I gotta be chained to you
Chi Chi sat with Mars in the jeep, trying to burp Gohan and ignore the fight spilling out Muscle Tower. Bardock was being fairly gentle, by Sayajin standards; uniformed officers of the Red Ribbon Army only came flying through doors and windows, instead of straight through stone walls.
"You know, I'm really surprised these guys are still around," Chi Chi commented idly as she pattted Gohan, "Bulma and I ran into them a few times, but after we got Dr. Gero's androids to help us out, we kind of thought they'd take out the whole organization. Isnt that right, sweetums? Yes, it is! Who's the cutest little boy in the whole wide world? Is it you? Is it you, sweetheart?"
"Chi Chi," Mars shifted in the back seat, punching the pillows supporting her back furiously. "Is it supposed to be impossible to get comfortable?"
"It wasn't too bad with Gohan, wasn't it honey-bunny?" Chi Chi cooed to the baby, making those ridiculous noises only ever made by women in the presence of infants. "Then again, Gohan didn't have a twin in there with him, did he? No, he didn't!"
"Its times like these when I really wonder why I didn't just have an abortion," Mars fanned herself desperately, sweat dripping into her eyes. "I'm constantly either too hot or too cold, I feel like a heard of elephants is stampeding over every single internal organ, my ankles swell up like beach balls if I waddle around for too long, and my spine is permanently damaged."
"Why did you decide to have them?" Chi Chi looked up from her son, turning in the front seat to look at the still pregnant woman.
Mars was quiet for a long moment, still fanning herself. "At first, it was because Raditz was gone, and this was all anyone was ever going to have left of him. And then we started gathering the Dragon Balls, and what would be the point of wishing him back if I was going to destroy a reason for him to live?"
"You cant admit that you love him, can you?" Chi Chi calmly wiped up the spittle on Gohan's face, no longer looking at the other woman.
Mars didn't have time to answer as Bardock came bounding down the outside of the Tower, holding the last Dragon Ball triumphantly over his head as he came toward the jeep.
"Last one!" He grinned, hopping behind the wheel. "Lets get a few miles out of town, and summon the dragon. How do we do that again?" He revved the engine and peeled out down the street.
"Watch it!" Chi Chi snarled, clutching Gohan to her. "And for the fifteenth time, you put the Dragon Balls in a circle, you say 'Shenlong, I summon you,' or any variant thereof, and the dragon pops up. He usually threatens to kill you if you don't make your wish fast enough."
"Woman, I could run that kid over with this ancient vehicle, and the kid wouldn't have a scratch on him. He'd probably blow it up, actually." Bardock sighed, and jerked the wheel a little too hard at her response.
"Don't you dare threaten to run over my baby!" Chi Chi screeched at the top of her lungs.
"If anyone is going to be screaming, its going to be the pregnant woman, alright?!" Mars screeched from the back seat, waving her fan like a weapon.
"Why did I bring you two, again?" Bardock slouched in the drivers seat, glowering at the road.
"One, because there's no way you're going to wish them back without us being here. Two," Chi Chi glared hard at her father in law, "I'm the one who gave you the idea to wish them back in the first place, and three, just who the hell was supposed to protect us while we're still new mothers? Hmm?" Chi Chi turned back to caring for her son with a finality that brooked no further conversation.
Bardock pulled off to the side of the road next to an open field, turned the engine off, and carefully lifted Mars out of the back seat. Chi Chi climbed out on her own, hefting her son and diaper bag on one arm, and grabbing the duffel bag containing the first six dragon balls with the other. They trekked out to the middle of the field, Mars waddling on the arm of her father in law. She stopped halfway out, crying out in surprise.
"Oh, shit!" She tried to bend double, gasping in surprise. "I think my water just broke!"
"WHAT?" Bardock panicked, "Couldn't this wait a half hour?!"
"Does it look like I'm in charge of things right now?! No!! Make the stupid wish, and then get me to the nearest hospital!!" Mars waddled the rest of the way to the center of the field on her own, huffing angrily as she went.
