
Jubilee turned around to see Miss Munroe holding a bottle of water and a cup of pills. Jubilee watched her mouth moving, forming words that were lost on Jubilee's ears.
She watched blankly as Miss Munroe's face began to twist with concern and suddenly was pulled form her inner musings.
"What?" she asked dumbly as she blinked owlishly.
"Child, take these pills. You haven't had any food for three days and are also very dehydrated," Miss Munroe said as she pushed the pills and bottle of water into Jubilee's numb hands.
"Oh, right," Jubilee said as she forced them down her throat and sipped the water, feeling her stomach rebel against the sudden influx of meager substance.
Miss Munroe raised a hand to rest on Jubilee's shoulder but stopped as Jubilee flinched away involuntarily.
"Jubilation," she said in a slightly pained voice.
"I'm sorry Miss Munroe, I know that you're trying to help," Jubilee whispered.
"It's alright. Just please believe me when I say that I understand. I understand that you still feel threatened and don't feel that you'll ever be safe or have control again. But you're stronger then this. Some pieces may be missing or broken, but you'll replace them with something stronger." Jubilee tried to let the words warm and reassure her, but felt that at the moment, they were wasted on her aching heart. And what about Rogue? What if they never got her back? She was a piece of Jubilee, of everyone in the mansion, that was irreplaceable.
She found herself nodding slowly as Miss Munroe shot her one more pained look before she moved along, collecting another set of pills and water to give to the next girl.
Jubilee turned to watch her friends once more, pulling her arms close to her violated body. She needed a bath, needed to soak in hot steamy water to burn off the memories of abuse. The girls had all come so close to losing their souls as well as their innocence. They were tainted now, dirty and used.
She stumbled to a chair and sat down, her knees shaking violently. His hands were on her again, his breath hot against her ear, telling her that her virginity would be his, that nobody would want her after he was done with her.
Jubilee, like many girls, felt that virginity was a big deal. She had always planned on how special her first time would be, not only because that would be her first time being with a person, but because she was offering her most special gift to someone who deserved it and cherished her.
What if it happened again? What if she was really raped next time? In Jubilee's line of work, it wasn't completely unlikely. She had encountered crazed and sadistic mutants before and would definitely run into more. And what about all the mutant haters? They were just as capable of making her worst nightmare come true.
Her mind was in a fog again, trying desperately to find a way to keep her safe. Bobby stepped into her line of vision, and Jubilee stared blankly at his uniform clad knees. The upper half of his uniform was hanging down around him, leaving the burns on his back exposed and cream covered. He knelt down in front of her, shifting his face until her eyes were locked with his.
"Hey," he said gently.
"I'm still scared," Jubilee admitted in a timid and half shameful whisper.
Bobby nodded as he placed a gentle hand on her knee. Jubilee felt the contact and waited for the panic that she was sure she would feel after every touch for the rest of her life.
Instead, she was filled with comfort and warmth. She looked into Bobby's brown eyes in wonder, his own glassed over with concern and care.
"Jubilee, I know you're hurt right now. But I promise you that I'm here," Bobby said.
She nodded, looking into the face of her best friend. He was strong, kind and always made her feel better, no matter what the situation. He could make her feel better now, couldn't he? He could prove to her that being with someone physically could be beautiful and feel right, not dirty and disgusting. She could give him her virginity, and know that she had done so out of choice and no longer would she worry about it being taken from her. She could have control, finally, after being stripped of her dignity and self respect, she could have control.
He could make her feel whole again, by allowing him to take her innocence, she could once again feel innocent.
He smiled at her and Jubilee returned it, feeling that she had found her comfort even as the world fell down around her.
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Ray watched everyone as he breathed heavily from the oxygen mask. Being buried alive by Kitty was not something he wanted to repeat. Fighting the girls had been truly awful, and now they all had gaping wounds in their chest. The man responsible for their torment and torture was currently being telepathically torn apart by the professor, who was desperately trying to find Rogue and get her back to them. Logan was down in the cell with them, and Ray was sure that on top of being mentally beaten to a pulp, his physical body would suffer as well.
Ray chanced a glance over at Rogue, watching the three people who loved her the most crowd around the bed, Kurt praying as Remy kissed her hands. Kitty was bandaged, long cuts screaming across her pale body.
Magneto, Mystique, Wanda and Tabitha hadn't stayed long, though the professor insisted on having both the girls telepathically evaluated, though Magneto had refused. He claimed that he knew a telepath in Boston. Her name was Emma... Emma Ice was it? Oh well, it didn't matter to Ray. The only things and people that mattered to him were gathered here in this room, all broken and hurt.
Ray watched Bobby kneel in front of a sitting Jubilee, talking to her gently. Jubilee smiled then, and Ray felt a surge of joy and hope run through him. It was a mere shadow of a smile, but he knew Jubilee had meant it to be so much more, that she had wanted it to be more.
All Ray wanted to do was gather all the girls in a giant group hug, never let them out of his sight again, and pretend that this never happened. That the past three days were part of some horror movie and with a simple push of a button, it would all be gone. But instead, Ray had to sit back helplessly, not even able to lend the girls a hug or friendly kiss on the forehead, as they would start to quake in fear.
He had watched the blood splattered girls shatter right before his eyes and all he could do was stand there with a comforting hand and a tube of crazy glue, prepared to do whatever it takes to help put them back together again. Would it all be enough? Would their support and love get them through this? And what if Rogue was permenatley lost to them? Ray seriosuly doubted that the team could rebound from a loss so devastating.
Ray felt his eyelids growing heavy and his body pleaded for rest. Ray moved off the bed, placing the barely used oxygen mask on the tank next to him. He began to walk out of the medical room, wanting to stay, but knowing that he was doing no good and probably just getting in the way. Right now, sleeping was all he could do. A thousand worries drifted in and out and around him, his mind too tired to grab one and really fret over it. He let them wash over him and steal his remaining energy. He didn't even have it in him to crave a cigarette.
Ray collasped onto his bed, clumisly pulling off his X-uniform until he lay in nothing but his boxers. He chucked the torn and dirt covered uniform across the room, hoping that it landed somewhere in the vicinity of his laundry basket. Ray pulled his pillow close, letting his head lay on his sheet clad mattress in exchange for having something to hold on to in his time of need. As he drifted into a deep and disturbed sleep, Ray thought on the girl that was still trapped, the one they hadn't been able to save. He wondered what Animusereptur was putting her mind through, and whether or not they could rescue her. And if they did, would she still be the Rogue they knew?
Thank you for reading and please let me know what you thought. I know that it was a little short and there was a major lack in our main characters (Rogue, Remy, Kurt and Kitty) but they are coming up very very soon. But I wanted to write about the other characters too and how they're dealing with everything. Sexual abuse is very difficult to overcome and I want to show and express that through how each of the girls are handling what happened. Obviosuly, Jubilee is handling it by searching for control and to her, control is giving her virginity by choice. Some girls tend to do this after abuse. In the next few chapters, not only will I be writing about the Rogue story arc, but about how the girls are individually dealing with everything, as well as some of the guys (cough cough Remy cough). I hope that's a good idea!
The lyrics in the beginning is from a wonderful song called We Are Broken (hence the chapter title) by Paramore. I thought the song was fitting for this chapter. I'm thinking about doing this at the beginning of every chapter, putting a song to it that I think would fit. Please let me know if you think that's a good idea! I already have the perfect song for Remy and cannot wait to post his chapter, but I will be patient :)
Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!