I want you, I want you so bad, I want you... I want you so bad, it's driving me mad, it's driving me mad...
The music rang through the apartment and spilled from under the cracks under her door. This was the one thing that she could tolerate when there was an apartment full of people—the music. She slipped a dimebag from her dresser drawer and poured a bit on the top. She straightened it out with the edges of the bag and inhaled it in one shot.
That's when everything seemed okay, it was when it seemed fine that she was missing work, it seemed perfect, that moment, she wasnt annoyed, or upset, or depressed, she was high... Higher then life, higher then God, so she danced around her room, spinning.
And she laughed and laughed.
"Who's the girl?" Lucy asked Jude, her head on his lap. He looked down, taking a drag from his cigarette.
"Pepper? She's lived here before us..." He trailed off. Who was she? God knows that he couldn't answer.
"You two having sex?"
He laughed and kissed the top of her head in reply. She gave him a small smile before asking about Prudence. So curious, so full of questions, so very much the opposite of Jude...
But he never thought about that. Just how beautiful she was, inside and out.
"Pepper?" Max called, opening the door. She stuck her hand in her mouth and exploded into a fit of giggles. "What?" He asked.
She laughed and took his hand, dragging him over. "Come here, come here."
"Pepper, I just wanted to ask--" She never did find out what he wanted to ask, because she started kissing the inside of his neck, putting her hand on the back of his hair.
"I know how to please a man." She whispered, which would have scared herself on most days, but she was too high to think that anything she said was serious.
Yet she was. She knew very well how to please a man, and she had done it multiple times for a paycheck. That didnt matter now, though. She was high, she was high... And this roomate stumbled into her room alone, this one roomate who happened to be particularily good looking, this one roommate who seemed to be single at the time, this one roommate who smelled so fucking good...
And any other girl, She still tells herself to this day, he would have done it.
Yet she found him pushing her away, much to both of their dissapointment, and then him walking out, the door closing tightly behind him. No words, no excuses, just a shove and then cold air rushing against her as the door closed.
She was a bit shocked—no one had ever turned her down before, especially not in a circumstance like that. Pepper stared at the door, shocked, suddenly cold, and then heartbroken.
"Fuck him." She muttered underneath her breath, grabbing the box she kept under her bed into the bathroom.
That's where the song changed, from a silly little love song that everyone was singing, moaning, exclaiming, to some heavy shit that she wasnt ready to understand. She didnt want to understand. The notes turned sour, replaying themselves over and over in her head, refusing to leave her alone even as she pressed a razor blade against her pale skin, even as the blood started to drip from underneath it, even when she slid it across her wrist a little longer and even when she dropped it and laughed some more, not feeling any pain, not letting anything get to her.
And this was Pepper.
It was cold outside. Pepper looked around her. The grass had just a little bit of dew sprinkled over it, just a little wet under her barefeet. She looked down. Her feet looked less giant here, they looked small, petite... Beautiful, actually. She looked down at the dress she was wearing, and then realized her legs were reall small, as well. The dress was grey, but she felt like it was every colour of the rainbow as she spun around, so happy to be in this place, so happy to be so beautiful. As if there was magic, her hair let itself down and wrap around her shoulders and she danced.
BANG BANG BANG!
Wha—Were they shooting at her?
BANG BANG BANG!!
"Pepper! I need the bathroom! Pronto!"
She looked up from the counter that her face was pressed on. Of course. Dreaming. She groaned and stood up, shaking her head and wiping her face with the back of her hand. The cracked blood would have to stay there for now, she wasnt on enough drugs to be able to rinse it, yet.
"What do you want?"
"I have to fuckin' piss, woman!" Max replied. She heard his feet bounce from behind the door. She chose to laugh at this as she pulled on a sweater and placed the razor back in the little box.
"How bad?"
"Fuck you!"
She opened the door, finally, and he practically pushed her over as he dashed to the toilet, not bothering to shut the door or wait for her to leave to finish his business. He let out a sigh of relief as Pepper snorted and then left the bathroom, feeling empty despite the laughs she allowed to escape her tiny figure.
She dumped the box on her bed and took off the sweater, placing it on top of the box and reaching for an old top that she didnt care for to scrape away the cracked blood. She grimaced at the pain and the size of the scar, but finished slowly all the same. She pulled on a long sleeve shirt and then walked out into the kitchen, where Jude looked up from his breakfast, a slightly concerned look on his face.
"You okay?" He asked. She nodded. That was enough for him.