Chi Chi dumped the Dragon Balls out on the dirt, arranging them in a rough circle. Bardock set the final Ball in its place, and they stepped back.
"Shenlong, I summon you!" Bardock commanded, trying to ignore the way Mars was leaning on him and cursing softly. Chi Chi held Gohan so that the boy could see the dragon shooting out of the mystical orbs, darkening the sky and thundering loudly.
"Look, Gohan, it's Shenlong! He's gonna bring daddy back!" Chi Chi started making ridiculous noises again, bouncing the unusually quiet baby.
"Shenlong, I wish for my sons to be brought back to life!" Bardock shouted above the howling wind, enhancing his voice with his ki.
Thunder rumbled, the dragon coiled around and then back down into the balls, and the golden orbs scattered; Raditz and Kakarrot landed heavily in the dirt where the circle had been. Kakarrot was off the ground and bounding at Chi Chi before the dust had even settled.
"Chi Chi!" He scooped her up, swung her around, and froze as the baby sank in. "Who is this little guy?"
"You idiot, this is your son, Gohan. I named him after this old hermit that saved me and Bulma once," Chi Chi held their son cradled between them so that Kakarrot could get a good look at him.
"Touching as this is," Mars snarled, "GET ME OUT OF HERE!"
"Her water broke," Bardock told Raditz, who'd come to stand next to the huffing woman.
"Cant we get her a new one?" Raditz asked, looking mildly confused and concerned.
"Your children are about to pop out, you radish-brained idiot, and if you don't get me to a hospital in the next ten minutes, I'm going to castrate you!" She snarled. Raditz picked her up and flew off without any further discussion; Bardock laughed for a solid five minutes before his youngest son pounced on him.
They rolled around in the dirt for a while, happily punching each other, then packed themselves into the jeep and followed the jet stream of Raditz' departure. By the time they found the nearest hospital, argued their way up to the right floor and room, and stepped inside, Mars was passed out on the hospital bed looking like a deflated balloon while the sounds of someone being violently ill were coming from the bathroom.
Raditz came out a moment later, wiping his mouth. "I never want to see, hear, or smell anything like that, ever again," he told them, before collapsing into a chair next to the bed. "Ever. Ever, ever, ever. As long as I live."
Two nurses came in, each wheeling a baby in a tray. "Here they are, Mommy and Daddy!" one of the nurses cooed. "Just sign these papers and enjoy your little bundles of happiness!"
"More like eating, puking, crapping, crying machines," Bardock growled, crossing his arms over his chest. The nurses left hurriedly, leaving the babies.
Bardock, Raditz, and Kakarrot leaned over the carriages, eyeing the sleeping occupants warily. "Dad, what the hell am I supposed to do with twin girls?" Raditz thrashed his tail behind him, puffing up the fur in his nervousness.
"Does it look like I fuckin' know?" Bardock shot back. "Train 'em, and if that doesn't work, take 'em shopping. Girls like shopping, right?" Bardock asked Chi Chi, who was hanging just a little back and watching the men with a gentle smile.
"Yes, girls like shopping." Chi Chi took a step closer, "What did you two decide on for names?"
"Rei, and Rachel. She says she doesn't know which one of them is going to be the next Sailor Mars, and which one of them is going to take the throne." Raditz swallowed. "I didn't even know she was a princess. I think I'm gonna go drive the porcelain bus again," the burly Sayajin darted for the bathroom again, and didn't even manage to close the door to before he spewed into the toilet.
Bardocks' scouter went off, and the old Sayajin stepped outside to take the call. When he came back into the room, Mars was sitting up and holding one of her daughters, smiling tiredly.
"Lets pack it up, kids. Queen Serenity just called, and she needs some help kicking ass," Bardock grinned, and led his slightly larger family out of the hospital and across the continent to the space ship he'd hidden in the desert.
As the ship lifted off, Bardock traced the burn lines of his Mark; he'd lost everything, and what he hadn't gotten back, something had been given in compensation. For once, Bardock felt as if he might owe the universe something, instead of the other way around. Even the smell of dirty diapers couldn't change his mind.
A/N; Lyrics are Savage Garden.